Is this sexual harassment?

[Taramere]

I have this pissed off look on my face, and I'm serious when I tell him to leave me alone. Well, the security company has a different name from the place that I work at, so it might be contractor.

 

In my view it would come under sexual harassment if you tell him to stop doing it (and can document telling him to stop doing it) and he carries on. But it's crucial that you be able to show you've told him it makes you uncomfortable and you want him to stop it. If he's got an email, I would email him and say "following up on what I said to you on (date) I'm uncomfortable with you making commentary about my appearance, my relationships and my personal life. I would prefer that we keep our communications friendly but professional and without you passing comments about my physical appearance."

 

Have any of you women on here received unwanted compliments from a male at work?

 

Back in my twenties I had a few episodes of this kind of thing. One particular guy I worked with pretty much stalked me. ie he'd turn up when I was on shift even when he wasn't supposed to be at work, he visited me at home and persistently tried to persuade me to let him in...then he went round to my brother's business and tried to "casually" enquire about me. My brother had not long ended a call with me where I'd told him about the unwanted visitor. Nothing ever seems to surprise my brother, and from the way he relayed things to me afterwards he wasn't surprised when the guy came in, introduced himself and started asking casual questions about me. My brother responded to the questions by walking over to the guy, taking him by the throat, pushing him against the wall and issuing a threat that put a stop to any more harassment. Haha. I think my pesky colleague probably got a bit of a shock. My brother and I are very different people.

 

Anyway, not the recommended method of dealing with a situation like that obviously. In your case it doesn't sound like the level of harassment I was getting from that man (in terms of him turning up at my home etc, and at work when he wasn't supposed to be there etc). More just unwanted compliments - but nonetheless they're getting on your nerves and making you want to avoid the guy.

 

Men like that can be astoundingly persistent and will often carry on even when you feel like you've been downright rude in telling them to cut it out. Since you've already given him an opportunity to stop and he's carrying on with the compliments, I'd say it's time to take it further. But obviously you'll have to be prepared for discomfort of a different type resulting in any future dealings you have with the guy (ie frosty silences etc).

Edited December 23, 2014 by Taramere

[pink_sugar]

I would start by talking with your supervisor about the situation and ask if this would be something he/she would handle or if it's better to contact the company that employs or contracts the security guard.

[thefooloftheyear]

The others are giving good advce, however, I have to admit....

 

If this was my wife/gf/fiance, id take a ride down there and have a little discussion with this jackass...

 

It would stop right there..

 

 

TFY

[letmoc]

Well, I know taking to another human being isn't illegal. But when he makes those comments about "how good" I look that bothers me. The another day he told me that I've been looking really good lately. I'm like wtf? And I don't even dress up. Comments like those, make me not want to wear make up, wear anything nice. Have any of you women on here received unwanted compliments from a male at work?

 

I will tell you as a woman who has worked in a male dominated field most of my life, yes it happened to me a lot. You just have to know how to handle the situation and demand your respect. There is no need to argue. Just don't get flustered walk by him and ignore him. He will get the message. Right now It sounds like he thinks it's a game between the two of you.

[SoleMate]

Don't encourage his stupid harassment game in the slightest

 

Do tell him unequivocally to stop and back that up in writing

 

Do tell his or your supervisor

[SincereOnlineGuy]

This. Most HR policies define "harassment" as any unwanted behavior or anything that makes you uncomfortable.

 

 

 

Um, you forgot the crucial "repeated".

 

 

If, for example, I am in my cubicle playing paper football, and I use as the imaginary goal post some target on a wall shared with your cubicle, my one errant shot which sails over the wall (and into your coffee cup) is NOT "harassment", nor is it illegal.

 

Everyone knows this.

[pink_sugar]

Um, you forgot the crucial "repeated".

 

 

If, for example, I am in my cubicle playing paper football, and I use as the imaginary goal post some target on a wall shared with your cubicle, my one errant shot which sails over the wall (and into your coffee cup) is NOT "harassment", nor is it illegal.

 

Everyone knows this.

 

Not sure what you mean by that, but my point still stands.

