Author JaneDoe12 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 I'm sorry for misreading your posts, justwhoiam. I'm just so depressed and lost. I don't even know who I am anymore so I can define my goals. Nothing seems to make me happy, I just feel numb. I swear I wouldn't mind if I died. okc85, yes, I'm in Spain. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 I'm sorry for misreading your posts, justwhoiam. I'm just so depressed and lost. I don't even know who I am anymore so I can define my goals. Nothing seems to make me happy, I just feel numb. I swear I wouldn't mind if I died. okc85, yes, I'm in Spain. I dated a person your age from Spain. She has similar fears about the economic climate, so I believe you about that. I hope everything works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 Thanks. Right now we have the biggest unemployment rate in Europe. Of course one must also do something to get a job but sometimes even if you do everything right you'll have no such luck. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 If you're in Spain, I think your work opportunities greatly depends on the area you live in. You could move to the islands (like Ibiza, for instance). Or move anywhere else in the EU. You need to begin somewhere. And you need some guts to take action. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Hi Jane, I have felt a lot of what you are feeling and my heart goes out to you, feel free to PM if you want to talk to someone who understands. Hugs xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 If you're in Spain, I think your work opportunities greatly depends on the area you live in. You could move to the islands (like Ibiza, for instance). Or move anywhere else in the EU. You need to begin somewhere. And you need some guts to take action. Indeed. I still haven't given up on the opportunity of studying a year or two abroad while finishing my master's. Let's see. HeavenOrHell, thank you very much! I would, but apparently the private messaging is still disabled to me. Does anyone know what I have to do to enable it? I was looking around but can't seem to find that info. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 The private messaging privilege comes being active in the forum and after some time. You can check the rules in LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 Oh, okay. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Ah right, sorry, I should've checked if you were able to PM or not. I don't really want to bare my soul on this forum anymore Just know I understand a lot of how you feel xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) Thanks! As soon as I can PM, I will do it I've decided not to wish him a happy birthday. I've been having a lot of ups and downs lately, but right now I just can't imagine myself with anybody else in the future. And it kills me inside to know I will never be his first (nor will he be mine), I'd been imagining that for a long time now. And it's quite possible he'll move on before I do and the thought of him being with somebody else just destroys me. Not that it matters much now, but I've always wondered about something, even when we were together. I just couldn't figure out if I was blind not to see an issue or if there really is no issue. He had a sort of relationship with another girl before me, it was the first time he fell in love with a girl. And he always said that that girl was special because she'd been the first girl he'd been in love with. And I was always so jealous and slightly offended by that. I felt inferior to her, as if I would never have the same impact on him as she had. My friends tell me he was insensitive by telling me that but then again if he were just telling the truth should I be offended and felt insecure about it? I know that it bothered me but I always sort of shrugged it off because he was just being honest. Anyway, it hurts knowing that probably I'll just be one of his ex-girlfriends and the other girl (who treated him like crap) will be "special" because it was his first love. It doesn't help matters that he was my first love and he will have that impact on me, one I will never have on him. It's so frustrating and painful. Edited December 30, 2014 by JaneDoe12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I had a LDR BU as well, 9 months ago. I didn't have a job like you. Now I have a great job and a new girl that I'm seeing. Things will get better. justwhoiam has great advice. She's not out to make you feel worse. She's just being realistic, sober and she's certainly not worried of touching on the odd things she reads. I agree with her, not knowing your love's address is weird. I'd be offended if my GF had to ask for my address after 1.5 yrs. I have been with a few girls who were very dependent from their parents. It's not good for you, nor for your love life. Become independent. It'll make you a strong, attractive person. You mentioned co-dependency. It very much sounds like it. A lot of people flee into a virtual, sometimes unrealistic relationship. I am sorry for your pain. I have been there a few months back. Things will get better if you take YOUR LIFE into YOUR HANDS. Don't talk to him, don't send him anything. Stop contact with him, don't reply. Block and delete him from all social networks and other means of communication you may have. Based on your description of him I think ditching him was a good choice. And I understand he was not a totally bad person. Who ever really is? But he has issues. And you're not a therapist. You should be looking for a BF, a friend and soulmate. Not a patient or client who needs your help. You're young, and there are a thousand things you will have to learn and achieve to make you a better person and to become more confident in and happy about yourself. Being alone for some time is not the end of the world. It'll actually put you ahead of the game if you make good use of the time. A happy 2015 to you! And to everyone else suffering from heartbreak! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 You mentioned co-dependency. It very much sounds like it. A lot of people flee into a virtual, sometimes unrealistic relationship. I am sorry for your pain. I have been there a few months back. Things will get better if you take YOUR LIFE into YOUR HANDS. Don't talk to him, don't send him anything. Stop contact with him, don't reply. Block and delete him from all social networks and other means of communication you may have. Based on your description of him I think ditching him was a good choice. And I understand he was not a totally bad person. Who ever really is? But he has issues. And you're not a therapist. You should be looking for a BF, a friend and soulmate. Not a patient or client who needs your help. You're young, and there are a thousand things you will have to learn and achieve to make you a better person and to become more confident in and happy about yourself. Being alone for some time is not the end of the world. It'll actually put you ahead of the game if you make good use of the time. A happy 2015 to you! And to everyone else suffering from heartbreak! Thank you. Happy 2015 for you too. I'm still not sure if he was a narcissist or not and that is messing a bit with my head. If he truly were one it would be so much easier to put him in the past and just move on. I was actually able to make some progress this last week but I have to write two papers and just can't seem to focus. I already had some attention deficit issues, now it seems even more impossible to focus. And just when I was feeling better I had to go to my country house and I'm here right now. The last time I was here was with him and I can't stop thinking about our vacation here together. Every room I go into reminds me of him. It seems like I've gone back to day 1 of recovery. This is so damn difficult. I'm starting to panic because I don't know if I'll be able to hand in the papers on the deadline. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I feel you. I'm a person with a pretty good memory. My ex was here the last time exactly a year ago. I know exactly what we did this day a year ago. Where we went and who we had over as a guest etc. We took walks in the neighborhood and of course we spent time in my apartment. Everything reminds me of her. I'm telling myself though it's my life, and my things and my city. I live here, all those things are about me more than about her. And eventually there will be someone else in this environment. We're here temporarily and people move through the environment over the course of time. It'll pass. Focus on yourself. Study / work on your paper and treat yourself with something you love after you've completed another piece of work. You'll get over him in no time. Relationships, especially with troubled people are totally overrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Indeed. It has more to do with that initial impact more than anything. Yesterday was really hard but today was better. I thought exactly that: this is my place, my town, not his. I can't let him take that away from me as well. Oh, love... It can be so good and so bad. Focusing on ourselves really is the only way out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) So I went on FB to block him (I had only stopped following him, but the way his likes and comments kept showing on my profile was bothering me) and it looks like he's having the time of his life. I'm so stupid. He's happy and as if nothing had happened and I was miserable for such a long time. I really, really hope this is what I needed to just move the hell on because he's not worth it. ETA: okay, I know that it's not because he's posting happy things on FB that that means he's happy, but it still bothered me. Anyway, he's blocked now and I hope I never have to see him ever again, both in real life and online. Edited January 5, 2015 by JaneDoe12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneDoe12 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Sorry for the triple post but there's been some developments. When we broke up I told him I had already ordered his birthday gift and asked for his address to send it to him. During the last days I changed my mind and I won't be sending the gift to someone who caused me so much pain. Because I had already told him he'd receive the gift, I sent him a message telling him the order got lost and he shouldn't be expecting anything anymore. What really bothered me was his response, he was super nice. Like... fake nice. He thanked me for it and asked me if they were giving me the money back and offered to give me the money in case they didn't. He wished me and my family a good year and everything. I don't know, but knowing him as I do, it seems like he's trying not to feel guilty and pretending to be this super nice guy, just to clean his conscience. I probably won't answer him. And if I do I'll just tell him that is my business and will politely ask him not to contact me anymore because I want to go back to NC asap, but I want to be classy and not to look childish. I'm just so angry, I can't help but think he's putting on a show. How do you guys read his message? Am I being biased? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Just ignore the azzhat and move on. Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
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