"taking a break"

[soft heart]

Hello everyone,

 

i have read some of the posts here and it's inspiring how you all are trying to help each other! It also seems that a lot of you are experiencing a similar situation as me! I am new here and I was wondering if you could give me some good advice on my heartbreaking situation??!! I would greatly appreciate it since I am not really sure what to do myself! I am kind of desparate for an advice!

 

Well, about two weeks ago my b/f then broke up with me. Our one year and 2 months long relationship became long-distance for the past 6 months. It has not been easy because of the distance but we made efforts to see each other. But it always felt like I was planning ahead our visits and I was prepared to go and see him often...He has just started his new proper job so he was a little bit more careful about planning our visitis. We had quite a lot of arguments because of that. Despite that we both expressed our love for each other and I thought we could overcome the distance and I thought our love was strong enough to wait for each other.

 

Well, about a month ago he has been distancing a lot because of the difficulties we were facing and he was saying he was loosing his motivation for the relationship.. He has withdrawn quite a lot so of course I started to worry and as much as I tried to give him space I was missing him too much and I became quite needy of him! I was missing his love but he changed! He wasn't he same! I decided to go and see him because I thought maybe he needs to see me in person to be able to get the relationship back where it was!! But it actually made things worse! That weekend he was trying to be nice and caring but he was somewhat closed to me.. he said that way he didn't have to miss me so much and we wouldn't be so affected with each other and we would fight less and he would hurt less. But for me it was hard to cope with his emotional distance! So that weekend the problem escalated because I kept asking him if he is ever going to be close to me again and if he is always going to be distant like this... he was quite annoyed with my questions and he kept saying it's the way I am.. but I said to him but you used to be different.. he said now it's different! We got into an argument and he broke up with me! He said he was sick of the fights and with the way the relationship was going.. he said we don't see each other often and even if we do, we fight! There is no point in continuing!

 

I was gutted that night i didn't sleep, i didn't eat, he slept in a different room! I was crushed! It was as if he hated me! He said he wants to run away from everything.. to breathe.. to be free! He said he felt as if he was in a cage! I guess I suffocated him! without realising!

 

The next day he came to me and he was trying to talk to me.. but I was too hurt! I was crying! I was speechless! He was trying to make me feel better but I was too hurt to say anything or to do anything! I asked him if we could lie down. He was hesitating at first but then we did and he hugged me so strongly and he said he was sorry but he said that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship... he said that he is not happy with his own life so he can't give m what I deserve and he said that he wants to be free and to see what else is out there.. he said he hasn't been happy about us for a while! he said he doesn't want to say it's a final break up and that he is sad as much as I am.. we then agreed that it's going to be a break.

 

But is there a difference between a break and a final break up? He is actually coming to visit me tomorrow in my place! He is going to spend the easter break with me. I am not sure what to expect and whether to expect anything! I am not sure how to behave with him! I have this last hope that he could change his mind this weekend? Please help! Do you think there is anything I should do or I shouldn't do this weekend that could bring him back to me? I haven't been contacting him since the break. He has initiated contact a few times and yesterday he emailed me asking me about our plans for this weekend.. a friend of mine told me that he is probably coming here as a good friend but i can't be his friend! I love him and it's been only 2 weeks since the break. What do you all think about this?

 

soft heart

[Lovesick0203]

Sorry to here things are going poorly, I went through that about around thanksgiving with the girl that just dumped me on sunday. I think the thing to do is to consider the fact that this may always be on the horizon again. It was really hard to trust here after our break, and it ultimatelty led me to withdraw, and ruin what we had. I am new to this message board thing...I just needed to talk to someone, and I think my friends are getting sick of hearing abot it. I am in the middle of a absolut nervous breakdown. I really feel weak and helpless. Not to mention worthless and not good enough.

 

As for you, hang in there, but be wary of what happens the next time he feels "suffocated".

[LucreziaBorgia]

But is there a difference between a break and a final break up?

 

A 'break' is like going into work on your day off. You are still employed there, but you don't have to actually be an employee, follow work policy, or do any work on your day off nor are you expected to.

 

A 'break up' is like going in on your day off and quitting your job.

 

In a case like yours, it will likely drag on like this for a while - and then it will do one of two things: downgrade into a 'friendship', or upgrade back into a 'relationship'. Here's the kicker though - as long as the factors which caused him to go on a 'break' are still intact when it upgrades, the breakup will happen.

