Facebook making me insecure.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I don't see why a person should go back and delete old posts they had with someone they were dating. Actually, if someone did that, I'd see it as a red flag. I mean, why do they want to hide it?

 

Because it's one of the golden rules of NC?

I personally deleted every single post and shred of evidence of an ex once due to being cheated on and not wanting to deal with the drama that ensued. It lead me to deleting my facebook (not deactivating, deleting) and I haven't used facebook since. This was about 2 years ago?

[Danda]

It's hard for me to genuinely understand FaceBook drama because I don't have/use FB. Almost everyone I know does have/use FB and are frequently checking/updating it on their phones and such. From my perspective it looks some weird Orwellian thing lol, like the "seashells" in the ears kinda thing.

 

I mean if your partner has exes, then chances are that emotional/sexual/bonding type stuff was said between them, but normally that stuff is private and you'd never have to be consciously aware of any of it. But with social media it's like it gets plastered all over for the whole world to see, and to see years on down the line when such things should have been gracefully laid to rest long ago.

 

I have a 'puppet' FB account that is empty and with a fake name. I only use it to check out someone else's FB page if they have one, when I'm scanning for signs of lunacy or sinister intent in a potential suitor via online detective work. I find it kind of weird that people are willing to document their every thought over the years for public consumption.

 

The way I felt about some things just a year ago are not entirely or at all the way I feel about things today. When I meet someone in the present, I want to meet them as the person I am today, and not have to explain all the changes in perspective/opinion/feelings/etc for the past 4+ years of my life at the same time.

 

But at least understanding that about my own self, I understand that if I find a FB post from someone they made 16 months ago, there's a significant chance they may no longer feel that way or agree with their own words from the past anymore. So it's nothing to freak out about, unless it's something revealing of some deeper, darker thing, like a post stating, "Man those cats we set on fire sure did run fast."

[MissBee]

It's hard for me to genuinely understand FaceBook drama because I don't have/use FB. Almost everyone I know does have/use FB and are frequently checking/updating it on their phones and such. From my perspective it looks some weird Orwellian thing lol, like the "seashells" in the ears kinda thing.

 

I mean if your partner has exes, then chances are that emotional/sexual/bonding type stuff was said between them, but normally that stuff is private and you'd never have to be consciously aware of any of it. But with social media it's like it gets plastered all over for the whole world to see, and to see years on down the line when such things should have been gracefully laid to rest long ago.

 

I have a 'puppet' FB account that is empty and with a fake name. I only use it to check out someone else's FB page if they have one, when I'm scanning for signs of lunacy or sinister intent in a potential suitor via online detective work. I find it kind of weird that people are willing to document their every thought over the years for public consumption.

 

The way I felt about some things just a year ago are not entirely or at all the way I feel about things today. When I meet someone in the present, I want to meet them as the person I am today, and not have to explain all the changes in perspective/opinion/feelings/etc for the past 4+ years of my life at the same time.

 

But at least understanding that about my own self, I understand that if I find a FB post from someone they made 16 months ago, there's a significant chance they may no longer feel that way or agree with their own words from the past anymore. So it's nothing to freak out about, unless it's something revealing of some deeper, darker thing, like a post stating, "Man those cats we set on fire sure did run fast."

 

I agree.

 

I do have a FB but except for once, 5 years ago, when a bf at the time INSISTED I tag him as my boyfriend on there, I absolutely do NOT put my romantic personal life on FB for public consumption. I did it that once and have never done it since. I don't have a relationship status and until I'm married, that's the only time I'll probably change it to married and tag my husband if he's on FB. But I have seen SO MANY ways in which it goes wrong for people when they put their whole relationship on FB...it's just tacky and just such a strange thing to be able to go through someone's FB and document their whole relationship. Over-share statuses, arguing with each other in comments, gushing statuses then two weeks later angry ones and now you're single, all your profile pics are couple's pics then you have to delete them...I mean I can't with all of that personally and tend to be more along the side of "A sign of a happy and healthy relationship is no sign of it on FB."

 

That said, clearly people who put their relationship on FB you can expect that if you go back into the archives you'll see it all for display and you have to understand it in the context of their past and not get overly worked up over it.

 

For me though, FB isn't for me to live out my relationship and looking on my FB will tell you almost nothing about my romantic life and I prefer for it to be the same with the man I'm dating. If he doesn't have a FB, even better.

Edited December 26, 2014 by MissBee

[Tayken]

If he doesn't have a FB, even better.

 

That sounds like me then....but would you get rid of your Facebook for a man i.e. don't make it the focus of your down time?

 

I personally detest social media, and to think am a techie type professionally

[Danda]

Well to be completely honest, I did try FB years ago, and I found it to be nothing but a source of awkwardness, depression and drama, so I wound up deleting it within months as a result.

 

For starts, I never had anything worth posting about, and when I tried, I just felt pathetic and stupid. Like who cares what I made for breakfast, geeze.

 

The sort of thing that did usually engage my brain fully was stuff along the lines of politics, philosophy, spirituality, etc - so basically stuff that either (A) everyone ignores, or (B) explodes into a flame war between friends/relatives.

 

Then I'd try to find something to say about other people's posts but usually I just didn't really give a **** and then I'd feel anti-social or something. Like my grandmother would post about how she signed up with some charity organization. I could either post something really out of character (i.e. 'fake') from me like, "Wow Grandma that's wonderful," or I could be my usual self, but my usual self would post a small wall of text ripping the organization apart for its waste and corruption (not the greatest way to strengthen bonds in general lol). In person I would handle such topics by making some kind of "I'm paying attention" sound and then nudging the conversation in a different direction. But on FB it was, eh, different.

 

The last straw was when former high school classmates started coming out of the woodwork to 'friend' me, people I had never been friends with back when we sat less than 10 feet apart 5 days a week, and my brain was just like ugh this is stupid, and I never logged on again.

 

But hey at least I tried it. Just wasn't for me.

[MissBee]

That sounds like me then....but would you get rid of your Facebook for a man i.e. don't make it the focus of your down time?

 

I personally detest social media, and to think am a techie type professionally

 

Why are you assuming it's the focus of my downtime? It's not. I spend more time on LS than FB. A LOT more time actually. So in reality, if a man had a problem with online sites taking up my time it would probably be LS. Which shows the kind of person I am. I'd rather engage in discussion so tend to spend more time on forums than on FB. I like Instagram a lot though, but that's because I like taking pictures and following folks who post beautiful pictures, so I also probably do that more than FB.

 

I am not in relationships for someone to dictate to me what I should and shouldn't do and neither me them. I am not going to be with a man who asks me to stop using LS or FB or any other thing for no reason other than he thinks I should, because these things do not interfere with my relationship so a man asking I stop would just be power-tripping.

 

Mind you, a man who doesn't use FB isn't automatically a winner . I'm just saying that at least I know he's not gonna abuse it so that's a relief and why I joke that I prefer it. But if he has it and uses it responsibly (like I do) then I don't mind.

Edited December 26, 2014 by MissBee