Got in to a huge fight with my mom over nothing..

[DazedAndConfused15]

So I'm at my family's house for Christmas, and it's like my Aunt, uncle, few cousins, and some of their cousins. We're all sitting in the living room talking when my cousin brings up the BB gun that I bought like 4 years ago and left at their house. Excited, I go and get it and plan on putting it in my suitcase to bring back to college. Now my mom starts saying how I probably won't be able to bring it on the plane because its a gun and I explain to her how I can check the bag that it's in and it'll be fine and it's perfectly legal. She starts arguing against that and it gets pretty heated and I say how she's wrong and is overreacting to a BB gun...It gets more heated and she freaks out and says, "Don't call me when you get arrested! Sorry I don't want to get that call and pay for a lawyer again!", referencing 4 years ago when I was 17 and got arrested for marijuana possession. Everyone quieted down, it got real awkward. I got pissed, said, "Okay, now I'm leaving. No idea why you had to just insult me like that." and said "F you" under my breath as I walked out. I left to walk to my Aunt's house where my brother and I were staying down the street. Keep in mind ever since I got arrested I had turned my life around - Got accepted to a top 20 engineering school, just finished with a high profile internship, so it's safe to say I rebounded and am now doing great. About an hour later, my mom comes to the house I'm staying at and berates me about how I don't respect her opinion, how I "embarrassed her" in front of everyone by saying she was wrong and "making her feel like an idiot." I explained to her how that's not nearly as bad as bringing up an extremely personal instance of which everyone has moved on from for no reason in the middle of a petty argument. We argued some more, I brought up how she needs to move on from when I got in trouble, and she starts crying and says "That was such a hard time for me." I then say, "I know, I know, it was hard for me too and I had apologized for putting you through that, but you have to move on because I'm doing great now." She explains to me then how I haven't really changed, how I have no common sense for wanting to bring that BB gun on the plane. I explain to HER how it's perfectly legal and it's almost statistically impossible to get arrested to check a bag with that on the plane. She tells me that she wished I took her opinion more seriously and had my aunt ship it, instead of trying to prove a point by getting on the plane with it. She cries, tells me she doesn't know me anymore, and that I can find my own ride to the airport in the morning.

What did I do? I get berated in front of my entire family and I'm the a**hole because I told her she was wrong? Now I feel bad because she's my mom and she's crying in her room alone because of some ****ed up scenario she made up in her head...part of me feels like I ****ed up, where the other part is still waiting for an apology that she in no way is going to give me. I don't know how to solve this.

[hoping2heal]

Your Mom was being a drama queen. There really was not much you detailed her saying that wasn't being a drama queen.

 

It was dramatic to reference what happened 4 years ago when you have since been doing such productive and good things with your life (good for you!).

 

It was dramatic to come over and cry about how you embarassed her for disagreeing.

 

That line about not knowing you anymore? Oh GAWD....Meryl, just give the lady your Oscar already.

 

I am sure it was a hard time for your Mom, but she is being overly dramatic here. If you explained how you are planning to check it and follow everything by the book then none of that reaction from her was necessary. I might daresay she's being manipulative, even.

 

No one wants to make Mom cry, let alone on Christmas of all days..and while I think the FU was hurtful and disrespectful from your end, your Mom is being a big drama queen about all of this.

[DazedAndConfused15]

Your Mom was being a drama queen. There really was not much you detailed her saying that wasn't being a drama queen.

 

It was dramatic to reference what happened 4 years ago when you have since been doing such productive and good things with your life (good for you!).

 

It was dramatic to come over and cry about how you embarassed her for disagreeing.

 

That line about not knowing you anymore? Oh GAWD....Meryl, just give the lady your Oscar already.

 

I am sure it was a hard time for your Mom, but she is being overly dramatic here. If you explained how you are planning to check it and follow everything by the book then none of that reaction from her was necessary. I might daresay she's being manipulative, even.

 

No one wants to make Mom cry, let alone on Christmas of all days..and while I think the FU was hurtful and disrespectful from your end, your Mom is being a big drama queen about all of this.

 

So just let her cool down? We're driving 8 hours tomorrow and they're dropping me off at the airport on the way home because that airport is cheaper than the one near my Aunt's house..She said she doesn't want to drive me. I'm sure she'll give in and my step dad and aunt will talk sense in to her, but I'm screwed if I miss that flight home...

