Is she just angry and hurt or is she serious (Update)

[king1402]

So I talked to my ex gf today. I broke up with her on Friday morning because she was being cold and distant towards me. At first it was small talk and then she said that I hurt her by ending things when all she said is she wanted time to think. But this was like the fifth time she's treated me like trash out of the blue and I got sick of her needing time to think. But she said I hurt her and said she never wants to be with me again but remaining friends is fine. Is she saying this out of hurt anger or is she being honest? She said she can't do the roller coaster anymore even though she admitted to being the one that causes it lol. I'm confused and honestly hurt

[Ducktape]

I'm confused and honestly hurt

You're confused because you played games with her and she won't play?

 

What are you, 15 years old to repeatedly dump your girlfriend to get a reaction out of her? And now you're "hurt" because your ex girlfriend that you dumped doesn't see a future between you two?

 

This break up is for the best. You need to grow up, man up, and learn how to deal with things in a mature way in a relationship.

[NopeNah]

You're confused because you played games with her and she won't play?

 

What are you, 15 years old to repeatedly dump your girlfriend to get a reaction out of her? And now you're "hurt" because your ex girlfriend that you dumped doesn't see a future between you two?

 

This break up is for the best. You need to grow up, man up, and learn how to deal with things in a mature way in a relationship.

 

I disagree.. you just got forced into breaking up with her. "Needing time" 9/8.9=talking, or,thinking about talking to someone else. I don't care how long you've been together, how old/mature you both are...

[Ieris]

Never mind what she is feeling, focus on yourself. If this is the fifth time she has behaved this way then expect more of it coming because she ain't going to change.

 

How do I know? I used to do that crap when I was in my early teens, she's just toying with you. Do you want someone who treats you like a human being or a plaything? I hope you make the right choice and just cut her off!

[Ducktape]

I don't disagree with the break up. I'm totally for it. I've said it. And of course someone who needs time, you give him/her all the time in the world.

 

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Fool me five times telling me you need time & space and I take you back every time, and then dump you again, not because I don't think it can work, but only to get a reaction out of you, to force your hand? Shame on me x infinity.

[king1402]

I don't disagree with the break up. I'm totally for it. I've said it. And of course someone who needs time, you give him/her all the time in the world.

 

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Fool me five times telling me you need time & space and I take you back every time, and then dump you again, not because I don't think it can work, but only to get a reaction out of you, to force your hand? Shame on me x infinity.

 

Haha you got it wrong. I didn't do it for a reaction I did it because I was tired of being treated like an option. I just didn't think she'd actually have a reason to be mad at me when all of our problems stem from her. But say what you want about me IDGAF

[Ducktape]

Haha you got it wrong. I didn't do it for a reaction I did it because I was tired of being treated like an option. I just didn't think she'd actually have a reason to be mad at me when all of our problems stem from her. But say what you want about me IDGAF

1. This is the 5th time this has happened

2. You're hurt she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

3. You're posting in the Second Chances forum.

4. This is 4 days after you have dumped her. So in 4 days, you've grown, moved on, reflected upon the relationship, decided you wanted to give it another go, yes? That's what happened?

 

Yes. You didn't do it to get a reaction out of her. You're only lying to yourself there. In the end, you got exactly what you wanted. You were sick of being treated like an option. But now you're hurt because you aren't one anymore. Live and learn.

 

I just didn't think she'd actually have a reason to be mad at me when all of our problems stem from her.

Please.

Edited December 24, 2014 by Ducktape

[king1402]

1. This is the 5th time this has happened

2. You're hurt she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

3. You're posting in the Second Chances forum.

4. This is 4 days after you have dumped her. So in 4 days, you've grown, moved on, reflected upon the relationship, decided you wanted to give it another go, yes? That's what happened?

 

Yes. You didn't do it to get a reaction out of her. You're only lying to yourself there. In the end, you got exactly what you wanted. You were sick of being treated like an option. But now you're hurt because you aren't one anymore. Live and learn.

 

 

Please.

 

I was hurt that she said that she didn't want to be with me anymore only because I thought I treated her well and didn't deserve the anger she was giving me. However. We talked last night and she said I hurt her by dumping her and she was crying and said that she wouldn't keep pushing me away. She asked me back out I said no because I don't believe her and she started crying all over again. I guess it's funny how life works and how quick people will give in the box input. Think outside the box my friend. This is what forums like this is for. To help people think not judge. Merry Christmas

[Ducktape]

"I was hurt that she said that she didn't want to be with me anymore only because I thought I treated her well"

 

That's a bit narcissist of you, no?