[jellybean89]

There is this security guard that apparently has some crush on me. Awhile back back he asked if I was single, I told him no. He hen said, "he must be one lucky guy." There is no way avoiding him and I avoid small talk, so the. He accused me of not being social enough and that I need to talk more. I was like wtf? He expects me to have these 30 minute conversations with him or something? I lied told him I was engage and then told me he wanted to be the best man. I just thought that was creepy. And lately, he have been making these comments on "how good I look, how much he likes my outfits, how nice I look, that he likes my coat and notices that I got my nails done." I ignore these comments, then he calls me out saying that I don't like compliments. First off all, these are all unwanted compliments. Who the heck makes these comments at work to the opposite sex? This isn't happy hour. I'm going to have to change my work schedule and come in later to avoid this creep. He only works 2 hours in the mornings. I asked my guy friend this and he told me that it was harassment. What do you think? Or maybe I'm just looking way into too much?

 

It isn't sexual harassment by the legal definition. It is more of an annoyance. I would either let him firmly you are not interested and your actions/clothes/whatever are not his concern or I would report his creepiness to his supervisor.

[lil hoodlum]

It indeed is sexual harassment.

 

There are 2 types.

 

1. Quid pro quo. (Tit for tat) i.e. you perform or do something for something (like a raise or promotion) or not do something (reduced hours or fired.)

 

 

2. Hostile Environment Harassment. This one is much more broad and many behaviors may be included. But generally it is when someone or someones continued behavior towards the victim makes them uncomfortable, in other wards, a continued behavior has made the work environment hostile to work in.

 

 

The security gaurds continued unwanted behavior to the OP falls in this category. It is unwarranted attention-seeking to the OP that has made the workplace hostile for her.

 

Notice I said it is unwarranted attention-seeking? Spanishchick00, I think you should ignore this clown and don't engage him anymore. If he continues to persist, just start laughing at him since this is just a game to him. Don't say a word if you have to, just laugh at everyone of his pathetic attempts to get your attention.

Edited December 25, 2014 by lil hoodlum

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Not sure what you mean by that, but my point still stands.

 

 

No, you don't have any point without the crucial ingredient.

 

 

One need merely look up the definition to understand as much.

[Yasuandio]

Oh, I have no doubt that the company will react FAST...

 

But why does everyone think that the company will react in favor of the person making the complaint?

 

If you don't have a case and/or they don't want to deal with the alleged "harasser", what do you think they're gonna do?

 

Also, you are not a "hero" to the company, even "if" they take your complaint seriously. They are gonna see you as someone who will "complain" about this and that and it's in their best interests to get rid of YOU.

 

In other words, the company is gonna make an assessment as to how much this complaint is gonna cost them, and it doesn't mean that they're gonna always side with you.

 

It is too bad that the post is the REALITY that OP must take into consideration, regardless of laws, standards, rules, HR, whatever, etc.

 

I recommend that OP do not engage this numbskull by responding in ANY way from here on out. He appears to be enjoying (and getting off on) any and all interactions with her, because that gives him a sense of "power and control."

 

First, I would recommend covertly tape recording the comment for a week or two, if that is legal in your state. Collect a nice stock pile of obnoxious time-stamped, digital data (of which you've not solicited, nor responded to in any way, shape, or form). Then just sit on it.

 

From then on out, (post-data collection), carry digital tape recorder with you at all times and hold it where he can see it as you pass by. That will shut his fat trap pie hole in a jiffy quick minute.

 

As for retaliation from your employers, you will have your back-up evidence, but dont count on that helping you per post above (and depending on what part of the country you live in). Don't even count on a Court system to help you. Again, the EEOC doesn't have time for this level of harrassment in the workplace. EEOC doesn't have time, enough staff, or resources to handle horrendous workplace employment law-breakers that are leaving people without their jobs. That is the sad truth. Yas

[Got it]

Jeez, I am shocked by what some people are posting. As someone who works heavily in employment law, my advice.

 

First, check your handbook. In most companies you should have one that as an anti-harassment policy. Review it and follow the complaint process. This would usually entail talking to your manager, and/or HR. If your manager doesn't do anything about it, take it to your HR rep. If your company is so small that none of the above exists, then talk to the owner about the concern. Just because they don't have an anti-harassment policy/handbook does not mean that this issue isn't an issue.

 

The definition of sexual harassment is:

 

Sexual Harassment

 

It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment can include “sexual harassment” or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.

 

Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general.

 

Both victim and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.

 

Although the law doesn't prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).

 

The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer.

