Tamed Wildflower Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Hun, when your paranoia tells you one thing, and your knowledge tells you something else, who are you going to listen to? The guy was someone her parents were comfortable with being in the house with her alone-- definitely a sure sign it wasn't a new boyfriend! Second, you were doing some mad mutual flirtation with her in fourth period, right? It's obvious you haven't missed your chance! Definitely do ask her out before the week's over-- the sooner the better so that you can stop agonizing for one, and for two, so that you can finally move this relationship forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Okay, so I'm new to the thread after it's gotten 200 posts already, and I know I'm just repeating people, but come on! Every time you've been all, "so she was being all playful with me today, I don't know what this means" (which happens nearly every time you've posted to tell us what happened that day) I'd want to slap you if I thought it'd knock some sense into you. She is flirting with you. A lot. Pretty much every chance she gets. Trust me on this one. I've got 6 years of experience on you in the area of not having any clue whether a given girl liked me, and even to me, this stuff is PAINFULLY obvious. All that stuff she does with/to you that makes you both wind up laughing your heads off? All those little bits of physical contact? All those times you both just think something is really funny for no apparent reason? Good signs, good signs, and yes, good signs. This girl is trying to show her interest in you in every way she can think of short of asking you out herself. You need to just go ahead and take a step. Put your foot forward and lean on it. That bit in front of you that looks like solid ground, feels like solid ground, holds up the thing that got dropped on it like solid ground and has a sign with "this is solid ground" written on it, is solid ground. So don't be afraid to step there. Ask her out. I like all those suggestions earlier about a casual compliment and asking her to join you at (pick an activity.) You seem close enough that the following line would probably work. It's a modified version of how I first asked out the girl I'm sorta-dating now. "You know, it's funny that we've spent so much time together but we've never been on a date. We should fix that." Why do I like this line? First off, it's simple and straightforward. It cuts to right what you want. Also, being a statement, it's harder to be nervous and awkward. It's not "please oh please will you go out with me? Oh, please say yes or I'd just die," it's more like "I want you to go out with me. Your move." Much more confident, neh? It's also fairly low-pressure, but at the same time, something that she'd be unlikely to say no to. And it's probably the exact thing she's thinking too. If you want to use that line, feel free to use it exactly like that or modify it a bit to fit you better, but say it kind of like that. I won't even sue you for copyright. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamed Wildflower Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 GREAT POST, Artscrafter!! Thanks, man. So glad you joined this thread! Link to post Share on other sites
Tamed Wildflower Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 So how are things going, CD? Link to post Share on other sites
clamdiggerwtf Posted May 8, 2005 Share Posted May 8, 2005 Well, here's what happened. I was going to tell her on a Monday, because there was another guy after her, though it wasn't the one I was at her house. He is socially "above" me. Well, I was late for school on Monday, and that guy got to her first. He's the typical shallow guy, so I don't really expect this to last for long. Oddly enough, she still continues to get closer to me. She moved up beside me in class, and for no reason at all gave me her phone number on Friday. We've gotten very close over the last week... she claims she considers me her "best friend," and oddly enough, I'm finding that I trust her more than anyone else I know. She's around me more than she's around the guy that got her, actually... my friends think there's something going on between us, actually. I don't want to continue hopeless pursuit of this girl, but we keep getting closer, and it just keeps reminding me of why I like her. I'd like to see her as just a friend, but that's very hard to do; It seems I have two choices: I can wait the relationship out, since I really don't expect her to last with this kind of guy, and go for her again OR I can just try to distance myself from her a bit, and forget her as well as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted May 8, 2005 Share Posted May 8, 2005 dude, TELL HER ALREADY! the longer you wait, the more you sink into the friend zone. so some dude asked her out, big deal, tell her you like her, or that you wish you got to her first or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 I agree with BigB. It might be slightly trickier now that someone else has asked her out, but just because she's going on one date with the guy doesn't mean they're already going steady. The time to make your move is NOW, not after she's gotten a chance to actually get into a relationship with this guy. And waiting it out sounds like an even worse idea, because if she's still romantically interested in you after having dated another guy for a while, and that's a big if, then it'd be a rebound thing and I highly doubt you'd want that. I like B's idea of saying you wish you'd gotten to her first. You can even make a joke out of it - "Wow, so you're going out with people who ask you? Why didn't I think of that?" Edit: You say this other guy is socially "above" you? Well, between that and his confidence to ask her out, that could easily be the entire reason for her accepting. The fact that she still spends more time with you than with him means that she very probably likes you better than him, at least right now and on some level. You've