How Do I Get This Woman to Stop Trying To Set My Husband Up With Her Daughter?

[Diezel]

4 pages of nothing. Nothing going on. I'd understand if she had contact with your husband or if this was something actively being pursued.

 

But nothing... absolutely nothing... is happening. It's not even a real active pursuit.

[cif]

Delete her(FIL isn't an issue) off your husband's FB. They don't even communicate so really no reason for her to be on there. It would also send a message to the mother that her attempts are backfiring. Add her to yours if you want. And stop bringing this/her to your husband's attention, you'll put thoughts in his head that he's probably not thinking and makes you look very insecure.

[LoveMyHusband]

4 pages of nothing. Nothing going on. I'd understand if she had contact with your husband or if this was something actively being pursued.

 

But nothing... absolutely nothing... is happening. It's not even a real active pursuit.

 

It's been an active pursuit for years. And I am told by others that she really wants this. We may in the future come into contact with this family. They do have a history with my husband's family.

[LoveMyHusband]

Delete her(FIL isn't an issue) off your husband's FB. They don't even communicate so really no reason for her to be on there. It would also send a message to the mother that her attempts are backfiring. Add her to yours if you want. And stop bringing this/her to your husband's attention, you'll put thoughts in his head that he's probably not thinking and makes you look very insecure.

 

I don't discuss this with my husband. He isn't even aware that this woman is still harping on about it to my father in law. My husband is only aware that she asked that first time I mentioned. He was annoyed when he heard about it and said, "Doesn't she know I'm married?" He himself told me about the attempted setup years ago that never materialized and that he didn't want to pursue it because he wasn't interested in her.

 

I don't think it would be appropriate to have my husband delete the daughter and her father (this woman's husband) from his FB friends or to delete the daughter behind my husband's back. The families have a history and some members of my husband's family still socialize with these people. We eventually will run into them at some event. And this is why even though I trust my husband this situation is awkward, uncomfortable and a little embarrassing for me. Plus these people know some people who I know from other places, whom I knew before I met my husband. So I am uneasy.

[Mal78]

I trust my man and know he would never cheat on me. But, I am hearing things from others about this woman's supposed intentions and I'm wary. We may come in contact with them. I've decided that perhaps if she sees us all together as a family she won't ask again.

 

Actually, the setup never happened because my husband said to his family he didn't want to go out with the daughter and they made excuses to get her to stop.

 

This women's intentions? Is she going to force an A? Is her daughter a puppet? For all you know this women's daughter is in a relationship, doesn't want a relationship, gay or knows her Mother is a case and eye rolls all her attempts to "set her up".

 

There are many mothers like her it's no wonder they raise strong independent daughters who have no desire/intentions to settle down young and start a family. Christmas every year they dread the interrogating questioning and the "Why can't you just settle down already.... by your age I was married with two kids".

 

Pity the poor daughter.... there is no threat. I'm actually surprised this thread lasted this long :/

[LoveMyHusband]

This women's intentions? Is she going to force an A? Is her daughter a puppet? For all you know this women's daughter is in a relationship, doesn't want a relationship, gay or knows her Mother is a case and eye rolls all her attempts to "set her up".

 

There are many mothers like her it's no wonder they raise strong independent daughters who have no desire/intentions to settle down young and start a family. Christmas every year they dread the interrogating questioning and the "Why can't you just settle down already.... by your age I was married with two kids".

 

Pity the poor daughter.... there is no threat. I'm actually surprised this thread lasted this long :/

 

No, the daughter is single as her mother puts it, and she specifically wanted to get her with my husband. She made that very clear. It's funny you asked if the daughter is a "puppet" because I heard from the person who told me this that she does everything her mother tells her and is completely dependent on her Mom, at least emotionally and socially. This woman hangs on her daughter and she obeys her like a good child.

 

The daughter is no threat, and I feel sorry for her. I was actually hoping to set her up with someone in my family who is single because it sounded from what my husband told me about her like they might be compatible. However, now that I've heard that this woman wants my husband and nobody else for her daughter I am a bit apprehensive about facing her. OMG!

[anika99]

This women's intentions? Is she going to force an A? Is her daughter a puppet? For all you know this women's daughter is in a relationship, doesn't want a relationship, gay or knows her Mother is a case and eye rolls all her attempts to "set her up".

 

There are many mothers like her it's no wonder they raise strong independent daughters who have no desire/intentions to settle down young and start a family. Christmas every year they dread the interrogating questioning and the "Why can't you just settle down already.... by your age I was married with two kids".

 

Pity the poor daughter.... there is no threat. I'm actually surprised this thread lasted this long :/

 

 

Exactly. Even if this woman is crazy and seriously wants to her daughter to date a married man(again I have seen no evidence of this and doubt that this is the case) what is she going to do? How is she going to force your husband to date her daughter. Is she going to hold a gun to his head and make him take her to dinner? This is so silly. The woman hasn't done one single thing wrong to you or your husband. She hasn't contacted either of you, she hasn't harassed you, she hasn't done a damn thing except asking your FIL about him. This is just a made up drama that doesn't exist.

[LoveMyHusband]

Exactly. Even if this woman is crazy and seriously wants to her daughter to date a married man(again I have seen no evidence of this and doubt that this is the case) what is she going to do? How is she going to force your husband to date her daughter. Is she going to hold a gun to his head and make him take her to dinner? This is so silly. The woman hasn't done one single thing wrong to you or your husband. She hasn't contacted either of you, she hasn't harassed you, she hasn't done a damn thing except asking your FIL about him. This is just a made up drama that doesn't exist.

