Just Can't Handle It

[MarieRose913]

Ever since I found out 10 days ago that the reason my ex left me is because he got someone else pregnant, I have been so distraught. They are probably going to be spending Christmas together and are probably so excited for their babies first Christmas next year. We’ve only been broken up for 3 months! I can’t believe this is happening to me. Not only does he have a new girlfriend already, they are going to have a baby together. It is just too much for me to handle. None of my friends get it, they’ve never been through anything like this. I thought that maybe finding out this news was going to help me let go, but I am still hanging on. I am furious for what he did to me, it is disgusting. I was in a serious relationship with him when this baby was created. I wonder if he loves her, I wonder if he’s going to marry her and live happily ever after. I don’t know for sure if he’s happy, but from the picture I saw of them on FB it definitely looks like they are! How is it so easy for him to move on so quickly?

 

I will probably never get an apology. I will never know the real truth, ad that kills me, that he doesn’t even think I’m worth knowing the truth. We were inseparable at one point, now not only are we strangers, we are enemies. How does he look at himself in the mirror everyday knowing that he did this? He got someone pregnant as a result of him cheating, how does he live with himself? The least he can do is give me an apology, he owes it to me.

 

I also wonder what he told his family and what they think. I was introduced to his entire family over the summer and they all seemed to really like me. I was always at his house for dinner and really got to know them. I wonder if they are excited, or are shocked that this happened. They can do the math, they aren’t dumb. They can figure out that this happened when he was with me. It’s just so hard because I always felt like I belonged with them, like a puzzle piece. I was really looking forward to spending the holidays with all of them. But someone else has replaced me after only 3 short months. I feel like my fairytale was completely stolen from me.

[Omei]

The hate and betrayal you feel is good its what you need harness it to let go, I know what its like to spend ages with someone and then have them be someone else and it feels like its overnight and so hard to understand and accept and all you're left with is this rage it doesn't seem fair when the ones who still love must do all the suffering and pain while they get to be happy.

 

In time it will cool off to a point where you will prob never forgive but you won't feel that burning hot anger inside you and feel okay enough to live days where you don't even think about him it will come, use your anger to remind yourself to stop checking up on him he has nothing for you to see but what's going to make you sad and angry.

[JS84]

It can be hard for people to put themselves in your shoes because first and foremost it didn't happen to them, but also because I think deep down they know it could happen to them and they don't really want to think about it.

 

But honestly you're only going to torture yourself by continuously asking yourselves those questions. Because you're never going to get all the answers. I think it's normal and healthy to be angry and for quite some time. But you do need to be careful with how you channel that anger and those questions isn't a healty way.

 

Focus on what you do know:

 

1. You didn't do anything wrong.

2. You didn't deserve this and you were betrayed.

3. Your boyfriend was not a good person, that is also not your fault.

4. Blood is thicker than water. I doubt his family approved of what happened but they aren't going to turn on their son and future grandchild because he hurt you. Also not your fault.

5. Your emotions will settle eventually. You'll still be hurt and angry but it won't be anywhere near as painful now.

 

I recommend you get a new hobby if you haven't already. And if you have pick up another one to keep yourself busy. Do as much as you can to keep your mind off your ex-boyfriend and those questions.

Edited December 23, 2014 by JS84

[lil hoodlum]

The hate and betrayal you feel is good its what you need harness it to let go, I know what its like to spend ages with someone and then have them be someone else and it feels like its overnight and so hard to understand and accept and all you're left with is this rage it doesn't seem fair when the ones who still love must do all the suffering and pain while they get to be happy.

 

In time it will cool off to a point where you will prob never forgive but you won't feel that burning hot anger inside you and feel okay enough to live days where you don't even think about him it will come, use your anger to remind yourself to stop checking up on him he has nothing for you to see but what's going to make you sad and angry.

 

 

What a great post! I could not have said it any better.

 

And Omei is correct, you will be left with this rage but in due time, it will lessen.

[Diezel]

What "truth" is it that you are seeking other than the fact that he got another woman pregnant?

 

And who cares if they are happy or not, that should have no effect on your life. You need to worry first about YOU being happy. It'll take time, but you need to stop focusing on them and start focusing on you.

[No Limit]

Girl, you have another reason to celebrate than just Christmas! You dodged a giant bullet of trouble!

 

Do you think your ex was happy about impregnating his side chick? Do you think he went to her because he loves her? And do you actually believe he's going to be faithful to her?

No, no and once more no. The only reason he left was because his reputation would be shot dead if others found out he not only cheated but abandoned his child. But if this goes on with marriage and stuff he's going to have a life full of troubles and lies.

 

Again; be grateful it's not you who is pregnant and throw an extra party!

Sorry for the betrayal, but can you imagine what it would be like to be dependant on guys like that? Feeling sorry for the other girl too.

