Girl @ school - she's 15, I'm 14 does she like me?

[TGC]

She wants to get to know you more before she will date you. It's the way things work when you are out of elementary school. Take it as a good sign, it shows you will have a mature and serious relationship if things work out.

 

TGC

[clamdiggerwtf]

Wants to get to know me? I've known her for 10 years. <_<

 

Well... she's KNOWN me, but not very much as a person... I see your point. I really wanna try to make something of this, because if I can't, there really aren't any other people at my school I'm really attracted to... Its odd, I'm quiet, yet I'm attracted to a very talkative/loud person... We can talk fine over the messenger on the school PCs, but when it comes to actually talking, I'm a bit awkward... We honestly aren't very similar... she listens to different music than me, though she does watch some of the same TV that I do... I think my main attraction to her is the fact that she laughs a lot, and likes humorous things...

[HoldOn]

If you want the answer, you'll have to ask the question. "Will you go out with me?"

 

Until you ask this qusetion, you'll never know the answer, even by asking her friends or giving her hints, or asking strangers on the internet.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Alright, let's go with a completely different strategy: CUT TO THE CHASE.

 

You know you like her, you are pretty darn sure she likes you. She might want to date you, but she's not exactly sure, for whatever reasons.

 

Why don't the two of you just stop beating around the bush with this and talk honestly with each other??? This approach places a lot LESS pressure on you, because you don't have to worry about making all the right moves. Just have a talk about where each of you stand in the other's eyes/heart. You are probably thinking, "Gee golly I can't do that!! What would I say to her to initiate that kind of conversation?!?!?"

 

Let's save us all from another 40 posts on this board that it would probably take to convince you that this is doable. I'll tell you exactly how to do it (although there is no One Way to do it, as with anything like this).

 

Scene 1: In school (either on the messenger or in person)

You: "Hey there is something I would really like to talk with you about, but I'd prefer to discuss it on the phone. May I have your number so that I can give you a call sometime after school?"

Her: "Okay, grab a pen, it's 555-555-5555."

You: "Thanks, when can I give you a call?"

Her: "It should be okay with my parents if you call right after dinner, at about 8 o'clock."

You: "Okay, I'll call then. Talk to you tonight!"

Her: "Alright, talk to you then. Later!"

You: "Later!"

 

Scene 2: That night, at 8 PM

Ring-ring, ring-ring.

Her father picks up: "Hello?"

You: "Hello Mr. CuteGirl'sDad, this is Clamdigger. Is CuteGirl there?"

Dad: "Oh yes, you are Donna's son, right? Oh, yes, she always tells me what a nice boy she has. Yes, CuteGirl told me she was expecting a call from you this evening. Don't be long, young man, my daughter has algebra homework to do before bed. Here she is."

CuteGirl: "Hi Clamdigger? Ugh, I'm sorry my dad is so embarassing!!"

You: "It's okay, he seems alright to me. So how has your afternoon been?"

CuteGirl: "Oh it's been alright, I watched a little TV, and then did my Spanish homework and read a little of Romeo and Juliet for English class. I'm saving the algebra homework for last. You know I hate it!!"

You: "Oh yeah, me too, I always dread algebra. It's strange that I hate math, usually kids who enjoy computers are really good at math."

Her: "Oh yeah, you are so amazing with computers! I wish I could learn how to do what you do!"

You: "Well, I could teach you sometime. Over the summer maybe?"

Her: "Oh I would love that. Hey, is that what you called to talk about?"

You: "Oh, well, no actually... um... I'm a little nervous about this..."

Her: "It's okay, don't worry. What's up?" (Meanwhile she has an idea what is coming and is nervous too. secretly she's glad that you have to initiate the conversation!)

You: "Umm, well, I think you are really pretty, and the truth is I have liked you for a while. Your really pretty, and I love how you see humor in everything and are always smiling. Only I was never quite sure if you liked me too. I don't mean to bother you about this--

--she cuts you off, "Clamdigger, you are not bothering me! I've been thinking about this too, and I am glad we are talking about it."

