corkee Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Please help. I work at a bar/club. Its not a strip club or anything, just a regular club where people like to hang out listen to some music and throw back a few. My boyfriend hates that I work here. Not because he is afraid that I will go home with anyone else or anything like that. He trusts me but he gets jealous because of what I wear to work. I don't wear that bad of stuff either. Sometimes I wear some low cut shirts that show off some cleavage or something like that and when I am bending over the bar you might get a little peek. I think this is perfectly normal, all girls my age wear this type of stuff. However, he can't handle it. He gets all pissed off and upset. I don't know what to do. I want to make him happy, but I don't think I should have to change what I like to wear. Am I in the wrong here? Should I just dress more conservative so that he will be happy? Is there any other way to make him feel better? Is his behavior normal? Thanks for any advice you can provide. Link to post Share on other sites
whatodo Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 I think it would help to explain to him that its not what he thinks and that you are always going to be there an no guys are all over you trying to get a look in and touch or whatever. He is going to need to understand that, that is just how it is. That is your job and that is how you dress. If he really trusts you he shouldn't have to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 He is probably thinking of how he and his buddies look at and talk about the hot bar girls that they see when they go out. And the thought of other guys ogling you and talking about what they would like to do to you is making him upset. Tell him that its your job and you would rather work there and make good money on tips then work at McDonalds for minimum wage and you don't plan on being a bar girl forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Teag Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 He knew you dressed like that before you dated & he liked it then. Tell him to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Ask him why it bothers him then go from there... Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Probably because you wear those things to look sexually attractive to other guys. I'd talk to him about it and make an effort to tone it down just a little - like, if there's a particular top he just hates you wearing or something like that. Try and compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 He knows that people dress like that to get attention primarily and in his mind, that's innappropriate in a relationship, job or not. Depending on what it is you wear, his views may be normal or abnormal and its hard to tell here. You should explain to him that if he's looking for a girl who doesn't wear that kind of clothing, then the two of you may not be right for each other. I think he's silly for making a big thing about it: if he doesn't like it, he should find another girl, not torture himself about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Preggo Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I am a boyfriend with jealous issues as such. And examing this helps me put my situation in perspective. Your exactly right that he is just worried about the attention that you will recieve, and, like myself, he thinks he is the only person who deserves to see your body (as controlling as that sounds). I think, (maybe knowingly) women are a little naive of how every guy looks down their shirt, given the opportunity, and I think that men think that every guy who looks is going to "oogle" the woman (meaning that they will become aroused by the woman's cleavage, because I know that checking a girl out is very second nature to me, but rarely do I ever oogle them). So I suppose that there just needs to be a compromise. I think that you might need to take a self inventory and figure out if you wear the shirts because thats what you like to wear, or because it helps your overall work environment and income, and the guy needs to ask himself if he is feeling jealosy because he is trying to hide is treasure from other males out of insecurity, or because he truely doesnt want his girl to use her body to increase tips. I hope this message is somewhat coherant. Now to try and take my own advice Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 This is a funny one and hard one. Admittedly I like to wear revealing clothing too. I like getting the attention since it makes me feel desired and wanted. I can admit that I would have some confidence issues and I do admit it is a little bit unfair to my boyfriend that everybody else get to see my body as well. However, we were having lots of disscussions about that because my boyfriend likes girls to wear short skirts etc etc but eventhough he finds sexy clothing very nice on me, he does not feel that comfortable with me wearing it. He wants me to be wearing sexy clothing only when I am with him. Which is again a little bit of double standard. I am sure he looks at a girl when she is wearing sexy clothing. If I started wearing conservative clothing, maybe he would feel comfortable with me, but he would me more tempted to look at other girls on the streets more. The solution is very hard here. Maybe I would go for some compromise Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I don't think girls need to wear anything special to make them feel wanted and desired. Every girl will one day have some one somewhere who will love and desire her. That's only my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 But honestly, girls were created to be attractive. Their curves were designed to attract males. So there is really nothing wrong with being sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 Thst goes for boys too. In a different way though. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by very-confused-girl This is a funny one and hard one. Admittedly I like to wear revealing clothing too. I like getting the attention since it makes me feel desired and wanted. I can admit that I would have some confidence issues and I do admit it is a little bit unfair to my boyfriend that everybody else get to see my body as well. This is the issue, and it's not a jealousy issue (unless its an unconfident man). A dude who has his s--t together recognizes the difference between a confident, attractive woman being attractive and a woman who seems to want/need attention, recognition from other men to keep her confidence up. A strong man wants the former and avoids the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
ollydolly Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 I gotta comment on this one. He feels jealous because HE values you. He also knows what men are like, and in a bar where you are on display he understands that the men there DO NOT value you like he does. They may value your breasts and body for the ten second thrill of a quick perv - but it ends there for those men. Remember that there was once a time where men would fight a duel to the death over a woman's sexual honor - that is how important it was. Now, if a man has any "possessive" tendencies toward the sexuality of the woman he loves, he's labelled insecure or controlling. If you want him to trust you fully, he needs to KNOW that you are not inviting male attention on the easiest level. Dazzle them with your wit, charm, brains and beauty if you must, but leave your sexuality for the one you have given that gift to. Yes the female body with it's beautiful curves has been designed to attract males - and even when it is well covered to a male it is still very enticing. Showing cleavage says "Hi - look at my tits". Your boyfriend knows that and it makes him nervous and f###s with his faith in you. Give him a break if you care about his love. I'd rather have a man who feels jealous about my sexuality than a man who couldn't give a damn. If he has to "get over it" as someone suggested, he may have to shut down a deeper part of his intimate feelings for you to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts