He ended it.... he said it's a break.. is still coming to see me tomorrow!

[soft heart]

Hello everyone,

 

i have read some of the posts here and it's inspiring how you all are trying to help each other! It also seems that a lot of you are experiencing a similar situation as me! I am new here and I was wondering if you could give me some good advice on my heartbreaking situation??!! I would greatly appreciate it since I am not really sure what to do myself! I am kind of desparate for an advice!

 

Well, about two weeks ago my b/f then broke up with me. Our one year and 2 months long relationship became long-distance for the past 6 months. It has not been easy because of the distance but we made efforts to see each other. But it always felt like I was planning ahead our visits and I was prepared to go and see him often...He has just started his new proper job so he was a little bit more careful about planning our visitis. We had quite a lot of arguments because of that. Despite that we both expressed our love for each other and I thought we could overcome the distance and I thought our love was strong enough to wait for each other.

 

Well, about a month ago he has been distancing a lot because of the difficulties we were facing and he was saying he was loosing his motivation for the relationship.. He has withdrawn quite a lot so of course I started to worry and as much as I tried to give him space I was missing him too much and I became quite needy of him! I was missing his love but he changed! He wasn't he same! I decided to go and see him because I thought maybe he needs to see me in person to be able to get the relationship back where it was!! But it actually made things worse! That weekend he was trying to be nice and caring but he was somewhat closed to me.. he said that way he didn't have to miss me so much and we wouldn't be so affected with each other and we would fight less and he would hurt less. But for me it was hard to cope with his emotional distance! So that weekend the problem escalated because I kept asking him if he is ever going to be close to me again and if he is always going to be distant like this... he was quite annoyed with my questions and he kept saying it's the way I am.. but I said to him but you used to be different.. he said now it's different! We got into an argument and he broke up with me! He said he was sick of the fights and with the way the relationship was going.. he said we don't see each other often and even if we do, we fight! There is no point in continuing!

 

I was gutted that night i didn't sleep, i didn't eat, he slept in a different room! I was crushed! It was as if he hated me! He said he wants to run away from everything.. to breathe.. to be free! He said he felt as if he was in a cage! I guess I suffocated him! without realising!

 

The next day he came to me and he was trying to talk to me.. but I was too hurt! I was crying! I was speechless! He was trying to make me feel better but I was too hurt to say anything or to do anything! I asked him if we could lie down. He was hesitating at first but then we did and he hugged me so strongly and he said he was sorry but he said that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship... he said that he is not happy with his own life so he can't give m what I deserve and he said that he wants to be free and to see what else is out there.. he said he hasn't been happy about us for a while! he said he doesn't want to say it's a final break up and that he is sad as much as I am.. we then agreed that it's going to be a break.

 

But is there a difference between a break and a final break up? He is actually coming to visit me tomorrow in my place! He is going to spend the easter break with me. I am not sure what to expect and whether to expect anything! I am not sure how to behave with him! I have this last hope that he could change his mind this weekend? Please help! Do you think there is anything I should do or I shouldn't do this weekend that could bring him back to me? I haven't been contacting him since the break. He has initiated contact a few times and yesterday he emailed me asking me about our plans for this weekend.. a friend of mine told me that he is probably coming here as a good friend but i can't be his friend! I love him and it's been only 2 weeks since the break. What do you all think about this?

[tokyo]

I don't really like to answer posts from the LDR forum, it kind of evokes bad memories... But my opinion on this is, some people need the physical presence and intimacy with their partner to have a relationship with. Maybe it has something to do with the wanting for an instant gratification that is spreading in society as someone once recently mentioned. I also think that these people in those long moments when they are without their partner and the passion and heat fades from lack of intimacy and close contact that they start to look at their relationship and start to wonder if this is really what they want. They go out and see other beautiful women, they are tempted to feel a warm body at night, but can't have it. They have to stay faithful, but - for what? They start watching their partner with scrutiny. And if there's no real feeling behind it, you will lose. If the inner values that he sees in you can't defeat his urge for intimate contact you lose.

 

I don't think there's a big difference between a break and a breakup. My guess is, that he's looking now and feeling less guilty than he was before. If he had a breakup he would feel lousy, that of course he doesn't want to risk. A break is the best thing that can happen to him.

 

But I tell you, I'm not an expert, that's just my personal opinion and people are different. And I have a problem with not trusting people and being too suspicious, so you should also see what other people will tell you about your situation.