You: "Oh, really? Wow, I am glad I am not bothering you--

Her: "No, not at all!"

You: "Well, okay then, I guess my next question is obvious. I am trying to figure out how you feel about me. I asked Friend and she said that you loved me to death but you weren't sure if you wanted to date me? I didn't know what that meant. So I figured it would be a good idea just to talk about this and find out straight from you how you feel."

Her: "Well, my friend was right. I do love you to death, Clamdigger. You are one of the nicest guys I've ever met, so different from most guys. I've sort of liked you off and on for a few months now--

You: "Really?!? YOU HAVE?"

Her: "Yes!" (laughter) "That shouldn't surprise you so much!"

(Both of you laugh. Tension dissipates. You don't feel anxious anymore, you feel happy.)

Her: The only thing is that lately things have been so awkward, and I wasn't sure what was going on. Sometimes it seemed like you didn't want to talk to me or be around me, and I was confused."

You: "Oh I am sorry! I mean.. it's been... well you know, I've been a little nervous about this! I like you A LOT, and I didn't know if you liked me back. That's enough to make a guy nervous, right?"

(More laughter)

Her: "Yes, of course, that's enough to make a girl nervous too, you know!"

You: "Oh, well, I didn't know girls felt that way too?"

Her: "Of course we do! It's just a little easier on us because we can just let the guys come to us. We can say we are old-fashioned, but really we are just nervous!"

(Both of you laugh.)

Dad's voice, "CuteGirl, isn't it time for you to get back to your homework??"

Her: "Yeah, Dad, can I just have 2 more minutes on the phone, please?"

Dad: "Well, okay. But only because he's a nice young man."

Her: "Sorry, my dad was yelling at me to get off the phone, so I have to go really soon."

You: "It's okay. Hey, can you ask your parents if we can get together on the weekend?"

Her: "Yeah, I'm not sure if they will say yes, but I'll try to convince them. My dad likes you, so it might be okay. I'll tell you in school what they say."

You: "Cool!"

Her: "Okay, I'd better go."

You: "Alright, I'll see you in school tomorrow, Cutie."

Her: "Ha ha! You are so sweet, Clamdigger! See you tomorrow!"

You: "See ya!"

Her: "Bye!"

 

END of One-Act Play

 

The Epilogue:

 

Clamdigger and CuteGirl began hanging out more in school. They went to each other's houses after school to study algebra. Friends began teasing them, saying they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Not sure whether they wanted to call each other that, but secure in their enjoyment of each other, the pair just laughed it off. They spent the whole summer together, and by the end, CuteGirl could build computers. Her parents eventually caught them kissing, and began to keep more vigilant watch over the couple. They found places to be alone here and there. Oh yeah, and they both passed algebra.

[clamdiggerwtf]

That seems great, but I've already tried for her number twice, and she insists that her parents won't let her talk on the phone. It may just be an excuse, but I doubt it, since her parents are strict, like I said. I need to discuss it with her, regardless of her liking me or not... I've had friends talk to her for me, and she said something like "I don't know if I'd wanna date him or not..." or "I'm not sure if I'd date him..." She never came out and plainly said "No", but I keep interpreting what she said as "No."

 

Cut to the chase? I like that, but I'll have to find some time to bring it up at school. I was tempted to ask if I made her uncomfortable today at school, and apologize for it, but I didn't since she just randomly walked up to me and said something while I was basically looking at the ceiling out of boredom. How should I bring this up, though? Maybe "Uh... I need to talk to you about something, okay?"

 

Some guy liked her last year, and wouldn't quit bothering her, after she gave him a flat out "no." I don't wanna be like that guy... She came to me to stay away from him, actually... I didn't have any feelings for her as more than a friend then, though.

 

The conversation on my part would probably be something like this:

 

"Uh... I need to talk to you about something, okay?"

"<friend> said I like you, and I do like you, just like she said."

"I'm not gonna bother you about it, so don't get me wrong... I know you said you didn't think I was someone you'd date..."

"I just needed to tell you this, and I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable since I have."

