So tired of not being good enough at work. Or life, in general.

[Inflikted]

Have you actually applied for the promoted position? Or are you just saying you'd like the job, but not actually applying for it?

 

There's no position to apply for. Theoretically, me and the other part timers are all the same position. It's just that I get stuck being strictly a cashier because the rest of them don't want to, and apparently they're more important than I am.

 

Does this come across when you cashier?

 

If you want to promote above that, to something like a supervisor or management, you're going to have to develop some soft skills, people skills.

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike people, per se, I just don't like them and can't make personal connections because of it. I'm perfectly capable of being nice, kind, and courteous to people. But it takes more than that to actually have friends or date.

 

I think it's better to not have friends or a girlfriend than to have them if they are going to judge you because of your job or money. I think you care too much about what others think about you and you don't focus on your needs. And I feel this has been this way for so long. You know what you have to do.

 

I do?

 

Have you ever been able to examine why? There's always a trigger point.....

 

Nah. Can't really remember a time where I didn't have a lack of feeling for people.

 

OK, well you could be looking to build up a portfolio in that field if you can. And learn some other co-morbid skills aswell if you have the time (tried filming?). If that's what you like doing, you should try to build towards that career path.

 

I have some material built up from projects worked on for class, but I can't really make more stuff now when I have nothing to make something for. I've worked with shooting video during school with a camera they provided, but I can't afford a proper video camera on my own, so I don't have a camera to just film things on my own.

[ThaWholigan]

Nah. Can't really remember a time where I didn't have a lack of feeling for people.

 

Maybe something you should try to figure out if you can. Doesn't mean you have to become extrovert or anything, but if you don't like people in general that's something you should examine somehow.

 

I have some material built up from projects worked on for class, but I can't really make more stuff now when I have nothing to make something for. I've worked with shooting video during school with a camera they provided, but I can't afford a proper video camera on my own, so I don't have a camera to just film things on my own.

If it's something you are passionate about, put some focus on it. Save for the camera if it's something you really want .

 

I say go for it.

Edited December 23, 2014 by ThaWholigan

[Inflikted]

Maybe something you should try to figure out if you can. Doesn't mean you have to become extrovert or anything, but if you don't like people in general that's something you should examine somehow.

 

I've pondered on the subject for many years. As far as I can tell, it just... is what it is.

 

If it's something you are passionate about, put some focus on it. Save for the camera if it's something you really want .

 

I say go for it.

 

Honestly, I'm not really sold on actually buying a camera, because aside from the fact that I enjoy the post-production side of things more than the actual filming, I just don't really have anything to shoot video for.

 

In my spare time, I've been working on an animated project, just for fun, that I'll eventually be publishing to the web, but I don't expect that to really get me anywhere, or anything like that.

[Inflikted]

Agh. Sorry to post again, but just got from home from work and had to once again listen to someone whine about having to be on register tonight to take over for me.

 

I'm just getting more and more angry. And the thing is, I'm not even angry at anyone specifically, at work. I'm just angry that I matter so very little, and that what I want matters so much less than what anyone else wants. Just in general.

 

That's just my life. Yeah, I know, I'm super bitter and resentful, but I just can't see anything else, at this point. All I can see is that I don't matter, that I'm not important, that everyone else in the world around me is more important than me and matters more than me.

[JDPT]

Never be afraid to push yourself and expand your horizons. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish since you are educated. It's time for you to move on. One thing I've noticed is that sadly but surely favoritism reigns in any setting. I worked at the corporate headquarters of Mercedes Benz and used to see kids get hired for entry level positions with absolutely no experience. It's a matter of getting your foot in the door of a company a make the best of it. Good luck to you and always hold yourself at high regards.

[spiderowl]

Apply for other jobs where you would not be expected to be only a cashier. There's nothing like the hard reality of a reference request landing on your boss's desk to make them see you are considering your options. When they ask about it, you can politely reiterate your reasons for looking for change, then see if they offer to amend your duties and encourage you to progress rather than taking you for granted.

