First date - Do's and don'ts during car ride?

[InsaneTrombone]

Going on a first date with this girl tonight. I'll be picking her up and driving about 20 minutes to the location. I've never really been sure of any do's or don'ts for car rides, especially on first dates. Obviously I'd like to speak to her but driving for 20-30 minutes in the car after first meeting someone can sometimes feel a little weird for me. I dated one girl who was pretty shy and reserved in the car on the first few dates. She was just kind of quiet until we got out and started doing things and to be honest, it felt a bit awkward sometimes so I ended up putting the music louder - which usually prevented further conversation..

 

I always figure we talk and have music playing lowly in the background, and if the conversation starts falling silent I turn up the music a bit more..how do you ladies feel about the car ride on the first date?

Edited December 23, 2014 by InsaneTrombone

[losangelena]

I tend to try and meet the guy somewhere instead.

 

Car rides can be awkward, especially at first.

[Omei]

Do expect her to wear her seatbelt and do expect her to ask permission before smoking if she does.

 

And tbh I wouldnt get into someone's car on a first date I care about staying alive haha

 

Ive heard much to many I got into this man's car and he drove off and wouldnt let me out stories

:-P

 

But thats her choice, not saying your like that

 

Start with asking her what kind of music she would like to enjoy during the ride maybe she even has a favorite station

[Redhead14]

Going on a first date with this girl tonight. I'll be picking her up and driving about 20 minutes to the location. I've never really been sure of any do's or don'ts for car rides, especially on first dates. Obviously I'd like to speak to her but driving for 20-30 minutes in the car after first meeting someone can sometimes feel a little weird for me. I dated one girl who was pretty shy and reserved in the car on the first few dates. She was just kind of quiet until we got out and started doing things and to be honest, it felt a bit awkward sometimes so I ended up putting the music louder - which usually prevented further conversation..

 

I always figure we talk and have music playing lowly in the background, and if the conversation starts falling silent I turn up the music a bit more..how do you ladies feel about the car ride on the first date?

 

I wouldn't normally ride in a man's car on the first date. If I didn't have a car, I might consider it. Nevertheless, what difference does it make whether you're in the car or not as to conversing. How would you start conversing after you got where you were going? You can have some light music playing, tell her about the place you are going, talk about your day in general, ask he what kind of music she likes, etc. If she's uncomfortable and not talking, tell her a joke, compliment her dress, shoes, hair. Ask her where she went to school, ad infinitum. But really, if she's being that quiet, I'd wonder how the date willl go anyway.

[InsaneTrombone]

I wouldn't normally ride in a man's car on the first date. If I didn't have a car, I might consider it. Nevertheless, what difference does it make whether you're in the car or not as to conversing. How would you start conversing after you got where you were going? You can have some light music playing, tell her about the place you are going, talk about your day in general, ask he what kind of music she likes, etc. If she's uncomfortable and not talking, tell her a joke, compliment her dress, shoes, hair. Ask her where she went to school, ad infinitum. But really, if she's being that quiet, I'd wonder how the date willl go anyway.

 

Sometimes I have trouble with conversation when im driving and specifically going to a new place I've never been before with my GPS because I'm also concentrating on that.

[Redhead14]

Sometimes I have trouble with conversation when im driving and specifically going to a new place I've never been before with my GPS because I'm also concentrating on that.

 

Well, then just ask her a couple of questions before you get underway and explain that you need to concentrate and let her talk. Otherwise, just plain explain you need to concentrate and ask her to choose some music, a cd or favorite station.

[GravityMan]

OP, it's pretty much the norm nowadays that young women DO NOT get in the guy's car on the first date. They prefer to meet the guy at the venue, if possible. Exception: the woman and guy already know each other a bit prior to dating each other.

 

Do not drive recklessly, do not speed, use turn signals, obey the law. Don't gripe about the cars in front of you driving too slow, or the dude tailgating behind you...just keep that to yourself.

 

Make sure your car's clean, inside and out.

 

Know a good route to get from her place to the venue, and back to her place. If you have a smartphone, use the appropriate app (Waze, Google Maps, etc.) to help avoid traffic and accidents. (Or if you have a nav system w/ traffic support.) But be aware that more and more states are making it illegal for drivers to operate a mobile device while the car is in motion.

