batt Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sometimes I feel if I accept certain feelings (like any residual good feelings/memories) it will catch up to me in the long run and create more of a delay in my healing. I know, messed up, right? I over analyze the thoughts and accompanying feelings way too much. I need to just let it all be and allow it to work itself out. At least you can remember good feelings and memories lol. I just remember her ****ing with my head. I know my friend is trying to help, but he was like you should forget her and move on. Easy for him to say!!! Go find that pill!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 The only standing between acceptance and what you get is your expectations. So the solution is to identify what you have - and realize it's not what you expected. True. I mean, the way he acted in the end is kind of expected and kind of unexpected, based on his past actions, but as far as what is acceptable to me, it didn't meet my expectations, so I get what you're saying. Unfortunately, I have the tendency to see the good in people and to accept the good with the bad (particularly if I've developed an attachment to the person). I mean, after all, no one is perfect. My one cat would bite and scratch when he felt threatened, because he suffered probable abuse and neglect before we adopted him, but I found him the most loveable cat in the world and always came to his defense when others criticized him. Same with people, my friends and family all have certain flaws. Yet, because I love and care for them, I'm understanding and tolerant when they don't meet my expectations in certain respects. That is why, it's not quite as simple as just identifying what I have and realizing it's not what I expected. Because even though it didn't meet my expectations, I know he has some issues preventing him from being open communication/trust wise. I'm not saying this to excuse his behavior and I realize I need to have boundaries and self-respect; hence why I'm drawing a line at this and not probing further for my own personal means of deriving closure. However, it's why I haven't just gotten over it and reached the end goal of acceptance at this point. Pretty sure it's going to take a while to get there, as is generally the case when my heart is vested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 At least you can remember good feelings and memories lol. I just remember her ****ing with my head. I know my friend is trying to help, but he was like you should forget her and move on. Easy for him to say!!! Go find that pill!!! Yeah, some friends are not quite helpful. It's always easy when they're not dealing with it. See, the experience is so unique too, so it makes it difficult unless someone's been there. I think sometimes I actively recall the good memories, because they subdue the overarching pain, lol. It may not be the healthiest approach, because when the memory wears off and I snap back to reality, I want to bawl my eyes out. Dude, I have cried so much over this, it's not even funny. I've also raged internally, like you, oh trust me. That ish is unavoidable. There's no escaping the windstorm of emotions. Just gotta ride it out. I just keep counting the days. Can't wait til the day when I don't count the days. You'll get there buddy. We're here to support. I know... we need the freaking pill nowwwwww. Lol. Sunshine of the spotless mind type treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Thank God. This must be the reason. I actually calmed down quite a bit knowing there is a chemical explanation for this feeling. I guess he wasn't so attached to me, because he seems to having a dandy time without me though, so that stinks. (P.S. Itspointless, I tried responding to your PM 3x and for some reason the sent message is not appearing in my sent folder. I just wanted to confirm you received it...let me know if not, and I'll keep trying to get it to go thru) Yes, it is part of the equation Some people are so affraid of abandonment they do not let the other close at all. Others - I think - start relationships out of concenience as they can't be alone, I always have the feeling this category goes for many people. Thank you, I recieved it. If you reply you can select an option below the message to save your messages. It left me confused too the first time I sent a message. I try to reply later today. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Hi dyna, just wanted to mention something to you, but got the following: dyna85 has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her. Perhaps that has been a conscious choice Anyway have a great evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) No itspointless. Not a conscious choice at all. I actually tried to respond, but wasn't able. Edited January 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Its hard this acceptance thingy, no closure, silent treatment and all, as if we meant nothing to them, we end up feeling sorry for ourselves while they are having the time of their lives. Pains to see that they have some relief walking out on us, and never looked back, but I guess acceptance will come in time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 No itspointless. Not a conscious choice at all. I actually tried to respond, but wasn't able. Hi Dyna85, are you sure that the option for private messaging is enabled at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/profile.php?do=editoptions Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyna85 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 Itspointless, I am so sorry I haven't been able to PM you. I will be able to on Friday and will explain. Bigtrouble... my thoughts exactly. Thanks for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
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