Should i dump her if she is emotionally cheating?

[Donkeylove]

Hi Folks, could you answer this question? Thank you so much for your time and care.

 

So i found out yesterday that my girlfriend is emotionally cheating with another guy. I am devastated. I trusted her. I am so hurt right now. The pain is killing me. I can't sleep, my mind keeps thinking about her...and that guy!

Chances are that they also went physical by now...

 

I want her out of my life. But if i look into my heart i don't want to dump her because i do love her more than anyone in my life. She is the girl of my dreams. We have been together for 2 years now and we had our ups and downs just like every couplebut we could solve any, i mean any! problem on our way with ease! It felt so good, as if we were ment for eachother. But i fear, this time will be different. I feel so sad now

 

Should i still dump her? Because she is not fully invested in our relationship, one part of her is emotionally somewhere else with this other guy? Problems started to pile up between me and her, because i noticed she was emotionally not fully there when we talk with eachother. Am i wasting my time if i try to talk this out with her or should i just forget about her? I don't want to I love her. Would you give someone who betrayed you a chance?

Edited December 27, 2014 by Donkeylove

[EgoJoe]

Yes. I discovered inappropriate content right before there was inappropriate contact with my Ex. I wish I would have dumped her then.

 

 

End it and don't take her back easy. One text, "It's over, you know why."

 

 

Then post here instead of talking to her.

[Satu]

You need to be with 'the girl of your reality,' rather than 'the girl of your dreams.'

 

Let go of the dream and embrace reality.

[SycamoreCircle]

EgoJoe hit the nail on the head. Nip this in the bud. We're here for you. It will get uglier and uglier if you don't.

 

Read other people's stories, it will help you straighten out this garbage in your head.

 

Stay strong, man! We're here for you.

[Donkeylove]

Yes. I discovered inappropriate content right before there was inappropriate contact with my Ex. I wish I would have dumped her then.

 

 

End it and don't take her back easy. One text, "It's over, you know why."

 

 

Then post here instead of talking to her.

 

Thank you, this advice is so good. It's short but oh so to the point.

 

After all these years, trusting her, listened to her S@#t and always comforting her and making her secure, this is how she pays me back?

I can't believe she could do this to me....it hurts so much.

[Donkeylove]

You need to be with 'the girl of your reality,' rather than 'the girl of your dreams.'

 

Let go of the dream and embrace reality.

 

I have been with this girl for 2 years now. Living and sharing our life under 1 roof, everyday, holidays, weekends. We were like unseperable. I trusted her with my whole life. I could not see myself with another girl other than her. Now this

 

Aparently she still found time and space to cheat with this other guy behind my back, all the while lying to me in my face! i feel disgusted! But i love her that it hurts. I feel like jumping off a buiilding right now. I won't do it. But what's the point of living further.

[coolheadal]

Wake-up! Hello, hello listen! She's not into you anymore. This is what you must understand what's going on. Stop living in a dream world. The real world is a lot different than what you see in your mind! She cheating she's in love with another guy. She not paying attention to you when you speak to her! (Right there that ring a bell (ding)! Come-on you know what she's doing so you need to man-up and tell her to leave (if she's living with you) or if you just seeing each other but live in different places)) just end it!

 

Move on and find someone else who shares your interest and who mostly wants to love you so much and is deeply in love. But that second love usually follows as the relationship develops. Got to keep this in mine.

[SycamoreCircle]

Respectfully, I do not agree with the previous poster. She is immature. She is acting selfishly. Those are not the conditions for fostering "love." Infatuation, yes. Bemusement, yes. Stupidity, most definitely.

 

Don't go around telling yourself, "she loves another man." That is delusional and does you a disservice. The behavior she has undertaken indicates that she does not respect herself. She does not love herself.

[EgoJoe]

If she's not on the lease, pack her stuff up now.

 

 

Move her out, change the locks.

 

 

Click my name and go to my profile, look at my threads started, go to the one, "She cheated and I left." Read it.

 

 

Before I dumped my Ex she was in full on pretend mode trying to make me think she was just spending time with friends. Calling me to say loving and supportive things. I was hip to her already though conflicted. I caught her in so many lies all week long.