 

What I have found in my line of work is the number of, specifically men, who engage in sexual harassment without realizing how unwanted the behavior/attention is to the recipient. They are shocked that regardless of acknowledgement of the lack of interest/response or outright condemnation is, they do not see it for what it is.

 

In regards to a company's reaction. Most established companies have a very clear idea on how to approach and handle harassment cases. Simply put, it is in the companies best interest to hold the appropriate party accountable and protect the victim as it protects the company. There is also a clear understanding on the added impact of any power distribution concerns - supervisor/subordinate. The supervisor should always be held to a higher standard.

 

OP - in your situation, I would say you have a definite concern. Have these encounters been witnessed by others as well? One of the hardest things to deal with, unfortunately, in any type of complaint is a "he said/she said" situation. Put together the names of any witnesses, a brief timeline of what has happened and when and go to your manager about it. If your manager does not immediately pull in HR, go to HR as well. As an employee, you have the right to outside counsel if so needed as well as understanding your rights under the EEOC. The EEOC is a separate body that advocates for employees. While not all of their guidances are supported by the courts, they are on the front lines for employee rights, similar to DOL.

 

The above assumes you are in the US. If not Canada and the UK has far more robust laws in this area and a quick search online will point you in the right direction.

 

I cannot stress enough for individuals to understand their company policies and procedures as well as state and federal laws on workplace behavior. For example, even if the two parties don't have an issue, a witnessing third party can be offended and can claim harassment as well.

 

My general rule of thumb, speak to coworkers as if you were speaking to your mother, your grandmother and a nun. Mind your P's and Q's.

[Got it]

It is too bad that the post is the REALITY that OP must take into consideration, regardless of laws, standards, rules, HR, whatever, etc.

 

I recommend that OP do not engage this numbskull by responding in ANY way from here on out. He appears to be enjoying (and getting off on) any and all interactions with her, because that gives him a sense of "power and control."

 

First, I would recommend covertly tape recording the comment for a week or two, if that is legal in your state. Collect a nice stock pile of obnoxious time-stamped, digital data (of which you've not solicited, nor responded to in any way, shape, or form). Then just sit on it.

 

From then on out, (post-data collection), carry digital tape recorder with you at all times and hold it where he can see it as you pass by. That will shut his fat trap pie hole in a jiffy quick minute.

 

As for retaliation from your employers, you will have your back-up evidence, but dont count on that helping you per post above (and depending on what part of the country you live in). Don't even count on a Court system to help you. Again, the EEOC doesn't have time for this level of harrassment in the workplace. EEOC doesn't have time, enough staff, or resources to handle horrendous workplace employment law-breakers that are leaving people without their jobs. That is the sad truth. Yas

 

This is patently untrue. The majority of the EEOC investigations are tied to sexual harassment claims. EEOC offices vary by area, and their backlog will vary as well, but most are looking into complaints filed by employees within a few months and are starting the process with the respective companies as warranted. While a few years ago we saw a huge backlog of investigations, in the recent years things have gotten up to date in this area.

[Got it]

For those speaking as experienced advisers in this area, how many actually have experience with employment law, EEOC, DOL, as an employment law attorney, general counsel, HR, or EEOC, DOL, or other similar government authority?

[OpenBook]

First, check your handbook. In most companies you should have one that as an anti-harassment policy. Review it and follow the complaint process. This would usually entail talking to your manager, and/or HR. If your manager doesn't do anything about it, take it to your HR rep. If your company is so small that none of the above exists, then talk to the owner about the concern.

 

This is exactly what I would do if I were in the OP's shoes. I don't normally recommend going to HR about anything (they're there to protect the company, NOT the individual employee!!) - but in this case, you ARE protecting the company by going to them first. They're the ones responsible for managing contractors working for them.

 

My approach would be to (in this order):

 

1) Have a conversation with my boss. Explain the problem as calmly and as objectively as you can, and ask them for guidance on how to handle the situation. Tone it like you're on the company's side and you want to handle it in a professional manner. DON'T go in there with guns a-blazing threatening this or that.

 

2) If the boss doesn't do anything about it, then go to HR - but this time with documentation, in case they ask for it. Rinse & repeat the same approach as in #1 - calmly explain the problem and ask for advice.

 

3) If HR doesn't respond, then I would contact the EEOC. No, scratch that - if I'm at the point where I'm contacting the EEOC, I would probably have quit first!

