truncated Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 he say he would like me pregnant, so we can form a family. it's me who afraid pregnant, because I still feel things is unclear, and I don't want more conflict involved. Please don't bring a child into this messed up situaion. He can't look after the ones he already has. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 last few weeks somehow was the sweet days of this three years. MM and me start make the plan about manage live together. He say he want to marry me but he can't not divorce and hurt his family, and I feel I understand that, so somehow I accept it. I feel if can live with him then we can create our life, maybe not marry is fine. now he work in another city, his family stay in the hometown as me, and he and me was plan to move to another city. that was our plan. yesterday, he was tired after work, and he call me as usual. I can feel he has somethings want to talk to me, so I asked. Then he tell me, he feel guilty when think about his wife crying. He don't know if we should keep work on our plan. I told him I wish he make decision instead changing mind all the time. I feel tired and I feel insecure. He told me he want me to help him thinking how to solve it. I told him, if he decide be with me, than I wish he can talk to his wife clear and in smooth way, I really don't like everyone hang in there and hate each other. well, he told me he don't have choice. what he wish is we three make a meeting and arrange it. but his wife don't want, and I also don't want to. my birthday is coming soon, but he told me, his family is going to visit him, so they will spend the holiday together and wish me can understand. I feel so tired, and I feel so sad. I know if i decide stay with him, it will be always like this in future, but leaving is just so hard. I write him the mail today, say I let him go, now I feel everything is so sad. If he really care me and really care his family, is this the best way? Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Is what the right way? You ending it? Or things staying just as they are? Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Sisa, They have a family. A family: a husband, a wife and kids. Who is the outsider here? You are. You are not pregnant, for now. Take this opportunity to run as far as you can from this crazy family. Make a new life for yourself with a man that puts YOU first, not last. This man is not worth it. He is not going to leave his wife. He is going to keep hurting you as long as you keep letting him! Run. Run now. He does not love you enough to make you the top priority. I am so sorry to be so blunt, but HEAR what everyone is telling you. The sooner you understand how bad he is for you, the sooner you can start a brand new life. Stop wishing and start DOING something to make your life better. Today could be the first day of your brand new life. Take the first step away from the craziness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 last few weeks somehow was the sweet days of this three years. MM and me start make the plan about manage live together. He say he want to marry me but he can't not divorce and hurt his family, and I feel I understand that, so somehow I accept it. I feel if can live with him then we can create our life, maybe not marry is fine. now he work in another city, his family stay in the hometown as me, and he and me was plan to move to another city. that was our plan. yesterday, he was tired after work, and he call me as usual. I can feel he has somethings want to talk to me, so I asked. Then he tell me, he feel guilty when think about his wife crying. He don't know if we should keep work on our plan. I told him I wish he make decision instead changing mind all the time. I feel tired and I feel insecure. He told me he want me to help him thinking how to solve it. I told him, if he decide be with me, than I wish he can talk to his wife clear and in smooth way, I really don't like everyone hang in there and hate each other. well, he told me he don't have choice. what he wish is we three make a meeting and arrange it. but his wife don't want, and I also don't want to. my birthday is coming soon, but he told me, his family is going to visit him, so they will spend the holiday together and wish me can understand. I feel so tired, and I feel so sad. I know if i decide stay with him, it will be always like this in future, but leaving is just so hard. I write him the mail today, say I let him go, now I feel everything is so sad. If he really care me and really care his family, is this the best way? Why are you bothering with this guy? IDK how old you are but there are plenty of guys out there who are not married. I don't understand why you are putting up with this. This guy is NEVER going to give you the relationship you want or deserve. He is NOT going to leave his wife and children for you. It is MUCH easier to find a guy who is available. At least then you will have a shot at finding someone who will be honest and true. Because this guy obviously cannot be either. Leaving is hard, yes, and it will hurt, but it will not be forever. You are worth so much more than this! Please dump this guy. He is a liar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Sisa, I can't be certain, of course, but I STRONGLY believe that his plan of you living in one city near his job and his wife and kids staying in your home town is a way that he can more easily lie to both of you. If you're in the new city, there's no chance you'll run into his wife. He'll tell her that you've moved away and he doesn't know where you are but you're out of their lives. Then, he'll pretend he's living with you and just going home to be with his kids and spend time with them. That his wife will be there, yes, but the relationship is over so it's just to stop the kids from being hurt and to allow his wife to save face. Oh, and he'll stay married to her legally to help support her, but he'll be married in spirit to you. You see what HE gets out of this? Two women, both in blissful ignorance of the other's continued existence in his life. He isn't making a future with you at all. He's relegating you farther away, taking you away from your home town and your support systems to make you his live-in mistress. Again, my opinion only, but when you realize this it will absolutely destroy you. GET OUT NOW. While you can. He's a manipulator, a liar and a cheat. He's not worth your love but until you get far enough away, you will never see it. GG 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 today I have a long talk with him again on the phone, I talk everything out, I said he always know that I am single, and can choose to be together with me and marry me if he choose to divorce. but he didn't. I told him that I don't want to stay in this situation at all because what we do is continuous hurt each others. he don't want to discuss this topic with me, he say he is not clear and very tired don't know what to talk. want we discuss this another day. I told him, I give he choice now, he want she or me? he said he don't want to choose either. In fact, I know he choose her, but he just afraid telling me. I don't know what's going on on myself, I think maybe I force him so much is just want to hear he tell me directly that he choose her. although answer is just so obvious even he don't talk out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Is what the right way? You ending it? Or things staying just as they are? ending it. I feel right now, he don't do any choice, just wait there are see who give up first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Why are you bothering with this guy? IDK how old you are but there are plenty of guys out there who are not married. I don't understand why you are putting up with this. This guy is NEVER going to give you the relationship you want or deserve. He is NOT going to leave his wife and children for you. It is MUCH easier to find a guy who is available. At least then you will have a shot at finding someone who will be honest and true. Because this guy obviously cannot be either. Leaving is hard, yes, and it will hurt, but it will not be forever. You are worth so much more than this! Please dump this guy. He is a liar. he keep telling me he love me, but also love his wife, he don't want give up either. I feel so unfair, because she can stay as a wife but I need to stay as a mistress. I think she don't want give up, but I also don't want give up, why is me need to walk away someone I love instead her need to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 today I also ask him does he still have sex with his wife, he did not deny. I ask him how he feel when doing sex with his wife when he claim that he love me and I am the one. he also don't answer. I told him I don't understand it, and he really hurt me. he said I can choose to hate him if I want to. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) He just spent a few days with his wife, they bonded/had lots of sex and now he feels close to her again. In a few weeks the feeling will fade and he will summon you back to his bed. You will feel close again, he will make empty promises. Then guilt settles in when he sees his wife/kids and the cycle repeats. You want him to say he chooses her but he has.. as plain as day.. he is not divorcing her. His wife and children are his future and you are for right now. You are the other woman and will never be more. Clear yet? Edited January 16, 2015 by cif 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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