Emotional wreck really sad after giving wife permission to cheat

[Howard]

mmm i dont now how to start but i just need some good solid advice. I am an emotional wreck right now. Me and my wife had given each other permission to cheat. We are away from each other for long times, sometimes 4-5mos apart. This time when we were together i wasn't able to perform i was under alot of stress, and i new my wife was getting frustrated because she has a very high drive, i am ok now since my drive has returned. So when i had to leave again for another 4-5mos i told her its ok if she cheat because its only sex, and not love. Before we got married we both cheated on each other, my wife gave another guy oral sex, and i had intercourse with one girl, and had a long making out session like ( 6-8hrs) with another girl were we did everything except no penetration. when we told each other of what happened before we got married to wipe the slate clean we were both hurt. But then later it turned into fantasy, she wanted to see or watch me with another girl and vise versa.

So a couple of weeks ago i called her up and said if she want to have sex with that guy she gave oral to it was ok, since its been a while since she got anything. I even helped her, with what to say and wear for the day. Well of course she was hesitant at first but eventually agreed because we both said it would be just sex and not love. well it turned out that this guy really rocked her world and when she told me about it, she was so happy, she felt great, it was like the best sex she ever had. Even as I wright this now she is on her second sex date with this guy ( who is also married and has children so thier should be no strings attached - just sex ).

This is the problem when i told her this could be the last time she told me "ahhh comon its just getting good". All this make me feel inferior. When i am horny i am fine with it, and fantasize about it, but not the last couple of days, because she is getting bored of telling me the same story. I am very jealous and i know my wife loves me to death and that we could never leave each other, so sometimes i am happy for her that she is getting her sexual fullment, and before this, i mean before we met we had only been with each other, the only other time was before we got married when we both cheated. when she describes what happened, even during phone sex, i get excited but a part of me is really jealous. I know she is enjoying it which i am happy about, but i dont now if i can handle it. She also told me i would feel better if i had someone to cheat with, but due to where i am thats not an option. I now i did it to myself by giving her permission in the first place, but now i am really depressed, i feel like theirs no way i will be able to fullfill her like the other guy, for one thing before i could penetrate her i would always give her oral sex to get her wet and an orgasm, whith this guy she doesn't need the oral shes wet before she starts and she doesn't care about the orgasm she just wants him in her. All she did was fullfil one of my fantazies, and now i am paying the price for it.

Please dont burn me just give me some good solid advice, i want her to be sexually fullfilled because i wont be around much especially for the next two year, basically i'll be lucky if i'll be with her for 2-3 mos out of the two years.

And if i had the chance i would probably cheat on her, but i now for a fact it wouldn't hurt her as much as what she is doing is hurting me. I now we cant live without eachother (high school sweet hearts dated for 10 yrs, married for 4yrs).

So dont flame just please, please help me out.

Thank you

[Debster]

Why are you both apart for so long? Wouldn't a better solution would have been to make it so you aren't apart for so long? I gotta say, the decisions you guys made I don't get it. There is such a huge lack of logic, IMO.

[jmargel]

You have to decide what is more important. Your job or her. You unleashed this beast and in all reality no one knows where it's going to go. Although it looks bad already since she decided to screw this guy again against your wishes. It's time to put your foot down, tell her it's bothering you and that you want to be only with her. I think counseling is in need here too.

 

Does this other guy's wife know about this? You know what's going to happen. An emotional bond between this other man & your wife is gonna form. This needs to be stopped now.

[Howard]

Tks for the quick replys. She screwed the guy with my permission. But the problem is we cant be together for antoher 2yrs or else i have wasted 28yrs of my life. I goto med school abroad, and its something i worked at for long time, and if I move her here, I will definetly fail, as I wont be able to study when she is with me. She also has a great job back home, and we dont have to worry about finances. I know I did it to myself. But i dont now what to do. I just feel like the lowest **** in the world. jUst confused. It just kills me that he can satisfy her, in ways i cant, she will tell me I am alot better, but I've known her the rest of my life and i now she is lying. Any more suggestion plz

[whichwayisup]

Wow, I feel for ya...