[spiderowl]

It he's making unwanted personal comments despite being warned not to, then it does count as harassment. His comments are positively creepy because he's scrutinising what you are doing then commenting to show you how closely he's watching your habits. For example, how you do your nails.

 

The way he keeps engaging you when you don't want to engage with him is a worrying sign. What happens if you sidestep and ignore him? I suspect he'll keep trying to get you talking, but if you can avoid that, any sort of engagement with him, then he cannot claim it's mutual.

 

A lot of what you've said has me thinking this guy is a potential stalker. He's already showing the signs - pushing you to engage in talk with him, being very personal about his comments, and watching you. Best start making notes now on what he says and when. Try not to go near him unless others are close by. If he persists at all, report him to HR.

 

Does this guy know any private details about you, like your home phone number, your mobile phone, your home address? If not, best to warn close friends and colleagues of yours not to give any info away to him. Stalkers tend to try to pump info from friends or colleagues if the person they are stalking will not tell them themselves.

 

Hopefully, this situation will resolve itself and fizzle out, but take steps now to keep any personal info about you secret. Having had a friend who has had a serious stalker problem that is still not resolved, believe me, I can see the signs here.

[spanishchick00]

It he's making unwanted personal comments despite being warned not to, then it does count as harassment. His comments are positively creepy because he's scrutinising what you are doing then commenting to show you how closely he's watching your habits. For example, how you do your nails.

 

The way he keeps engaging you when you don't want to engage with him is a worrying sign. What happens if you sidestep and ignore him? I suspect he'll keep trying to get you talking, but if you can avoid that, any sort of engagement with him, then he cannot claim it's mutual.

 

A lot of what you've said has me thinking this guy is a potential stalker. He's already showing the signs - pushing you to engage in talk with him, being very personal about his comments, and watching you. Best start making notes now on what he says and when. Try not to go near him unless others are close by. If he persists at all, report him to HR.

 

Does this guy know any private details about you, like your home phone number, your mobile phone, your home address? If not, best to warn close friends and colleagues of yours not to give any info away to him. Stalkers tend to try to pump info from friends or colleagues if the person they are stalking will not tell them themselves.

 

Hopefully, this situation will resolve itself and fizzle out, but take steps now to keep any personal info about you secret. Having had a friend who has had a serious stalker problem that is still not resolved, believe me, I can see the signs here.

 

He doesn't know anything personal, except for the lies that I told him about me being engaged. There were times where I would wait to enter the building with co-workers, I would just go in and ignore and he would call me out in front of them! My god. He only works like 3 hours in the morning, so the best thing to do is to change by work schedule and come in 1 hour later because the creep leaves by that time and most likely I won't see him anymore. Hopefully that will end it, unless he notices and changes his schedule. If I don't engage in conversation, he calls me out and tells me that I need to be more "friendly." I'm like wtf? Its like borderline harassment. Even if I do make a complaint to my supervisor-he will probably talk to his boss about it, and then all the managers, plus the head security guy will probably start to talk **** behind my back-seeing that he's friends with most of the co-workers. Then, the guard that is harassing me-most likely in his defense will say, that "I'm too shy, and that he was trying to get me to talk more." Since, I'm the reserved type at work-not sure if this will make me look bad. I know co-workers are suppose to socialize and such and have small talk, like the other guards are on "friends" terms with some co-workers, but who the hell compliments a female employee on "how good" she looks? I've seen some people make complaints about work related issues and some managers never did anything about it and they weren't treated good or they somehow got fired. I think my best bet is to file a lawsuit on my own terms in the future if things got more ugly.

[Nyc_user]

There is this security guard that apparently has some crush on me. Awhile back back he asked if I was single, I told him no. He hen said, "he must be one lucky guy." There is no way avoiding him and I avoid small talk, so the. He accused me of not being social enough and that I need to talk more. I was like wtf? He expects me to have these 30 minute conversations with him or something? I lied told him I was engage and then told me he wanted to be the best man. I just thought that was creepy. And lately, he have been making these comments on "how good I look, how much he likes my outfits, how nice I look, that he likes my coat and notices that I got my nails done." I ignore these comments, then he calls me out saying that I don't like compliments. First off all, these are all unwanted compliments. Who the heck makes these comments at work to the opposite sex? This isn't happy hour. I'm going to have to change my work schedule and come in later to avoid this creep. He only works 2 hours in the mornings. I asked my guy friend this and he told me that it was harassment. What do you think? Or maybe I'm just looking way into too much?

