SycamoreCircle Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Today, an attractive, classy looking Manhattan woman looked at my OKC profile. I wrote her a funny line. She immediately gave me her number and name and said she'd be down to meet. I wrote back, "That was easy. Sure you're not trying to get back at an ex? j/k :-)" Her reply was, "I'm a no BS type of person. And I don't need a pen pal. Either text me or don't. :)" I know most men would see this as a no brainer. But this sort of turns me off. I'm a laid back guy. I don't consider exchanging a few messages back and forth wasting time. I do find someone who would label that as BS or time wasting a little too intense. I mean, if we were to meet, would she find my telling her some random story about what happened to me that day as time wasting? Her first message ended with, "Off to a meeting." Give me a f-ing break. She's hot. I'll grant her that. Am I being too sensitive about this? Am I right in thinking she's probably not looking to get to know someone? Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 "I'm not a BS person" is usually the first thing a BS person says. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 You're put off because she's the initiator, and you want the chase. Of course, it could be a clash of personality types, with you actually more laid back and a little cautious, and her a more aggressive risk taker. Of course, it can't hurt to meet her and find out in person if you click or not - even if you probably won't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 "I'm not a BS person" is usually the first thing a BS person says. Exactly this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Hmm.. Many of my female friends are these no BS types which I think is great. They don't beat around the bush, very direct and know what they want. It weeds out the time wasters/those who don't know what they want. Well go figure that out then come back is what they say. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I think you are being too sensitive. She was responding to your question about why she was so quick to give you her number and suggest meeting. My guess is she's had her fill of guys who want to spend weeks texting and e-mailing and can never commit to meeting. If you don't like her approach, then don't go out with her. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SycamoreCircle Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 I think you're partially right. I'm put off because I'm cautious. I'd like to suss out who she is before bothering to meet her. It saves us both trouble. Women who I've met like this in the past will usually jump into bed with you. But come morning everything is complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 She's just being really straightforward and no-nonsense. My guess is that she (like a lot of people with OLD) has encountered a lot of flakiness and doesn't have any more patience for it. Her style may be off-putting to you, but if you're interested it's probably worth seeing what she's like in real life. Chances are good she won't be as blunt and dismissive once you get her outside of the meaningless realm of online messaging. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Manhattan women are straightforward & busy. They are Alpha. Your comment was self depreciating & she told you she didn't care for it. You didn't like that. Perhaps you two are not meant to be but e-mail is a poor substitute for genuine face to face communication. Humor even with the j/k & the emoticon doesn't always come through. Go to Manhattan & meet her. Only then can you legitimately pass judgment on whether this is worth pursuing 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I don't think talking is a waste of time, but it's beating around the bush. If I want to take a girl out, I don't know what there is to think about here or to email back and forth over other than where and when. I like face to face communication. And I guess it is a waste of time as I don't think of emailing, messaging, texting or even talking on the phone as really "talking" unless you have already met in pserson. You want to get to know someone, you meet them in person. Messaging a person for a week, a month, months before meeting....that's what "catfishing" people do I think. It allows them to present to you what they want to present and not what they actually are. You can hide better. Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDude16 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Yes, you're being too sensitive. Next time don't get her number so soon if you wanna just message. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SycamoreCircle Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 I didn't ask for her number. She gave it to me in her first reply. I don't think exchanging a few messages back and forth via the social platform you initially met even begins to approach the m.o. of a "catfish." You're trying to determine if the other person has Tourette's syndrome or not. Anyway, I texted her. I tried to be as NO BS as possible. I asked if she was free tomorrow night. Oh well, just be another thing to go into my Great American Novel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I wouldn't have given this woman the time of day...you're playing her game now and she's not even giving you any respect as a human being. Don't be her nice little doggy because she's had problems with OLD and flakes, in which you're just making a huge assumption in the first place...it's not your responsibility to be understanding with a person you don't even know, and it's not her given right to treat you like a nobody and just another contestant on a dating show to see if you can meet her needs and fill her expectations of prince charming. I think you're going to be made out as a fool, I'd be careful...this is very likely not to be worth it as you will probably have to prove "worthy" of this woman's time. She'd drop you like a rock if she doesn't feel it instantly. It's not that she's no BS and knows what she wants...she just simply feels entitled, so I hope you like putting this woman on a pedestal. If she's tired of the "games" of OLD, then she's more than welcome to get off the site for a break...doesn't give her the right to be disrespectful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lyndaaxo Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Sometimes people think they can't know someone by some words on a screen and meeting is the best way to see if you connect. I've been on dates with people I got on with very well online but there was nothing in person. Its all about personal preference of how you'd prefer getting to know someone initially IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