 

I guess it's too late to say NO MORE and just buy a vibe.

 

Is it really just about sex? Seems more loneliness probably has set in.

 

I'm afraid for you as the more she sleeps with others, the more easy it could be to become emotionally attached to somebody else. I don't know what to tell you except maybe she can take a mini leave of absence from her work, spend some time where you are...Talk everyday as much as you can and try to not allow anybody else into the marriage.

 

Marriage councilling eventually will help but right now with the distance apart it's harder.

 

I don't know what else to say...It's a tough situation and I wish you all the best.

[Howard]

tks which for your reply unfortunalty i dont even want to talk to her anymore even on the phone, i just hate the excitement she has about what she did. I feel like i've also failed her sexually, i now we both have extreme high drives ( i masturbate at least 6-8 times a day, and she cant go for 3 days without orgasming), the only thing is my drive returned and she isn't here to benefit from it, when i was thier my drive was so low from being stressed out about school ( failing ect ) that when she would go all out for me, i would be like not today honey.

To the other question no the other guys wife doesn't now, the problem is she found out about them along time ago when my wife had oral with him, and she gave him a warning to never do it again, but then he called like 3-4mos after, wanting to talk with my wife, but I was their so she told him never to call our house again, and she told me when he first said that his wife found out and that they cant be together he was crying like he had feelings for her. she will call me in about an hour because she is with him right now.

I really dont now what to do, i cant leave her because i told her to do it, and i love her, and we have a kid, but i dont think i want to have sex with her, because theirs no way i will be able to perform like him. Also she has denied me anal sex my whole life, but with him she had it and told me its ok if we do it, it just shows she into him more then she is into me. If i dont feel like **** i will tell you what she says, or maybe tommorrow, i've never drank alcohol in my life but i may start today, it will get my mind of things. I workout everyday, like 1-2hrs, but that doesn't help me get my mind off things, infact i'm so angry when i workout that all my lifts have increased. I am angry at my self for doing this to me. what the f*** have i done.

[li'l bunny]

That's not very fair. Maybe he didn't think she would do it. Lots of people when they're away wonder if their partner is having sex with someone else. Maybe he wanted her to reassure him that she didn't want to have sex with someone else. Or maybe he felt he couldn't expect her to stay faithful when he was away so much. Either way I don't think he really wanted her to sleep with another guy.

 

That said, what on earth possessed you to say it was okay? Especially with a guy she'd already cheated with. The two of them are obviously close if they are still in touch and she could just ring him up and say 'hey I have the all clear to f*** your brains out' and he says 'cool I'll be right over'. It does sound a little strange.

[Howard]

tks lil for your trust. i now i deserve what i asked for. I said to her to do it because i always new she wanted to, and i just wanted her to get it out of her system, plus she told me to go ahead, and then i thought to be fair i told her to go for it. The only thing is she hasn't called me today, especially since she met him today, i am thinking of calling her work to see if she is ok, she always calls before going to work and leave me a voice mail just to say she is ok. mmmm life sucks i guess.

[RecordProducer]

Howard, you actually did the right thing by giving your wife the permission to cheat. There's a saying "Give one a power and you will know who he really is!"

When my boyfriend and I started dating he said we were not in an exclusive relationship yet and we could date other people. I was very hurt by that. After a couple of months I told him I haven't dated anyone and have had no desire to, because he was the one I wanted. He said he felt the same and hadn't dated anyone. Then we took our profiles off the dating sites and agreed upon an exclusive relationship.

He said to me: "The point of having a non-exclusive relationship was not to cheat with a mutual permission, but to NOT date other people when you DO have the permission to."

Then I realized how right he was. After all, we don't want our partners to not cheat on us because we told them so. We want them to WANT to be faithful to us by their own choice.

