Both First Love, broke up 3 months ago

[cdg050010]

We are both each other's first love. And it was beautiful (She's 22 I'm 21).

It's just that as beginners, we didn't quite know how to handle relationship. But we made it pass 1 year and 10 months.

 

So basically, 3 months ago she just broke up with me out of the blue.

She said she started to "think about our incompatibility " around one month prior to the breakup and the thought of breaking-up kicks in "around 1 week before the breakup" when at the end of that week she lost the feeling.

 

She initially required a space of one month for each other, than maybe I pushed a little to hard by dating her out for a lunch the 3rd day, she sent me a text" Maybe we'd better be friends". Than I begged on the phone for around 5 mins. She said she'd consider. Only the next day she informed one of our mutual friend that we broke up and sent him to take care of me. NC for 2weeks. When her friends ask her is there a chance for reconciliation, her answer is always "Not in a short time", and she says she feels "safe and secure and happy" around me, but lost that feeling that she couldn't live without me.

 

Than I asked her out to talk about this seriously. (After all I think breaking up like this is quite disrespectful to me) So after that talk, it was a "peaceful breakup" from her perspective (As I acted OK except for the initial moment that I plead through the phone, I even comforted her during that "serious talk".) We stayed friends for around 2 weeks until one of our mutual friend told her I thought staying friends can lead us back together. She told her friend she finally realized that post-BU friendship is near-impossible. Knwing this from the friend, I went NC again (because she didn't initiate contact.......).

 

After 2X days, when my recovery was going well, she texted me again. And not just some "How are you", she dated me out to "buy a guitar with her". Yea 20 days ago you came to realize we couldn't stay friends and now you think its OK for a face-to-face 1-on-1 date. My schedule was so full we delayed that date for an extra 20 days with LC. She posted sad BU songs on her social media during those days(Like she's the dumpee).

 

Finally that day came, and we had a dinner. It went well, she was so relaxed and I could tell she was not reluctant or felt odd at all. (I felt odd though, cause we were acting as if couples without holding hands and kisses) I asked her 2 questions afterwards.

 

1. Is there a possibility for us getting back together?

Ans: I fear that if I tell you yes it will give you false hope. I am afraid if it doesn't work (I have no idea what she's talking about here), you will get hurt again.

 

2. Have you lost all feeling towards me?

Ans: I don't know.

I replied, you can tell me the truth honestly, I am OK with that. But she insisted she really didn't know.

 

Thus I offered her time and space to think things over, she looked really relieved as if that was what she wanted most and accepted it. She said it wouldn't take long, maybe half a year, few months, she guaranteed she would give me a straight answer, be it yes or no. This REALLY makes me believe she is confused as she said, to me or to her friends.

 

 

I just wanna ask, what is happening? I became the one who is confused now.

The only thing I'm sure is that I know the problems(at least my part) can be fixed, and some are fixed.

But loss of feeling? I don't even know have she lost all feelings. And maybe, she doesn't know herself.

Edited December 22, 2014 by cdg050010

[Satu]

What's happening is that she wants time and space to sort out her feelings, and you haven't given her that.

 

I know it's hard, but give her what she wants.

 

What will the outcome be?

 

Unknown and unknowable.

[EgoJoe]

She is being unfair to your feelings. Give her all of the time and space she requires by moving on.

[I'mBatman]

Sorry to hear your situation. It is truly the worst to have your first love leave you. I recently had my first love of 3 years leave me after cheating for a month but ended up ending it with both I and the other guy. Maybe she had a conscensce after all.

 

Anyway honestly your best bet is to tell your ex you're going to move on now and your tired of these piddly little dates you go on. Tell them your not going to wait around for a chance to get back together and that further contact is hruting you and hindering you from moving on. Most important thing here is mean it.

 

Give it some time. She will contact you no doubt as she already has. Just ignore her. Give yourself some time. Get to the point where you see yourself without out her then make your decision. She isn't going anywhere if she truly want to be with you. Also you said she thought about your incompatibility with each other. Maybe think about that. I was lucky and unlucky to have my first relationship be with basically me with long hair and boobs. She was damn near perfect for me and honestly you shouldn't settle for someone who you don't have superb compatibility with.

[cdg050010]

Thanks for you guys' support. It was really tremendously catastrophic the first 2months. Especially when she destroyed my progress with that date.

 

On that last date I think I did tell her I couldn't be friend with her if she has no interest in reconciliation whatsoever. And I think she understands that what she is doing is stringing me along. But I think she still thinks I'll be waiting for her.

 

I had a friend talked with her yesterday. She felt the present situation is "good". She saw I have improved some of my "incompatibility". AND she felt I am fine (and happy?). Perhaps I am really good at hiding my pain lol.

Edited December 23, 2014 by cdg050010