[Inflikted]

Apply for other jobs where you would not be expected to be only a cashier. There's nothing like the hard reality of a reference request landing on your boss's desk to make them see you are considering your options. When they ask about it, you can politely reiterate your reasons for looking for change, then see if they offer to amend your duties and encourage you to progress rather than taking you for granted.

 

I don't think I'd be able to find something else beyond another retail (or similar) job, and if that's the case, I'm almost positive I'd get stuck the same way at some other store, the way I am now. So, it really wouldn't make a difference, I don't think.

[Bigcitydreamer]

Not to be rude but I think you need a bit of tough love, you seem to be full of excuses and not willing to actually do anything to change your situation. FYI many people have to relocate to find work in their field especially when just starting off. Sounds to me like you want certain things but aren't willing to work for them. People have offered suggestions and you just keep shooting them down.

 

If you really care about progressing your career you have 3 options: aggressively look for work where you are, relocate for a job, or go back to school and get a career that will work in your location.

 

I know the feeling of being stuck and like things are hopeless but you are just like everyone else in this world and therefor might have to sacrifice in order to improve your life.

[Inflikted]

Not to be rude but I think you need a bit of tough love, you seem to be full of excuses and not willing to actually do anything to change your situation. ... People have offered suggestions and you just keep shooting them down.

 

I'm not trying to make excuses, but I don't believe my current work situation to be a mutual thing. I'd love to quit and go work somewhere else, but what's the point of doing that when I'm most likely going to get stuck in the same situation at a different place? The best I can apparently do right now is to work at some other retail store, and if I do that, I'll most likely get stuck being a cashier over there, and being unimportant over there, as well. Maybe that would give me a slight change of scenery, but that wouldn't change my situation in any kind of meaningful way, and I'd be equally frustrated.

 

FYI many people have to relocate to find work in their field especially when just starting off. Sounds to me like you want certain things but aren't willing to work for them.

 

It's not that I'm not "willing" to work for it, it just feels very overwhelming to try to do all of that at once. I've never moved anywhere, I've never lived anywhere that's not my parent's house, I've really never even traveled, even. I don't know the first thing about relocating to find a job.

 

Am I just supposed to pick somewhere to move, and hope I can get a job there once I've already moved there? Am I supposed to apply for jobs outside of where I live, then move there once I've been offered a job? Am I expected to travel out of state if I get a callback for an interview (and thus, end up spending tons of money to travel just to have an interview, in which I might not even be offered a job)? If I get offered a job out of state, how the heck do I manage to find a place and move my life over there in a timely manner to start work as soon as they need me to?

 

I'm just overwhelmed by these different thoughts and questions. I'm not really unwilling to relocate, per se, but I'm trying to take things one step at a time. If I already had a job and they said "We'd like to have you relocate to our location in <insert wherever>", that's fine, because the "job" part of the equation is already taken care of, and I'd just be trying to find a place to live. But for someone that has no experience with travel, moving, relocating, etc., it's way too much to handle to try to put all of those pieces together at once.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have the income or the money to be able to just move somewhere and be able to pay the bills. Nor do I have the money to travel somewhere just to get an interview somewhere that may not even offer me a job. There's no real way around that. Everything costs something, and if I don't have the money to afford these things, what am I supposed to do?

[GravityMan]

OP, you HAVE to stand up for yourself. It is that simple. Speak up to management about what you want. If you do so professionally, then you probably won't come across as a "complainer" or worse an a-hole.

 

As long as they have the impression that you're content with your current cashier position, they will gladly keep you at that position. Cashiers are cheap labor, after all. And somebody's gotta do the job.

 

I also suggest you quietly look for another job at a different company. Bigcitydreamer is right, many times you have to take matters into your own hands to change your situation. That goes for both work and personal life.

