Wife had an affair with a married man before I knew her

[road]

Why are you calling her a ww?

The A was before the OP even knew her and she was an OW not a ww.

 

 

 

WW Wayward Wife

 

 

WGF Wayward Girlfriend

 

 

WF Wayward Fiancée

 

 

A cheater by any other name is still a cheater, hoe, $lut, hoe bag.

 

 

They were in a relationship and she cheated and lied to the OP.

 

 

So what do you all suggest the title to be?

[road]

She had an emotional affair "platonic relationship" with the financial planner long after the affair.

 

 

 

And the OM still tried to turn the EA back to a PA.

[Spectre]

Lots of people have continuing relationships with exes, does that make them all WS's?? No it doesn't.

 

People have exes all over the place, some even work with them closely, see them in the street every day, are they in emotional affairs? Are they WS's?

NO they aren't.

 

The OP was hurt by a cheating woman once I get that, but he is taking this far too far with his current wife, and it is triggering some BSs here too, I can see.

 

Everyone out of high school, has some sort of sexual/romantic past, to keep raking up his wife's past, in what should otherwise be a happy relationship is nuts.

 

This isn't just an ex though, but a guy who had an affair with her. You don't stay friends with the guy whose mistress you used to be. But she did, for far far too long.

[whichwayisup]

"Once a thief always a thief". Manipulation is the tactic used by the chaste,by coming to LS he is learning how ww hooked into him both physically and emotionally.

 

She didn't cheat on him. She had an affair in her past with a MM, before she even met the OP. She isn't cheating on him or having an affair currently. You're putting your own spin on this.

[road]

She didn't cheat on him. She had an affair in her past with a MM, before she even met the OP. She isn't cheating on him or having an affair currently. You're putting your own spin on this.

 

 

 

Many men will not marry let alone date woman that had was in an affair in her past. She was single, but she still participated in an affair. She put a spin on the story she told her husband. She tried to hide the past by lying directly and by omission.

 

 

Her lying was just as bad because it caused her husband to make life decisions based on her lies.

 

 

Though too much energy is being spent here arguing his WW's Hoe status rather then getting to what is preventing the BH from moving past this and solutions for his to do so.

 

 

Again OP you have to stop crying into your beer and address what can be done to get past this.

[Spectre]

She didn't cheat on him. She had an affair in her past with a MM, before she even met the OP. She isn't cheating on him or having an affair currently. You're putting your own spin on this.

 

Nobody is really saying she cheated currently.

 

I agree with someone else, one way for her to truly show she is putting this behind her is to confess to the guys wife. If she is hesitant to do so, it means deep down she still feels something for him. The fact that she didn't immediately cut this guy out of her life as soon as she began dating this guy suggests that already.

[loversquarrel]

This isn't retroactive jealousy, the OP hasn't brought up any other part of his wife's past. This is about him trying to overcome being lied to, dealing with this issue from his own past, and finally trying to accept this lack of values his wife has portrayed - something that is clearly important to him.

 

It is very difficult to remain as a couple when values are quite different - this case is exceptionally difficult as the woman he clearly loves committed an egregious act against the sanctity of marriage - something he was forced to endure in a previous marriage. Of course it bothers him, it is after all in direct conflict with what he values and what he has experienced. The fact that he loves her and is committed to stay with her is remarkable, most would have cut and run - I know I would have.

 

OP, try to work on forgiving her for keeping this secret from you. By maintaining any form of relationship with this guy before and after you were married was wrong of her to do. You should also work on forgiving the act - this can best be accomplished through your own therapy. Her affair didn't involve you, but the act of it still has an impact on you. This is something that can be dealt with in therapy.

 

Forgetting is different. Don't forget, it's what protects you. Asking you to forget is bestowing an impossible task upon you - you can't. Accepting that it happened is within the realm of possibilities, and it is possible.

 

The two of you should also seek counseling together if you haven't already. Good luck, I do hope it works out for you, no one here wants you to feel hurt.

[mikethemechanic]

She didn't cheat on him. She had an affair in her past with a MM, before she even met the OP. She isn't cheating on him or having an affair currently. You're putting your own spin on this.

 

I've seen women of her ilk before since it is plainly obvious that she was trying to climb the social ladder chasing after a rich mm her intention was the pursuit of said wealth. Albeit, love to ww came in the form of no-limit credit cards and vehicles. True... Daily life, for ww consisted of shopping then going out for lunch, then more shopping.

Then when money flow was damned up by another younger beaver. WW Feigned DAMSEL in DISTRESS and found a supply rescuer or giver and appealed to his generosity with her neediness helplessness and rewarded him-by making him feel like her knight in shining amour.

[elaine567]

I've seen women of her ilk before since it is plainly obvious that she was trying to climb the social ladder chasing after a rich mm her intention was the pursuit of said wealth. Albeit, love to ww came in the form of no-limit credit cards and vehicles. True... Daily life, for ww consisted of shopping then going out for lunch, then more shopping.

Then when money flow was damned up by another younger beaver. WW Feigned DAMSEL in DISTRESS and found a supply rescuer or giver and appealed to his generosity with her neediness helplessness and rewarded him-by making him feel like her knight in shining amour.

