mixed signals from ex gf

[lovehe]

Hey

 

Having a hard time understanding my ex these days. im 29 she is 25. We been broken up for about 6 months now. She was the one who decided to end it, but it was on good terms and we decided to try remain friends. It turned out that proved hard since both of us was hurt by the relationship not going as good as we both hoped. We had 2 no contact periods. 1 initiated by me that lasted for 3 weeks, and the recent one where we both just became quiet. Tired from the silly arguments. The last no contact period lasted 2 months and ended with me sending a message to her about 3 weeks ago.

 

We found the tone again quickly and started texting and calling everyday. Updating eachother on our lives, talking abit about the past, both showing some emotion towards eachother.. talking about everything really.

 

She told me she was single still, that she had missed me (the friendship i suppose), that she wish she had someone special in her life cos she felt ready for a relationship, that i was hers in some way even if we are not together right now, that she would be happy for me if i found someone new even if it would hurt her.

 

We have not met in person yet, but her words led me to belive she was opening up to giving it a go again. So i asked her if we should meet eachother soon since its been so long. She agreed to that, but did not seem to eager. Saying she feared it would be akward due to our past

 

Today i told her that the reason for me wanting to see her. "I still have feelings for you.. Hope we can meet soon.. talk a little and maybe spend some more time with eachother in the coming months if it goes well.. who knows what might happen". I got a no for answer, saying she is not motivated to try work things out with us right now, but who knows what might happen in the future.

 

Kinda lost right now.. was sure i had read the signs correctly.. I really love this girl.. with everything i have.. any tips and help will be much apriciated

Edited December 26, 2014 by lovehe

[JeezLuiz]

Oh man, I feel you on this one brother. She sounds like she has feelings for you, especially due to the fact that she says she might be hurt if you were to find someone else. The thing is she still isn't sure about her feelings.

 

Give it some time, but continue talking to one another. Instead of talking about the past or relationships, just be casual. Change it up and talk about things that feel good in the moment.

 

She might be feeling pressured by continually feeling the need to talk about relationships and stuff. But if you switch it up and start chatting with her about just basic, fun things she'll feel a little more comfortable with you. She'll than just see you as a good time.

 

Eventually , she might start opening up more to you. If you take things slow and just be fun in the moment like I said, she might be more willing to meet up again. Maybe not romantically just yet, but eventually if you take things slow and just focus on being fun in the moment, you could have a chance.

 

You gotta think of it this way brother. Right now, she has all these emotions. When women have these emotions, they do not like any fuel being added to the fire. When you guys talk about romance and stuff like that it adds more fuel to her "fire." But if you are all be to just text her and have fun, interesting conversations, she will wanna keep coming back to you. Because you're being fun but not adding fuel to the fire. Take it slow my man, take it slow.

[Light Breeze]

Being friends with an ex is a terrible idea when you're still in love with her imo. Just imagine if she finally gets serious with someone, how would you feel?

 

Anyway, if she wanted you or wanted to try again with you she would have said "yes" to the meet up. As it stands now it looks like what she was missing was a relationship and not particularly with you, she said it herself. It's probably the "I miss you but I don't want to be with you" thing. Imo, she's just using you as an emotional crutch before she finds someone else.

 

Hope everything turns well for you.

[coolheadal]

There is a reason why she's your Ex in the first place. It's better to learn to practice how to do NC (No Contact). Can't be friends with your Ex! Sure the Ex would love it if you were. So the Ex can continue to ruin your life even more by their control tactics on your mind. False hope of ever getting back together is one move on their part. She can say whatever she wants and you can fall under their spell of H.O.P.E that spells hope but not the one you think of! Their hope is fake!

 

Wake-up and get out of that ridiculous idea of ever being friends with your Ex.

Edited December 26, 2014 by coolheadal

[lovehe]

Thanks for replies guys.