 

OP, work status rarely comes down to actual skill. It's usually about who you know and what your attitude is like. FYI, positive attitude doesn't usually matter. As someone else said, sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the oil. It's just the world we're living in.

 

This. People skills and networking matter a lot. Actual job skills, education, certifications, etc. are less important. This goes beyond professional life...much of society in general operates based on social contacts with friends, family, acquaintances and colleagues.

 

You don't have to like it, but often in order to get ahead in the workplace, you have to "play the game" a bit. Just the way it is.

 

Most highly successful people have had to get their hands a bit dirty every now and then in order to get to where they're at. They tend to borrow from the playbook of a politician or a salesman when needed.

 

Fortune favors the bold.

[Inflikted]

OP, you HAVE to stand up for yourself. It is that simple. Speak up to management about what you want. If you do so professionally, then you probably won't come across as a "complainer" or worse an a-hole.

 

I DO speak up, though. I try to say things in a "professional" way whenever there's an opportunity, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. And when I say something again, later on, they act like "Oh, I had no idea you felt that way", which makes no sense, because I've said something in the past. It's like, every time I say something, they're surprised that I felt the way I did. I don't know if they just don't listen to me, or if they just immediately forget about me, or what. But speaking up does nothing for me, because no one cares enough to even remember that I spoke up to them last time.

 

You don't have to like it, but often in order to get ahead in the workplace, you have to "play the game" a bit. Just the way it is.

 

Most highly successful people have had to get their hands a bit dirty every now and then in order to get to where they're at. They tend to borrow from the playbook of a politician or a salesman when needed.

 

Fortune favors the bold.

 

I guess. I just... don't know how to be that kind of person. I'm not a "shark", I've never been a "game player". I don't know that I have any of that in me. I just want to be good at something, and for people to acknowledge my skills and reward me based on those skills, I want to be able to stick to the morals and ethics I believe in. I fully understand that that's a bit naive, and I know the world doesn't really work that way. But I don't know how to be something that I'm not. You know?

[ThaWholigan]

Then focus on your skills. Be the absolute best you can be at the things you want to do. And don't be afraid to showcase them to anyone who takes but the smallest interest - being able to market yourself is important. People will want to take on someone who's skillful, precise and confident in their abilities. Be a person who is dedicated to their craft, rather than a "shark" or "game-player". Know your worth aswell.

 

And there's an art to speaking up, speaking with confidence and conviction too. Having boundaries. Sometimes you have to set them early. I have a younger brother who is a very headstrong man. I'm 26 and far more laidback, he's 23 and tenacious. In every job he gets, he sets out his stall for what he will tolerate and what he won't and in return he works hard and diligently. But he makes clear what he path is and when he's ready to jump ship to something with more opportunity or closer to his path, he does.

 

Setting your stall out early will help you IMO. If you go in there and allow them to take the piss at first, then they will have green light to do it every time, no matter how many times you say something about it. It's hard to become that kind of person, but you have to train yourself to be assertive and assured because without those two traits, you'll find it hard to succeed doing anything. Harsh, but it's the truth. I learned the hard way too, because I'm a very trusting and leasy-going person normally. I had to know my worth and be confident about what I can bring to the table.

[Bigcitydreamer]

I'm not trying to make excuses, but I don't believe my current work situation to be a mutual thing. I'd love to quit and go work somewhere else, but what's the point of doing that when I'm most likely going to get stuck in the same situation at a different place? The best I can apparently do right now is to work at some other retail store, and if I do that, I'll most likely get stuck being a cashier over there, and being unimportant over there, as well. Maybe that would give me a slight change of scenery, but that wouldn't change my situation in any kind of meaningful way, and I'd be equally frustrated.

 

 

 

It's not that I'm not "willing" to work for it, it just feels very overwhelming to try to do all of that at once. I've never moved anywhere, I've never lived anywhere that's not my parent's house, I've really never even traveled, even. I don't know the first thing about relocating to find a job.