By the way, I've been with him for 6 months in a long-distance relationship. We've seen each other 3 times (20 days total).

I completely understand your worries and jealousy. I would feel very bad too. I also understand that it makes you horny, and that doesn't mean you're a pervert.

You gave your wife a loaded gun and she shot you. You need to find a way to deal with it.

For start, you MUST tell her how you feel. Depending on her reaction, you will find a solution. If it's going to hurt her too then it's a good sign.

Don't worry about the other man pleasing her better than you. He is just new and she's wet, because what she is doing is kinda nasty in her perception so it gives her the thrills. Plus she's been horny for a long time. And the marriage kills the sexual sparkle. You've been together for 14 years.

Talk to your wife! You might be surprised by her reaction. She might have thought: 'Well if my husband lets me sleep with other people then it means he doesn't really care and he wants to sleep with other women as well'.

[Howard]

thankyou recordproducer, you made me feel a little better. thankyou very much. The only thing is I now when i see my wife after 3-5mos, when i come back, its like we are totally into eachother, since we haven't seen eachtoher for a long time, and like in any relationship, sex is very important in our relationship also. Just this time it will be different, i feel like i've lost something, i dont now how to explain it, but i know this time when we see each other i will feel different, like she isn't all mine anymore. Thankyou everybody for your honesty. I still got 5weeks till i get back, and i dont now if things will get worse or better. I now for me i think they are getting worse, its just that the one time i told her to stop meeting him again she was like "a hhhhh it was just getting good" and i dont now what that means, i am also very afraid if i tell her to stop, she will go see him anyway behind my back - something i wont be able to handle, and will definetly kill our relationship.

[Moose]

Man, I knew people were getting bad, morally, but this conversation is the proof in the puddin'. Listen to you two:

Howard, you actually did the right thing by giving your wife the permission to cheat.

WHAT? You're nutts! Why would anybody even think about opening that door? I'm beginning to think that you need help RP.

"The point of having a non-exclusive relationship was not to cheat with a mutual permission, but to NOT date other people when you DO have the permission to."

This makes absolutley no sense to me. What is a non-exclusive relationship when you can't date other people? I think you were had.

After all, we don't want our partners to not cheat on us because we told them so. We want them to WANT to be faithful to us by their own choice.

When you become a partner, it's a given you don't cheat. You don't, "tell", the other to be faithful, you trust them not to be faithful. If you find they can't be faithful, then you find a partner who will be. It's not like you go out, pick someone from the crowd and say, "Hey, I'd like to be your partner, don't cheat on me", and expect that person to do it. It's a mutual understanding once you become exclusive.

Before we got married we both cheated on each other, my wife gave another guy oral sex, and i had intercourse with one girl, and had a long making out session like ( 6-8hrs) with another girl were we did everything except no penetration. when we told each other of what happened before we got married to wipe the slate clean we were both hurt. But then later it turned into fantasy, she wanted to see or watch me with another girl and vise versa.

This should of been your first clue Columbo. This marriage was doomed to fail from day one. If this has been ok with you from the get go, you have noone else to blame for your misery but yourself. Personally, I think you're a fake, and if you're truly in med school, I pray that I'm never one of your patients. Do you k-n-o-w what i mean n-o-w?

[Howard]

Thankyou moose for your opinion. Well I just called her and she sounded like she enjoyed it more then she enjoys it with me. I guess the marriage is doomed, but i cant leave because we have a kid, and it was me that did it to myself. so i ****ed myself, i will be stuck in this marriage for the rest of my life. Before this all I did was dream about my wife especially when i'm away from her for so long, she is really beautiful and has guys hitting on her constantly, but i dont feel specail anymore that she is mine, i dont think i will be able to have sex with her or be intimate, when i close my eyes i dont even think of her sexually - it will take a long time till i get over whats happening. I now one thing is unbalanced i always consider her feelings more then she ever considers mine, and this is probably just an example.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Two options:

 