shet Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Off to a meeting, I'm no BS, text me or don't. She's trying very hard to look busy. Whether that's an act or the truth (in which case not learning to switch that off in a dating environment, or worse, thinking that's the way to do it) it doesn't bode well for her personality. Things that bode well: Talkative. Being funny. Making the slightest effort to be interesting and contribute. Things that don't bode well: Driving hard at looking busy. Refusing to talk. Making no effort. Making her problem your problem. The best possible scenario is that she bestrides every dating service possible, churns through dates, and can't be bothered to even talk any more because it just slows her down. In which case you should be asking why she does that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I am pretty sure that her response about being a no BS person was in response to your so-called joke with the wink face about responding quickly to get back at an ex. She was telling you no, that she's not responding quickly with any ulterior motives like the one you suggested. And that now that you have her number, there's no point in continuing the written exchanges on the site. She wants to take it to text, where communication can be quicker. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDude16 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I am pretty sure that her response about being a no BS person was in response to your so-called joke with the wink face about responding quickly to get back at an ex. She was telling you no, that she's not responding quickly with any ulterior motives like the one you suggested. And that now that you have her number, there's no point in continuing the written exchanges on the site. She wants to take it to text, where communication can be quicker. This!! She is testing you. She wants you to take some initiative and lead her. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Yeah, I think you’re being a bit too sensitive. And generally, I’d avoid making jokes about what flaws or bad motives someone might have. It’s a bummer, a little infusion of negativity. Text her, see if you have fun chatting back and forth, and assume the best, not the worst. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SycamoreCircle Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 I texted her and she responded, "Well Hello! How's your day going? Tomorrow...I'm at a work event until 8:30-9ish? What are you up to?" I like the "brightness" of her greeting, as if it's a new guest walking into her living room. Perfunctory acknowledgment that I do exist. The question mark at the end of her scrolling through mental calendar. Everything is saying "no" on this. My shirt of choice is Hawaiian. I smoke weed, read Caribbean literature and ponder sine waves in between cooking up something in my wok or misting my pothos plants. This woman would see me and run. Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I texted her and she responded, "Well Hello! How's your day going? Tomorrow...I'm at a work event until 8:30-9ish? What are you up to?" I like the "brightness" of her greeting, as if it's a new guest walking into her living room. Perfunctory acknowledgment that I do exist. The question mark at the end of her scrolling through mental calendar. Everything is saying "no" on this. My shirt of choice is Hawaiian. I smoke weed, read Caribbean literature and ponder sine waves in between cooking up something in my wok or misting my pothos plants. This woman would see me and run. I've never seen more over-analysis from a single text message. If you truly look at people this way, you're doomed. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDude16 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I texted her and she responded, "Well Hello! How's your day going? Tomorrow...I'm at a work event until 8:30-9ish? What are you up to?" I like the "brightness" of her greeting, as if it's a new guest walking into her living room. Perfunctory acknowledgment that I do exist. The question mark at the end of her scrolling through mental calendar. Everything is saying "no" on this. My shirt of choice is Hawaiian. I smoke weed, read Caribbean literature and ponder sine waves in between cooking up something in my wok or misting my pothos plants. This woman would see me and run. "That sounds pretty stressful, we can grab drinks at 9:30 (insert bar here) to unwind" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Even if she IS a busy, cut to the chase, no BS type of woman, she could've been more personable about it. She came off very cold. She easily could've given her number, and then responded more warmly in telling you that she's busy and prefers to chat face to face rather than wait around. It's more so the attitude in which she responded, that it off putting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SycamoreCircle Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 I've never seen more over-analysis from a single text message. If you truly look at people this way, you're doomed. You're absolutely right. I think I am being too judgmental. It suggests to me that I should not arrange anything with this woman. I think there's other things at play here that I'm not emphasizing. The woman's profile is strongly Type A personality. Maybe there are women of that persuasion that would find a man like myself appealing. But if that is the case, why would they be curt and to the point with me---things which are essentially what I am not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SycamoreCircle Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 Even if she IS a busy, cut to the chase, no BS type of woman, she could've been more personable about it. She came off very cold. She easily could've given her number, and then responded more warmly in telling you that she's busy and prefers to chat face to face rather than wait around. It's more so the attitude in which she responded, that it off putting. I'm inclined to agree. I do see the point, suggested by a previous poster, that maybe her curtness was to squash my joke about retaliating against an ex. She did say in her profile that she appreciates humor, though. And she told me in her first reply that she thought I was funny. Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I'm a guy and to be honest, I read your comment about the ex and had a very similar thought to what she replied with. I'm sure you didn't mean in that way, but it did come across in my mind as pretty negative and not worth responding directly to. In subsequent texts she sounds pretty friendly. I'm glad you're giving her a shot! I smoke weed, read Caribbean literature and ponder sine waves in between cooking up something in my wok or misting my pothos plants. How does one ponder a sine wave? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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