 

 

It got really really nasty. I was not on the lease so I moved. She had wanted me to sign it not two weeks prior. End this now, gather your self respect. Don't listen to anything she says it will be projection and blame shifting to get under your skin.

Edited December 27, 2014 by EgoJoe

[SycamoreCircle]

If she's not on the lease, pack her stuff up now.

 

 

Move her out, change the locks.

 

 

Before I dumped my Ex she was in full on pretend mode trying to make me think she was just spending time with friends. Calling me to say loving and supportive things. I was hip to her already though conflicted. I caught her in so many lies all week long.

 

 

It got really really nasty. I was not on the lease so I moved. She had wanted me to sign it not two weeks prior. End this now, gather your self respect. Don't listen to anything she says it will be projection and blame shifting to get under your skin.

 

Amen. Don't even confront her about it. She will turn it around so that everything is your fault. There will be gaslighting. Everything out of your mouth will be distorted by her and presented to her friends and family as evidence of your wrongdoing. You will see a truly psychotic person. Do everything you can to NOT SEE HER between now and whenever the actual final separation happens.

 

You can do this. You are doing the right thing. Feel free to read my story.

[SycamoreCircle]

Also, you are very disoriented right now. Nothing makes sense. Trust me, follow our advice---in one month everything will make perfect sense and you'll have done the right thing.

 

Understand: she has taken away all of your choices. You only have one choice---End things. Go NC. Heal. Move on.

[Donkeylove]

How to dump her if she is the one i love and want to spend my life with? We had very good times and those memories will always stay with me.

 

I can't just throw her out of my life, out of our house. I really love this girl. I am pissed but i don't want to hurt her. She is so kind, so sweet when we are together, we had sex regularly and it was always heaven. No signs that she was not happy on that part.

 

What good comes out of dumping her immediately? Will the chances be bigger that she will come back?

[Satu]

I have been with this girl for 2 years now. Living and sharing our life under 1 roof, everyday, holidays, weekends. We were like unseperable. I trusted her with my whole life. I could not see myself with another girl other than her. Now this

 

Aparently she still found time and space to cheat with this other guy behind my back, all the while lying to me in my face! i feel disgusted! But i love her that it hurts. I feel like jumping off a buiilding right now. I won't do it. But what's the point of living further.

 

The dream has crashed, but you can have a much better relationship in the future.

 

That might sound a bit unreal just now, but you can have what you want when the time is right.

 

One of the keys to that, is accepting the current reality - that she isn't the girl of your dreams, or even the girl you thought she was.

 

That's painful, but it's the way forward.

 

Onward, onward, to a beautiful future.

[EgoJoe]

You can't take her back any time soon. You will be a broken man.

 

 

What you can do is show her the price of selfish betrayal. Put her out. Have some friends come over and help you pack her stuff. Take it to her parents. Move her out today! She doesn't appreciate you but if she's not a truly messed up person she will eventually respect you but the state of mind she is in won't go away any time soon.

 

 

You need to let go and dump her. You deserve better. You get that by demanding it!

[Satu]

The dream has crashed, but you can have a much better relationship in the future.

 

 

With someone else, I meant to say.

[SycamoreCircle]

Yes, the chances are better if you end things now.

 

But...she has shown that she is not emotionally mature to be in a relationship now, so it will be an uphill slog for the two of you.

 

Trust me, all the things you feel for this girl we have felt for ours. It is sad. It is sorry. It is the way things have to be.

 

I'd be willing to bet that your sweet girl has taken you down a few notches in her mind. And possibly to others. Women are crafty. They don't let go of one tree limb before having secure hold of a new one. She has probably been smearing you to her family and friends, preparing for the shift.

 

Her computer would tell you a very different story about your relationship. That is not me encouraging you to snoop. Just saying...

[FortunateSon]

Yes, the chances are better if you end things now.

 

But...she has shown that she is not emotionally mature to be in a relationship now, so it will be an uphill slog for the two of you.