 

Am I just supposed to pick somewhere to move, and hope I can get a job there once I've already moved there? Am I supposed to apply for jobs outside of where I live, then move there once I've been offered a job? Am I expected to travel out of state if I get a callback for an interview (and thus, end up spending tons of money to travel just to have an interview, in which I might not even be offered a job)? If I get offered a job out of state, how the heck do I manage to find a place and move my life over there in a timely manner to start work as soon as they need me to?

 

I'm just overwhelmed by these different thoughts and questions. I'm not really unwilling to relocate, per se, but I'm trying to take things one step at a time. If I already had a job and they said "We'd like to have you relocate to our location in <insert wherever>", that's fine, because the "job" part of the equation is already taken care of, and I'd just be trying to find a place to live. But for someone that has no experience with travel, moving, relocating, etc., it's way too much to handle to try to put all of those pieces together at once.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have the income or the money to be able to just move somewhere and be able to pay the bills. Nor do I have the money to travel somewhere just to get an interview somewhere that may not even offer me a job. There's no real way around that. Everything costs something, and if I don't have the money to afford these things, what am I supposed to do?

 

It's good that you are willing to go somewhere else if need be. I did business admin and am from a crap little town in Canada. The best job prospect I had once I graduated was a bank teller position for $12.50 an hour.. Hardly the 80g I thought I would make when I was done school. So I saved up, sold my car and took a chance and moved. I figured worst case scenario I could find a min wage job to keep a roof over my head. Moved in with random roommates that I found on the internet for $400 a month and bought a monthly bus pass. I applied to literally 200 jobs. Got a job making 16.50$ an hour and then quit that job shortly after for one that paid 20$ an hour. I ended up quitting and moving home due to being too homesick. I regretted that decision because I realized that I haven't given it enough time. This time I had no money or car to sell so I applied for jobs that I wanted in a new city and did phone interviews. I was offered a job before I moved and started my first shift 2 days after I landed in the new location. I literally secured a job thousands of miles from where I live without seeing anyone in person. It's actually a common normal practice.

 

I did all this to get ahead and further my career. I've been given no handouts and had to work extremely hard for everything I have. Those that pursue things are the ones that achieve things. You are no different than I in the sense that if you pursue something aggressively you WILL succeed.

 

Your other goals are also 100% achievable like finding a life partner. Why couldn't you meet the girl of your dreams? Maybe a new location and new job will give you the confidence to pursue girls you find a attractive.

 

Sorry for the earful but I just want you to know that others have been where you are and have gotten past it. Takes hard work and aggressively going after you want. I'm a shy person not the most aggressive but I knew I had to force myself in order to get somewhere.

[Inflikted]

It's good that you are willing to go somewhere else if need be. I did business admin and am from a crap little town in Canada. The best job prospect I had once I graduated was a bank teller position for $12.50 an hour.. Hardly the 80g I thought I would make when I was done school. So I saved up, sold my car and took a chance and moved. I figured worst case scenario I could find a min wage job to keep a roof over my head. Moved in with random roommates that I found on the internet for $400 a month and bought a monthly bus pass. I applied to literally 200 jobs. Got a job making 16.50$ an hour and then quit that job shortly after for one that paid 20$ an hour. I ended up quitting and moving home due to being too homesick. I regretted that decision because I realized that I haven't given it enough time. This time I had no money or car to sell so I applied for jobs that I wanted in a new city and did phone interviews. I was offered a job before I moved and started my first shift 2 days after I landed in the new location. I literally secured a job thousands of miles from where I live without seeing anyone in person. It's actually a common normal practice.

 

Heh. I wish I had the where-with-all to pull that off. Truth is, I'm also "scared" to just relocate and be away from everyone I know and start from scratch. I know I shouldn't be. Or, rather, I know should be able to work through that fear and tough it out. I hate that I'm 26 and so stricken by fear that I can't push myself to do something big.