 

No contact is not an option. I really want her in my life nomatter what. She is the best person i know. We have a special connection.. both of us say that.

 

Last night we talked on the phone for2e hours. About serious things, funny stuff and joking around. She even sendt me a snap of her on all four naked.. she had drawed a face to cover (hardly) the naughty bits. only to make me laugh she said. Its the first sexual aproach from her since the break up as i see it. We had a very sexual relationship. And both of us are kinda wild when it comes to sex.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks for replies guys.

 

No contact is not an option. I really want her in my life nomatter what. She is the best person i know. We have a special connection.. both of us say that.

 

Last night we talked on the phone for2e hours. About serious things, funny stuff and joking around. She even sendt me a snap of her on all four naked.. she had drawed a face to cover (hardly) the naughty bits. only to make me laugh she said. Its the first sexual aproach from her since the break up as i see it. We had a very sexual relationship. And both of us are kinda wild when it comes to sex.

 

Of course it's an option. You want her in your life to be your girlfriend. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend. That's a terrible situation and it's going to drive you insane.

[lolablue17]

Of course it's an option. You want her in your life to be your girlfriend. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend. That's a terrible situation and it's going to drive you insane.

 

If you think you can handle seeing her with a new boyfriend, see pictures of them kissing, see pictures in your mind about other stuff they're doing, then there is no problem for you with staying just friends.

[lovehe]

Valid points. I would not handle it well. The situation is dire.

 

So strange that she is initiating contact every day if she only wants to be my friend. Texts, videos of her acting funny.. seems like there is hardly ever more than a couple of hours between each time i hear from her.

[lil hoodlum]

Valid points. I would not handle it well. The situation is dire.

 

So strange that she is initiating contact every day if she only wants to be my friend. Texts, videos of her acting funny.. seems like there is hardly ever more than a couple of hours between each time i hear from her.

 

 

That is called stringing you along. You are her little puppy and she has you on a leash. When she is bored and wants a little ego stroke, she will tug on your leash and you will come running along like a good little doggy.

 

 

Do you want to be her good little doggy?

[EgoJoe]

Play this one loose.

[Satu]

The minute that she finds someone new you will became of no interest to her.

 

It will happen, so be prepared.

[Satu]

Thanks for replies guys.

 

No contact is not an option. I really want her in my life nomatter what. She is the best person i know. We have a special connection.. both of us say that.

 

Last night we talked on the phone for2e hours. About serious things, funny stuff and joking around. She even sendt me a snap of her on all four naked.. she had drawed a face to cover (hardly) the naughty bits. only to make me laugh she said. Its the first sexual aproach from her since the break up as i see it. We had a very sexual relationship. And both of us are kinda wild when it comes to sex.

 

No. You are the best person you know.

[lovehe]

I am well aware that she holds power over me, and that she knows it. She told me she is trying to be careful with what she say and do in order to not hurt me or give me false hopes. Not gonna ditch someone i love just cos im not getting what i want.

[lil hoodlum]

I am well aware that she holds power over me, and that she knows it. She told me she is trying to be careful with what she say and do in order to not hurt me or give me false hopes. Not gonna ditch someone i love just cos im not getting what i want.

 

 

You will eventually.

 

 

You are in the denial stage.

[Simon Phoenix]

I am well aware that she holds power over me, and that she knows it. She told me she is trying to be careful with what she say and do in order to not hurt me or give me false hopes. Not gonna ditch someone i love just cos im not getting what i want.

 

She already ditched you though. The way you are acting and thinking won't make her see you in a romantic or more-improved light. It'll put you in the friend zone and make her lose respect for you as a romantic option.

 

Your mindset on this is just not very good.

[BC1980]

So strange that she is initiating contact every day if she only wants to be my friend. Texts, videos of her acting funny.. seems like there is hardly ever more than a couple of hours between each time i hear from her.