 

You're only mad because I didn't sugarcoat it and told you what you wanted to hear, pat you on the back and tell you you did nothing wrong, all the blame is on her.

 

It's not because it wasn't what you wanted to hear that it wasn't help. You're just not ready. I still believe everything I have said to be true. Merry Christmas. As soon as she'll pull out, move on and start dating, you'll want her back. And you know it. Merry Christmas to you too.

Edited December 24, 2014 by Ducktape

[Chin Up]

Fool me five times

 

lol Houston, we have a problem!

 

This relationship clearly isn't working. Not sure why she randomly says she needs time to think and treats you like crap..but..

 

She treats you like crap, so you breakup with her. Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

Nothing gets resolved so nothing changes. You get back together just for it to happen all over again.

 

Albert Einsteins definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

 

Someone or something needs to change. Until you figure out what that is, you're going to be doing this breakup/makeup dance until someone finally ends it for good. It sounds to me like she's putting her foot down and wants off the ride.

[lolablue17]

You are a very selfish guy.

 

This is all play! Your role was being a doormat, to be available constantly, while her role was to swing back and forth and to "think if she wants you or not! You - selfishly didn't play your part by dumping her.

 

In the written play she must have the upper hand all the time. And by insisting to have at least some control you "hurt her". Yes, she is very hurt. But you can fix this. You can take her back just to being dumped by her very soon. This is the only way she can be happy and not "hurt".

[king1402]

You are a very selfish guy.

 

This is all play! Your role was being a doormat, to be available constantly, while her role was to swing back and forth and to "think if she wants you or not! You - selfishly didn't play your part by dumping her.

 

In the written play she must have the upper hand all the time. And by insisting to have at least some control you "hurt her". Yes, she is very hurt. But you can fix this. You can take her back just to being dumped by her very soon. This is the only way she can be happy and not "hurt".

 

Lol I get it. Thanks man

[king1402]

lol Houston, we have a problem!

 

This relationship clearly isn't working. Not sure why she randomly says she needs time to think and treats you like crap..but..

 

She treats you like crap, so you breakup with her. Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

Nothing gets resolved so nothing changes. You get back together just for it to happen all over again.

 

Albert Einsteins definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

 

Someone or something needs to change. Until you figure out what that is, you're going to be doing this breakup/makeup dance until someone finally ends it for good. It sounds to me like she's putting her foot down and wants off the ride.

Yeah it is a mess I just don't see how it's my fault. She has begged me all day to give it another shot I'm just tired and honestly don't trust her and I want to but I can't

[king1402]

"I was hurt that she said that she didn't want to be with me anymore only because I thought I treated her well"

 

That's a bit narcissist of you, no?

 

You're only mad because I didn't sugarcoat it and told you what you wanted to hear, pat you on the back and tell you you did nothing wrong, all the blame is on her.

 

It's not because it wasn't what you wanted to hear that it wasn't help. You're just not ready. I still believe everything I have said to be true. Merry Christmas. As soon as she'll pull out, move on and start dating, you'll want her back. And you know it. Merry Christmas to you too.

 

Well I mean she already told me she has been on dates and even kissed one guy but said she regrets it. I'm not sure if she's lying and trying to get a reaction or what but anyhow I've rejected her all day even though yes I do want her back and it sucks but I just don't truat that she will stop her behavior And no I think everyone would atleast liked to viewed as a good person from their ex but call it what you will.

[king1402]

You're confused because you played games with her and she won't play?

 

What are you, 15 years old to repeatedly dump your girlfriend to get a reaction out of her? And now you're "hurt" because your ex girlfriend that you dumped doesn't see a future between you two?

 

This break up is for the best. You need to grow up, man up, and learn how to deal with things in a mature way in a relationship.

 

And this was the first time I broke up with her. All the others she dumped me so I don't get where you say I repeatedly dumped her. I've alway been the dumper until now

[LostInLosingLove]

It sounds like she just wants the upper hand. Like the above poster mentioned, I wouldn't be surprised if after you took her back she would make sure to be the one who dumped you next go around.

