"I'm a no BS type of person"

[SycamoreCircle]

Well, I just texted her a little and she actually sounds pretty cool. So, maybe this is just a burnt up hull of a man hashing out his neuroses with a group of strangers. Yes, LoveShack defined. I thank all of you for your input. I'm going to meet her for a drink the day after X-mas. She lives in Queens---big plus(great eateries out there).

 

I'll post a follow up for the heck of it.

 

Sine waves. Yes, maybe you're right. Maybe I ponder pondering sine waves.

[gaius]

It's definitely annoying when a woman tries to dictate the pace of things. That's the guy's job.

[SycamoreCircle]

In a phone text she referenced my "ex" joke, so I think it did rub her the wrong way.

[aggie382]

In a phone text she referenced my "ex" joke, so I think it did rub her the wrong way.

 

It came off as though you have a bit of a bitter chip on your shoulder, and will assume games.

 

She sounds like a pretty direct person who doesn't play games. You and your laidback way should try and look at that as a breath of fresh air!

[BeholdtheMan]

"That was easy. Sure you're not trying to get back at an ex? j/k :-)"

 

 

Kinda shows low confidence on your part

 

You could be super-confident guy who is comfortable enough in his skin to make self-deprecating jokes...but a lot of women are going to read such jokes as a sign of low confidence

[Omei]

To be honest just be glad she wanted to meet you after that in poor taste ex joke that was basically you saying "im worried your getting ex revenge" without even knowing her...

 

seems unconfident

 

I personally wouldnt of replied again.

Edited December 23, 2014 by Omei

[MissBee]

Today, an attractive, classy looking Manhattan woman looked at my OKC profile.

 

I wrote her a funny line.

 

She immediately gave me her number and name and said she'd be down to meet.

 

I wrote back, "That was easy. Sure you're not trying to get back at an ex? j/k :-)"

 

Her reply was, "I'm a no BS type of person. And I don't need a pen pal. Either text me or don't. :)"

 

I know most men would see this as a no brainer. But this sort of turns me off. I'm a laid back guy. I don't consider exchanging a few messages back and forth wasting time. I do find someone who would label that as BS or time wasting a little too intense. I mean, if we were to meet, would she find my telling her some random story about what happened to me that day as time wasting? Her first message ended with, "Off to a meeting."

 

Give me a f-ing break.

 

She's hot. I'll grant her that. Am I being too sensitive about this? Am I right in thinking she's probably not looking to get to know someone?

 

Why would she give you her number if she's not looking to get to know someone?? What would be the sense in that?

 

I took her message as a response to your remark about "Getting back at an ex" which I assume you thought was cute but implies that she's game playing hence she cleared it up that she is in fact not here for nonsense like getting back at exes and such. I think some jokes, like yours, are in poor taste when you don't know someone and also makes you seem insecure if when a beautiful woman gives you her number, instead of just contacting her you begin to joke that she's probably doing it to get back at an ex. I would also be turned off by that because it comes off as insecure and just plain negative.

 

That was how I read her "Look, I'm not here for the bullshyt" comment, i.e. she isn't there to get back at exes or isn't into men who instead of calling or texting would rather question her motives so she said you can call her or don't but don't sit there "joking" (and a joke like I said can just seem like your insecurity, cause who would even think of that particular joke you made) that maybe she's not serious but trying to play games with her ex through you.

 

But maybe you all aren't a match, where you sense of humor isn't hers.

Edited December 23, 2014 by MissBee

[lil hoodlum]

Today, an attractive, classy looking Manhattan woman looked at my OKC profile.

 

I wrote her a funny line.

 

She immediately gave me her number and name and said she'd be down to meet.

 

I wrote back, "That was easy. Sure you're not trying to get back at an ex? j/k :-)"

 

Her reply was, "I'm a no BS type of person. And I don't need a pen pal. Either text me or don't. :)"

 

I know most men would see this as a no brainer. But this sort of turns me off. I'm a laid back guy. I don't consider exchanging a few messages back and forth wasting time. I do find someone who would label that as BS or time wasting a little too intense. I mean, if we were to meet, would she find my telling her some random story about what happened to me that day as time wasting? Her first message ended with, "Off to a meeting."