Tell him he can be the best man if he would suck your "fiance's" dick and you would be willing to talk to him if you video tape him and show others at work how good of a best man he is.

 

Or you could simply tell him to shut the hell up and not to talk to u again. Also ignore him. Not even hi, not bye, don't be around him. And go report him

[Nyc_user]

He doesn't know anything personal, except for the lies that I told him about me being engaged. There were times where I would wait to enter the building with co-workers, I would just go in and ignore and he would call me out in front of them! My god. He only works like 3 hours in the morning, so the best thing to do is to change by work schedule and come in 1 hour later because the creep leaves by that time and most likely I won't see him anymore. Hopefully that will end it, unless he notices and changes his schedule. If I don't engage in conversation, he calls me out and tells me that I need to be more "friendly." I'm like wtf? Its like borderline harassment. Even if I do make a complaint to my supervisor-he will probably talk to his boss about it, and then all the managers, plus the head security guy will probably start to talk **** behind my back-seeing that he's friends with most of the co-workers. Then, the guard that is harassing me-most likely in his defense will say, that "I'm too shy, and that he was trying to get me to talk more." Since, I'm the reserved type at work-not sure if this will make me look bad. I know co-workers are suppose to socialize and such and have small talk, like the other guards are on "friends" terms with some co-workers, but who the hell compliments a female employee on "how good" she looks? I've seen some people make complaints about work related issues and some managers never did anything about it and they weren't treated good or they somehow got fired. I think my best bet is to file a lawsuit on my own terms in the future if things got more ugly.

Why would you care if others talk **** behind your back ?

[Got it]

He doesn't know anything personal, except for the lies that I told him about me being engaged. There were times where I would wait to enter the building with co-workers, I would just go in and ignore and he would call me out in front of them! My god. He only works like 3 hours in the morning, so the best thing to do is to change by work schedule and come in 1 hour later because the creep leaves by that time and most likely I won't see him anymore. Hopefully that will end it, unless he notices and changes his schedule. If I don't engage in conversation, he calls me out and tells me that I need to be more "friendly." I'm like wtf? Its like borderline harassment. Even if I do make a complaint to my supervisor-he will probably talk to his boss about it, and then all the managers, plus the head security guy will probably start to talk **** behind my back-seeing that he's friends with most of the co-workers. Then, the guard that is harassing me-most likely in his defense will say, that "I'm too shy, and that he was trying to get me to talk more." Since, I'm the reserved type at work-not sure if this will make me look bad. I know co-workers are suppose to socialize and such and have small talk, like the other guards are on "friends" terms with some co-workers, but who the hell compliments a female employee on "how good" she looks? I've seen some people make complaints about work related issues and some managers never did anything about it and they weren't treated good or they somehow got fired. I think my best bet is to file a lawsuit on my own terms in the future if things got more ugly.

 

To do that you have to try and also show that you tried to bring it to the company's attention and they didn't do anything. Just trying to sue over his unwanted attention will not amount to much as the company has a strong defense that they were never given the opportunity to do anything to rectify the issue.

 

Your best bet is to not fantasize what could happen and just follow your handbook on what you should do with unwanted behavior from another coworker, vendor, or customer.

 

Go to HR.

[spanishchick00]

Well, I don't have to worry about the annoying, creep of a guard because apparently no longer works there! Now, I didn't complain to my supervisor about it, I simply changed my work schedule to avoid him. I'm sure he noticed that he didn't see me for 2 two weeks, because after those 2 weeks, he vanished! I don't know if he got fired or laid off, but what a relief to know that I never have to see his face again! Ugh. And the way he looked at me was like a sex offenders face.

[AmandaCrew]

If he doesn't stop. Discuss with your manger.

[E-Squared]

Well, I don't have to worry about the annoying, creep of a guard because apparently no longer works there! Now, I didn't complain to my supervisor about it, I simply changed my work schedule to avoid him. I'm sure he noticed that he didn't see me for 2 two weeks, because after those 2 weeks, he vanished! I don't know if he got fired or laid off, but what a relief to know that I never have to see his face again! Ugh. And the way he looked at me was like a sex offenders face.

Man, from what I have read, this guy was just creepy.