 

Do you know why he went on a break? He is telling you that he lost his motivation for keeping the relationship going, but did he tell you what it was that caused that? The real reasons, and not the 'reasons' he is giving you? Unless he is willing to tell you exactly why - no matter how badly it might hurt you to hear these reasons, and you two are willing to work on changing those things then the relationship won't have a chance.

[Lovesick0203]

well said.

[soft heart]

thanks guys! I grately appreciate your help! He said that he isn't happy with hiw own life now so he can't give me what I deserve.. he said that he wants to experience more before becoming serious.. he said he wants to see what else is out there.. he said that he needs to see if im the girl for him.. he said he doesn't want to loose me but he said that he doesn't want a relationship now! the thing is he is still coming to see me tomorrow. im not really sure what to think about it all.. i know that he hasn't been happy with the distance! he also said that he needs to feel free and he said he hasn't! he said he is afraid of commitment! i guess i believed he was serious about me enough to wait for me even though there is a distance between us!

[acidrein_08]

Breaks end when the other person realizes you aren't going to play that game. You have to first be in love with yourself to love someone else. As you get more involved with someone you start depending on them more for all of your needs. It could be physical, financial, or even emotional but as time progresses your partner will gain the power to either make you smile or make you cry. Since you are on a break, you need to realize that he may not always be there and you have to worry about yourself more. Do not depend on him to make you happy or your situation will be more difficult and will hurt like hell if you eventually do break up. I don't think breaks are a good thing becuase it is kind of putting your partner on the side and saying 'wait here till I come back'. I think that is when you have to realize you are to good for that and tell them you aren't going to wait, it's either all or nothing. For now be open, talk about your problems and see if you can fix things. Be strong and keep your head up no matter what happens, they just might not be the one for you but there is someone out there that is.

[emotionsmessmeup]

well ask him to get lost for good..

u eventually will!

[Cupcake]

Especially when you are in love. Don't read too much into the visit. Just roll with the situation. If he is loving and kind, be loving and kind in return. If he is just friendly, then you should be friendly as well. You have some questions that you need answers to. Get his definition of a "break." Will the two of you continue to be romantically involved, or will you just be friendly? Definately consider your own emotions and what you are able to handle.

 

Personally, when my XBF told me he was no longer motivated by our LDR, he had already begun dating someone else. Ironically, he had also begun working a new job when his feelings began to change. I'm not saying that your man is cheating on you. I'm just saying, you should take whatever he says literally. He wants space, give it to him. But let him know how it affects you.

 

My XBF wanted us to remain friends and sex buddies until he figured things out. I objected to that and ended all contact with him because we didn't agree on the terms for the break. It was too hard for me to bare thoughts of him being with someone else. At the time, there was no one else whom I wanted to be with. It was very difficult for me to stay in contact with him. However, I did leave the door open and told him that he was welcome to contact me if he ever decides that I am the only woman he wants. As of yet, he still hasn't come back to me, and our breakup started nearly a year ago.

[backatone]

I would have to disagree with the last posters actions. The last thing in the world you want to do is let your ex know that the "door is open". F@ck that!!!!!! Like your some kind of trust fund?? "Im here when you need me". Sorry, but people want what they cant have, and by leaving the door open, they know they can always have you. Tell this guy to F*ck off and that you are moving on. PERIOD. True love will always break through barriers like this. He has to know that you are not there anymore. If he comes back, fine. But tell yourself he is gone and that you can do better. What else can you do?? Watch him date around while you sit home and be unhappy?? Grieve now, get it out, listen to sad songs.......get it all out. Then start your healing process. Meet new men, and go out more. Work out... Remember, you have to know that you are something without him and that you can live without him. Im so tired of people acting like they are on a break. This line was used on me, trust me.....its not a break. Its a break up, or a get out of jail free card for them.

 

He is not there for you right now, act like he never will be again. Breaks confuse the dumpee into thinking the ex is on a vacation from them. This is not the case. They are gone, they just used different terms to get the point across to you. I.E, I need a break.....BS BS BS

[soft heart]

Hello everyone!

 

You can't imagine how much your advice and the different views on my situation mean to me!!! Thank you!!!

 

I think I should't worry about sleeping with him because he was the one who actually said it that we shouldn't be intimate with each other now because he says he doesn't want to hurt my feelings... he says he knows that making love for me means that I am seriuos about the guy.. he says that he doesn't want to make the same mistake with me as he did with his ex. Appareantly she always begged him to sleep with her and was telling him she was ok with that but he knew she was doing it in order to change his mind about her.. he said he kind of lost repsect for her!