 

Hang on a minute.. your bitterness is showing...

[Spectre]

Like I said, have her confess to the guys wife. That will show if she is truly sorry.

[mikethemechanic]

Triathlons doesn't speak to us because his ww is addictive like heroin. Ww relationship to him is built on deception. No one tell him because it results in him ignoring friends, family, work and even us!

Ww created a dependence on her based on sex and pathological lying what I mean is that she added an explanation to her rancid affair with mm to make it understandable.

Triathlons ww likely made a promise to you either through a story or an act of kindness maybe ww had shown compassion for you. Was there a noble cause to the tryst? What was the promise triathlons?

[road]

I've seen women of her ilk before since it is plainly obvious that she was trying to climb the social ladder chasing after a rich mm her intention was the pursuit of said wealth. Albeit, love to ww came in the form of no-limit credit cards and vehicles. True... Daily life, for ww consisted of shopping then going out for lunch, then more shopping.

Then when money flow was damned up by another younger beaver. WW Feigned DAMSEL in DISTRESS and found a supply rescuer or giver and appealed to his generosity with her neediness helplessness and rewarded him-by making him feel like her knight in shining amour.

 

Hang on a minute.. your bitterness is showing...

 

 

 

His bitterness is not showing. His sense of reality is growing a wild imagination. Not every woman that has an affair is looking for a meal ticket. We have no way of knowing what his WW's motivation was for banging OM.

 

 

Slamming WS's is not how affairs get ended and marriage's recovered. Slamming just for the sport, is wrong.

[mikethemechanic]

His bitterness is not showing. His sense of reality is growing a wild imagination. Not every woman that has an affair is looking for a meal ticket. We have no way of knowing what his WW's motivation was for banging OM.

 

 

Slamming WS's is not how affairs get ended and marriage's recovered. Slamming just for the sport, is wrong.

 

What was it that she promised him?

[road]

What was it that she promised him?

 

Who promised who what?

[mikethemechanic]

Who promised who what?

 

What did triathlons current wife promise him after she revealed the affair with the mm? Assuming that he wouldn't take her back without a promise. What was the traumatic explanation as to why she had mr. Bigs number in her Rolodex what was the promise that assured you that this was affair over.

[road]

About a month before we got married my wife confessed to me that she had been the mistress of her financial planner before I knew her.

 

 

I asked her if she was still in contact with him and she said nonchalantly that they remained friends, but strictly platonic.

 

 

I told her that she was to break all contact with him or I was gone. She did.

 

 

So mike you are still not making sense. You are making extreme assumptions and calling them facts. The OP may feel he does not have the whole truth. Very rare for a BH to say he knows that he got One Hundred percent of the truth from his WW. It is very plausible that the PA part ended when it did. From what the OP said you want to stretch that out to that the OM banged his WW the day before the wedding and the day after they came back from the honeymoon. Why don't you suggest the OP get paternity tests done. If you are going to speculate don't do it half burro, go all out hog wild.

[mikethemechanic]

So mike you are still not making sense. You are making extreme assumptions and calling them facts. The OP may feel he does not have the whole truth. Very rare for a BH to say he knows that he got One Hundred percent of the truth from his WW. It is very plausible that the PA part ended when it did. From what the OP said you want to stretch that out to that the OM banged his WW the day before the wedding and the day after they came back from the honeymoon. Why don't you suggest the OP get paternity tests done. If you are going to speculate don't do it half burro, go all out hog wild.

 

If I'm wrong then why doesn't triathlons correct me after the blasphemous things that I depicted unto his wife. I proclaim her to be a rake and hope that her husband will at least come to her defence.

WW charm is to convey herself in a sense of risk and darkness yet what makes her so alluring is the ability to make people want reform her. This is why he cares for her. Quite certain that her husband is at this very moment making a pennant banner with giant letters enscrolled across "I don't hate my wife. I hate the game"!

[mickleb]

If I'm wrong then why doesn't triathlons correct me after the blasphemous things that I depicted unto his wife. I proclaim her to be a rake and hope that her husband will at least come to her defence.

WW charm is to convey herself in a sense of risk and darkness yet what makes her so alluring is the ability to make people want reform her. This is why he cares for her. Quite certain that her husband is at this very moment making a pennant banner with giant letters enscrolled across "I don't hate my wife. I hate the game"!

 

He's abandoned this forum as it's obviously crowded with people projecting their own issues and offering him the opposite of help. Can't say I blame him.

[mikethemechanic]

He's abandoned this forum as it's obviously crowded with people projecting their own issues and offering him the opposite of help. Can't say I blame him.

 

My point is that when you play with dark minds you develope bad habits and addictions,therefore his concern mustn't be how to "cope". The strategy is how to remove himself from bad influences. The jails and Prisons are full of men who did naughty things for the 4 minutes of shame (attention) they got from a succubae.

This how triathlons can remove her from his life. first don't judge her, judge her behaviour. Practise confronting her about some behavioral pattern that you will no longer participate in. I have no idea what that might be but I'm certain there's going to be things that she does I.e drinking heavily?

Make new friends and know the type of friends you want to meet... Finally have faith in yourself.