 

I'm not concerned that she will force my husband to date her daughter. But she may create an awkward situation. And before you defend this lady, you should know that the person who told me of her eagerness said she has done some outrageously vicious things to people in the past and that they wouldn't put it past her to cause trouble. I heard she had the hots for my father in law, too.

[Almond_Joy]

I get why this sticks with you.

 

This mother obviously has tunnel vision with her objective, and has overlooked some ethical/moral boundaries in trying to accomplish said objective. Very hard to believe she "forgot" he was married.

 

It would raise my hackles too to know someone like that is interacting with anyone close to me at all. But most of the other posters are right, if you haven't met her or know her personally I wouldn't say anything to anyone, your FIL's handling it.

 

If, however, I were you and this happened again and I ever got the sweet, sweet opportunity to meet this lady, I don't think I could help myself from telling her I know what she's been doing and how disrespectful, desperate, and morally reprehensible she makes herself seem by continuing with this business. It would be too tempting to pass up.

[LoveMyHusband]

I get why this sticks with you.

 

This mother obviously has tunnel vision with her objective, and has overlooked some ethical/moral boundaries in trying to accomplish said objective. Very hard to believe she "forgot" he was married.

 

It would raise my hackles too to know someone like that is interacting with anyone close to me at all. But most of the other posters are right, if you haven't met her or know her personally I wouldn't say anything to anyone, your FIL's handling it.

 

If, however, I were you and this happened again and I ever got the sweet, sweet opportunity to meet this lady, I don't think I could help myself from telling her I know what she's been doing and how disrespectful, desperate, and morally reprehensible she makes herself seem by continuing with this business. It would be too tempting to pass up.

 

Not just ethical/moral boundaries, but like my mother in law put it, he had YEARS to date her and could have if he really wanted to, but he didn't ever make the effort. He has had numerous girlfriends since that day before he met me and none of them was her. That should have clued her in. Getting back to the ethical/moral aspect, to top it off, they are supposed to be a very religious family. Isn't that ironic? The last time I checked adultery is a sin as is coveting thy neighbor's spouse.

[evanescentworld]

I'm surprised you're still debating this. Have you not yet succeeded in implementing your solution (presenting her with your ready-made family, as if to say 'hands off sister, he's off limits, get the picture?' kind of thing)...?

[LoveMyHusband]

I'm surprised you're still debating this. Have you not yet succeeded in implementing your solution (presenting her with your ready-made family, as if to say 'hands off sister, he's off limits, get the picture?' kind of thing)...?

 

My MIL and I will probably just bump into this lady and she will introduce me to her as her daughter in law. I will show this lady the baby. That should drop a hint. Or, better yet, my husband can come along. It will be polite and classy.

[LoveMyHusband]

UPDATE: I just learned some information that I was not aware of initially. Apparently, when this woman was first trying to set her daughter up with my husband (prior to him meeting me) at the days long event with the organization, my husband said to his parents he would talk to the daughter to appease them but that he was really not interested in them. Anyway, he spoke to the daughter who approached him, and my husband told the daughter up front to her face that he was not interested in her and didn't want to pursue anything with her but that they could be friends and say hi at events for the organization.

 

I wasn't aware he voiced his feelings directly to the daughter back then.

 

Now I did hear before that the mother was undeterred then and kept coming back with reasons why he should not only date but "marry" her daughter nonetheless.

 

I was annoyed that the mother kept trying to set her daughter up with my husband after hearing he's married to me, but now that I know that he told the daughter himself that he wasn't going to date her I am appalled by the mother's insensitivity to her own daughter's feelings.

 

I'm sure the daughter told her mother about the blatant rejection. If I were in the daughter's shoes, being told by a guy to my face that he wasn't interested would be mortifying. I certainly wouldn't want my own mother to keep pestering his family about getting us together after hearing from the horse's mouth myself that he's not interested in me. It's embarrassing. I feel sorry for the daughter.

 

Rejection is no fun; it can even be embarrassing if you were attracted to the person who rejected you, which I think the daughter may have been at the time. (My husband is inarguably a very handsome, virile man.) This woman continues to disgrace her daughter and put her on the spot by continuing to suggest the possibility of her daughter marrying a man who has already rejected her outright and who is now MARRIED to someone else and has a child. If my mother did that, I would be furious. Why can't she at least show some respect for her daughter and not fixate on a man who rejected her a long time ago?

[evanescentworld]

I say this in all seriousness - is the woman mentally ill...?

[Kevanah]

Silly lady. Ignore it and take pride that you've scored a man that old ladies can only dream of setting up their single daughters with.

[rester]

I'm having a hard time understanding why you would go out of your way with your baby to run into this woman. Why not wait until it just happens?

 

She sounds like a wackjob but a harmless one. Let it go until you have to actually deal who it yourself and not through other people. This woman isn't worth another second of your thoughts.

[LoveMyHusband]

Silly lady. Ignore it and take pride that you've scored a man that old ladies can only dream of setting up their single daughters with.

 

I sure have. My husband is wonderful.

[Lurkeraspect]

Having just read this entire thread, the one who seems "fixated" on this, is you. Your husband isn't interested and has told all involved just that. Yet it's you who just can't let go.

 

Why not stop giving this woman and her daughter any more headspace and just get on with the business of enjoying your husband, marriage and new baby.

 

This is a NON issue.