 

After that, one of three obvious things happens.

 

1. "I was waiting for you to say that, I actually like you too!"

2. "I like you a lot as a friend, but not anything more than that."

3. *doesn't talk*

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

That seems great, but I've already tried for her number twice, and she insists that her parents won't let her talk on the phone. It may just be an excuse, but I doubt it, since her parents are strict, like I said. I need to discuss it with her, regardless of her liking me or not... I've had friends talk to her for me, and she said something like "I don't know if I'd wanna date him or not..." or "I'm not sure if I'd date him..." She never came out and plainly said "No", but I keep interpreting what she said as "No."

Don't interpret it as a no.

 

Cut to the chase? I like that, but I'll have to find some time to bring it up at school. I was tempted to ask if I made her uncomfortable today at school, and apologize for it, but I didn't since she just randomly walked up to me and said something while I was basically looking at the ceiling out of boredom. How should I bring this up, though? Maybe "Uh... I need to talk to you about something, okay?"

This is a perfectly fine way to say it. You don't need to apologize for making her uncomfortable. She is too outgoing and friendly to be uncomfortable with a sweet and respectful guy who she already values as a friend telling her he likes her.

 

Some guy liked her last year, and wouldn't quit bothering her, after she gave him a flat out "no." I don't wanna be like that guy... She came to me to stay away from him, actually... I didn't have any feelings for her as more than a friend then, though.

Well, you won't be that guy. You know you won't. So quit worrying about it.

 

The conversation on my part would probably be something like this:

 

"Uh... I need to talk to you about something, okay?"

"<friend> said I like you, and I do like you, just like she said."

"I'm not gonna bother you about it, so don't get me wrong... I know you said you didn't think I was someone you'd date..."

"I just needed to tell you this, and I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable since I have."

When you tell her you like her, give her a compliment or two that honestly tells her why. "I do like you, I have for a while, because I think you are really pretty, and I enjoy your outgoing personality. I love how you are always smiling." And like I said, you don't need to be afraid you are going to bother her. If you want to assure her you won't act like that annoying guy, you could refer to him jokingly, "And don't worry, I won't start following you around like an annoying puppy like that kid did last year. If you don't return the feeling, that's fine! We'll just go back to being friends!"

 

After that, one of three obvious things happens.

 

1. "I was waiting for you to say that, I actually like you too!"

2. "I like you a lot as a friend, but not anything more than that."

3. *doesn't talk*

Obviously, #1 is excellent. #2 isn't so bad is it? And #3 is pretty unlikely, I think.

 

 

If it makes you feel any better, you are MUCH better at this than I was when I was your age. Asking someone out would never have ocurred to me as even the most remot possibility! And I am cute!!

[clamdiggerwtf]

Thats it... I've gotta at least tell her "Hi" tommorrow on my own will. I can't just keep letting people come to me. It seems like she wants my attention somewhat, so I'm gonna give it to her.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Hey, it just occurred to me... Maybe its hurting her more that I'm not talking to her than it would if I said something about liking her, even if she doesn't feel the same way towards me...

 

Its funny, cause I went to school today with the entire situation forgotten, and trying to think of her as nothing more than a friend, slightly scared I might have offended her. Nope, didn't offend her, I guess. She says a few things to me, just like always, but it also made me realize I still like her.

 

I've gotta at least say "Hi" tommorrow, I have too...

[clamdiggerwtf]

Uh... what do you people actually think the chances are that she likes me, and just wants me to talk to her more? I feel as if I can talk to her now, but I would feel awkward bringing up the subject. I really wanna try to make something of this, because I can honestly say that there is no one else at my school that I truly like...

 

One more thing I think I might need to say...

 

Her last boyfriend never actually asked her out, they just grew close together over time. I'd preferably not do things this way, but if I have to, I will.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Thats it... I've gotta at least tell her "Hi" tommorrow on my own will. I can't just keep letting people come to me. It seems like she wants my attention somewhat, so I'm gonna give it to her.

 

I agree, give her some attention. How hard can it be to say "hi" to your friend?