 

I am naturally not an independant womn when it comes to relationships.. but I guess I have got to act independent of him.. and I must not go needy and desparate on him! It's going to be pretty hard but I guess I must do that! I wonder if I do that what is he going to think? I worry a little that he might that I don't care after all.. but I think if I go needy on him it would push him away! It's really strange to think that he is actually coming here tomorrow! we are going to see a musical on Saturday night! We both agreed to go and see it and I think it's good because I won't have the need all the time to ask him about us! I guess some of you might suggest that I shouldn't ask him about us or should I? I spoke to a very good friend of mine yesterdayand she said that maybe i could ask him like on sunday how he feels about us? What do you think! I mean in a way if he spends the weekend with me and I won't ask him.. I will be probably still wondering after he will be back home! But then I worry he might feel pressured to talk about us again! What if he says that he has made up his mind.. how do I react to that? What do I say? I can't be his friend..I am not good with ex's! I an not friends with any of them because it's hard for me! but it's true I don't want to loose this one completely!

 

He has just sent me an email asking me if I could sing in msn tonight so we could talk about tomorrow evening! I haven't been on msn since it happened because I didn't want him to think I was online waiting for him.. I was scared that if I am online he might not say anything. I have not sent him one email, one message.. I have not made one phone call.. It's strange but I thought it's better not to! I woud end up asking him about us and I would end up probably needy on him.. I didn't want to do that.. but I am not sure when I meet him tomorrow how to be with him! Friendly but distant? I don't want to be cold! you see I worry about small details.. I don't know whether to show him my sadness but you all seem to sugget I shouldn't.. but then I think honesty is important and the way I feel!

 

He asked me in his email how I am doing and if I am ready for tomorrow?? What does it mean? ready? what do I answer to that? i know I am probably reading into it too much but I don't really know whether to sound really excited he is coming here.. I just don't know!

 

It's scary!!

 

Do you think I should ask him if he has been seeing anyone else or if he has met anyone else or if he likes anyone else? I guess I am really curious about that! and what if he asks me the same? It's so hard to know what to say or what not to say and how to be and how not to be....??

 

 

Thanks everyone! I am so nervous about tomorrow!

 

soft heart

[acidrein_08]

So how did things go?

[strong heart]

Don't be scared. That is the key for you right now. You are hanging on to this guy because you think you can't bear to go on without him. Guess what? You can!! And you should. Just recognize that life will go on, you will survive, and also, you will meet someone else. The best gift you can give yourself is to love yourself and know what you want and how you deserve to be treated.

 

People stay in relationships that aren't ideal because they are scared. But in doing so, they are cheating themselves. You have to be true to you and what you want, and not be afraid of what life will be like without this guy. I know you love him and you don't want to lose him, but be strong; do it for you. It's time to be that independent woman you were speaking of.

 

Just remember, everything works out in the end...it WILL be okay.

[greenhorn]

he he interesting to see both

 

"soft heart" & "strong heart" here and I wish I could be "no heart"

[soft heart]

Hi everyone! I hope you all had a nice Easter holiday!

 

HE went back yesterday afternoon. It was a very nice weekend actually! It was hard at times but the strange thing was that HE was so caring, sweet and he behaved to me as if we are still together.. he was holding my hands, he was pretty affectionate with me!

 

When I met him on Friday evening it was a little strange between us. I guess we both didn't really know how to behave with each other because we were always used to being together as a couple and suddenly we were supposed to behave differently. It was quite amusing because he suddenly asked me where did I go on Thursday evening afer talking to him on msn. He was really curious. I said I had an arrangement.. and he asked what kind of arrangement.. and we started to tease each other.. I said to him 'why do you want to know?" and he said "tell me.. where did you go?" and I made up a story that I went to a party.. and he said "I see to meet your new boyfriend?" .. I said "well there was a guy who asked for my number".. it wasn't serious conversation. but it was quite amusing how curious he was! he then said "im sure you ended the conversation so suddenly because you wanted me to ask you where you went". I said "that's not true.. I really had to go"..

