Will He Come Back?

[KJ]

I have been dating the most wonderful man in the world for a year now. We have a long distance relationship and even though he is only 2 hours from me, it feels like days. Recently, we got engaged. It was the happiest day of my life. Then, a week later, he told me that he had to call us off. That he was so stressed out with things in his life right now that he couldn't even see straight. That he was devoting so much time into thinking about our relationship 24/7, that he started to lose view of other important people in his life. We had a good goodbye, though. I went there and we talked and cried through it all. I keep thinking to myself, if this was over for good, he would've wanted the quickest goodbye that he could find. But he hugged me SO tight that I couldn't breath and whispered into my ear that he missed me already. And he told me between 10-15 times that he loved me. I told him, ya know that pain you feel in the pit of your stomach when you know it's over forever? I don't have that...and he said neither do I and gave me a smile. He told me that he didn't want to break up and didn't want to lose me, but this was something he had to do. See, he did this before when we were dating for like 3 months...and he came back As I walked out the door, I said for what it's worth, I hope we get back together...he said I hope so too. And I know he meant it. He's the kind of person who will tell you exactly how he feels, despite hurting feelings. So I know it came from his heart and every time he told me he loved me and missed me already, he looked right into my eyes. Does it seem like it's truly over? I don't think so, I keep telling myself, he's coming back. I kept his pictures up and all the stuffed animals he ever gave me out, and he said my pictures weren't coming off his dresser, either. Please someone out there, tell me that I'm right. That he is coming back. That I just need to give him his space and let him get his feet on the ground. Let him be happy with himself before he devotes his life to me. Please, make my dreams come true.

[David]

KJ,

 

I broke up with my girlfriend, long time ago, and I was feeling the same as you. When we were telling each other goodbye, i knew that it was not over totally. But circumstances were such, that we had to break up, because if we did not, then things would get worse. SO we parted, and deep down inside I knew that we were gonna get back together again, because us being apart, was like a violation of nature's order. We did not see each other for a year, we emailed each other from time to time, and I dated another girl in the meantime. Well we got back together a few monghts ago, and hopefully we will not have to break up again.

 

Well, this is my story. Dont give up. If you love each other, you will come to each other, if not today, tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, well, after-tomorrow for sure

 

Best of luck

 

Dave

I have been dating the most wonderful man in the world for a year now. We have a long distance relationship and even though he is only 2 hours from me, it feels like days. Recently, we got engaged. It was the happiest day of my life. Then, a week later, he told me that he had to call us off. That he was so stressed out with things in his life right now that he couldn't even see straight. That he was devoting so much time into thinking about our relationship 24/7, that he started to lose view of other important people in his life. We had a good goodbye, though. I went there and we talked and cried through it all. I keep thinking to myself, if this was over for good, he would've wanted the quickest goodbye that he could find. But he hugged me SO tight that I couldn't breath and whispered into my ear that he missed me already. And he told me between 10-15 times that he loved me. I told him, ya know that pain you feel in the pit of your stomach when you know it's over forever? I don't have that...and he said neither do I and gave me a smile. He told me that he didn't want to break up and didn't want to lose me, but this was something he had to do. See, he did this before when we were dating for like 3 months...and he came back As I walked out the door, I said for what it's worth, I hope we get back together...he said I hope so too. And I know he meant it. He's the kind of person who will tell you exactly how he feels, despite hurting feelings. So I know it came from his heart and every time he told me he loved me and missed me already, he looked right into my eyes. Does it seem like it's truly over? I don't think so, I keep telling myself, he's coming back. I kept his pictures up and all the stuffed animals he ever gave me out, and he said my pictures weren't coming off his dresser, either. Please someone out there, tell me that I'm right. That he is coming back. That I just need to give him his space and let him get his feet on the ground. Let him be happy with himself before he devotes his life to me. Please, make my dreams come true.