1. Call her up and tell her how you feel, and why (ok, leave out the part about how inadequate you feel). Tell her that you are glad she got her release, but that a release is all you really intended it to be, that you have not and will not cheat on her, and that you are requesting that she stop sleeping with (and stop talking with him, because that would just be an emotional affair) this guy she just slept with. Tell her it is hurting you, but that you didn't know how much it would hurt you when you gave her the ok to do it, but that you made a mistake, and hope you can put this genie back in the bottle before it hurts your relationship. Stress that this is not her fault, and that you take full responsibility for what has happened so far, but that you wish more than anything in the world that you had never brought this up in the first place. Tell her that you feel like what you and she have together is special, that you feel that the both of you should save yourselves for each other from this point forward, and that you know she could do it behind your back, but that you love her, and that you are going to trust that if she says she will not, that she will not. See what she says.

 

2. Recognize that what you now have is what is called an "open marriage". Go get yourself some locally where you are now, and then find a way to be happy with that, deal with that, and feel close to her anyway (all the stuff you were saying earlier about how it's just sex and not love, etc. etc. etc.). Most open marriages don't work, but some do. Personally, I don't think I would want that.

[Howard]

thankyou withorwithoutyou, that is really great advice, but the reality is i probably will tell her i dont feel like talking to her when i get back and we will see what decision she makes, i'll be back in a month plus i have big exams coming up and i cant be distracted, or all this was for nothing, so when i talk to her in a month i will just tell her i'll see her when i get back, and if she's in love with him, then its my loss and i wont bother winning her back, i guess i give up, just time to focus on studying and passing exams. i can read her like a book so if she lies to my face then i will now the truth. I can't believe i did this to myself i wish i could go back in time and change everything, right now i will focus on passing and when i get back i will focus on my son, i'll leave it to her if she wants me or not. Plus i now i am getting old i am almost 30, and i've spent my whole life in school, i have nothing no house, no finances, all the things a wife would want i cant provide, i am at the mercy of my parent finances, and my wifes job, she blames me for this since all her friends have everything and we dont, i use to think having each other would be enough, but i personally dont care anymore - i now i am hurting and maybe this is just jibberish, or i am releasing my anger at the situation, but the wound i have no bandaid or love will heal.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Have that talk with your wife, and do it tomorrow. And for God sakes, don't tell her you don't want to talk with her for a month just because she is doing the other guy (remember it was YOU that said that was ok - time to say it is UN-OK). At least make SOME effort (a simple, heartfelt request) to put a stop to that. If she tells you she isn't going to stop, well, ok, then don't talk to her for a while and focus on your exams. I know what a pain those kinds of exams can be, and after putting so much in, failing would just suck. But DO make the effort man! It isn't fair to either of you if you don't. Like you said, this is your f**k-up, so at least make some passing effort to fix it before putting your nose to the grindstone and basically giving up on your marriage! You owe it to both of you. This cannot wait a month. The time is now. And this whole idea you seem to be getting at that you are bad in the sack or something - forget that! The lady had not got any sex for so damned long that of COURSE she enjoyed the hell out of it and it felt good. It doesn't mean that you are not good! Call her up, put a stop to this bull****, and take your wife back!

[Howard]

you are great withorwithoutyou, thankyou for you support and i will consider your advice very carefully. Thankyou it means alot to me.

[Howard]

I guess everything worked for the better she phoned last night and told me that he doesn't satisfy her like i do, and that she doesn't want to see him anymore.

[Lolla]

I did not read all the posts, but I get what the issue at hand is here:

 

 

1) .. I'm sorry, sorry because you thought you were doing the right thing but it indeed back fire.

 

2) .. You need to take the risk and talk to your wife, 14 years of marriage you should have some great communication skills by now.

 

3) .. If after conversation with her, she gets all bent out of shape ... well then you know that she is happy doing what she is doing with the other guy and think hard about WHY you would want her in your life after the hurt she put YOU through, regardless of you giving the go ahead.