 

anyway, the next day we spent the day sightseeing! We were walking around, taking photos.. he was holding my hand and was hugging me.. it was really nice but at the same time it was hard of course! We then decided to go for a small lunch and he actually started to talk about us.. I said to him that it's nice of him he decided to spend the Easter break with me! he said he is happy to hear that! He asked me if I spoke to my parents and told them that we are broken up! I said yes. he said he spoke to his mum about it. I asked him what did he tell her and he said that it was because of the distance, that it's hard to have a relationship with someone who doesn't live in the same country and that i wanted to be more seriuos than he was ready. It was quite sad at that time.. I said to him that it's quite confusing because we are behaving as if we are still together and he said that he knows and that if I prefer being distant with each other he will respect it! Well, we talked a little bit more and he said to me that he is being honest with me that he thinks that it's not black and white. he said that he spoke to his flatmates about me and told them that he is still coming to see me for the Easter and appareantly they told him that he shouldn't and that once you break up with someone you shouldn't keep seeing each other and you should just break up! He said he was a little annoyed with them because he doesn't feel that way! he said that he would respect if I asked for no contact but he said that maybe we both will experience two other relationships and then we will realise that we still want to be together afterwards! he says that of course he will have to respect if I meet someone else. But he kept saying that of course he would not be happy if I decided to stop our contact and if I decided to find someone else but he said he would have to respect it! I said to him that I don't want to feel like I am here filling the gap before he meets someone new and then he will drop me and will not know me anymore! He said that he will not do that to me.. he said that he will want to hear from me and he will still want to contact me.. He said it will be a test for us!

 

Anyway, after that we decided to go for a walk and to lie down in a park. I received a text message from a friend of mine and he was asking who it was and whether it was "my new boyfriend"! i could feel he was a little afraid if I met someone else! In the evening we went to see a musical! It was great! We both really enjoyed it! Again he was holding me and hugging me! After that we had to run to catch a train to go back to my place! When we got on the train.. he was telling me how much he enjoyed the musical and how much he is bored with his job and basically he was telling me how he feels about his job and what he wants to do and so on.. it felt good because he was sharing his worries with me.

 

The next day we cooked together.. when we met we used to cook together.. we really enjoy it! it was really nice.. we had fun and it was enjoyable! then we went for a walk in my city. it's where we met so he was quite nostalgic.. we went to a fun fair and then for a dinner and then we hired a DVD and spent the evening watchig a movie.. it was quite a relaxing day! yesterday he had to leave. it was really hard actually! The thing was because it was a bank holiday he couldn't get any seat on a coach so he had to take a train. he had an open dated ticket for a coach which is valid for 3 motnhs. he gave me the ticket. I then told him that I can go with him to take him to the airport. he started to say that he thought it was too expensive for me to pay for that.. just to spend 2 more hours on the train with him... but I insisted that I would like to go with him ... I couldn't let go.. I started to worry that it's the last time we see each other and he said that he doesn't think so that I can come and visit him sometimes.. I was sad and I coudn't help crying and he hugged me! I said to him again that I would like to go with him to see him off at the airport and he got a little annoyed and he said that each time if i am sad like this when we are saying good bye that he shouldn't be so close wtih me and he should keep his distance with me because it's hard for me and he said he doesn't want to see me hurting and he said we are now as if we are still together and then he said I don't want you to get confused!.. I said to him that it's not fair what he has just said because we spent such a weekend together.. so then we said bye.

 

After a little while he sent me a text saying he was sorry about what happened at the train station and that we would not be able to sit next to each other because it's full and he then said "thanks for the weekend! it was nice!"

 

Anyway, yesterday night i was online and he signed in and he said I just wanted to let you know that I am back.. and he asked me if I was ok.. I said yes I am ok and I asked him if he was angry and he said "no, why would I be?" I said to him that I had a really nice weekend with him and that I don't regret it at all and that I am not suffering.. I don't want him to think that because he came here that it hurt me.. because it's not true and he said "I hope so".. I said that it was just hard to say bye.. and I said to him that I enjoyed the weekend and it meant a lot to me tha the came to see me..

 

i guess the worst thing is that he behaved with me here as if we are a couple and he was actually really caring and sweet and then once he was leaving he became a little annoyed and distant.. how do I behave with him now? i have just been on msn and he was signed on but we didn't say anything to each other... it's so hard to know really.

 

soft heart

[soft heart]

I am in tears... I have just been online and he was there too but he was signed as "away" so I did sign myself as "away" too...we didn't say anything to each other.. I didn't want to say anything. he signed off without saying anything! This is what's happening after such a nice weekend... am I reading too much into this? I miss him so much now!