 

Trust me, all the things you feel for this girl we have felt for ours. It is sad. It is sorry. It is the way things have to be.

 

I'd be willing to bet that your sweet girl has taken you down a few notches in her mind. And possibly to others. Women are crafty. They don't let go of one tree limb before having secure hold of a new one. She has probably been smearing you to her family and friends, preparing for the shift.

 

Her computer would tell you a very different story about your relationship. That is not me encouraging you to snoop. Just saying...

 

This is great advice OP, please re-read if you are questioning yourself or the situation.

[Elle1975]

It's bad yes. In a way I find it worse than physical cheating, since for me it's the emotional connection that makes a couple last.

 

Your heart is driving you into a ditch.

[Donkeylove]

What if she did not physically cheat with this guy? Only had emotional talk with him? Should i talk to her about it, and find out why she felt the need to go to this other guy? Perhaps we can fix things? She often says she loves me and want a family with me, do cute things for me and keep me updated where she is and what she is doing etc. I had no reasons to doubt her.

[EgoJoe]

If she hasn't gotten physical and you let this slide, she will.

 

 

You have to end it. I have literally been in your shoes, barely over a month ago.

 

 

Same story. Wake up, you're in a FOG fear, obligation and guilt. Run from this chick, kick her out. You deserve respect.

[SycamoreCircle]

Also, OP, I just want to say kudos to you for sniffing this out in this premature phase. That speaks volumes to your emotional intelligence. Don't you see how attuned you are to this, your present relationship? What an extraordinary thing! Any woman would be lucky to have a man that present and attentive.

[Donkeylove]

If she hasn't gotten physical and you let this slide, she will.

 

 

You have to end it. I have literally been in your shoes, barely over a month ago.

 

 

Same story. Wake up, you're in a FOG fear, obligation and guilt. Run from this chick, kick her out. You deserve respect.

 

But if i end things now, she will run to this other guy. And i am sure they will get physical then i don't want that to happen I will be Crushed! I don't think i will survive that pain.

[SycamoreCircle]

She is going to that guy, regardless. Nothing will stop her. If you chain her to a radiator, she will chew her hand off and go to that guy.

 

If you pander to her, she will continue to disrespect you and go to that guy in secret.

 

If you confront her, she will become angry, blame you and go to that guy in blind rage.

 

If you dump her, she will cry and go to that guy in despair.

 

It's a lose lose situation for you. I'm sorry.

 

Here's the reality:

 

Things must end between the two of you. The relationship she has with that guy will last a few months, if that. He will most likely end things for another girl. He'll probably cheat on your girl. She will feel like *hit for a while and depending on her level of pride either apologize to you and try to rekindle things or strike out on a long, unsuccessful campaign to date all manner of womanizers, a**holes and losers.

 

Ten years from now she will realize what a dummy she was to lose you.

 

I'm sorry. It's like describing photosynthesis. Everything unfolds in a very natural way.

[SycamoreCircle]

OP, how old are the two of you?

[Donkeylove]

She is going to that guy, regardless. Nothing will stop her. If you chain her to a radiator, she will chew her hand off and go to that guy.

 

If you pander to her, she will continue to disrespect you and go to that guy in secret.

 

If you confront her, she will become angry, blame you and go to that guy in blind rage.

 

If you dump her, she will cry and go to that guy in despair.

 

It's a lose lose situation for you. I'm sorry.

 

Here's the reality:

 

Things must end between the two of you. The relationship she has with that guy will last a few months, if that. He will most likely end things for another girl. He'll probably cheat on your girl. She will feel like *hit for a while and depending on her level of pride either apologize to you and try to rekindle things or strike out on a long, unsuccessful campaign to date all manner of womanizers, a**holes and losers.

 

Ten years from now she will realize what a dummy she was to lose you.

 

I'm sorry. It's like describing photosynthesis. Everything unfolds in a very natural way.

 

I would like to choose the option that causes the less damage for her as i don't want to hurt her. And also one that doesn't hurt me that much on the long run? Is that possible? Am i delusional?

Ahd she is 27 and i am 34. Never been married.