 

Give me a f-ing break.

 

She's hot. I'll grant her that. Am I being too sensitive about this? Am I right in thinking she's probably not looking to get to know someone?

 

 

Well, tell her you are a no BS man and that you know that the two of you are going to get physical anyway so why not skip the whole dinner and drinks thing!

[SycamoreCircle]

I think I do have confidence issues. My live-in girlfriend of a year who I was very much in love with left me for another man. The person I loved deeply kept it a secret while lying, using and manipulating me. The person I would do anything for told all of her friends that I was an unmotivated, poor, stupid, controlling, lousy-in-bed, loser. Nearly one year later, she has ne'er shown a glint of remorse or reconciliation. What's more, post break-up, she has endeavored to add fire to flame, publicly labeling me an "emotional blackmailer." She used every facet of our intimacy as a crowbar to pry apart and mangle us.

 

So, yes, my trust in people is low. My trust in how I will be treated is low.

 

Do I want to hurt other people? No. Do I want to get to know people considerably before getting close to them? Most definitely. Am I on high alert for red flags? You bet.

 

Do I think that I'm a decent person with something to offer? Yes. Do I find women who give their numbers to men without even asking their name frightening? Yes. As a previous poster suggested, why not just directly say to her, "Hey, I'm at 2222 Bootycall Ln, Apt. 2D. See you at 8, tonight?"

 

I also believe that the more speedily someone inserts themselves into your life, the more speedily they will eject themselves.

 

I will say this to men: if you're finding you have no luck with women, just go and get seriously burned. Thereafter, you will become a veritable chick magnet. They have a keen eye for vulnerability. I actually had a woman say to me on a date some weeks back, "I feel like you would never hurt me."

[Diezel]

That last post has me believing that this no BS girl is definitely not the girl for you.

[Under The Radar]

I think I do have confidence issues. My live-in girlfriend of a year who I was very much in love with left me for another man. The person I loved deeply kept it a secret while lying, using and manipulating me. The person I would do anything for told all of her friends that I was an unmotivated, poor, stupid, controlling, lousy-in-bed, loser. Nearly one year later, she has ne'er shown a glint of remorse or reconciliation. What's more, post break-up, she has endeavored to add fire to flame, publicly labeling me an "emotional blackmailer." She used every facet of our intimacy as a crowbar to pry apart and mangle us.

 

So, yes, my trust in people is low. My trust in how I will be treated is low.

 

Do I want to hurt other people? No. Do I want to get to know people considerably before getting close to them? Most definitely. Am I on high alert for red flags? You bet.

 

Do I think that I'm a decent person with something to offer? Yes. Do I find women who give their numbers to men without even asking their name frightening? Yes. As a previous poster suggested, why not just directly say to her, "Hey, I'm at 2222 Bootycall Ln, Apt. 2D. See you at 8, tonight?"

 

I also believe that the more speedily someone inserts themselves into your life, the more speedily they will eject themselves.

 

I will say this to men: if you're finding you have no luck with women, just go and get seriously burned. Thereafter, you will become a veritable chick magnet. They have a keen eye for vulnerability. I actually had a woman say to me on a date some weeks back, "I feel like you would never hurt me."

 

As others have stated, the getting back at the ex line pretty much implied your confidence issues described above ...... that would be a turn off for a lot of women.

 

A lot of people have been burned (including me), but the whole "fake until you make it" cliche should be your mantra right now.

 

From your posting history you seem like an insightful and compassionate man who is in touch with his emotions ...... that is definitely a good thing ...... I'm the same way.

 

The right woman will appreciate those qualities in you. My only caveat would be to share the sensitive side of yourself cautiously ...... don't reveal that to anyone without them having earned it ...... but at the same time be your charismatic and passionate self.