[Miss Mojo]

i wish i could make people's dreams come true. i wish i could do it at the snap of a finger. there would be a lot more happy people out there, and i would have very sore fingers! unfortunately, no one has the power to make your dreams come true except you and your boyfriend in this situation, assuming it will happen.

 

i also wish i could tell if he will come back or not. it's really hard to say what he's thinking and what his dreams are for the future. but he will *definitely* let you know in time if they include you. as you said, he probably needs nothing more than a little space right now. from where i sit, it appears he is slightly overwhelmed with what is happening right now and needs to take a breather. although i've never been able to fully understand the concept of a person really loving someone and needing time on their own, except if one of them is feeling very smothered. but you're in a "long distance" relationship (actually, to me it's "short distance"!), which in my mind makes me feel that's all the more reason to be desperate to see you. but then again, not everyone thinks like me (thank God!)

 

i hope for your sake he comes back. but i also hope that he's not one of these guys who loves you and leaves you every so often then decides to come back again. that's no way to treat a person in a relationship. it's not fair on you.

 

i really liked your comment "let him be happy with himself before he devotes his life to me". that is such an important thing to achieve. you can't make anyone else happy until you are happy with himself. maybe he's not happy with his situation in life at the moment and wants to improve on certain things. only he knows that, and maybe you.

 

just give it time and live your life as you always would. you will soon find out if it's meant to be.

[Laurynn]

As an outsider looking in, I'd really have to question the true motives and intentions of this man. He sounds like he's playing MAJOR head games with you.

 

What kind of human being proposes marriage to someone, then a week later, ends the relationship for no *concrete* reason? (sorry, but the reasons he gave you seem extremely lame to me). He seems awfully cruel to me. How can someone, after 1 year of being together, asking someone to marry you, then not simply breaking off the engagement but completely breakup up? That doesn't even sound the least bit sane or rational to me.

 

The fact that he broke up with you way back, after only 3 months..now this....it sounds to me like this guy is either pulling your chain big time, or else he's so damn commitment-phobic that he doesn't know his a$$ from a hole in the ground.

 

I don't mean to be insensitive, but how can you even respect someone like this? What's next...you get back together, get engaged again and a week before the wedding he backs out?? He doesn't sound like the most stable individual to me.

 

Is it possible that he has some other woman in his life (you did say he lives 2 hours away)???

 

No offense, but don't you believe that you're worth so much more than to invest any of your time/love/energy in someone who can't get his sh*t together? Do you think it's fair that he obviously can't handle a relationship and the commitment that goes along with it? If I was you, I wouldn't be hopeful to get back with him one day, I'd be devastated, ANGRY and I'd seriously consider never having contact with him again.

 

Don't you see anything WRONG with a man who proposes one week, then breaks up with you the next?

 

Why would you even *want* a man like this back in your life? I know, I know..you "love" him.....but love is a two way street. Is he really showing YOU love? I don't think so. He sounds like a really cruel individual, IMO.

 

Laurynn

[Laurynn]

Don't you think it was just a little extreme of him to completely break up with her? Okay, so maybe he felt overwhelmed with the idea of being engaged.....so wouldn't it have made more sense to sit her down and explain his feelings....just say that maybe he jumped the gun on that, and needed a little breather to 'regroup'.....but to completely END the relationship, hmmmm...seems to me there must be something else going on here.

 

Laurynn

[Miss Mojo]

1. i believe that if you truly love someone, you don't need space and time away from them when you already are away from them (if that maks any sense).

 

2. like you, laurynn, the major red flag for me here was the fact that he's already left her once in the past and then come back.

 

3. if it's a "long distance" relationship, wouldn't that make you him the more inclined to want to see her?

 

i do wonder about head games in these kind of situations. but then, some people manage to play head games without even realising the effect they're having on another person. committment phobic? umm.....yes.

[Laurynn]

"i believe that if you truly love someone,

 

you don't need space and time away from them when

 

you already are away from them (if that makes any

 

sense)."