 

4) .. There are millions of divorced PARENTS out there so I DO NOT want to hear the "Regardless, I'll be stuck with her the rest of my life, we have a KID" story..

 

5) .. It is SO SAD to think YOUR wife is sleeping with a guy who has a WIFE of his own who has no idea what is going on....

 

6) .. With this, two families and kids are going down the crapper because of your wife ... and your decisions ... the other guys choice ... poor other wife - all I can say, she is the innocent one.

 

7) .. Your relationship CANNOT BE that tight - something like this is a clean, emotionally normal relationship would never even be a consideration..

 

8) .. Sounds like your wife is not thinking about your feelings anymore .. and your tipping the bottle back ... again, I'm sorry.

 

- It is weird posting about this situation because I WOULD NEVER STAND FOR, NOR WOULD MY S/O. It would leave a both with a sense of betrayal, unwantedness, lack of any emotion, and hurt...

 

There is more to life then these games. I just read your last post before I posted this and

Maybe things are WORKED OUT for today but the memories will always be there... This DID happen, how could you or her sleep at night now?

Did HIS wife find out and dump his ass out and then your wife comes running home to phone you??? Twisted!

[RecordProducer]

Howard, your wife had only you in bed and him - that's all her sexual experience. So she got disappointed with him for whatever reason. Now she will most likely not have a desire to be with someone else anymore. So you won at the end!

 

Moose, you missed the whole point. I don't need help, but thanks for your concern. My lover and I are faithful to each other and have no intention or desire to cheat. Sometimes you need to let things go and see if they stay or at least go and come back. Holding things by force only pushes the other one away from you.

It's better that she tried and got disappointed than if she dreamt about this guy (or other guys) for the rest of her life.

I would probably never do what Geo did cuz I am way to jealous for such an alternative type of action. But you definitely missed the point, my friend.

If you give your girlfriend/wife a permission to cheat, would she?

Sometimes it's better to know the truth than live with your head in the sand.

As a matter of fact, if some day I get the feeling that my partner wants to cheat on me, I might give him the permission. If he goes for it, I will simply dump him. If he is hurt by my permission and starts wondering if I am desiring someone else then it will mean that he is faithful to, me not because he has to, but because he WANTS to. I want my sweetheart to be faithful to me because I am the only one he desires.

Even if he looks at other women and fantasize about them here and there, but doesn't want to really sleep with them or cheat on me (with or without my permission), he won't do it and I will know that his love is real.

 

GEO, it's up to you to make the emotional decision on whether you can get over your wife's affair. After all, it turned out that it was only sex. She stopped appreciating the warmth of marriage after 14 years (and given that you're apart for long time and two more years) so you let her try the cold water. She came out freezing and shaking.

GEO, congratulations on your courage and instinctive wisdom. I admire your deed!

[Owl]

RP-

 

One thing that you've not taken into account...it's almost NEVER 'just sex'. If it continues to happen, she WILL find someone (if she's not lying about how it was with the first guy...come one, she changed her story like that...odds are, she could tell her husband was upset, and is lying now to make him feel better...but could still very possibly be considering keeping it going...how would he know one way or another with as much as he's gone?) that she begins to bond to.

 

Unless you've been badly emotionally damaged sometime, sex is almost always impossible to seperate completely from intimacy. And THAT is why people who start out with 'just sex' find it turning into something more. And THAT is why Geo should have never given his wife permission.

 

As far as dumping someone who cheated on you after you gave them permission to do so, don't you see that as just a little bit hypocritical? If you feel that you've got to test that, then you're probably already in dire need of counseling for your relationship. If you tell them its ok, then YOU are the one responsible for creating the conditions that ruined your relationship, just as much as they are for acting on them.

