Elderly Neglect

[emeryentropy]

Hey, so this isn't something I'm sure how to talk about but it is really upsetting me and my grandmother and I need some advice. My grandmother's sister is about 77 years old and was instructed by her doctor to not be left alone because she falls very easily and can't get back up.

 

She stayed with us over the weekend and on last Monday her daughter picked her up. Since going back with her daughter she has fallen 3 times because her daughter does not supervise her and leaves her alone a lot. Tonight she posted a status on facebook saying:

 

"I had mother at my house senses Sunday. I love her very much but she has fallen 3 times and the 3rd time I picked her up I hurt my wrist and can't get her up off of the floor any more I have had almost no sleep and iam tyerd. She is home alone and that's all I can do. And if anything happens to her. Well I think it is elderly neglect and I might go to jail but I won't be the only one mother has 5 daughters not one. So iam putting it out their so every one knows. And who ever gets mad at me for this.... Well frankly I don't give a dam."

 

So she flat out KNOWS AND ACKNOWLEDGES she is neglecting her elderly mother and MIGHT GO TO JAIL yet she decides she is going to risk that and go to sleep on Christmas eve! This is just evil on so many levels.

 

Please tell me if there is any legal action or steps my grandmother can take to help her sister. She is supposed to be going to assisted living but the same woman who wrote that status WILL NOT make time to do the paperwork and is just leaving her 77 year old mom to fall in the meantime!

 

HELP

[Survivor12]

Since you & your grandmother are concerned, why not bring her back to stay with you until permanent arrangements can be made to get her into assisted living? As far as the paperwork is concerned, you can contact The Department of Aging for help.

[CC12]

I think it's really easy to point fingers in these situations and say that so-and-so isn't doing enough to help, but until you're in her exact position, I don't think you can make accusations like that.

 

What kinds of things can you do to help your elderly relative? The previous poster suggested that you could let her stay with you temporarily and/or try The Department of Aging (I think it's called adult protective services where I am?) Can you contact an agency like that on her behalf? Can you offer to go to her daughter's house to cover a "shift" of taking care of this woman so that her daughter can have some time off?

[d0nnivain]

Where are her other siblings? She's clearly reaching out for help so find a way to help her. You volunteer to go over there once in a while. Have your grandmother call her nieces to see what they need.

 

 

At present it doesn't look like a criminal offense but your great aunt has needs that aren't being met & this has the potential for tragedy.

[amaysngrace]

You should probably ask your elderly aunt where she wants to live. It's true that her children should be the ones stepping up right now but it doesn't seem like they are so it may be up to you and your mom.

 

If that facebook post is verbatim then I'm sorry to say that whoever wrote that isn't the brightest of the bunch. Try to keep that in mind when dealing with her.

[Sugarkane]

I've seen both sides of it. Interestingly it's usually the female relatives that are dumped with looking after elderly relatives. The elderly can be really stubborn and I haven't met one, that wanted to move into assisted living. Despite it being in their best interests.

[anika99]

If your elderly relative is falling down so much then just expecting one person to watch her every minute of every day is not the solution and it's not reasonable. Why is she falling down? Does she need a walker or a wheelchair? You say it was evil of your aunt to go to sleep on Christmas Eve. Is she not supposed to sleep anymore? If your grandmothers sister needs fulltime constant supervision then that responsibility cannot fall on one person. It's not reasonable to expect just one person to be able to handle that. Her daughter needs to look to for help either from other relatives or from government assisted programs.

[CC12]

Any updates, OP? How is your grandmother's sister doing?

[gaius]

As weird as it sounds sometimes old people can fall deliberately for attention seeking purposes. =/ There's no reason someone under the care of a doctor who I'm sure has access to stuff like walkers and wheelchairs should be falling that frequently in that short an amount of time.

 

My grandmother deliberately tripped herself over a curb one time because I was carrying something and wouldn't hold her arm. =/ And she deliberately didn't put her hands out so her head would hit the pavement. If we weren't in public she would have got a boot up her arse as well as the bloody nose she gave herself. Your aunt may have done the best thing for her by not enabling her behavior.

[preraph]

As someone who has been guardian of two elderly relatives and power of attorney of one, I can tell you not to judge this one person who is the only one apparently willing to give it a shot taking care of her.

 

It is IMPOSSIBLE for one lone person to be present by the side of an elderly person at all times. They will wait for you to go to the bathroom to get up or do something you'd rather they not try to do. They know if they just lay there, they will atrophy. So they want to move, even at risk of falling. Of course, it should be done with more than one person present to hold them while they walk. But this is the job of a team, not one relative. I'm not just talking about each person taking a turn. I'm saying it takes more than one person to be present to safely get an old person up to change sheets or turned over.

 

Do not take a shot at this willing relative. As Donnivain said it is a cry for help. If anyone has any savings, preferably the elderly one, it's time to bring in professional home care. And any doctor can prescribe that she get home care provided by Medicare, so talk to her doctor. The down side to that can be that it usually involves Adult Services getting involved and they can sometimes screw you over. In my mother's case, I lived out of state, she was in the care of paid Medicare home care, her mind was fine, she was ambulatory, not bedridden. My mother had savings to pay for private care and when she began complaining about the paid-for Adult Services Medicare people, I gave them notice and told them I was hiring private care. Against the entire family's wishes, they then forced my mother into a nursing home, and even our cousin, the city attorney, couldn't stop them. Since then, I have been hesitant to involve them. But that was a small town and the fact they pulled that off probably had something to do with that and maybe a larger overburdened system wouldn't focus so much on doing something like that.

 

Talk to the doctor, get him to prescribe home care until such time as she needs to go to a nursing home. But always remember, people want to live in their own homes, not someone else's and certainly not a nursing home. So home care is the way. Then with all the siblings doing their part to supplement that care, she may do better. Being in someone else's home or at a nursing home only makes them more likely to fall anyway. They don't know the place like they do their own home. Good luck.

[William]

Thread starter hasn't logged in since making the starting post so at this junction presume they've moved on.