sammo777 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 In a court of law, when a recidivist defendant is being sentenced (or in many other cases), the past behavior of the defendant is used as an indicator of future behavior. This supports the idea that the past = the future. I was always taught that who I was when I turned 17 is who I would be for the rest of my life - my teachers and school counselors always said that. I'm 28 years old. I have the worst luck of any 28 year old I know when it comes to relationships. All of my past relationships have ended and only 1 has lasted more than two years. At 28, I should be married, and if not married, then engaged, and if not engaged, then at least coupled for the long term. That's the normal progression of life, based on what I'm told and based on what I see every day around me. I feel like my past indicates that I'll never marry,... that my past indicates my future. Do you agree with that assessment? If I've had bad luck with relationships in the past, am I doomed to bad luck in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I've had horrible relationship luck as well, and do use it as an indicator of the future. I've always felt it's very possible I will never get married. My dad has always said this about me as well. He told me when I was younger that I will probably struggle a lot finding men, and he was right. Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I feel like my past indicates that I'll never marry,... that my past indicates my future. Do you agree with that assessment? If I've had bad luck with relationships in the past, am I doomed to bad luck in the future? Yes, if you don't look within and see what you are doing wrong. What are the patterns? What type of people are you attracting? What am I not bringing to the table? These are all things you need to explore. There is a common denominator here and it is you. Focus on yourself and get to the root of this. Once you answer these questions you can take the steps to change them and you will find success. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 "No fate but what we make." Do you know who said that? None of us know what the future will be. Thinking that we do is irrational. Proceed in good faith and be the best you can be today. Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I've had horrible relationship luck as well, and do use it as an indicator of the future. I've always felt it's very possible I will never get married. My dad has always said this about me as well. He told me when I was younger that I will probably struggle a lot finding men, and he was right. I'm kind of curious on the comment your father had made, not to try to make this another "All about Phoe's dating life" type thread, but do you know why he said you would have difficultly with men? Like what I mean is, did he give you a reason why? Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 using your legal example, when they say that they past indicates the future, it means - essentially - that people repeat patterns quite often and end up right back where they were before (ie jail). you break the pattern you break the cycle and that is when you move forward. look at the relationship choices you are making and identify the similar patterns so you can break them - we all have relationship patterns. that'll move you in a new direction and get rid of the 'bad luck' 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Very few people are the same at 17-18 as they are when they are 28. Lots of people reinvent themselves all the time. You can do it too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
apedrerov Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I think you are quite young, so enjoy that freedom and good luck for the next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I've had horrible relationship luck as well, and do use it as an indicator of the future. I've always felt it's very possible I will never get married. My dad has always said this about me as well. He told me when I was younger that I will probably struggle a lot finding men, and he was right. Before I even kissed a boy, one day my dad told my sisters and I that we were 'Going to end up with Tom, Dick, and Harry'. Gotta love my Dad, always with the colorful commentary. Well, I also have seemed to lived up to Dad's expectations. I mean, I've slept with three random guys so far. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 All I can tell you is that I am so far away from the girl I was at 17 that whoever told you that didn't know what they were talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 In a court of law, when a recidivist defendant is being sentenced (or in many other cases), the past behavior of the defendant is used as an indicator of future behavior. This supports the idea that the past = the future. I was always taught that who I was when I turned 17 is who I would be for the rest of my life - my teachers and school counselors always said that. I'm 28 years old. I have the worst luck of any 28 year old I know when it comes to relationships. All of my past relationships have ended and only 1 has lasted more than two years. At 28, I should be married, and if not married, then engaged, and if not engaged, then at least coupled for the long term. That's the normal progression of life, based on what I'm told and based on what I see every day around me. I feel like my past indicates that I'll never marry,... that my past indicates my future. Do you agree with that assessment? If I've had bad luck with relationships in the past, am I doomed to bad luck in the future? I'm also 28, and I've changed a LOT through the years. What kind of bad luck have you had? What happened? Do you find yourself stuck in similar situations, repeating the same pattern? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I was running cross some pics I took when I was 21 like last week... I couldn't help but notice I had a ring on my "ring" finger. Ha!!! I remembered that someone told me that some people - while single - put a ring on that finger as a symbol that they will never marry. So, I, at the young age of 21, made up my mind when it came to the whole "white picket fence" thing and wore my ring on that finger with pride. Well, getting close to 40, I still am not married. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 At 28, I should be married, and if not married, then engaged, and if not engaged, then at least coupled for the long term. One thing my counselor told me a couple years ago was to never use the word "should". When a person feels like they "should" do something, that feeling comes from an outside source; society, the media, your parents, etc. Who says you should be married, or engaged, or dating? You? If so, why? And please don't say"because that's what everyone else is doing". That's the very definition of being influenced by an outside source. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 i dont know if you are destined not to marry......you are twenty eight and still have a lot of life to live.....anything is possible....... i am 45 never married.....come close though ....or not really.......i have been engaged twice.......close ...but yet not so close...... i once believed as a girl that i wouldnt marry.....being damaged goods......broke my grandfathers heart when i told him that....he always said there is someone for everyone deb......and you are special....you need a special guy......he also told me never to chase a guy ......if a guy couldnt see how special i was he didnt deserve me.......the right guy would make the effort..... now i cant tell if i am going to ever marry ....i certainly cant tell if you will find that love.......all i know is that there is love out there for everyone ....and we were never meant to walk alone...i know in my heart.....if i dont find that special guy for me.....i will never marry.....i have hope though.......that guy exists somewhere....and ill know him when he happens my way...because it will feel right........deb Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 The whole point of dating and being in relationships when you are young is to test the waters and it is best not to dive into the first one as if it is the perfect match. So whilst you may see your romantic history as a disaster, it is actually a learning process. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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