 

Geo-

Get thee and thy wife to counseling, ASAP! You two need to work out some better way of meeting each other's needs (both physical AND emotional) than this. Hopefully the damage already done to your marriage isn't such that you can't recover. Tell your wife that you made a stupid decision, and that you're really worried about what's going to happen to your marriage now that you've opened this can of worms. TELL her what your fears are, TALK with her about it, and try to find some kind of way to deal with your 'needs' other than bringing others in. And...PRAY that this hasn't already 'whetted her appetite" to a point that she's not willing to stop.

 

Good luck!

[Moose]

Moose, you missed the whole point. I don't need help, but thanks for your concern. My lover and I are faithful to each other and have no intention or desire to cheat. Sometimes you need to let things go and see if they stay or at least go and come back. Holding things by force only pushes the other one away from you. and But you definitely missed the point, my friend.

I don't think so. Look, I didn't mean any dis-respect, and I certainly wasn't out to insult you. What you described here is something that would be practiced by two people, before, they are married. The original poster here has already committed himself to her, and her him, however it seems that they didn't understand the concept of marriage to begin with. When two people decide to marry, they are in fact making a covenant with each other to be faithful one with another.

It's better that she tried and got disappointed than if she dreamt about this guy (or other guys) for the rest of her life.

See, this is the kind of comment I can't fanthom. Ever here of fantasies? Fantasies are fine, even healthy to have. What would happen to someone if they could live out every fantasy they've ever thought of? They'd be freakin' bored out of their gourd when they can't think of anything else!

If you give your girlfriend/wife a permission to cheat, would she?

First off, I'd never shoot myself in the foot. Secondly, even if I was stupid enough to give her permission, she wouldn't do it. Mrs. Moose understands what a committment is. She understands the the covenant we made wasn't just between us, God is the one holding us accountable for our vows. We both understand the consequences and that's why I can tell when people like you and other dillusional couples are making a huge mistake.

Even if he looks at other women and fantasize about them here and there, but doesn't want to really sleep with them or cheat on me (with or without my permission), he won't do it and I will know that his love is real.

Ok, so you've heard of fantasies. Here's the just though, their is no doubt in my mind, heart, and soul that my wife loves me. I don't have to give her permission to cheat to test that fact. She shows me with her actions. When you go off testing your partner, you're stomping on dangerous grounds. It takes faith. Lot's of faith.

After all, it turned out that it was only sex.

I can't get over how easy it is for people to believe sex is only a physical act. Sex is the only avenue that we mere humans use to melt, or become one with another. Why do you think it's so easy to contract STD's? Sex should only be shared with someone you truly love. It is a part of you that should be kept sacred for the person who vowed to do the same for you.

She stopped appreciating the warmth of marriage after 14 years (and given that you're apart for long time and two more years) so you let her try the cold water. She came out freezing and shaking.

Have you considered the possibility that it's HIS fault she stopped, "appreciating the warmth of their marriage"? And how about instead of taking the lazy way out and giving her permission to, "test the cold water", wouldn't it of been a more honorable deed to work on the areas of his marriage that was lacking that led to this in the first place.

GEO, congratulations on your courage and instinctive wisdom. I admire your deed!

I think that maybe you should examine your standards for admoration. Personally, I still think he's fake, he didn't get the hint that he's misspelling a certain word, and his actions proved that he's far from being wise.

[RecordProducer]

Okay, Moose, you're smart and I love to exchange opinions with smart people so I will try and explain mine better.

I know you didn't mean to insult me and I didn't take your words as an insult. I hope you didn't take mine either cuz that's the last thing I would want to do to anyone.

When I said you're missing the point, I meant I am being kinda misunderstood on this matter.

You said you don't need to test your wife, because you know that she wouldn't do it even if you gave her the permission to cheat on you. See, that's my point. You trust your wife and you wouldn't cheat on her either. I also wouldn't cheat on my BF (hopefully he will be my second and last husband). I know he wouldn't cheat on me either so I don't need to apply the test. Many people wouldn't cheat. In normal circumstances, if you told your wife 'You have my permission to cheat" she would probably be like "Huh? Where did that come from? Are you having an affair? I don't want to be with other men!"

