CadeYeager Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 For the past year I've been in the process of improving my life. School is great. I work. I treat my parents well. The only problem is my sister. She 4 years older than me. Sometimes I'll go 3-4 without hearing from or about her. When we do see each other, it's hell. Today my dad is in the hospital due to blood pressure issues. Sister left from here and I recieved a text saying that I'm a big reason he's in the hospital. Says I don't care about anything but myself and that I'm unappreciative. I don't think she understands what those words do to me. To put blame on a sibling for your dads predicament is beyond me. I've made many mistakes in the past. Many... But I'm writing my wrong. Parents see that I'm improving but my sister doesn't. She always wants to say that I'm the problem. I really don't know what to do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 I'm sorry about your dad. And I'm sorry that your sister behaved poorly. I don't know the backstory with your sister, but I would try to forgive or forget about the hurtful words she said this time. She was worried and scared, and sometimes people lash out inappropriately when they're faced with the mortality of the people they love. She was completely wrong. And if that's exactly who she is and how she acts on a regular basis, then you should learn to expect this behavior from her and you have to learn to let it stop hurting you. It's easier said than done, and it's something you might have to work on. But a**holes are going to act like a**holes. It's what they do. Try to forget about her. Call your mom and dad and just be supportive to both of them right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 My brother (he's young) is one of the biggest reasons that my parents are stressed out right now. There is no denying it - saying it to him, or not, doesn't change anything - he may be hurt temporarily - but sometimes the truth hurts. My mom is flying out for a 'break' for 1.5 months due to this. It has gotten that bad. Yet, he doesn't see his part in it. It's hard to see what we do to the ones we claim to love; we can all be very selfish. It's also hard to let go of being so badly hurt by a loved one's indifference, and to forgive them. Everything takes time. It sounds silly, to me, that you wouldn't want a relationship with your sister over this. Why not step your game up and show her, as you have shown your parents, that you've changed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 sometimes the truth hurts. There are good ways and there are bad ways to tell someone the truth, though. I think OP's sister unfairly blamed him for something that wasn't necessarily his fault, and it seemed to come from a place of anger or worry rather than a place of, "I need to tell you something important." Why not step your game up and show her, as you have shown your parents, that you've changed? A very good suggestion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 There are good ways and there are bad ways to tell someone the truth, though. I think OP's sister unfairly blamed him for something that wasn't necessarily his fault, and it seemed to come from a place of anger or worry rather than a place of, "I need to tell you something important." Good point, and her message may have been a way to vent both: anger and worry. I'm a bit biased, since I am currently on the other side, and I can relate to how his sister may feel. Regardless, I really do hope that it works out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I used to think when I was younger that siblings should maintain lifelong relationships, but for the last several years I have been feeling differently, and I now feel that one does not have to remain in lifelong contact with their sibling(s). It sounds as if your sister has narcissistic qualities, or perhaps she is a narcissist, and these people are extremely hard to get along with. Sometimes a good way to tell if you should avoid a person, is to ask yourself if you feel better emotionally or feel worse emotionally after being around them. If it is the latter, then steer clear of her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 You know in your heart that you are doing well and keeping your own life together right now. I don't know if your sister was ever justified in blaming you for things in the past, but if she was acting like an adult, she wouldn't contact you after 4 years, not knowing anything about you in the last 4 years, and be such a b*tch. Maybe she's the real black sheep of the family but finds it more convenient to try to make you it. I don't know. What I do know is a lot of people get high blood pressure. Most of it is genetic. Sometimes drugs can spike it, sometimes caffeine can spike it, sometimes stress can spike it. But YOU are not in any way responsible for your dad's high blood pressure. She may WANT you to think your dad blamed this on you when he did nothing of the sort. You have no obligation to respond to her or anything else. If you do family holidays, then you have to do your part to be polite and nothing more. If no one stands up for you at those and she attacks you for no reason, then you no longer have any obligation to have holiday where she is and you can tell your parents until they're ready to muzzle her, you're not coming. You may need to start tooting your own horn with your mom and dad because it might not be as obvious to them as it is to you that you are making big improvements on yourself and in your life. Maybe if you tell them often enough that you are doing well and getting along great, then they will throw that back at your sister the next nastygram she delivers them about you. Give them details when you can so they'll at least be tempted to repeat them: anything about good work conditions like "I get along great with my boss," or anything where you fixed something yourself, "fixed my leak," or anything that shows you're doing well: "saved up and bought some new clothes for work." Be your own advocate. Talk good about yourself to your parents. Don't act like you think your sister is talking on their behalf, because she probably isn't. When no one else is supporting you, double up on supporting yourself. You know you're doing all right and trying hard. Anyone who tries not to see that, f 'em. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 may strength and healing come to your parent. blood is thicker then water. and with it comes the desire to be both independent and inter dependent. walk the high path and realize that at the end of the day most spats were trivial in the grand scheme of things. find peace and then extend such to your kin. no hands are clean until both are cleansed. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Good point, and her message may have been a way to vent both: anger and worry. I'm a bit biased, since I am currently on the other side, and I can relate to how his sister may feel. Regardless, I really do hope that it works out. blame is a 1 way street you can relate to how his sister feels but not to how HE feels?? compassion is something that needs to be looked at and addressed:love: why do so many find it easier to blame rather than to do something positive and forgive and forget?? life's too fecking short to be having little squabbles get over it and move on jeeeeeeez aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 For the past year I've been in the process of improving my life. School is great. I work. I treat my parents well. The only problem is my sister. She 4 years older than me. Sometimes I'll go 3-4 without hearing from or about her. When we do see each other, it's hell. Today my dad is in the hospital due to blood pressure issues. Sister left from here and I recieved a text saying that I'm a big reason he's in the hospital. Says I don't care about anything but myself and that I'm unappreciative. I don't think she understands what those words do to me. To put blame on a sibling for your dads predicament is beyond me. I've made many mistakes in the past. Many... But I'm writing my wrong. Parents see that I'm improving but my sister doesn't. She always wants to say that I'm the problem. I really don't know what to do at this point. we all make mistakes in life ignore her she's just using you as a scapegoat for her own mistakes keep your chin up:) aM Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 blame is a 1 way street you can relate to how his sister feels but not to how HE feels?? compassion is something that needs to be looked at and addressed:love: why do so many find it easier to blame rather than to do something positive and forgive and forget?? life's too fecking short to be having little squabbles get over it and move on jeeeeeeez aM Yes, that's correct - I CAN relate to how his sister feels, and not how he feels. Who's blaming? Besides you of course. In your post to me, you write "why do so many find it easier to blame rather than to do something positive" And then you go on to blame his sister in response to OP - "she's just using you as a scapegoat for her own mistakes" I'm not sure what you're suggesting to me, as I suggested to OP, that he should work it out with his sister. we all make mistakes in life ignore her she's just using you as a scapegoat for her own mistakes keep your chin up:) aM Both your statements in the post to me, and in the post to OP seem to contradict one another again. In response to me, you say "get over it and move on" - okay, and then you tell OP to "ignore her" I really don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 whoa if you dont get it re read and not view it as a personal 'attack' but i can see YOUR point of view too and i'll remember to not put MY view again in a way that makes you express yourself in the way you have aM:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
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