No Idea what is happening with him. Hot/cold/not had the talk

[CryMeARiver]

I have been dating a man for two months. he is 11 years younger than me (31) and I am 42. In the beginning as they all are, he was very attentive and so charming with the compliments etc. We became intimate on our first date...I know, bad right? I realize he must have freaked himself out by saying so much so soon, and wanted to back up a bit...so that he did. There has only been two days in those two months I have not heard from him, he calls and or texts daily. We have spent my days off together since we have met except for this week, in which he had family commitments. Here are my issues:

 

 

1. No talk of exclusivity yet. He said he wanted to take things slow (what does that mean? lol) And also has made comments that he likes that I do not pressure him (in the past he says after a couple of dates girls ask him how he feels when he has no idea yet, and it runs him off).

2. Making plans: It is rare we cement things in the future. Perhaps he thinks my days off are automatically spent together. He will call the day off, and we usually spend it at either mine or his house.

3. he was on a dating website until a couple of weeks ago, and now it is hidden. Good sign, but kinda upset it was there after we had been dating a month or so. we did not meet online, I found this out by accident.

4. He mentions his like for porn and strip clubs, and talks about actresses etc being hot. Not really REAL people which is good...but he mentions it a lot.

5. Sex: He is not all over me when I am at his place or vice versa. it feels lately like I am initiating. he said he was more of a morning person and he is wore out late at night (which I prefer). Still I wonder if he's not attracted. When we do have sex, its pretty incredible saucy stuff. The lack of intimate sex is bothersome

 

 

6. the holidays are coming up and no plans have been made to spend together, although I suspect he is getting me a gift (hinting around)

7. he is not one to put his arms around me, hug me...although recently he has began giving me kisses and hugs hello and goodbye.

 

 

The Good:

1. daily calls and texts

2. NOT all about sex.

3. he recently introduced me to his son.

4. he cooks for me, takes me out to eat. opens doors.

5. Seems concerned about my life, always asks how my day went and what is happening with certain issues, tasks, work etc

6. told a mutual friend he we are having a wonderful time and he is enjoying himself getting to know me.

 

 

My problem here is this: Could he be stringing me along? Would he be calling or texting daily if not interested? Also if he isn't into our sex, why would he still be here?Is his lack of physical affection (touching, hugging etc) other than putting his hand on my leg when we are watching movies and occasionally have we held hands in public. Is he dating other women? It he really trying to take it slow and making sure I don't go nuts on him?

 

 

I really don't know how long to wait to provoke a conversation, I feel it has to happen soon as I am very concerned and anxious over the lack of clarity in what is happening with us. It has been a long time since I have dated and I really don't know what the norm is anymore. I like him very much but fear he is a player...but maybe a more polite charming one. With the holidays getting ready to pass, I am afraid he will.Although over all he is pretty good to me...just he is holding me out at arms length. Any ideas?

Edited December 23, 2014 by CryMeARiver