And that would be a healthy response. But Howard's wife let him know in certain ways that she desired this other guy. So he got crazy at one moment (and subconsciously decided to test her feelings) and went for it.

So back to your wife, imagine if you allowed her to sleep with someone else and she said "Oh, thanks. I thought you'd never say that. I will." And actually does it.

Would you regret you giving her the permission or would you regret marrying her?

Marriage means commitment, but unfortunately not all people feel that way.

He saw what he wanted to see. You wouldn't want to see that if you were in his shoes. But honestly how would you feel if you knew your wife truly desired someone else? Not like fantasizing about him, but would cheat on you with him if you only gave her the permission. Wouldn't you want to know about it? To see if she would really be capable of doing it? because this is about cheating (and geo calls it that way) and not about permission. She is not a child, she is a grown woman responsible for her acts.

Frankly, I wouldn't have the courage to suggest such a thing. But I might pretend to suggest it in order to see how my partner would react. If he would be all hot for the idea, I would consider it to be an introduction to a cheating and the beginning of the end of his love for me. Of course, I would never play with fire if I know he loves me (like I do now), like you know your wife loves you.

Maybe what he did was stupid, but I think his wife is at least 90% responsible cuz she was the one who f*cked someone else, not Geo.

I am glad you think that sex should happen only with someone you truly love. I feel the same about it. Unfortunately not all men and women share our opinion.

[ubermann]

Howard, I am suprised you did this since you discussed pain from the first encounters. You had an idea already that this stuff hurt. Dr. Sherry Lee has a site dealing with the hotwife phenomenon. It may make you puke but its about people who do this, goto http://www.theinternetcollege.org/44.htm. The chances of survival(marital) is slim. If I remember correctly it has excerpts from therapy sessions from the hubbies going nuts. And its true that once the ladies get the excitement they maynot be able or want to stop.

[aFighter]

This is an unbelievable story.

I'll have to agree with Moose on this one.

 

With the risk of STD's these days and everything even With condoms, an open relationship is suicide or at the very least a really nasty infection.

No way in hell would I put myself in that situation.

It maybe too late now anyway. If you put you're foot down and say no more she could leave. If you let it go on she could leave.

It's F.U.B.A.R.

[Moose]

So back to your wife, imagine if you allowed her to sleep with someone else and she said "Oh, thanks. I thought you'd never say that. I will." And actually does it.

Actually, she's bi-curious. I know that if the opportunity presented itself, she could fall into temptation and actually go through with it. And we've even talked about it. We both know what could happen if she went through with it.

 

I've been accused of denying her her real desires. I've been told I should let her go through with it. The thing is, I know that if she did go through with it, she'd never let me know about it, and she would take it to her grave. I have to have faith in her that she won't. And to tell you the truth, even if I did find out she did, I would go into self-examination mode to see if I neglected in my duties to pleasure her. I wouldn't blame her off the bat.

Would you regret you giving her the permission or would you regret marrying her?

Marriage means commitment, but unfortunately not all people feel that way.

I do understand the point that you're trying to get to. That's why I said this marriage was doomed right off. Listen, I do desire other women. My wife desires other men, and women. We both wonder what it would be like to have sex with other people. There isn't a human being on Earth who doesn't. I find you very attractive even. (That is you as your avatar?), I wonder what you would be like too, (same for Monday, Pocky, Blind Otter, and others), I've always had a thing with beautiful english accented woman. We're human, we all have physical needs. The point that I'm trying to make though, is that when you choose to marry someone, that should be your partner, for life. The thought of giving permission to cheat should never enter the mind.

Marriage means commitment, but unfortunately not all people feel that way.

AND

I am glad you think that sex should happen only with someone you truly love. I feel the same about it. Unfortunately not all men and women share our opinion.

Is pretty much the main reason I'm still on Love Shack. I consider this place my mission field.