 

I tend to agree with you. When I think back of the guys I loved, no matter how chaotic other areas of my life might have been at the time I was in love/in a relationship with them (work, family commitments, etc)....there's no way I would have pushed them right out of my life to deal with things. That just doesn't make any sense to me. If anything (now this is just me), I would have probably felt closer to them....because *that* (the relationship) would have been the one area of my life that 'made sense'.....

 

Maybe this is a guy who enjoys the thrill of the chase, and after awhile, things grow boring/mundane for him.....so he purposely breaks things off to throw things off kilter.......with the intention of getting back together/starting all over???

 

Or maybe he is somewhat of a control freak.....and he enjoys being in a position to 'call the shots' in the relationship. If this is the case, that's a recipe for disaster (to be with someone like that)

 

What I find peculiar, too.....is how she wrote that when they did 'say goodbye', he acted pretty confident that they'd end up back together. HUH? Then why break up haha.

 

If you're truly in love with someone, you wouldn't go pushing them out of your life (unless there are some extremely extenuating circumstances, hey?). The whole thing sounds fishy to me, and I hope for this woman's sake, she either gets to the bottom of it (cuz I really believe there's something major going on here).....or she comes to the place where she realizes she needs a man who can make a commitment and really follow through.

 

I was once engaged to a guy, who, 5 months later just walked out (leaving me to pay for my own ring). I was devastated. I was a real mess, even though I knew in my heart that it was best (I'd caught him eavesdropping on my private phone conversations to my mom and sister, that creeped me out..we fought about it and the trust was gone).......at least in my case there was a legitimate reason for our engagement and relationship ending (had he not left, I would have moved out)....but I can't even FATHOM being on cloud 9, being engaged one week, then the next week you're not even in a relationship. That is just too bizarre.

 

Laurynn

[Miss Mojo]

When I think back of the guys I loved, no matter how chaotic other areas of my life might have been at the time I

 

was in love/in a relationship with them (work,family commitments, etc)....there's no way I would have pushed them right out of my life to deal with things. That just doesn't make any sense to me. If anything (now this is just me), I would have probably felt closer to them....because *that* the relationship) would have been the one area of my life that 'made sense'.....

 

100% agreed. if things on his side of the fence are so great that he wants to marry her, then why the space issue? in a genuinely happy relationship (in my experience anyway), when other aspects of my life are hellish, the one thing that keeps me going and sane tends to be my good relationship. i revel in it and have such an appreciation for it.

 

Maybe this is a guy who enjoys the thrill of the chase, and after awhile, things grow boring/mundane for him.....so he purposely breaks things off to throw things off kilter.......with the intention of getting back together/starting all over???

 

the same way that some people are constantly in and out of relationships. the thrill of something "new". except this guy wants this girl (well...) so jumps in and out of it with her.

 

What I find peculiar, too.....is how she wrote that when they did 'say goodbye', he acted pretty confident that they'd end up back together. HUH? Then why break up haha.

 

another thing that stuck out like a sore thumb when i re-read her post was this:

 

As I walked out the door, I said for what it's worth, I hope we get back together...he said I hope so too.

 

now, if he truly wanted to marry her, wouldn't you think he would have answered back with something along the lines of "i know we will....", "we will get back together...". his statement is quite ambiguous and it almost strikes me as something said to not hurt her feelings.

 

If you're truly in love with someone, you wouldn't go pushing them out of your life (unless there are some extremely extenuating circumstances, hey?).

 

yes. i had a messed-up alcoholic ex who i loved and tried so hard to help, but in the end, it was basically a case of lose my mind or lose him. i chose the latter option because i couldn't handle it anymore. i was slowly losing the plot.

 

at least in my case there was a legitimate reason for our engagement and relationship ending...

