Omg

[kenmore]

Now I have gone and done it!

 

I ordered Christmas gifts for my mom and sister from Amazon, but screwed up and didn't check the mailing address. Yep, they were sent to my wife's house.

 

Obviously I need them, so I texted her and asked if I could pick them up tomorrow (keep in mind that I am still poor, I can't afford to go buy new gifts, I can't even afford these.)

 

I told her to leave them behind the gate and I'll pick them up and go. She said they are waiting there, but it would be nice to see me? (her question mark.)

 

I told her it would be nice to see her too, but no pressure, and she said no pressure but heartbreak!

 

So, we're on for seeing each other for the first time since early Sep. This is while I'm not supposed to contact her because she needs to heal. I'm a little freaked out. It was her idea to meet, of course I have wanted nothing more all along.

 

She'll most likely cancel and put the gifts outside. I did NOT do this on purpose, I just screwed up big time! at myself.

[DivorcedDad123]

Relax. **** happens. Dont sweat it!

[whichwayisup]

If you feel this awkward going and not ready to see her, ask a friend to go to the house and pick it up for you. Really if you feel it's going to set you back and make you feel bad, don't go. And don't worry about her reaction and what she feels about why someone else came to pick up the gifts.

[kenmore]

Well..the thing is...I'm less concerned about being set back than I am interested to see her, but this seems totally uncharacteristic of her. Part of me thinks she'll have a sheriff there to serve me papers when I ring the bell.

 

But, I really don't believe that. I also had a paranoid feeling she would send me the papers as a Christmas gift. Merry Christmas, dip****!

 

Obviously I'm reading too much into this. It's Christmas and she wants to say hi, nothing more. Also, like I mentioned, she'll probably cancel in the morning and tell me to pick it up behind the gate.

 

Either way, the setback I had earlier today because I was "in her old neighborhood where I used to date her" is much more difficult than anything that can happen tomorrow, so I'll visit and be happy, but know in my mind that it changes nothing.

 

I'm kinda slowly developing a thicker skin...it's about time.

[Habs33]

I hope the visit goes well for you. Best of luck.

[Mr. Lucky]

Obviously I'm reading too much into this. It's Christmas and she wants to say hi, nothing more. Also, like I mentioned, she'll probably cancel in the morning and tell me to pick it up behind the gate.

 

You're over-thinking it. Be cool, calm and neutral in tone, just relax and let things happen. Best of luck...

 

Mr. Lucky

[kenmore]

Well, she went through with it to my surprise and invited me in. It was almost like the first time I went to her house. She was all smiles (she has a gorgeous smile) and seeing her open that door looking so beautiful felt like starting over (to both of us I think.) We talked for an hour and a half.

 

We talked about our lives in the last six months and the pending divorce. She went so far as to say she's not really entirely sure she wants to divorce me; that the attorney's told her to file for both since she wants a separation and it would cost her double if she filed for divorce later (once for the separation, once for the divorce) and that she can always stop the divorce later.

 

But then she did say she wants to go through with the divorce based on how things are now. That she's tired of waiting for me to get my sh*t together. It has just been too long. She did hear me out though, and it was nice that she was willing to discuss it and not give me the familiar "we're done" sonnet.

 

This was an eye opener for me. She admitted how badly she has been doing since we broke up (turns out as badly as me.) Admitted that she can't concentrate at work, how upset her boss is with her and how emotionally difficult this has all been. It also became totally obvious to me that I was and still am her primary listener. She has nobody else to "get it out" to in her life. Nobody who really listens and cares like I do.

 

While this is a gateway for hope, I am not allowing myself any. All in all, it was a very pleasant time together with lots of personal sharing, joking and some affection, but that's all it can be allowed to be. Back to NC for me. Nothing is changed. I can't afford to go through that pain all over again.

 

I am glad it happened though. It was a Christmas present seeing her after all this time and I told her so.