MM has no guilt?

[Josmatjes]

I only feel guilt for how it ended and I didn't tell my husband. My OM filled a void in my life, a marriage with no sex and a lot of neglect... We had been to 3 MC in past but no changes. So no I do not feel guilt.....but now that it's over I feel lost, even though my H is trying I'm so scared of him going back to his old ways.... We will see...

[Lady2163]

I wasn't really pointing my comment at your situation per se.

But just that I realised from your comment, that I am sure some people in unhappy marriages do not feel guilt re cheating, because they believe their partner "deserves" to be hurt, and cheating definitely is a surefire way of hurting someone badly.

 

I didn't think you were targeting me or calling me out.

[Popsicle]

It's essentially impossible to truly know how another person feels since we can't read minds. One can express anything but their true feelings are unknown. They could be authentic or ersatz (fake). My exW called it 'masking'.

 

In my case, my guilt happened prior, during the process of reconciling the interactions between my exW and myself. Once I made the choice to move, about all that was left was anger over the abandonment. I expressed all that stuff along the way, prior to the A, but again that's simply expression and she had no way of knowing whether it was authentic or a mask. After she met my affair partner and interacted with her, I think she got the memo that I was serious.

 

Since all men are different, necessarily their feelings surround marital and infidelity issues will be different. Some feel great guilt, sorrow, anger, joy; some feel nothing. Each man processes their feelings uniquely and expresses them uniquely and there's no consistent way I've found to analyze or predict any particular path or pattern. I think my exW learned that lesson with me, the always committed guy with every relationship in his life who ended up purposely and with malice and aforethought having an affair at nearly age 50. Today we get along fine with no expressed animosity or disrespect. We hashed it all out in MC and moved on.

 

Were you acting or behaving resentful towards W during the A? If so, what were you doing?

[Nattie]

My MOM feels zero guilt for cheating on her, we both however feel tremendous guilt for the divorces that we're about to put our children through. As for me, I don't necessarily feel guilty for being with MOM, loving him, but I do feel guilty for leaving my H. I feel bad that people are going to talk, that he will sit night after night wondering why, and if it could have been prevented. It's what has kept me in this M for years, but staying with a person to avoid hurting their feelings doesn't benefit anyone in the end. Instead, I strayed, potentially causing MUCH more pain.