 

If you drive a nice or fast car, do not brag about your car. Unless she's into cars herself, don't bring up stuff like horsepower, 20" rims and 0-60 second time. She's going on a date with you, not your sweet ride.

 

If she smokes, hopefully she'll have the decency to ask you first if she can smoke in your car. If she just lights up out of the blue (red flag IMO), then if you have a "no smoking" policy in your car, politely tell her that she can't smoke. The converse is also true, even if it's your own car. If you're a smoker, show her some respect by asking her if you can smoke.

 

In terms of climate (A/C, heater, etc.), if she feels uncomfortable (too cold or too hot), she may drop subtle hints or just tell you straight up. Her body language also may communicate this non-verbally. Pay attention. Or you can just ask her upfront if she feels comfortable. In any case, adjust your car's climate options as needed. 75 degrees might feel good to you but may be a few degrees too warm for her. This is common courtesy when others are in the car with you, date or no.

 

Make polite conversation with her, but don't force it. (That goes for the entire date, obviously.) If you have the radio/music on, keep the volume down unless she indicates otherwise. Go ahead and ask her what kind of music she likes.

[losangelena]

I personally hate the "what kind of music do you like" question, just because I like all kinds of music, and when I'm asked I usually can't think of anything in particular and I feel put on the spot.

 

But that's just me.

 

OP, is there any particular reason you're picking her up for your first date? Does she not drive/have a car? I simply ask 'cause first dates can be so nervous, that I like to try and get all my nervous energy out before the date. You're right, conversation in the car can be difficult, especially if there's heavy traffic or you're not quite sure where you're going.

[Danda]

I think it will depend on how passive / assertive she is, probably. I tend to slide into the 'leader' role without thinking about it when I can sense another person is nervous, so I'll generally lead the conversation. To be honest I only really just shut up when either (A) the other person is more lively than myself and has stuff they want to say, or (B) when I've achieved that 'comfortable silence' level of bonding with a person. This doesn't even mean that I'm not nervous, I just happen to be the type to jump in and take over if nobody else is doing so.

 

However, a more passive person might wait for you to declare or imply whether or not there will be talking, what the two of you will talk about, etc.

 

I think it's one of those things that people just have to 'feel out' with each other, and there is no reliable game plan. And because of such things, I imagine it's somewhat rare for a first date to have no awkward moments at all. I just consider that the normal if there are some awkward lulls and such, but not at all a bad thing. Just part of the process of feeling each other out for the first time.

[todreaminblue]

i think exhibiting any form of road rage is a sure sign the fist date will be the last.....

 

drive carefully

 

have soft music playing in the background.

 

let the conversation flow on its own...if there is silence simply concentrate on your driving

 

dont worry about silence if a guy is driving i expect there to be a guy who is concentrating on getting us to the desired location in one piece...most women would....ask her her favourite station.....put that on....relax.....be yourself.......deb

[InsaneTrombone]

I personally hate the "what kind of music do you like" question, just because I like all kinds of music, and when I'm asked I usually can't think of anything in particular and I feel put on the spot.

 

But that's just me.

 

OP, is there any particular reason you're picking her up for your first date? Does she not drive/have a car? I simply ask 'cause first dates can be so nervous, that I like to try and get all my nervous energy out before the date. You're right, conversation in the car can be difficult, especially if there's heavy traffic or you're not quite sure where you're going.

 

Yeah, I usually listen to metal / rock. I don't know how much she is into that, I'll probably just have it playing lower in the background. I've got an IPOD so if she really wants she could look through it herself and pick something out.

 

She drives and has a car, but we're going to an event and will need to pay for parking. It's honestly a bit much for a first date, and we have been talking for over a month through texting, but that's an entirely different subject and conversation to have in a different thread lol. Still first time meeting. We'll see how it goes tonight.

 

I also usually tend to take the lead in conversations if it's a bit slow because I hate the quietness, especially when first getting to know someone.