 

Also, I complicate my potential situation further, because I absolutely refuse to enter into a "roommate" living situation. I strongly dislike people, and I absolutely do not want to live with someone, especially a total stranger. So, I'd have to be able to afford a place of my own, without the need of roommates, or anything like that.

 

Your other goals are also 100% achievable like finding a life partner. Why couldn't you meet the girl of your dreams? Maybe a new location and new job will give you the confidence to pursue girls you find a attractive.

 

Already met the girl of my dreams. She didn't like me. I don't abstain from dating due to lacking confidence, I simply don't like the people I meet and encounter very much, and I can't talk myself into going on dates with girls I don't like.

 

As for having friends, I truly believe I'm incapable of connecting with people. Take tonight, for instance. I was at work, and it was just me and three of my male peers. Work was dead for the last hour, so we just stood around having a discussion, and I literally didn't say a word the entire time, because I had absolutely nothing to contribute to the discussion. No anecdotes, no personal experiences, no funny quips, nothing. I felt horrible afterwards, because I just... have nothing to contribute, period.

[Bigcitydreamer]

Well you seem to get along with the people on this forum and add to discussions here. If you don't have a lot of friends around then it's not like you would be leaving a huge friend circle behind!

 

Moving is scary no doubt and roommates suck big time. I hate living with roommates more than most but I did it for a short time to get ahead. Like I said earlier to get ahead you have to sacrifice somewhere. Success won't magically fall into your hands I can guarantee! Unless you win the lottery lol.

 

There are plenty of options to avoid remaining stagnant in life. You have to figure out your own path- no one can do it for you! If you aren't willing to make sacrifices then surely you can't expect your situation to change. Try to envision the big picture of your life and take one step at a time to reach your goal. Btw I am also 26 and back in school full time to pursue a better career. It was a scary decision but I made a choice and will stick it out. Not everyone has their life figured out early on.

 

As for your current job, approach mgmt, tell them you have noticed newer staff are moving up quicker than you and you want to know what you can do to progress if that is where you want to stay. Merry Xmas inflikted, hopefully you can set these thoughts aside for tomorrow and enjoy Xmas and the things you do have!

[spiderowl]

I don't think I'd be able to find something else beyond another retail (or similar) job, and if that's the case, I'm almost positive I'd get stuck the same way at some other store, the way I am now. So, it really wouldn't make a difference, I don't think.

 

It depends, sometimes the management culture is what makes the difference, but I agree that being landed with the responsible but tedious job is something that you will need to be careful about. Managers do ask those that complain the least and can do the job. Think of it as good that they know you can do the job but if they won't give you other opportunities are the place you are at, it is worth trying another environment.

 

Another tactic is to keep reiterating what it is you'd like to do and be specific about which jobs. They can't pretend not to have heard or brush it off if you keep asking. They'll realise the brushing off tactics aren't working.

[SpiralOut]

Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you work or how many times you diplomatically ask for things. There are some companies that just don't care about their employees. I am in the same situation so I understand. No matter how good of a job I do or how many times I ask for a transfer, they won't move me because they like me where I am. Being turned down all the time kinda wears down your self confidence and makes it hard to apply anywhere else because you worry that they won't listen to you either. I should take my own advice when I say this, but you might have to look for another job. Yeah maybe they'll stick you in the same position, but maybe the managers there will see your potential and want to advance you. Seems like your current managers don't care.

 

 

Anyway, all I can say for the moment is don't base your self-worth too much on what you do for a living. I know it's easy to feel crappy or like a failure when you don't like what you're doing, but there is so much more to you than what you do. It took me a long time to realize this, but most people don't care too much about what you do. They're not judging as much as you think they are.

[Inflikted]

There are plenty of options to avoid remaining stagnant in life. You have to figure out your own path- no one can do it for you! If you aren't willing to make sacrifices then surely you can't expect your situation to change. Try to envision the big picture of your life and take one step at a time to reach your goal. Btw I am also 26 and back in school full time to pursue a better career. It was a scary decision but I made a choice and will stick it out. Not everyone has their life figured out early on.