[evanescentworld]

I hate to tell you MarieRose913, but reading between the lines of your other thread - it looks to me as if you were a rebound/in-filler.

You clearly state they have known each other for a long time, she has always had something for him - and now, she's finally got him, albeit by becoming pregnant with his child.

And he made his choice.

 

Look, I know this is going to be really tough to hear, particularly at this time of year (Harmony, Peace on Earth, Goodwill to all Beings, and all that) but don't start thread, after thread, after thread, on this.

Take refuge instead, with your family. They love you and will give you comfort, even though you may feel miserable.

 

You already know - again, via comments in your other post - that you dodged a bullet.

But in comparison, he has known her a lot longer than he has been with you - and sadly, that means that your 8 months together, were probably more of a way of convincing himself he was over her, via his insistent and repeated declarations of love, rather than any confirmation to you that this was for keeps.

 

I say nothing to excuse his scuzzy and deplorable behaviour.

He's made his bed, now he will have to lie in it.

But - forgive me - we have your side of the story, and only a very hurt, naturally upset and obviously biased one.

I believe there may be more to this than meets the eye, if only because your two posts are uber-emotional, and extremely plaintive.

of course they are.

 

I am not for one second suggesting you deserved any part of this.

But the way life - and others - treat us, is not always fair.

 

Don't stalk either of them, that merely perpetuates your misery, and is self-sabotaging.

 

Focus on trying to find yourself a good place to go, for Christmas, where you will be welcomed with open arms.

And start the road to recovery.

[MarieRose913]

Thank you all for your responses. I apologize for posting twice about this, I just wanted some advice and to see if maybe anyone else has gone through something similar. I won't post about it anymore though, I know you all only have my side of the story so it's hard to see who's really at fault I guess. Thanks again though, I appreciate it.

[evanescentworld]

Thank you all for your responses. I apologize for posting twice about this, I just wanted some advice and to see if maybe anyone else has gone through something similar. I won't post about it anymore though, I know you all only have my side of the story so it's hard to see who's really at fault I guess. Thanks again though, I appreciate it.

Don't apologise for posting.

It's what you needed to do.

I was merely urging you to use this experience to harden up and get a grip, because it would be tragic if you allowed it to define who you are, or might become....

 

There is no question as to whose FAULT it is. Of course, it's his.

 

But I merely had the impression that something is hidden from us; and I'm not suggesting you're withholding info - it's just that the window onto your relationship is so narrow and focused on this incident.... We have your entire 8 months, and his entire acquaintance with her, totally missing, so it's bound to be hard to look at this on a broader spectrum....

Post as much as you need to. We do get it.

But use the forum as a healing tool, not as one which keeps you stuck....

[MarieRose913]

Don't apologise for posting.

It's what you needed to do.

I was merely urging you to use this experience to harden up and get a grip, because it would be tragic if you allowed it to define who you are, or might become....

 

There is no question as to whose FAULT it is. Of course, it's his.

 

But I merely had the impression that something is hidden from us; and I'm not suggesting you're withholding info - it's just that the window onto your relationship is so narrow and focused on this incident.... We have your entire 8 months, and his entire acquaintance with her, totally missing, so it's bound to be hard to look at this on a broader spectrum....

Post as much as you need to. We do get it.

But use the forum as a healing tool, not as one which keeps you stuck....

 

Yes you are right, I don't know his whole history with her. All I know is that they've known each other since high school & now they work together and while he was out of relationships he would always run back to her, but that's hardly any info to make something out of. I guess looking at it that way will help me. Thanks so much

[nadine5]

Marie... I am so, so sorry.

 

Everyone, PLEASE stop telling her to "move on" and "good riddance"... she doesn't want to hear that right now.

 

I have gone through the exact. same. thing. My situation was about 8 years ago but I still feel anger when I think about it. It has jaded me. I never let go, and now I live in fear of all of my relationships having the same outcome. I cannot trust fully again.

 

Marie, the advice I'm giving you is going to be controversial, to say the least, but I need to follow my own advice as well, as I myself am in yet another doomed relationship.

 

You need to find someone who loves you more than you love them.

 

I know that's going to be hard to do. I didn't say you can't LOVE that person, but you need to be with someone who you respect, love, and trust completely...and that person needs to love you and only you and treat you like a princess.

 

This is the advice my grandmother gave me years ago after my similar incident. I haven't followed it, but now that I'm swiftly approaching my thirties it is time to invest in a less risky stock.

 

You will know that person when you meet him. Keep your guard up and find someone you can trust. That is the only way you and I are ever going to be truly happy in a relationship.

[nadine5]

Also, I got short term relief by dating a bunch of guys. I know this is controversial advice as well, but it will boost your confidence.

[d0nnivain]

Look at it this way: She is not tied for life to a guy who cheats. You dodged a bullet.

 

Yes it still hurts but in the long run you too will see that you are better off without him.