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Hey, it just occurred to me... Maybe its hurting her more that I'm not talking to her than it would if I said something about liking her, even if she doesn't feel the same way towards me...

 

Its funny, cause I went to school today with the entire situation forgotten, and trying to think of her as nothing more than a friend, slightly scared I might have offended her. Nope, didn't offend her, I guess. She says a few things to me, just like always, but it also made me realize I still like her.

 

I've gotta at least say "Hi" tommorrow, I have too...

Yes, you are really sending her mixed signals by not talking to her. If she is going to be offended at all, she is going to be offended by that, not by your telling her you like her. TRUST ME on this one, she will NOT be offended by you asking her out of confessing your feelings.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Uh... what do you people actually think the chances are that she likes me, and just wants me to talk to her more? I feel as if I can talk to her now, but I would feel awkward bringing up the subject. I really wanna try to make something of this, because I can honestly say that there is no one else at my school that I truly like...

 

One more thing I think I might need to say...

 

Her last boyfriend never actually asked her out, they just grew close together over time. I'd preferably not do things this way, but if I have to, I will.

If I have to estimate the chances that she likes you and wants to talk to you more, I would say the chances are 10 to 1.

But what does it matter? Stop calculating, and start flirting!!!

[Tamed Wildflower]

By the way, did you like my one-act play? I thought it was fun to write, and I especially liked the epilogue!!

[clamdiggerwtf]

Yeah, that was great.

 

I act different from my normal self around her, but not dramatically. If she is the first to talk to me, I just try to be as polite as possible, and avoid any possible "rude" topic. When she did/does follow me, I always opened doors and stuff for her, which she didn't seem to mind at all.

 

She has actually seen me staring at her several times before, as if she was expecting it. She was walking accross the front of one of our classes, and I was following her with my eyes, and she was looking away. She randomly turns around and looks right at me. That was really odd...

 

I just don't want to go into denial with myself, and start thinking "she likes me, and won't admit it!" or something like that.

 

Start flirting with her? How can I do this without making her feel uncomfortable? If I can talk to her tommorrow, I would consider it a lot of progress for myself...

 

Compliment her? I can do that, but whats something I can say that doesn't seem so... uh... strong of a complement? I don't know, a compliment to make her feel good about herself, but not something crazy/desperate sounding...

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Yeah, that was great..

Hey, thanks!

I act different from my normal self around her, but not dramatically. If she is the first to talk to me, I just try to be as polite as possible, and avoid any possible "rude" topic. When she did/does follow me, I always opened doors and stuff for her, which she didn't seem to mind at all.

You don't have to try so hard to be polite. You're nice enough that you can just act like your normal self and that will be just fine. You want her to get to know YOU and like YOU for YOU, right? Then don't cover up who you are for the sake of politeness and avoidance of rude topics!

She has actually seen me staring at her several times before, as if she was expecting it. She was walking accross the front of one of our classes, and I was following her with my eyes, and she was looking away. She randomly turns around and looks right at me. That was really odd...

Not so odd. She likes when you look at her, I think.

I just don't want to go into denial with myself, and start thinking "she likes me, and won't admit it!" or something like that.

She'll admit it if you ask her.

Start flirting with her? How can I do this without making her feel uncomfortable? If I can talk to her tommorrow, I would consider it a lot of progress for myself...

Okay, then just talk to her. That's what I meant by flirting. And as for flirting, the only person uncomfortable with it is you! Jeez, man! It's not like I'm telling you to walk up to her and say, "Nice tits, can I bone you after school?" That would make her hella uncomfortable. But talking to her as you normally would, smiling at her, telling her she's pretty, touching her arm, brushing her hair back behind her ear when it falls in her face-- that's not offensive, it's sweet.

Compliment her? I can do that, but whats something I can say that doesn't seem so... uh... strong of a complement? I don't know, a compliment to make her feel good about herself, but not something crazy/desperate sounding...

The only thing to avoid are the really cheesy stuff out of the sit-coms from when I was in elementary school, but you were probably just barely born at that time, so as long as you don't remember stuff like, "Your eyes are like the sunset," you'll be fine. Stick with, "Hey, nice shirt." or "Your hair looks pretty today." or "You are so much fun to be around!" or "You are really nice." or "You have a really pretty smile, I like how you are always smiling and laughing." Tell her whatever it is that you like about her. (But don't say, "nice rack!")

[clamdiggerwtf]

I can't help but be polite. Some part of me just wants to be. It really IS part of me, but I just don't show it around most people. I'm not trying to cover anything up, just trying to stray from offensive topics.

 

Nice rack? Heh, thats just the kind of topic I stay away from. I just keep myself from doing anything offensive such as swearing or sexual topics while around her, I don't need her to get the wrong idea, and think I'm some shallow, perverted guy.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

I can't help but be polite. Some part of me just wants to be. It really IS part of me, but I just don't show it around most people. I'm not trying to cover anything up, just trying to stray from offensive topics.

 

Nice rack? Heh, thats just the kind of topic I stay away from. I just keep myself from doing anything offensive such as swearing or sexual topics while around her, I don't need her to get the wrong idea, and think I'm some shallow, perverted guy.

 

Okay, politeness is okay, as long as you are not trying to be so polite that you are rigid and stiff and can't loosen up and have a laugh.

 

I was joking about the "nice rack" part!! But don't think that you should NEVER talk about sexual topics with her, I mean, talking about sex, laughing about sex, desiring sex, these do not make a person shallow and perverted. But don't worry about this just yet, it's too early to think about where your relationship might end up going with her sexually. And don't tell me you haven't thought or fantasized about this at all, Dude. Whatever you have thoguht about, it doesn't mean you are shallow and perverted, it means you are a human being.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Yeah, but I don't wanna use the normal "omg i think ur hot teh go out with me" that most guys constantly think about. I honestly like the girl for who she is. It seems whenever I hear her laughing, or hear her sound happy, it always seems to make me feel good.

 

Yeah, I know it was a joke. I was just saying that its the kind of topic I stray from, though. I don't try to go crazy with being polite, either. I just don't need her getting the idea that I'm just another stereotypical guy who wants nothing more than sex out of a relationship.

 

The majority of teenage guys treat girls like crap, and that's completely undeniable. I don't have any desire to be like that, at all.

 

I need to talk to her tommorrow, anyway. Take my chance while I still can...

 

Sorry about making this last longer than I intended to before. When she said "I don't think I'd date him" or whatever, it kinda broke some of the confidence I'd built up.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Originally posted by clamdiggerwtf

Yeah, but I don't wanna use the normal "omg i think ur hot teh go out with me" that most guys constantly think about. I honestly like the girl for who she is. It seems whenever I hear her laughing, or hear her sound happy, it always seems to make me feel good.

 

Yeah, I know it was a joke. I was just saying that its the kind of topic I stray from, though. I don't try to go crazy with being polite, either. I just don't need her getting the idea that I'm just another stereotypical guy who wants nothing more than sex out of a relationship.

 

The majority of teenage guys treat girls like crap, and that's completely undeniable. I don't have any desire to be like that, at all.

 

I need to talk to her tommorrow, anyway. Take my chance while I still can...

 

Sorry about making this last longer than I intended to before. When she said "I don't think I'd date him" or whatever, it kinda broke some of the confidence I'd built up.

 

Clamdigger, I have said this before, and I will say it again, you are an incredible guy. I wish I had known a guy like you when I was 14. Most of the guys did seem like a**h***s, and the few (well, the one) that was incredible was always taken. You are doing perfectly fine here. She will likely recognize how amazing you are, and want to be with you.

 

What time zone are you in anyway, kiddo? Isn't it time for bed? If you are out in Pacific Time, I can understand, any further East, get to bed or you'll be too tired to talk to her tomorrow!

[clamdiggerwtf]

Wow... I think it worked... and I barely had to do anything...

