TigerLilly78 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 So I sold my Jeep...gave the money to her to put in our JOINT account (that i dont check for I THOUGHT she had it under control) Oh dam I just saw this JOINT account? I really dont think you have any grounds to stand on legialy op as that was then both your money soon as it hit that account its like giving some one your bank card and pin number once you do that there's not much that can be done..ouch best to try and keep things as civil as possible time for major damage control.. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Eject. That's a major red flag and shows she's terrible with money and makes poor decisions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 You need to think long and hard about this. She took money you needed. Spent it on material items. Then she was willing to take on a payday loan with god knows how much interest. Words cant say how much fail that is Would you want to marry this woman? Are you sure you want to be with a woman who will piss away your money? Ia agree with others-separate your accounts NOW! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Yes, sorry to say this man, but you need to get your exit strategy in place and get out of there. If you can collect the money in the process, great. But the bigger issue is that you're with someone you can't trust. She committed so many serious relationship violations... I won't even try to list them all. Life and finances are hard enough when you're in step with common goals. But trying to make a life with someone who undermines and works against you is impossible. Look on the bright side; you figured this out before you married her and had kids and that's going to save you mountains of heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 So I sold my Jeep...gave the money to her to put in our JOINT account (that i dont check for I THOUGHT she had it under control) and gave her the info on where to mail the check to pay the Jeep off to get the title back so we can give it to the new owners...and to find out she has SPENT 60% of the money and the lender is calling me and so is the new owner. She is saying the lost the check and she will get it mailed out asap. She doesnt know I have looked into the bank account and seen the money is no longer there. I caught her on her phone in the middle of the night on a personal loan site. She has ZERO clue i know of the money issues. I have never had money issues for I dont live above my means. What do I do or how should i go about confronting her about it??? Bad idea....NEVER NEVER trust any woman with your money except your mother (that is debatable sometimes). I also urge you to always check your accounts, but even better don't do a joint account with a gf/wife...not worth the hassle. There is the problem, most of them think you will never check the account, and have this notion that what is your is theirs Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 First off, you need to cut your losses and leave, after telling her that you will contact the authorities if she does not repay you (though I'm not sure how effective it will be for you to get your money back, since YOU did put it into a JOINT account). How can she possibly 'kick you out' if you break up? Is your name not on the lease too? Or are you living with her rent-free? Secondly, I sincerely recommend that you take more control of your own finances. If you want to pay off your jeep then do so yourself. Why are you putting money into a joint account so she can use it to pay off your jeep for you? How long have you been together anyway? Have there genuinely been NO signs of her impulsiveness and lack of responsibility before this? I get that sometimes couples do this - let their partner/spouse handle their finances, but IMO it isn't really a great idea. You have to really, really know and trust the person after a LONG time for it to even be a reasonable idea. My SO does this with me too to an extent, and while I am flattered by the trust and don't crap on it like your gf, I do sometimes worry what would have happened to him if he'd been in a R with a less trustworthy woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 there seems to be this sense of entitlement in many women that, "whats mine is mine, and what's yours is mine". Oh yes.....any man that hasn't experienced this or pretends it doesn't happen to him, is delusional and living on cloud cuckoo land Not every single woman acts this way but a gawd awful lot of them do. Exactly my point, and you seem to have backed this up with your experience and that of your friend I nearly had a heart attack. Her excuse? "Well we needed it anyway". holy crap. Yes...self-centeredness nonsense How about my friend's girlfriend who despite being a red seal chef decided she can't work due to "stress" Yes...just like some refuse to go back to work after kids are school age, so they can surf facebook amongst other things. There is no way in hell I would have allowed such nonsense. I know a few men who have found themselves in this situation and aren't happy that they are left doing all the earning Feminism and womens lib should maybe work on that for a while. Nah...better chance bagging a unicorn. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Concreteman78 Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 ok...we split the bills, 50-50. Before i moved in she had roommates. On paper...i make more than her. But with her OT vs my salary she brings home more. I agree she has a retail shopping problem. It has gotten way out of control on what she buys and is living above her means. The relationship is strained at best even before i realized the money issues. I was def in the wrong when it come to trusting her with my income...so now i have to have the long talk and confront her over where the money has gone. Its not only on christmas gifts but everyday purchases that in general were not needed. Then i have to come up with a plan on getting the Jeep paid off so I can get the title back to the new owners. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 ok...we split the bills, 50-50. Before i moved in she had roommates. On paper...i make more than her. But with her OT vs my salary she brings home more. I agree she has a retail shopping problem. It has gotten way out of control on what she buys and is living above her means. The relationship is strained at best even before i realized the money issues. I was def in the wrong when it come to trusting her with my income...so now i have to have the long talk and confront her over where the money has gone. Its not only on christmas gifts but everyday purchases that in general were not needed. Then i have to come up with a plan on getting the Jeep paid off so I can get the title back to the new owners. Listen....you have the chance now to bail before things get out of control. Trust me when I say she isn't going to change overnight, and once you throw kids into the mix, she has you exactly where she wants you and that in itself will give her the upper hand. Quit while you are ahead so to speak. Again, it will only get worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Document what she did, move out and dump her, get your bum to court and get your money back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 OP that's unacceptable. Absolutely grounds for ending the relationship. I personally am EXTREMELY financially responsible, an excellent budgeter, and a minimalist spender. My ex took advantage of that and borrowed a lot of money, never paid me back, racked up debt on my credit card and dinged my credit score. I've since fixed the damage he did, but I will never ever EVER trust anyone with my money ever again. I work way too hard for that... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 To be honest, I don't see why unmarried folks have joint accounts with each other. Heck, even when I'm married I will only have a joint account for joint things like running our household or saving for something specific but will not relinquish my personal accounts. That's just me. I feel like there is less potential for drama that way. Anyway, too little too late there, but you need to have a frank conversation with her and she needs to get the money back to you. What she's done is unacceptable and you can't really do anything besides be open and direct with her about it. I'd be furious frankly so wouldn't have even waited to speak to a boyfriend who did this but would have brought it up as SOON as I found out. TALK to her. Be frank...and perhaps come up with a new financial plan, probably one where she is not in charge of your funds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Bad idea....NEVER NEVER trust any woman with your money except your mother (that is debatable sometimes). I also urge you to always check your accounts, but even better don't do a joint account with a gf/wife...not worth the hassle. There is the problem, most of them think you will never check the account, and have this notion that what is your is theirs Technically this is the case in marriage...but with a bf/gf now, that's not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Really...just married people? What about bf/gf living together as a couple or common law / something like it? Technically this is the case in marriage...but with a bf/gf now, that's not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Really...just married people? What about bf/gf living together as a couple or common law / something like it? Depends on the laws where one lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 I fail to see how this has to do with the issues of a gf spending someone else' money and joint accounts. Unless you have experience being married or been in a relationship where there was a joint account, how would you know? Depends on the laws where one lives. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 (edited) I fail to see how this has to do with the issues of a gf spending someone else' money and joint accounts. Unless you have experience being married or been in a relationship where there was a joint account, how would you know? What on earth are you talking about? I originally responded to this that you posted: There is the problem, most of them think you will never check the account, and have this notion that what is your is theirs My response was that when you are married to someone what is theirs is yours technically, however with a gf/bf this is not the case. You brought up common law and I said it depends on where you live and the laws surrounding common law. What is there to argue here? Anyway this is besides the point..I already gave my primary response to the OP on his situation which is that I don't think unmarried people should have joint accounts and even when married I'd only have a joint account for household spending but maintain my own account,he should talk to his gf, she needs to return the money as well as he should stop allowing her to be in charge of the finances. My response to you was simply a side interjection that I thought was rather straightforward and doesn't even merit an argument. Edited December 25, 2014 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Concreteman78 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 I have been married before and had joint accounts plus my own accounts. In this matter we have been living together for a year and to lessen stresses of asking for money, we made the joint account to pay bills out of and we were to have our own separate accounts to do with what we wanted. When we opened the joint account, i also had a checking and savings account at another bank and she had another checking account at her bank where we opened the joint account. What I did not know till a few weeks ago is that she has closed her personal accounts and has only the joint account now. I have been putting a little portion of each of my checks into my personal accounts. Its not much being I have been starting from scratch from a nasty and costly divorce and job loss prior to this relationship. Since finding this out I have only been putting whats needed for my portion of the household bills into the joint account and the rest into my accounts. I am planning on putting my entire tax return (if i get one!) into my personal accounts along with any bonuses or commissions I receive from work. This will allow me to get out when I have the money to be able to get my own place. And on top of all this stress over money....I have stress from my ex wife over our son (who is 3), and that she is plannign on moving BACK to Arizona so she can finish nursing school on top of the fact she has ZERO family here in Indiana..... Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Not to derail the OPs post, But my ex cut me off of access to my stepdaughter as i wasnt a real father figure, "because you wouldnt even open a joint bank account with me". The same one i sent to buy $350 in groceries who blew $800. After the breakup she left me three grand in the hole, coincidentally, because she hadnt covered the utility bills in six months. Link to post Share on other sites
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