[hoping2heal]

So just let her cool down? We're driving 8 hours tomorrow and they're dropping me off at the airport on the way home because that airport is cheaper than the one near my Aunt's house..She said she doesn't want to drive me. I'm sure she'll give in and my step dad and aunt will talk sense in to her, but I'm screwed if I miss that flight home...

 

Would your Mom really do that to you?! E.g. let you miss your flight?

[d0nnivain]

You go over there & apologize for the F bomb. It's never OK to say that to your mom.

 

 

Then you talk about the fact that her comment hurt you & caused you to react. Hopefully she'll apologize too.

[nittygritty]

"We're all sitting in the living room talking when my cousin brings up the BB gun that I bought like 4 years ago and left at their house. Excited, I go and get it and plan on putting it in my suitcase to bring back to college. Now my mom starts saying how I probably won't be able to bring it on the plane because its a gun and I explain to her how I can check the bag that it's in and it'll be fine and it's perfectly legal. She starts arguing against that and it gets pretty heated and I say how she's wrong and is overreacting to a BB gun...It gets more heated and she freaks out and says, "Don't call me when you get arrested!"

 

I didn't know that it was legal to take a BB gun on a plane. Do you know if you have to keep it in a hard sided case?

 

Firearms and Ammunition | Transportation Security Administration

 

I think you should apologize to your mom. Obviously she worries about you.

[anika99]

"We're all sitting in the living room talking when my cousin brings up the BB gun that I bought like 4 years ago and left at their house. Excited, I go and get it and plan on putting it in my suitcase to bring back to college. Now my mom starts saying how I probably won't be able to bring it on the plane because its a gun and I explain to her how I can check the bag that it's in and it'll be fine and it's perfectly legal. She starts arguing against that and it gets pretty heated and I say how she's wrong and is overreacting to a BB gun...It gets more heated and she freaks out and says, "Don't call me when you get arrested!"

 

I didn't know that it was legal to take a BB gun on a plane. Do you know if you have to keep it in a hard sided case?

 

Firearms and Ammunition | Transportation Security Administration

 

I think you should apologize to your mom. Obviously she worries about you.

 

I don't think the OP meant that he was going to carry it onto the plane with him, rather he was going to check it with the rest of his baggage.

 

 

OP I think your mother was wrong in this situation. It was wrong for her to bring up an ugly incident from your past in front of your family that way. She seems kind of emotionally manipulative and overly dramatic to me. Threatening to not even give you a ride to the airport is definitely manipulative and controlling. Has she always been prone to this kind of behavior?

[Radu]

OP, you live in the US.

If they want to arrest you, they will do it for a toenail clipper; have the BB gun sent home.

 

She was out of line, but you can't really do much about it.

Passively show consequences for her behaviour; disengage and stop giving her the moral high ground.

 

You go over there & apologize for the F bomb. It's never OK to say that to your mom.

 

 

Then you talk about the fact that her comment hurt you & caused you to react. Hopefully she'll apologize too.

 

She did not hear him; saying that is like adding gasoline on an already well burning fire.

Second, he is not the type to easily say it ... or so i suspect.

[anika99]

OP, you live in the US.

If they want to arrest you, they will do it for a toenail clipper; have the BB gun sent home.

 

She was out of line, but you can't really do much about it.

Passively show consequences for her behaviour; disengage and stop giving her the moral high ground.

 

 

 

She did not hear him; saying that is like adding gasoline on an already well burning fire.

Second, he is not the type to easily say it ... or so i suspect.

 

 

Right. I get the impression that this woman does not apologize for her own wrong doing. He already tried to explain his feelings to her and she used that to just cry some more and talk about herself. It doesn't sound like being reasonable is part of her personality. I agree that the OP needs to stand up for himself. Not by being rude or disrespectful but by refusing to play her game with her. Whenever she starts trying to guilt or manipulate him he should immediately end the conversation and walk away or hang up or leave or whatever he has to do to put a stop to it. Eventually she will learn that her old behaviour is giving her the same pay off.

[mrs rubble]

You haven't missed the damned BB gun in 4 years! Why oh why would you need to start an arguement over it now?

Why don't you gift it to your cousin and buy youself a new one (if you really need this toy!) when you get home.

If you do go taking it on the plane and somehow manage to get yourself in trouble for it, you'll have egg on your face and mom will be telling you so.