return overly generous gift?

[d0nnivain]

Unless they stole it they can obviously afford to buy it.

 

Why do you think it's okay to occupy your thoughts worrying about their finances? It's really none of your business.

 

I don't mean to be rude by saying that but it's really not your concern. I get that you're only trying to be nice but it's taking away from their nice gesture.

 

The same way that you're boasting that you've changed the whole dynamic of gift-giving in their family. You come off sounding as though you think you're better than they are.

 

You understand that, right?

 

 

It isn't my business but the I have insights I haven't shared here . . . including the fact that my SIL showed me the books for her business; she's loosing her shirt. My FIL has talked to me about how much money he gives them every year & how much he resents it.

 

 

I know they don't have health insurance. They had a medical problem earlier this year & ran a Go Fund Me campaign to deal with it. When we visited them earlier they complained about how much they can't afford & what a struggle it is to make rent every month. I don't want this knowledge. I just have it. For the most part I don't care how they live their lives; it's their choice. However, when I know that this gift was beyond their means I worry.

 

 

If they sent me a lesser gift or even a half bottle I would not have been so concerned. Last year they sent me a book from my favorite author & I was thrilled. The year before SIL who is an artist painted us a picture. I'm so proud to hang it in our home.

 

 

The changes I made aren't better or worse & I'm not BETTER than everybody. I am simply concerned that because of something I did -- started sending presents, they have now started doing that. The didn't have to. And I'm not better . . . just different. I sent presents because that was my family tradition & I like giving presents but I fear that I placed an undo obligation on them.

 

 

I wrote this thread to help steer my course in what for me is a relatively new situation. But you know, thanks so much for your snotty judgmental comment. It was very insightful.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sure you know buying a bottle of wine or champagne at a store costs about a fifth of what it costs at any restaurant, as restaurants unfailingly mark it way, way up. A $30 bottle will be $150 at a restaurant. So likely it didn't cost quite as much as you're envisioning. I'm certain they wouldn't have bought that out of any obligation but just really wanted to do it for you. You can have them over to share it before cooking them a nice dinner, which will save them at least some money. And anytime you feel they're being especially frugal or mention money being tight, again, cook them dinner and send home leftovers.

 

 

Of course there's a mark-up in restaurants. We ordered the bottle in the restaurant for two reasons: 1). we had won at $200 gift card before we left home and 2). the mark-up on that bottle in that restaurant was minuscule making it an excellent value. My cousin is a sommelier so I know a lot about wine & the market.

 

 

I know the website where SIL & BIL ordered the champagne. It was on the packing / shipping label so I looked it up, hoping there had been a sale. It wasn't on sale.

 

 

We live on opposite coasts & don't see each other that often. Sending leftovers or having them over for dinner isn't practical.

[amaysngrace]

It isn't my business but the I have insights I haven't shared here . . . including the fact that my SIL showed me the books for her business; she's loosing her shirt. My FIL has talked to me about how much money he gives them every year & how much he resents it.

 

 

I know they don't have health insurance. They had a medical problem earlier this year & ran a Go Fund Me campaign to deal with it. When we visited them earlier they complained about how much they can't afford & what a struggle it is to make rent every month. I don't want this knowledge. I just have it. For the most part I don't care how they live their lives; it's their choice. However, when I know that this gift was beyond their means I worry.

 

 

If they sent me a lesser gift or even a half bottle I would not have been so concerned. Last year they sent me a book from my favorite author & I was thrilled. The year before SIL who is an artist painted us a picture. I'm so proud to hang it in our home.

 

 

The changes I made aren't better or worse & I'm not BETTER than everybody. I am simply concerned that because of something I did -- started sending presents, they have now started doing that. The didn't have to. And I'm not better . . . just different. I sent presents because that was my family tradition & I like giving presents but I fear that I placed an undo obligation on them.

 

 

I wrote this thread to help steer my course in what for me is a relatively new situation. But you know, thanks so much for your snotty judgmental comment. It was very insightful.

 

Alrighty then.

 

Perhaps next year, if your in-laws keep dumping all of their financial woes onto your lap like they've been doing, announce that you aren't giving presents for Christmas.

 

This way they'll be alleviated of any undue pressure of feeling obligated to buy you a present and it won't put them into a financial hardship and they can buy themselves food instead.

[pink_sugar]

My husband and I received a $1,000 from his grandmother for Christmas. We sent her a generous thank you note informing her that we will be using it for our moving expenses. We were quite shocked at the amount, but I am assuming due to our situation (staying with relatives for nearly a year), she generously thought of us since she knows money has been so tight that we've been holding off on getting our own place.

 

Refusing gifts can be considered rude. Graciously thank them and find other ways you can give back to them if money is tight for them.