Universe Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 After six months of healing and dealing with breaking up with my 5 year girlfriend and watching her go straight to sleeping with a total loser, I finally decided that it's best right now that we just be friends. I had made my desire to get back together clear to her back in January and she did not say she didn't want to. But she was still confused and still with the other guy. Then we talked about it a couple weeks ago and she said that she was no longer sleeping with the other guy (who says he's in love with her). She also said she's not really capable of being in a relationship right now with anyone and wants to be alone for a while. At the same time I was realizing that my hopes of getting back together and dealing with her sexual relastionship with this other guy had damaged me so much that I was also in no state to be in a real relationship. She's made it clear that she still loves me and that I'm still the most important person in her life. My love for her has proved to be stronger than I ever dreamed. She's been having so many issues with stress, depression, and anxiety that I can't not be there for her. For a while I feared that I was the source of most of her stress, depression, and anxiety. But since I've removed the pressure of getting back together and committed to being just friends, it's clear that it is her job and not me that is behind her problems. Most of her issues began two years ago when she first got the job and they've gotten steadily worse ever since. I've advised her countless times over the past couple years that she should quit her job. She agrees, but she just won't. She says I'm the only person that she can really talk to about anything that really matters. So I've continued to be that for her. But I've been that for her for years and it hasn't really done her any good. We hung out a couple nights ago and she was on the brink of tears over an issue that's been going down at work. But this time, instead of trying to comfort her and advise her, I decided to distract her and just show her a good time. So I took her bowling and we had a blast. I kept thinking we were done, but she kept wanting to play more games. Then she was a little too drunk to drive home, so I took her to the beach and we went for a walk. Then when the whim struck me I decided it was time to go for a swim. It was past 3AM and no one was around. So I stripped naked and ran into the water. She's always been afraid of the ocean and it was a little rough so she was afraid to come in. But she stripped down to her underwear (no bra) and tried to face her fear, but couldn't. We put our clothes back on and walked back to the car. She got down on herself saying she wished she were more outdoorsie and adventurous like me and some of her other female friends. Incidentally, the friends she mentioned are two rather attractive female friends who've both at one time or another expressed interest in me. I get the impression sometimes that she fears that she's not right for me because of my "outdoorsie adventurous" side. I think she feels that she stifles my fun by having so many phobias. Anyways - I told her not to worry about it. I took her back to her car and she went home. It didn't cross my mind at all at the time, but looking back I can see that it definitely may have looked like I was trying to hook up with her. I wasn't. I was just trying to rouse her from her seemingly overwhelming depression. We talked on the phone the next night and have a emailed each other a couple times since so everything is cool. But I'm not sure what impression I gave her. On my end, looking back, I can't help thinking what a romantic evening it was, minus the romance. The image of her standing in the moonlight on the edge of the water as the waves crashed on her feet is left imprinted on my memory and I just wish I could go back and make it last. But I know it definitely would have been a bad idea to pursue sex at that juncture. We've only just begun to settle into this friendship mode and she was clearly not emotionally ready to have sex. Then again, maybe she was. Maybe that would have been the perfect distraction. But probably not. Besides - it really didn't cross my mind. So now I'm confused because I know I want to get back together, but I know that she needs my support as a friend and not a lover right now. But looking back over the years, I can see that my support hasn't really helped. So I want to find a new way to truly help her. I want to help her to enjoy life again instead of being so down in the dumps all the time. I don't know if there's anything you all can say to help me. But I'd appreciate your comments. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 You cant fix a persons life. that is for them to do. Just be there for her if you really care, but at the same time dont put your life on hold for her because its not fair to you. Shes not a child so you shouldnt have to take care of her every problem. I had a friend like that, and trust me they just keep taking and taking. THey love the attention and whatever advice you give they ignore and just keep bitching and complaining. Keep it at friends, and not so close friends. She sounds like one of those girls who has like 3 friends and you are the best one. Anti social type. .....lol im probably completely wrong. I've watched too many detective shows Link to post Share on other sites
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