 

It's not strange at all, and you will see that it's quite common if you read enough threads around here. She's keeping you as a backup plan. Also, her feelings for you aren't as strong as yours for her. She can handle being friends because she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. She isn't bothered, so it makes sense for her to keep you around as a friend. It's a win-win for her.

 

Unfortunately for you, you will never get the chance to move on. You will be like the people who post here in 3 years and can't figure out why they are still hung up on their exes. Look, I understand that NC may not seem like an option right now, bit it is most definitely an option. I once felt that NC was not an option and wondered how in the world I would be able to go without talking to my ex again. It seemed unreal at the time. I can now tell you that I have no desire to contact my ex again and no longer have feelings for him. It can happen it you allow it.

Edited December 27, 2014 by BC1980

[BC1980]

I am well aware that she holds power over me, and that she knows it. She told me she is trying to be careful with what she say and do in order to not hurt me or give me false hopes. Not gonna ditch someone i love just cos im not getting what i want.

 

Well, that says it all. She doesn't want to give you false hope. She is being very clear that she does not want a relationship with you.

[lolablue17]

For me, it matters a lot if I control the situation, For my ego. (I admit to have a strong ego). So I know that when she finds someone down the road, I'd loose twice.

 

1. I'll have to see her with someone else so i'll be very hurt and miserable. So I'll run away and cry and feel awful.

 

2. She'll have less time for me, and less intimacy (She won't send you naked pics when she is taken).

 

If I were you I would protect my self by giving up on her. I wouldn't do it brutally, i'd do it gradually, let her understand for her self that i dont want her in my life, And if she asked me i'd tell her, "Sorry I'm too busy, sorry i'm not interested" without exposing anything.

 

I'd feel much better to control, that how i would not be hurt.

 

BUT!! It's just me... I'm not saying my way is the best way... It's probably not the best way because you're gonna lose a good friend.

 

I had the same case like you in the past. After she dumped me, we've been NC for 5 years. Now we are good friends. But it's only after i'm over her.

[lovehe]

Yep.. My feelings for her make me feel weak. I see how staying cloose to her will cause troubles in the future. I should try to create some level of distance between us. She is a very attractive girl and wont be single for long.

 

Thank you guys.

[BC1980]

Yep.. My feelings for her make me feel weak. I see how staying cloose to her will cause troubles in the future. I should try to create some level of distance between us. She is a very attractive girl and wont be single for long.

 

Thank you guys.

 

Your feelings for her make you feel weak because they aren't reciprocated. If you find someone who feels the same way, it can be a mutually fulfilling relationship. Don't open yourself up to someone who isn't on the same page. You need to guard your feelings in this case.

[lovehe]

Your feelings for her make you feel weak because they aren't reciprocated. If you find someone who feels the same way, it can be a mutually fulfilling relationship. Don't open yourself up to someone who isn't on the same page. You need to guard your feelings in this case.

 

Yes.. Trying to cool down, but its so hard to take it easy with someone i care this much for. Her texting me 24/7 is not helping either..

[lil hoodlum]

Yes.. Trying to cool down, but its so hard to take it easy with someone i care this much for. Her texting me 24/7 is not helping either..

 

 

You do understand why she is texting you 24/7 don't you?

[lovehe]

You do understand why she is texting you 24/7 don't you?

 

Must admit i dont.. given up understanding her or her motives..

[Invictus01]

Must admit i dont.. given up understanding her or her motives..

 

She is f@cking with your head man. That's aaaaaalllllll it is.

 

There is no such thing as mixed signals when somebody wants to be with you. Mixed signals = head games.

 

She is really being cruel to you by not letting you be. Think about it. If you broke up with somebody, would YOU stick around and bug the crap out of that person?

[lovehe]

Today she told me she had to start on anti depressive medicine after the break up. It crushed her that me and her did not work out.

 

She also said she was not ready for a boyfriend. She fears getting heartbroken again. But hopes she will get to the point where she can commit to someone again soon.