 

Yeah, I know. I just feel like I always make the worst choices. I can't trust my judgment on anything, these days, because I always end up making the "wrong" choices one way or another. I know I have to figure things out for myself, and make my own path in life. I just honestly feel like I don't know how. I've been trying to figure this out for years. Even as far back as my early teens, I wanted to have a handle on my direction in life. But I always make the wrong choices for myself, and I never really go anywhere.

 

For the last 2-3 years, I've been trying to launch my own endeavors, via the Internet, for media projects. I've made a bunch of stuff here and there, hoping I might be able to amass some kind of following or success with them, but they never really pan out. I'm currently working on a new media project of my own that will hopefully be ready to start publishing later on in 2015, but I don't really have any hopes for it doing much for me. I know that "anything can happen", and whatnot, but it's hard to hold onto any kind of hope for that when everything I do seems to be met with the same result.

 

Merry Xmas inflikted, hopefully you can set these thoughts aside for tomorrow and enjoy Xmas and the things you do have!

 

Thank you, I appreciate that. But, for me, Christmas (and any holiday) is just a regular day. I don't really have family to see or people to spend time with. I'll probably see some extended family very briefly later today, but I know I'm just going to feel bad afterwards, because they're doing so well compared to me.

 

Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you work or how many times you diplomatically ask for things. There are some companies that just don't care about their employees. I am in the same situation so I understand. No matter how good of a job I do or how many times I ask for a transfer, they won't move me because they like me where I am. Being turned down all the time kinda wears down your self confidence and makes it hard to apply anywhere else because you worry that they won't listen to you either. I should take my own advice when I say this, but you might have to look for another job. Yeah maybe they'll stick you in the same position, but maybe the managers there will see your potential and want to advance you. Seems like your current managers don't care.

 

I guess. The way I've looked at it is, I REALLY don't want to make a career out of working retail. I don't want to be a "lifer". When I started my current job, my goal was to work there for maybe 2-3 years tops while I went to college, then I anticipated I'd start moving on to better things. But now I'm approaching the 7 year mark at this job. The way I see it, if I'm going to be stuck here for now (at least until maybe I can find an entry level position in my industry of choice), I'd rather be something more than a bottom-of-the-totem-pole cashier. But I just don't really have the drive to go find some other retail store to work at. I'm beyond burnt out from retail and public service work. I was burnt out years ago, actually. Call me stubborn, but I'm adamant that my next job be something in the career direction I want to get into.

 

Anyway, all I can say for the moment is don't base your self-worth too much on what you do for a living. I know it's easy to feel crappy or like a failure when you don't like what you're doing, but there is so much more to you than what you do. It took me a long time to realize this, but most people don't care too much about what you do. They're not judging as much as you think they are.

 

I dunno. I mean, it's not just that I dislike what I'm doing. Like I said, the job I have is essentially the kind of job a high school kid gets and works for a couple years. That's just embarrassing, for a 26 year old guy. I guess *maybe* platonic friends might be able to look past it, but god forbid I ever meet another girl I'd like to date; I can't imagine any self-respecting woman in her late 20s/ early 30s would want to be with a guy who's a cashier making less than minimum wage. Though, I guess that's a moot point, because I'm fairly positive that's never going to happen anyway.

 

Still, what else is there to base my self worth on? I have nothing going for me. Period. I don't have good looks, I don't have an attractive personality, I don't have a dignifying job, I don't have much money, I don't have any semblance of a social life. There's nothing interesting or unique about me in any way. There's nothing more to me at all. I'm not even the slightest "blip on the radar". If I suddenly dropped dead, nobody except maybe a very tiny handful of family members would even notice I was gone.

 

I have nothing to define myself with. I'm nothing, nobody.