[PortoMarco11]

The break, nothing I hate more. The break is the perfect example of what we've become in the 21st century, selfish and scared. Everytime a relationship hits a tumbling point, people call for a break to "think things over"..alone. Correct me if I am wrong, but in a relationship aren't you supposed to work together to fix problems within your relationship? How is that possible if you're both on the sides collecting your thoughts.

 

As you can tell, I am most certainly on a break. It was put into effect this past Monday and I am detesting every single moment of it. I can see this break as that moment in a relationship where it begins to spin downwards out of control. I find myself loving her less and less everyday (just since Monday!!!) and I very mad that she is putting me through this. What am I supposed to do? Wait around like a little lap dog? What if this break lasts 3 months?

 

I'm sorry if I am overly negative, that is not my intention. I'm just so angry. Can anyone give me any reason to be optimistic about this break? Someone please!!!

[soft heart]

I am so sad today!!! There is a silence between us again! I worry now that after what had happened at the train station made him think that he should keep his distance, he should not talk to me and we should not see each other again! You know when he was leaving I really really wanted to go with him to the airport and he said that I was behaving as if we were still together and he told me if he sees me sad like this he thinks it's not a good idea to be so close with each other! But it was so hard after such a nice weekend and we were really close this weekend! It felt really as if we were not broken up! And now he is gone and I really don't know what he might be thinking? I sent him an email that evening to reassure him that I wasn't hurt because he came and that I really enjoyed our weekend and so on.. as I said in my previous thread to you! He said when we were chatting online that night that he will reply to my email but he hasn't! I miss him so much now! I am wondering how could he be so sweet, caring, affectionate and close with me this weekend and now he is able to be on his own again without contacting me? Is it possible for him to just have this great weekend with me and then go and think ok it was a great weekend! now it's time to be single again! Is it really possible? because it's hard for me! If he was acting distant and cold with me and just kept it friendly with me! But to be honest with you we were not keeping it friendly this weekend! It was really as a couple behaviour from his side and mine! I worry now if he is going to be distant with me because he worries now that I am sad after he has gone so he doesn't want to make me feel sad! But I love him and my feelings for him hasn't changed! I spoke to my housemate today and she said that it sounds to her as if he doesn't know what he wants but he doesn't want the pressure of a commited relationship and maybe he just wants space! but he also mentioned to me when he was here that he still would like to have more experinence in his life!

 

It's so sad now and so hard because after he left I can't just call him or email him because I worry he might think I am after him but at the same time it's really strange that now after such a nice weekend we are not communicating??!!! I can't understand it! And I am not sure who should initiate the contact with whom? Maybe he thinks I am upset after what happened at the train station?? maybe he is afraid to contact me? But surely he wouldn't leave and disappear, would he??!!! He was so sweet and so caring when he was here with me?!!! I miss him so much! What should I do? What is he thinking? Should I apply the NC rule.. maybe he thinks he should stay away from me but I miss him!

[PortoMarco11]

soft heart I totally sympathize with you. I am in the midst of a break and am going nuts every second. The pain I feel inside of me is immense, at work the papers are piling up on my desk (I have done nothing since this started) and my social life is non-existant. I sincerly hope things get better for you! The only thing keeping me sane is the hope that this will end tomorrow....if not tomorrow then the day after that, if not then...then the day after that etc...

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

I am going though what you guys are going through now too a "break" last Sat she told me that her life was too busy with school, work and other things so she said that we should develop our friendship now. I thought people in realtionships stuck together and are friends during it. I dont know what to say about my situation, I am angry too and I dont know why its happening to us.....I asked her so what do I do she says nothing she will contact me so since then I have not contacted her.....In the past week she has sent two e-mails to me telling me her day in complete detail, in a friendly way ie no hey sweetie or hey hon like we used to do, or hugs and kisses ect.....now its hey you and chat soon.....So i replied in the same fashion told her me day is going good and kept it friendly........so far she has not contacted me since Wed I dont know what to do, other than just do nothing she wanted this let her come back if she does, great if not what can i do....It angers me that people nowadays dont stick out relationships out throught the bad times.....I think one poster mentioned that here already...I totaly agree.....that last couple reltionships ended in the same fashion and its pi$$ing me off....right now I am angry and miserable and sad and keep on asking why me......I know its sounds like a whiney kid, I am just fed up with this whole BS I am 31 years old and I thought it would get better now, but its just seems like its gets worse......I just want to have a meaningful relationship and stick it out though the good and the bad times....WTF is wrong with that.....I dont know what to do in my situation any ideas.....I am just not making anycontact with her unless she does so, like she said.....sorry guys I needed to get this off my chest

[LucreziaBorgia]

Is it possible for him to just have this great weekend with me and then go and think ok it was a great weekend! now it's time to be single again! Is it really possible? because it's hard for me! If he was acting distant and cold with me and just kept it friendly with me! But to be honest with you we were not keeping it friendly this weekend! It was really as a couple behavior from his side and mine!