 

i think that's the exact reason that kj's wanting him back so desperately. i damn certain that there is a legitimate reason but he hasn't come clean with it, or isn't sure if he should. it's not fair on kj either way.

 

i really do feel for people when one minute, their life is all roses, and the next minute someone pushes them onto a thorn.

[Laurynn]

Here's something else she wrote that really seems strange to me:

 

"But he hugged me SO tight that I couldn't breath and whispered into my ear that he missed me already. And he told me between 10-15 times that he loved me. I told him, ya know that pain you feel in the pit of your stomach when you know it's over forever? I don't have that...and he said neither do I and gave me a smile."

 

First of all, I'm blown away that she took his decision to break up so well. God, a week after he proposed? If someone I'd been with for a year, who'd recently asked me to spend the rest of my life with him....then out of the blue he dropped this bomb on me, I'd be hysterical......I'd be angry........I sure as heck wouldn't be thinking to myself, "oh I know we'll get back together"........I'd feel like the rug had been pulled out from under me..and I'd majorly rip him a new a**hole for rocking my world like that....and I'd demand that he give me a straight answer.

 

Also......what the hell was he doing agreeing that he didn't feel sick about breaking up, and SMILING? What's with that? Sounds like he's playing some sort of sick game. Going from fiance-fiancee to broken up is EXTREME and not usually something that two people can be so non-chalant/casual/agreeable about. It just makes no sense. If he proposed a week before, he obviously thought things were pretty darn ducky........so what the hell happened within that one week to change everything?

 

And again, the phrase you commented on:

 

"As I walked out the door, I said for what it's worth, I hope we get back together...he said I hope so too."

 

There's just no logic in this. If two people have just broken up, why would the initiator of the breakup tell the other person that he hopes they get back together????? Wouldn't it simply make MORE sense to either:

 

a) suggest they take a week or two apart and have a breather, if there are external issues that need to be dealt with?

 

b) just not break up in the first flipping place LOL...I mean, how bad could things really be if a week before you asked the girl to marry you?

 

I know I keep harping on this, and I apologize to those who think I'm incessantly rambling, but the whole thing is entirely crazy. I'm not even the one involved and *I'm* angry that this guy is being such a complete, shifty, horse's a$$. I wish KJ wouldn't be taking it all so well.....she's allowing herself to be manipulated, hurt and disrespected. I have a hard time understanding why she'd even WANT him back. Crap, he totally turned her world upside down, and for extremely unbelievable and lame reasons.

 

*stepping off my soap box for the night* haha

 

Laurynn

[Sabrina]

Don't you think it was just a little extreme of him to completely break up with her? Okay, so maybe he felt overwhelmed with the idea of being engaged.....so wouldn't it have made more sense to sit her down and explain his feelings....just say that maybe he jumped the gun on that, and needed a little breather to 'regroup'.....but to completely END the relationship, hmmmm...seems to me there must be something else going on here.

 

Laurynn

I totally agree. I am going through a similar situation. My guy and I were about to be engaged , However he only got me a promise ring. The relationship lasted over 2 yrs. He said the same thing. That the relationship took up too much time. and that he did love me but could not be with me.

 

Now we have no contact..This stupid guy of a boyfriend just left me cold like 2 yrs with me was nothing..It still hurts but I guess I will never understand why it happened.

[Miss Mojo]

This stupid guy of a boyfriend just left me cold like 2 yrs with me was nothing..It still hurts but I guess I will

 

never understand why it happened.

 

ooh yeah, i can relate to that sabrina. especially the part where you say, "he left me cold like it was nothing". the relationship would have meant a lot to him, but some with a lot of people, timing seems to play a huge part, one that is usually wrong. but it still hurts nonetheless because you just don't expect your best friend to walk away.

 

but i suppose you're lucky he left now, rather than standing you up at the altar or even marrying him. i didn't expect to break up with my guy, and the whole "out of the blue" aspect really knocked me sideways. so i feel for you, because i know where you're coming from.