still got a shot if you act quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamed Wildflower Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 I agree with Artscrafter and with BigB. She is going out with him because he asked her. Honestly, I think if YOU asked her, she would say yes and would be much happier dating you than dating Shallow Guy. Now that th etwo of you are close, you can even ask her why she's with him, what she sees in him. It might be some kind of thing where she said yes to him without stopping to think about it, following a kind of "Why not?" logic. Being asked "why?" might make her think about it for a moment, and she might realize that she doesn't see anything in him. OR, here's another guess. She might be dating him to make you jealous. Here's the line of reasoning: "I have been sending every signal I can possibly think of to CD and he still won't ask me out. Maybe he's the type that needs to think there is competition for him to see a girl as valuable. Maybe he needs to see that I am wanted by another guy for him to realize that I am likeable as more than a friend. Maybe then he will feel jealous, which will make him like me, or realize he likes me, and then he will ask me out." Some people do work like this, and she has probably read about it in Teen or YM or something, or heck, maybe an internet post board forum. You definitely don't have to feel like you are asking her to cheat on someone else if you ask her out or tell her you like her or tell her you wish she were dating you instead. If I recall what middle school and much of high school romantic life was like, the minute two people establish that they both like each other and announce interest in dating each other, they are automatically boyfriend and girlfriend? Is that the way it works in your school? There are no gradations of "dating" and "going steady", there is only "just friends" and "boyfriend and girlfriend"?? Even if this is the way it works in your school, don't worry about it. If being "boyfriend and girlfriend" is established that easily, don't worry about her "cheating on her boyfriend". He'll be grumpy for a week and then get over it. It's ridiculous to think that he has or should have some kind of exclusive claim to her affections when they have been "boyfriend and girlfriend" for 4 days. And isn't it the end of the school year anyway? No one will remember it in September, trust me. BUT, if you don't act, maybe they will actually grow close, and maybe they will still be dating in September. Don't let that happen. Ask her out. Confess that you like her. Kid around that you wish you had gotten to her first. If she reacts favorably and flirtatiously, tell her that you are serious. Just do SOMETHING! Before you really do lose her! Link to post Share on other sites
motz Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Let her do the talking.. it always work best... Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 By "let her do the talking" do you mean let her make the move? Because the whole point of this thread is that CD isn't picking up on that stuff. Or did you mean start asking her the relevant questions? That could work. Link to post Share on other sites
motz Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by Artscrafter By "let her do the talking" do you mean let her make the move? Because the whole point of this thread is that CD isn't picking up on that stuff. Or did you mean start asking her the relevant questions? That could work. The first thing to remember that you have a reason for all this- you want her... Do you care for her? Make sure she comprehend it, be yourself- be frank. It is the essence of a good lasting relationship. Although it is a lot easier, most of us are not good enough listeners and more intelligent. Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by motz The first thing to remember that you have a reason for all this- you want her... Do you care for her? ...Eh? I was only asking you to clarify what you'd said earlier. I'm not the one this thread is about. Link to post Share on other sites
Kingc42000 Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Ok man, i just read these 400 or so post's cause i realized you were in the exact same boat i was in until about five days ago. i have never been able to ask a girl out i'm 15 and had the same thing happening that you have. and it took me a YEAR and a Half to ask this girl finally. i asked her a few day's ago simplyif we were going to go out some time before summer break or if she would like to wait till september. i thought it was lame as hell but she loved it. Dude and trust me it was so much easier once i just said i AM going to do this. And even just to keep myself on track i told one of my friends i was going to. it just seemed to leave less ways out of it. just try something like that just to leave no way to get out of asking her. dude trust me on this i know where you are coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
clamdiggerwtf Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Blah, missed my chance at school, and possibly have ruined the entire thing. She does try to get me to call her sometimes, and I do... we're still getting closer it seems, but that's eventually going to hit a limit. She's around me a lot, and my immature friends always ask her if we're together or something, and she normally just laughs about it. I may have a chance over the summer depending on how her and the guy do, which she's still having problems with him... She wants me to do stuff with her over summer, and it seems the first chance I'll get is June 7th, but I'll have two weeks straight of seeing her then, so I might get a chance then. My other female friend has noticed that we seem to flirt with each other a lot... The thing is, the girl is the one that always starts it, not me... I really hope I have a chance over summer... Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 She does try to get me to call her sometimes, and I do... we're still getting closer it seems She's around me a lot we seem to flirt with each other a lot... The thing is, the girl is the one that always starts it Seeing a pattern here? You haven't actually talked about anything that happened recently, just that you're continuing to give up. DON'T! Reread the above quotes from your own post over and over until you realize that those are good signs. People usually complain that they're the one who starts all the flirting and their crush doesn't. Complaining about it the other way around just seems really dumb. It's like a shop owner complaining that the customers are so busy beating down his door that he can't figure out how to write this ad, so how can he ever sell anything. The fact that she's flirting with you a lot is a good sign and should be interpreted to mean that she's interested in you. The fact that you're not starting the flirting with her enough just means that you need to start flirting with her some more! She's started dating some other guy, but she still flirts with you. I'm pretty sure this means that she really isn't all that much into that other guy. Come on already, you've still got a shot at this! On a side note: Posted by Kingc42000 i asked her a few day's ago simplyif we were going to go out some time before summer break or if she would like to wait till september. i thought it was lame as hell but she loved it. This one made me chuckle. It's the classic two-choices strategy, often used in sales. Posing the question as a choice of two options that are both a form of "yes" to the real question sometimes works better than a straight yes or no. (That'll be my sales training from my last job talking...) Link to post Share on other sites
CKY_2K Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 hey....im 16 and have the same problem all the time. The best thing i have came up with is just bite the bullet and do it. Even if she says no it wont change anything...mot for long anyways. The easiest way to get someone to start hangen out with you to is to just be like "hey, me and some friends are going to this movie, i'll save you a spot next to me if you wanna go with us. It'll be lots of fun" Go for it man, you can do it ~Spooning lead to Forking~ Link to post Share on other sites
clamdiggerwtf Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 Heh, you guys thought you'd rid yourself of this, huh? Let me just cram the entire 2 weeks of driver's ed into a single post. Well, upon getting there on the first day I was kinda sleepy, so I just went to sit down. She gets there without me noticing, and as soon as she notices I'm there, she shouts my name out, and runs towards me. She sits down beside me, and starts talking to me, I kinda made brief eye contact with her while she was talking, and she just stopped talking for a few seconds, and just stared. She then quickly looked down, and started playing with my shoelaces. We kinda talk about what happened thus far in our breaks, and just sit together for a while. Then my idiot male-friends arrive, and begin to annoy her. She tried to stay with me for a while, but they started annoying her horribly, so she eventually left. She also acted angry over me not calling her over summer. On Tuesday through Thursday, we don't really talk other than a few "Hi"s and such, and she was touching me in some way every day. She'd either walk by me and play with my hair for a few seconds, or hit me on my back. Just simple things like that. Near the end of the course on Thursday I noticed something I found odd. I was a bit tired in the class, so I laid my head down facing her, though it wasn't intentional. She was staring right at me. She didn't notice I saw her, though. She just sat there staring at me for at least 2 minutes, then we all left. Same behaviour occurs all throughout the second week up until Wednesday. She stops touching me in class, but during those days she went out of her way to talk to me, and even approached me while I was with my friends. She singles me out, and talks to me specifically for a while. She continued to stare at me this week without noticing I knew what she was doiing until late Wednesday. The instructor said something, so I turned to look towards him, and there she is, staring right at me. Only this time, I was staring at her too; Directly into her eyes. It was an odd feeling, and neither of us moved for about 5 seconds, at which point I turned back around, very confused. On Friday I was thinking I was imagining things, and she really wasn't paying attention to me at all, but I got proven wrong. We had the final exam on Friday, so she had to move to the other side of the cafeteria (class was taking place in it). Well, after I finished the exam, I laid my head down... again (I'm a very lazy person...) my friend who sat accross from me started throwing little shreds of paper at me. Well, it was really annoying me because I was really sleepy, and I eventually got about 3 sheets of paper, and threw it right at his head. Well, right when I threw it, the girl started laughing really hard at it hitting him in the head, and I heard her saying something like "He hit him with the paper!" to someone else. She also noticed me playing with a pen later, though I don't remember what she said. Later on Friday, me and my friend are sitting there throwing paper at each other, bored. Right before we leave, she decides to get in on it. She hit me in the side of the head with some paper, and I looked over at her. She was staring at me again, but talking to people at the table she was at. Another one of those freaky moments of eye contact occurred, only this one had to have lasted at least 10 seconds. She stopped talking in the middle of a sentance, and we just stared. About 30 seconds later, it's time to leave. She runs up to me, and starts telling me how much she's going to miss me over summer, and how I should call her some. She tells me "bye" at least 15 times, and kept coming back to me to say it. Well, you're probably wondering "What happened to the other guy she was with?" They're still together from what I've overheard; She hasn't said anything about him to me, though. She complains to her friends about how she's unhappy with him. Now for the problem: I don't have all summer, in fact... I have until Wednesday. She's going on a mission trip or something for like a month, and I won't even be able to call her then. She was demanding I write her a letter while she's there... It's bad that she's leaving, because she "forced" me to promise her I'd do something with her over summer during the school year, and I haven't! She talked about how I hadn't done anything with her at drivers ed, and I still haven't! Actually, I didn't even talk to her from the end of school all the way up to driver's ed.... What do you guys think of the situation now? Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 I've said it before and I'll say it again. ASK HER OUT! Who cares if she's got some lame BF, she's leaving!, your going to miss your chance. Call her up, and say "I'd really like to spend some time with you before you leave, I like you a lot, and I want to do something fun with you before you go." Then invite her to a movie or something. Also, if you could figure out when she's leaving get her something like a small gift right before she leaves. Like a little teddy bear, or a mixed cd with songs she likes, or something to "keep her company on her trip" she'll likely go freakin' nuts, and love it. It'll cause her to think about you a bunch of times while she's gone. Then write her some letters while she's gone, talk about how you miss her and all that good stuff. and next time your lame guy friends start giving her a hard time, stand up to them a little and tell them to knock it off, she'll love it. Link to post Share on other sites
clamdiggerwtf Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 She leaves wednesday... Thats why I don't have much of a chance to do anything with her, and I've only called her onch before. She encourages me to call her, but I get kinda scared to actually do it. It's for a stupid reason too... It's not for fear of rejection, it's just the fact I have nothing to talk about. When I called her, we didn't really talk much. I just kinda sat there thinking... "wow... she actually picked up..." We "talked" for about 2 hours, even though I really wasn't saying much. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 just do it man, Wednesday is 3 days away. Don't fear the rejection, you have nothing to loose. Best case scenario, you've got a new girlfriend. Worst case, you got to know you friend a little better before she left town. I know what you mean, about talking on the phone, I'm 27 and I still hate talking on the phone, I still can't think of anything to say. That's why I'm saying, plan something for you to do together, arrange a ride and everything in advance, call her up and invite her to do something, movie, beach, mini-golf, etc. Save the talking for when you see her, it's a lot easier. Based on what you've posted she's just waiting for you to make the first move. again, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE UNLESS YOU DON'T TRY! Link to post Share on other sites
clamdiggerwtf Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 We don't have a chance to do anything... I called her. I'm busy tommorrow, and she has to get her stuff ready on Tuesday. I missed it... One more odd thing she said that sticks out in my mind... At the end of school, the subject of talking to her came up... Well, she said she didn't want me to call her too much, because it makes her feel uncomfortable, and she said she felt like she was cheating. Later on in driver's ed, she continues telling me to call her. Why would she feel like she's cheating with me? Is this good or bad...? Link to post Share on other sites
clamdiggerwtf Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 I think I left out some stuff, and no. I didn't get to do anything with her. =/ Back during school, she stayed around me a lot, even more after she started going with the guy. I wanted her to watch some little flash animation in class with me, but she refused to bring her own chair. She insisted that I shared mine with her, and everytime I'd move over, she'd move over closer to me. Last few days of school when we were having exams, I walked in just wanting to get them over, and she makes me sit beside her. We exchanged looks during exams a few times... After the exams were over, we were watching some stupid documentary, and she was sitting beside me. We both put our legs up on the table, and somehow the eventually got to where they were touching, though it definitely wasn't something I did; At least not intentionally. It's dumb, she's been flirting with me loads for the past few months, and I return it normally. She gave me her phone number out of nowhere, and I still haven't done anything. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Well, at least you're realizing your mistakes now. So the next time a girl like this comes along, you'll know what to do. Why would she feel like she's cheating with me? Is this good or bad...?Because she's going out with some other guy but she really wants you? That'd make a person feel like they were cheating... Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by Artscrafter Because she's going out with some other guy but she really wants you? That'd make a person feel like they were cheating... Indeed, if he had been friendZoned'D she wouldn't see anything wrong with it. Clamdigger, Please at least write her a few letter's while she's gone, and plan a good/slightly romantic "welcome home" for her. Link to post Share on other sites
clamdiggerwtf Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 So, the "feeling like she's cheating" thing means that she can see herself with me? Okay. What would be a good "welcome home" thing to do? I do have a month to do something, but I'm not very creative. >_< Link to post Share on other sites
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