 

That's what a "break" is all about. He can come and go as he pleases, and act like a couple or not depending on when he feels like it - but... since he's on a "break" he isn't obligated to follow up on any behaviors in any way, shape or form, nor is he under any obligation to treat you like a girlfriend when he doesn't feel like it. That's the beauty of the "break" for the person who initiates it. They get to have the relationship whenever they want, and get to back off from it whenever they don't want it. But, since its a "break" that's ok. After all, you agreed to a "break" - so in his mind, he isn't doing anything wrong. He knows you aren't going anywhere, so he doesn't have any motivation to change - since this is working great for him. He'll give you the cold shoulder for a while to make sure you didn't get any wrong ideas about getting back together, and then he'll contact you again if he thinks that he may need to in order to make sure you stay in your place.

 

He did the equivalent of coming in on his day off, doing a little bit of work to help out the boss and then leaving again to continue to enjoy his day off.

 

Obviously, this "break" isn't working for you since you aren't playing by his "break" rules. You are supposed to be happy and grateful when he gives you some time, and be completely understanding and put your own feelings aside when he doesn't. (I'm being facetious and sarcastic here...) Is that fair? Is that what you want? If you continue on in this way, its pretty much what you can expect.

 

If you don't like this "break" - you'll have to pull yourself out of your end of it. Let him know that he is free to have his "break" but its too heartbreaking to do this "back and forth", so you will need for him to leave you alone while he is thinking about whatever it is he's thinking of on his "break". You will need some uninterrupted, unbiased time to get your heart and your head back together.

 

Think about what love means to you: given how you feel about him, would you show him how much you loved him by keeping him away from you or ignoring him? If he was into it as much as you were, he wouldn't either.

 

Food for thought.

[Cupcake]

You are really making this harder on yourself. Even now you are tripping over a msn message and emails and stuff. YOU NEED TO GET OVER HIM !! He is already over you!! At least he can treat you like the FRIEND that you are at this point.

 

The reasons why this is so easy for him are obvious, but not important anymore. You need to focus on your own feelings. As long as you still love him more than a friend, it is best for you to stay away from him for as long as it takes for you to lose those feelings. No contact is the only way. He told you he would respect that decision if you wanted it. Trust me, you will get over him.

 

At first, it will seem difficult. But it takes time. I don't really know what else to say to you. I feel your pain as though it were my own because I was in this exact same situation just 4 months ago. My XBF came to visit me after our break had lasted for 6 months. We carried on as though nothing had changed. But when he was ready to leave, reality set in. I was sad to see him go. I cried. And he felt sorry for me, but he was eager to get back to his own life and GF. He didn't care about my feelings. He actually encouraged me to start dating other men so that I could "move on" with my life and "get over him." I didn't hear from him again until two months later when he called to arrange another visit. REQUEST DENIED !!!

 

If you don't take control of your feelings, he will continue to hurt them.

[PortoMarco11]

softheart...I sympathize with you. Part of me is saying that you should suck it up and move on and the other part is telling me to tell you to keep hoping. I wish I was in your situation now, I am in the midst of a break where my optimism and pessimism about the situation swings from one end to the other like a pendulam. It seems to me that your other is trying to make it clear to you.