[Eighty_nine]

I think it would be a great idea to give her your iPod before you leave and offer to let her pick out some music. That'll take a minute, and then maybe you can talk about whatever music she picks. Although, she could not want to hear anything you have, lol, but that could be a funny conversation too.

[greenman77]

I think that having some music in the background on a low volume with some light conversation like everyone else said is fine. Ask her what are some of her favorite bands, and put some of them on. It will probably help her relax.

 

Also since you're using a GPS, jokingly tell her that she's in charge of the GPS and directing you the right way so that if you guys end up in another state it's on her! You'll both be laughing and it will ease the tension and awkwardness of a first date. Good luck!

[SomeDude16]

Don't crash, don't fart, do put on Elton John. That's all I got....

[Gloria25]

Sometimes I have trouble with conversation when im driving and specifically going to a new place I've never been before with my GPS because I'm also concentrating on that.

 

I'm pretty much the same way. I can have conversations, but I don't look at the person I'm talking to. Too distracting.

 

Please do not play any metal in the background. We all know the "popular" radio stations in our area (who play a range or pop, rock) just put it on a station that anyone would like.

 

Also, please get up and open the door for her. I'm not saying you have to do it all the time, but at least when she's coming out of her apt, just be like standing against your car, on the passenger's side - ready to open up that door. First impressions last.

 

Months ago, I was at a Walmart. This young guy, driving a sporty car, came out Walmart with a chick. He was pushing the cart. He opened the door, she sat in, then he proceeded to put the groceries in the back of the car. I must say I was amazed that someone, driving a sports car (our of all cars) and at such a young age had manners. Also, Walmart can be dangerous. I could see where he'd make sure his chick was safely sitting in the car before putting up the groceries.

[InsaneTrombone]

So quick update

 

I think the date went well. The car ride was actually pretty good as far as conversations go. We made eachother laugh a lot. She was touching me a few times throughout the night on my leg, my chest, my face and neck. Judging from her body language all night I get the impression she definitely likes me, unless she was faking it till she makes it. . On the car ride home she started putting lipstick on which I thought was a sign, and I wanted to kiss her, but I tend to save that for 2nd dates so I didn't. Might've been a mistake on my part but oh well. She gave me a long hug in the car, probably 10 seconds before getting out.

 

As a guy, I tend to usually look at things the worst. I mean, if she was touching me and we were talking and teasing eachother back and forth all night she surely is interested, right? How long should I wait before asking her out again?

 

Her last text to me was 'I had fun too. Thanks again ' - it's probably just me but it gives me a feeling of finality.

[losangelena]

OMG, no.

 

OP, that all sounds great! I for one do not touch men I'm not attracted to, unless it's a friendly punch to the arm of a male friend. Neck or chest? Hell to the no.

 

What did you do to convey YOUR interest?

 

Don't worry about not kissing her. Judging by the sound of it, there'll be a second date, and you can kiss her then if it goes well.

 

Ask her out again after the holiday. Or tomorrow.

[Eighty_nine]

Don't worry, all signs are good. I guess I can see what you mean about her message but as a girl who has been in this situation multiple times, I tend to minimize my interest just a little so they don't know how eager I am . In fact her text sounds almost exactly like what id say in response to a follow up text after a first date with someone I liked.

[Brooke02]

Have you guys met before or know each other from work or something? What smart girl would get in a car with a man they dont know on a first date!!?

[InsaneTrombone]

Have you guys met before or know each other from work or something? What smart girl would get in a car with a man they dont know on a first date!!?

 

Thanks for offering zero input to the topic at hand.

[MissBee]

If we can't talk on a car ride, how will we talk at dinner or at any other point?

 

I tend to meet the guy somewhere but have also taken rides and the conversation works fine. If it is awkward it's usually because we don't have good chemistry anyway and not because we're in a car. Otherwise, with everyone I had decent chemistry with we were able to have normal conversation on the ride all the way to the date, we asked questions, talked about stuff, laughed, same as we would sitting down outside of a car.

 

I also talk to my dates on the phone before we go out, so when we meet up I have at least built some rapport with them and it doesn't feel totally like the first time we're meeting. By talking on the phone first I've generally built up a decent comfort level that extends to the date.