 

So, what harm is there in meeting her one time? The date is set; go and see what happens.

 

Also, unless you're a die hard texter, I'd encourage actual phone calls in the future. Texting ...... especially conversational text ...... is a horrible form of communication for anything beyond a brief/non emotional exchange. Calling will set you apart from your competition (in many women's eyes) and demonstrates/builds confidence (which you are still patching together since your previous relationship ended).

[bachdude]

Today, an attractive, classy looking Manhattan woman looked at my OKC profile.

 

I wrote her a funny line.

 

She immediately gave me her number and name and said she'd be down to meet.

 

I wrote back, "That was easy. Sure you're not trying to get back at an ex? j/k :-)"

 

Her reply was, "I'm a no BS type of person. And I don't need a pen pal. Either text me or don't. :)"

 

I know most men would see this as a no brainer. But this sort of turns me off. I'm a laid back guy. I don't consider exchanging a few messages back and forth wasting time. I do find someone who would label that as BS or time wasting a little too intense. I mean, if we were to meet, would she find my telling her some random story about what happened to me that day as time wasting? Her first message ended with, "Off to a meeting."

 

Give me a f-ing break.

 

She's hot. I'll grant her that. Am I being too sensitive about this? Am I right in thinking she's probably not looking to get to know someone?

 

I kind of agree with her. You can't get to know someone via email. If she is busy she probably finds this a waist of time and just wants to meet you.

 

Just go and meet her! She may not be as intense in person as she seems.

[Frank2thepoint]

I agree with the other posters that you are being too sensitive about this woman's aggressiveness. She knows what she wants, and doesn't have time for much bs. There is nothing wrong with it. Hopefully she exercises a bit more patience while in a relationship, but that's something you'll have to discover.

 

Also, I do agree your comment about her trying to get back at her ex was a lowbrow move. It conveys low confidence and trust issues. Don't mention your ex-girlfriend to this woman. Just gloss over it if she asks, or the topic comes up. You'll have to find a way to pick yourself up and move past the hurt.

 

 

She lives in Queens---big plus(great eateries out there).

 

Queens is my hood. She's already a cool gal in my book.

[SycamoreCircle]

Well, yesterday she asked for more pics: "Please?"

 

That is another red flag. I have 5 or 6 perfectly fine photos of myself on my profile. From past experience, this reads as someone trying to "verify" that you are what they imagine you to be. Who has time for such stuff? Unlike some people, I don't have a smart phone with vast photo banks of me pursing my lips, motioning a a faux gang symbol or eating breakfast.

 

Also, her profile has her holding African babies. And in the course of a few back and forth texts she brought up Africa. It's like, OK, I get that you've done something extraordinary.

 

Nothing's been set in stone. I think I'm going to let this one fizzle out.

[bachdude]

Well, yesterday she asked for more pics: "Please?"

 

That is another red flag. I have 5 or 6 perfectly fine photos of myself on my profile. From past experience, this reads as someone trying to "verify" that you are what they imagine you to be. Who has time for such stuff? Unlike some people, I don't have a smart phone with vast photo banks of me pursing my lips, motioning a a faux gang symbol or eating breakfast.

 

Also, her profile has her holding African babies. And in the course of a few back and forth texts she brought up Africa. It's like, OK, I get that you've done something extraordinary.

 

Nothing's been set in stone. I think I'm going to let this one fizzle out.

 

OK, so so she doesn't have time to write a few emails to you but she expects you to take the time to find and upload a bunch more photos.

 

I thought she was busy and wanted to cut through all the crap and just meet!

 

I wouldn't bother.

[Under The Radar]

OK, so so she doesn't have time to write a few emails to you but she expects you to take the time to find and upload a bunch more photos.

 

I thought she was busy and wanted to cut through all the crap and just meet!

 

I wouldn't bother.

 

^^^^^THIS^^^^^

 

Yep, time to move on.