 

I'm sitting around with my friends this morning, planning to go talk to her once we get to class, but she comes to me, and I talk to her like a normal person. We get lucky, and have a substitute in class again, so I message her, and she randomly throws her e-mail address in. I finally start opening up to her a little more, then at 9:00AM I tell her "30 minutes of class left", and she says something like "Oh... don't remind me... I wish I could just stay in here and talk all day."

 

Between classes when I normally sit around with my friends, I see her walk by, and she notices me sitting down, and comes over there with me. Later in the day when I went to gym, she was in there for whatever reason, and called my name out randomly, so I smiled at her, and said "Hi."

 

Going to fourth period, she walks up behind me, and I believe she intentionally made my foot hit her shin while we were walking, and goes "Hey! Why'd you kick me?" in a kind of joking tone. We both get in class, and I guess she e-mailed me around this time... We had a short test, and she comes up beside me, and again seems to intentionally make me "kick" her, and jokes about it.

 

I don't know, but I'm gonna assume this is great. Please don't tell me I'm dreaming...

[clamdiggerwtf]

Okay, I was just talking to my friend, now I'm not sure if I got a flat out "no" on Tuesday, or some kind of "maybe."

 

I don't know if the girl likes me or not, but she definitely has some urge to get to know me better now, so I'm taking it that's good? If I did get a flat out "no" what does this mean?

 

Oh, when I talked to her this morning, things did get a bit more personal... We joked about how her old boyfriend was kind of a loser, then I said that I was geeky, and she refused to see me as a geeky person... She then said something about feeling she could understand me really well... She also made a point that I'm very shy.

 

Why am I confused about this? She gave me a no/maybe, so I just decide to try and move on... I just try to think of her as any other person, which goes fine for a while, then she starts popping up everywhere I go! It seems that she's gonna refuse to let me think of her as a normal person.

 

Maybe I got a no because she didn't know enough about me? Even if I did get a "no", am I possibly getting another chance?

[Tamed Wildflower]

If you got a "No", how would that make you feel? How would you act around her?

 

If you got a "maybe", how would that make you feel? How would you act around her?

[clamdiggerwtf]

What do you mean? I don't know if I got a "no" or a "maybe" back on Tuesday, I was briefly bothered by it, but I tried to go back to being "normal", but its like she won't let me.

 

She managed to get me to open up a lot more today, though. Maybe her reason for initially giving me a no was because I was to quiet? Either she is trying to give me another chance, or she is just weird. I'm hoping for the first, obviously.

 

All through first period she kept telling me how she didn't want to leave, and just wanted to stay and talk... this was really weird.

[Tamed Wildflower]

I don't think she is "giving you a second chance", nor do I think she is weird. I never heard anything that sounded like a "no" to me, from what you have said on this board. All I heard was, "I love the kid to death, but I don't know whether or not I'd date him." That's not "no". That's "I don't know." "I don't know" is much more like "maybe."

 

My take on what is happening is that she has probably liked you at least a little for a while. The thing is, normally when people like each other and go through a flirting or "courting" process before they really begin dating (this also holds true for the early stages of dating before people become "a couple"), they use this process to sort of get a feel for whether they want to be romantically involved with the other person. They feel what kind of a vibe they have going with the other person. If they are starting to feel interested in the other, they send signals to the other that they are interested. What kind of things happen to establish the vibe? What kind of signals am I talking about? Well, basically everything that HoldOn, I, and others have encouraged you to do with the girl: touch her, smile at her, tickle her, wrestle her, brush her hair back behind her ear, tell her she's pretty, tell her her hair looks nice, walk close to her, look at her attentively.... I could go on and on. All of this is really important, Clamdigger, because these are ways to establish a degree of comfort and ease around each other, and a sense of fondness and caring. When you have this kind of a rapport with someone, it becomes very easy to imagine becoming closer and more intimate in the future.

 

What you have done is the exact opposite. You've been too nervous to do any of these things, thinking "What will she think of me? I don't want to annoy her! What if I offend her???" I can say with a good degree of certainty by now that I think this girl would have absolutely welcomed these signals. She probably was interested in you, except just when she became interested, you started to REALLY like her, and out of nervousness you became quiet, awkward, and standoffish. You established a vibe of discomfort between the two of you, and I think because of this uncomfortable awkwardness, she started to have some difficulty imagining the two of you growing closer. Because your signals were ambiguous, her feelings became ambivalent. (If you don't know these words, look them up. I assure you they will be on the SAT. )

 

I have had first hand experience with almost the same situation. A few years ago, when I was about 21, this guy, let's call him Rick, became crazy about me. Though he tried to hide it, I could see that he liked me. We began hanging out more, and since he was pretty good-looking (looked just like my previous crush) and we saw eye to eye on a lot of things, I opened my mind to the possibility of dating him, and began to try to feel the vibe we had between us, and see if I could establish a vibe that would allow me to be able to imagine being with him romantically. (As of then, much as I liked him as a person, I was having trouble thinking of him that way, but I kind of WANTED to like him.) The dude was totally clueless. I would try to hug him, and he would give me a very stiff, formal hug. It was like hugging a teacher goodbye or something-- it felt so professional! Well, to sum it up, much as I tried to create a vibe of romantic possibility/allow a vibe of romantic possibility to develop, it never did. Rick eventually sat me down, very business-like, and told me he was in love with me. Needless to say, I didn't feel it, much as I had been open to the possibility.

 

Your situation is similar, but not exactly the same. She probably liked you (already you had much more going for you with her than Rick ever had with me), and then she became a little confused once you started acting so awkward. She probably thought, "I thought I liked him, but now it just feels so strange between us, now I am confused." She loves you to death, but because of the awkward vibe, she is not entirely sure if she would date you. Dating involves a feeling of easy comfort between two people, and that is hard to imagine right now because of the recent awkwardness.

 

I bet if you freaking read her what I've written, she'd shout, "That's it!! That's exactly how I feel! That's exactly why I am so confused!!"

 

This is why I asked you the question, how will you feel and what would you do if she said no/maybe? The most important thing is to establish feelings of comfort and caring. I am afraid that if you think she said Maybe you will feel uber-nervous again because you realize you still have a chance, and because of your nervousness you will become stand-offish, quiet, and stiff which will keep her feelings confused and ambivalent. If you think she said No then you may continue to feel as comfortable as you have felt for the past 2 days, therefore it will be easier for you to just chill and enjoy being with her, therefore you will establish a vibe of comfort and caring, therefore ironically, SHE WILL WANT TO DATE YOU.

 

The truth is (as far as what I have read), she never said no, she said "I don't know." So don't despair, Clamdigger. She is not giving you a second chance; you never lost your first chance.

 

Think, for example, of her behavior today-- she was genuinely enjoying talking with you. She already does like you, CD. What she wants more than anything is for the two of you to be able to relax and enjoy being with each other, just like you were today.

 

Now it is up to you. Can you just chill around her and enjoy whatever it is about her that you enjoy so much? Don't even worry about saying the right things, making all the flirty moves. Just chill. If you can do that, then I think this vibe of romantic possibility will develop in no time. When that happens, she will be whispering excitedly to her friends, "I love the kid to death, and I'd really love to date him!!" By that time, you will feel so comfortable around her that you'll look back and laugh at how hard you thought it would be to ask her to go see a movie. Can all this happen in 6 weeks? Yeah, I think so. I think it can happen in 2 or 3, 4 tops.

[clamdiggerwtf]

Yeah, but like I said, I opened up to her a LOT today... I also got her e-mail address, so I e-mailed her, too. She has my AIM screen name, and said she intends to message me over the weekend.

 

The reason I'm questioning a "no" is because I never knew exactly what she said. One day my friend said she said "I don't think I'd date him..." but today I asked if I just got a flat-out no, and thats what she said.

 

I've opened up to her a lot today, and thats definitely a good thing.

 

What I'm basically saying is that I may have gotten a "no" and my friend tried to make it sound less harsh. Even if I DID get a no, she's still acting odd around me, and seems to wanna be around me a lot.