VanessaVanessa Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 A few weeks ago I went over to a friend's place for the first time. He invited me to hang out. It was during the afternoon so I thought it would be fine. Well a while into my visit he complimented my looks and well eventually we made out in his living room. It got pretty intense but I stopped things from going further, saying to him that we weren't anything and that we don't know each other well. I felt bad even that I made out with him since we aren't an item or anything. So anyway, we didn't hear from each other for a few days, and then we begun texting again as friends. I thought we wouldn't bring it up again & it was behind us. But a few nights ago he unexpectedly texted me saying he "would like to finish off what we started that day". I asked him if he meant as a "casual thing", and his response was "maybe it turns into something else... but yeah as a casual thing". Well, to sum it up my response was that it was a heat of the moment thing & I don't wish to be casual with sex. We basically then stopped texting since he was short with me from that. We haven't txtd in 2 days. So my question is, why exactly did he say it could be 'something else'? Is it just his way of giving me (false) hope about him/us? Is he genuinely just one of those guys who claims they want to see sexual compatability first? Is he really just looking for a FWB? I've known him for about 7 months but we only went out to the movies once months back. I've just never been in a situation like this. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Is it just his way of giving me (false) hope about him/us? This exactly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 If he saw you as more he would act like it. When a guy sees a girl as a possible girlfriend he doesn't lead with sex. The man you give your heart to should be smitten with you. He should want to spend his time with you, court you, show you off. Offering to finish what you started is not a date, nor is it a budding romance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 If he had been even remotely looking for "more," he'd have jumped at the chance to say he'd love to get to know you and hope it leads to more. He's not looking for more. He's looking for sex. I admire your restraint and that you know what you want. I came of age in the seventies when restraint was a mythical thing. In my time, everything pretty much started off casual. I look back on the time with great fondness, but it wasn't particularly conducive to setting standards that might lead to what you wanted. It was just a free-for-all. Great for free spirits and frustrating for the more serious. The good thing that goes unsaid about the time is that men were less judgy about women who enjoyed sexual freedom back then than they are today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanessaVanessa Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 Thanks for your reply. That's the thing, if it was under different circumstances, maybe a casual thing wouldn't be so bad. And actually, if people are able to safely be casual with others and if they both know what they're agreeing to, then I don't think it's a bad thing all the time. But I know myself, even if I were to agree to a casual thing, I am certain I would end up getting attached or be in hope for something more after time. I don't want to put myself in that situation. It's difficult. I am searching for and have been for the past year for a relationship, so now when I get this 'offer' from him, I can't help but ask, why doesn't he want to know me more? How am I repelling relationship guys? It just feels not so good, especially in this time of year. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamworld Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Thanks for your reply. That's the thing, if it was under different circumstances, maybe a casual thing wouldn't be so bad. And actually, if people are able to safely be casual with others and if they both know what they're agreeing to, then I don't think it's a bad thing all the time. But I know myself, even if I were to agree to a casual thing, I am certain I would end up getting attached or be in hope for something more after time. I don't want to put myself in that situation. It's difficult. I am searching for and have been for the past year for a relationship, so now when I get this 'offer' from him, I can't help but ask, why doesn't he want to know me more? How am I repelling relationship guys? It just feels not so good, especially in this time of year. He doesnt want to know you more because he was looking for sex. And if you dont give it to him, the way he reacts will show you what he really wants. I find the guys who want only sex dont stay around too long. Or they keep pressuring you towards sex. I am learning this the hard way myself. Yeah doesnt feel too great. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 ? How am I repelling relationship guys? It just feels not so good, especially in this time of year. You aren't repelling them they just have too many choices because every one loves to just hook up for sex instead of settling with one person. Link to post Share on other sites
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