[king1402]

I did tell my ex happy bday. I simply said "happy bday". To this she respondEd with "thank you. And happy bday to your grandmother". However my friend told me that he thinks she is still in love with me and despite saying that we would never get back together that he can tell she does want to be with me. This guy is more of a mutual friend. He asked her if she enjoyed the single life and she said yeah. He said it doesn't seem like it from your short response. And she said" no I do. I do better on my own. I just think that he is an amazing guy and I wish I could've been what he deserved." I don't want her to think I'm mad at her but at the same time I wish she would talk to me about this. I Highly doubt I could take her back because too much was said and done but I don't want her to suffer. So stay no contact till she brings this to me or reach out to her? Is she regretting how she treated me (cold/distant pushed me away)?

[d0nnivain]

She sounds polite but nothing in her text indicates she wants to reconcile.

 

 

Normally I'd tell you not to reach out but based on what your mutual friend is saying, I'd want to know more. What is the source of his hypothesis? If it's just a "feeling" on his part, I'd leave it be. If he reports that she said something I might reach out -- once.

[king1402]

She sounds polite but nothing in her text indicates she wants to reconcile.

 

 

Normally I'd tell you not to reach out but based on what your mutual friend is saying, I'd want to know more. What is the source of his hypothesis? If it's just a "feeling" on his part, I'd leave it be. If he reports that she said something I might reach out -- once.

 

Well we did text last Saturday. She contacted me. And asked how I was doing and we were catching up a bit. I told her I'm great and just enjoying my family. I asked her how she was doing and she just said "fine" and left it at that so I didn't text her back. I'm guessing that's why she was short when I told her happy bday but I didn't feel like having to drag it out of her because I know "fine" isn't always the truth. And this guy was her friend first and he told me that these were things she said word for word

[LuisLuna]

I am in a similar situation, the difference is that my ex have told me literally she wants to get back with me, but she needs some time for her own, which is driving me crazy. I would recommend you to reach her, contact her. If you can handle the pain it may bring to your life do it!. And i am not being sarcastic, my ex told me to never contact her again, she said i should be out of her life for ever. I visited her two weeks later and everything went out good. Do it man, everyone that tells you to "forgive her and never contact her again" are not feeling what we are, i am in your shoes and you should totally go after her.

[erklat]

I am in a similar situation, the difference is that my ex have told me literally she wants to get back with me, but she needs some time for her own, which is driving me crazy. I would recommend you to reach her, contact her. If you can handle the pain it may bring to your life do it!. And i am not being sarcastic, my ex told me to never contact her again, she said i should be out of her life for ever. I visited her two weeks later and everything went out good. Do it man, everyone that tells you to "forgive her and never contact her again" are not feeling what we are, i am in your shoes and you should totally go after her.

 

What you think we did not feel the same pain that you are feeling now?

 

The difference is that we know what works and what does not.

[SycamoreCircle]

My understanding of NC is that unless the person demonstrates, preferably in person, dire need for forgiveness and reconciliation, NC is the only option.

[LostInLosingLove]

However my friend told me that he thinks she is still in love with me and despite saying that we would never get back together that he can tell she does want to be with me. This guy is more of a mutual friend. He asked her if she enjoyed the single life and she said yeah. He said it doesn't seem like it from your short response. And she said" no I do. I do better on my own. I just think that he is an amazing guy and I wish I could've been what he deserved." I don't want her to think I'm mad at her but at the same time I wish she would talk to me about this. I Highly doubt I could take her back because too much was said and done but I don't want her to suffer. So stay no contact till she brings this to me or reach out to her? Is she regretting how she treated me (cold/distant pushed me away)?

 

People can/will say anything in social situations to play others. Is that beyond her to do something like that?

 

When you say that you don't want her to suffer, what is the alternative? What could you do to ease that suffering?

 

I don't think anyone(except for her) can answer with 100% certainty whether or not she is regretting anything. Knowing that, what do you want to do? It's obvious you still care about her. If you think she's being sincere and you are willing to put your own ego aside and also risk any feelings of being hurt; take a chance and break no contact.

 

If you're trying to heal up and get your own life together without her as a distraction; stay NC.

[erklat]

My understanding of NC is that unless the person demonstrates, preferably in person, dire need for forgiveness and reconciliation, NC is the only option.

 

I like the way you verbalize it here.