[soft heart]

Hi everyone,

 

I apprecaite everyone's advice and opinion! It really helps! Thanks a lot! Here is my update! It's been really hard since he has gone back home after we spent such a nice weekend together! I miss him and I think about him quite a lot actually! I feel pain inside me but I am trying to be strong about it.. It's so hard though! I met my friends on Friday evening and they took me to a bar and we had a nice chat... we haven't seen each other for a long time so there was a lot to catch up on! On Saturday they took me for an afternoon trip and we spent a nice afternoon by the beach talking, relaxing and enjoying the sun! I must say that they managed to occupy my mind but there were times I felt really sad and I kept checking my cell phone.. I thought maybe he will send me a text message.. I thought maybe he will be worried why I haven't replied to his email.. well, I haven't received any message! Does it mean that he does not care anymore? How could it happen after such a nice weekend we spent together! On Saturday evening I met another friend of mine and she took me clubbing! I must say it's really hard to be on your own again.. being single again..It felt strange! When I saw a couple kissing or hugging I had to go away! I couldn't look at them! I was so sad inside... I was imagining he might be kissing someone else.. I was thinking about him.. I was sad that we are not anymore together! My friend tried quite hard to support me.. we were drinking and then we went on a dance floor.. I haven't been dancing like this for a long time so it was quite strange and at first I was really protective of myself! I wouldn't let anyone come closer to me or even look at me.. but slowly I felt I was dancing and enjoying myself.. but I would not let a guy talk to me! I want to be on my own and I don't want any guy to come up to me. Anyway the types of guys we saw last night were not really the guys I go for so that was another reason why I was so in my own world! When we were walking home my friend mentioned to me that it must be really hard for me now.. well, it is actually! I miss him terribly! I missed him so much last night! I came back and now I am at home feeling bad because i haven't replied to his email! I worry he is going to forget me now and think that I don't care, I am moving on so he won't contact me again!

 

You know I am so sad thinking about the situation and I just cannot understand how could he move on so easily! How could he be so close, affectionate, sweet with me last weekend and then he left home and he is single again! He has only sent me that one email after such a weeekend! It's making me sad that he doesn't seem to wonder why am I not replying! It's making me sad that he doesn't call to ask if everything is ok.. I worry now that after what had happened at the train station made him think that he should keep his distance, he should not talk to me and we should not see each other again! You know when he was leaving I really really wanted to go with him to the airport and he said that I was behaving as if we were still together and he told me if he sees me sad like this he thinks it's not a good idea to be so close with each other! But it was so hard after such a nice weekend and we were really close this weekend! It felt really as if we were not broken up! And now he is gone and I really don't know what he might be thinking? I sent him an email that evening to reassure him that I wasn't hurt because he came and that I really enjoyed our weekend and so on.. as I said in my previous thread to you! I miss him so much now! I am wondering how could he be so sweet, caring, affectionate and close with me this weekend and now he is able to be on his own again without contacting me? Is it possible for him to just have this great weekend with me and then go and think ok it was a great weekend! now it's time to be single again! Is it really possible? because it's hard for me! If he was acting distant and cold with me and just kept it friendly with me! But to be honest with you we were not keeping it friendly this weekend! It was really as a couple behaviour from his side and mine! I worry now if he is going to be distant with me because he worries now that I am sad after he has gone so he doesn't want to make me feel sad!

 

I received an email from HIM on Friday afternoon! the email says:

 

How are u? what are u doing? are u ready for your new job on monday?

i look forward for the weekend....

 

xxx

 

I didn't have the opportunity to reply to him on Friday because I decided to go away for the weekend to visit some very good friends of mine! I want to send him an email back but I am not sure what to say! I need your advice please! What should I say? How should I word the email? Should I say I am sorry I couldn't reply earlier because... ?? I worry he won't contact me again because I didn't reply to him straight away!!

 

I still love him and I still hope! When we were out with my friends I couldn't see anyone else! It's like he is the picture of my mind!

[soft heart]

My heart is beating fast!!

 

He has just sent me a text message! He said: how are you? how was your weekend? i wish you good luck for your new job tomorrow! xxx

 

I still haven't replied to his email and now I don't know what to reply to his text? I am scared about it all.... it's a strange feeling! I miss him! I am quite surprised he hasn't said anything about the fact that I haven't replied to his email

 

What should I say back to him? I am so worried about doing the wrong thing!

[soft heart]

Don't know what to do now.. I still haven't replied to his email from Friday and to his text message from Sunday evening.. I am not really sure what to say? I feel bad now that I haven't replied! Shoud I say sorry?

 

I have just opened my email account and there is an email from him asking me if everything is ok and why am I not replying to his email? I miss him so much but I feel afraid not knowing what to say and I don't want to give him all the power back! What would you say? and do you think he misses me or he is only worried?

 

Please help anyone! I am feeling quite nervous and I feel afraid that if I don't reply he will think I don't care anymore and I will loose him for good! and if I reply he will then say that he is angry because I didn't reply earlier...