What can I do to avoid becoming an FA [forever alone]?

[cbplayer]

I'm 21 years old. I'm a college student who is about to graduate. I'd like to say that I definitely do have good things going for me. i will probably have a high paying job upon graduation. I'm tall, 6'4 and athletic. I have a good sense of humor. However, I've been having a lot of trouble with girls. I can't get them out on dates with me. I can barely even get them to text me back. Idk what I'm doing wrong. I've asked several people for advice and have tried to follow their advice but I keep running into the same problems and quite frankly it's becoming extremely annoying. Sometimes I wouldn't get much advice at all. I just want to get some defnitive and thorough advice. Should I consinder seeing a psychologist ?

Here are some of my previous posts. Hopefully they can give you some insight into the problems that I've been having. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/483245-how-can-i-avoid-being-forever-alone

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/506954-how-do-i-progress

[preraph]

I'd seen one post before and then read the other with the chat string. As the responder said, it was crazy you kept ignoring what she said to keep asking her why she wanted to talk to you. It sounded exactly like either you were fishing for compliments OR very insecure. Actually, both things make you insecure, so stop it! It can be taken as "Wow, no one messages me, so what made you do it?" or "What about me do you think is attractive?" which is kind of supported by you justifying how you look to her in that same thread.

 

Less about you. Ask her about herself and stop wondering why she's talking to you. That's what social media is for. Some of it was fine, like talking about finals and the teasing. Keep talking to girls until you get comfortable with it. Remember that everyone on this board can tell you that such a small percentage actually goes anywhere, so don't let that bother you. Just get used to making conversation and asking them questions and answering or commenting back to what they say instead of continuing to ask them about YOU.

[contact1]

What's an FA?

[SomeDude16]

I'm 21 years old. I'm a college student who is about to graduate. I'd like to say that I definitely do have good things going for me. i will probably have a high paying job upon graduation. I'm tall, 6'4 and athletic. I have a good sense of humor. However, I've been having a lot of trouble with girls. I can't get them out on dates with me. I can barely even get them to text me back. Idk what I'm doing wrong. I've asked several people for advice and have tried to follow their advice but I keep running into the same problems and quite frankly it's becoming extremely annoying. Sometimes I wouldn't get much advice at all. I just want to get some defnitive and thorough advice. Should I consinder seeing a psychologist ?

Here are some of my previous posts. Hopefully they can give you some insight into the problems that I've been having. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/483245-how-can-i-avoid-being-forever-alone

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/506954-how-do-i-progress

 

What happened to the Hispanic girl if you don't mind me asking?

 

What's an FA?

 

Forever alone??

[Josmatjes]

Yes ask about them.... Then tell them something about you and so on..... It's a conversation... That gets the ball rolling. It's very important that you ask questions and show interest....then they will like you and want to find out about you....

[littleblackheart]

It isn't clear from any of your posts what you want girls for - fun, a relationship, losing the V-card, anything else?

 

 

 

 

You're obviously attracting girls if they're willing to give you their number, and if there is some sort of follow-up. You may want to make your intentions clearer earlier if you wanted something to happen.

 

 

Some practical initial suggestions to get the ball rolling, depending on what you and the object of your attention (I would suggest one lady at a time, but that's entirely at your discretion) are after:

 

 

-a couple of texts followed with near enough immediate (think a couple of days) meet-up for (very short-term) fun stuff.

 

 

-an introductory text swiftly followed with an actual phone conversation during which you agree on a meet-up (or a date, as they are called) with a time and place if you wanted to get to know her and the good vibes are still there and mutual. You could also text / call her a couple of times before the date to keep her interest level up and ensure she has yours.

 

 

It may also be a good idea to give up on making them wait whatever number of hours/days before you reply to appear busy / mysterious / whatever: do what feels right to you, not what you think you should do.

[Tayken]

I guess bangs that theory that women are automatically drawn to taller men.

 

@OP....I am guessing this is a self confidence thing based on what you've told us. If you can just work on this, everything else will fall into place. The problem is these girls that you are hoping to bag, are playing hard to get i.e. expecting you to at least approach, and then they can strike up a convo with you.

 

You already have some ammo in your favour i.e. height, and your education. If you can just motivate yourself and work on your confidence, and ability to approach girls, then everything else should work itself out.

[cbplayer]

It isn't clear from any of your posts what you want girls for - fun, a relationship, losing the V-card, anything else?

 

 

 

 

You're obviously attracting girls if they're willing to give you their number, and if there is some sort of follow-up. You may want to make your intentions clearer earlier if you wanted something to happen.

 

 

Some practical initial suggestions to get the ball rolling, depending on what you and the object of your attention (I would suggest one lady at a time, but that's entirely at your discretion) are after:

 

 

-a couple of texts followed with near enough immediate (think a couple of days) meet-up for (very short-term) fun stuff.

 

 

-an introductory text swiftly followed with an actual phone conversation during which you agree on a meet-up (or a date, as they are called) with a time and place if you wanted to get to know her and the good vibes are still there and mutual. You could also text / call her a couple of times before the date to keep her interest level up and ensure she has yours.

 

 

It may also be a good idea to give up on making them wait whatever number of hours/days before you reply to appear busy / mysterious / whatever: do what feels right to you, not what you think you should do.

How exactly do I make my intentions clearer and at what point in the convo or series of convos with the girl should I do this? Can I get a sample text? Thank you for your response.

[contact1]

It's not something you can really script, remember these are individuals you are interacting it, not "all women respond to the same thing". You show interest by asking/saying directly you want to do something together, like "hey lets meet up on X day for some coffee" or "you want to go to this college event?", girls will know you are asking them out on a date. You don't have to spell it out to them "I am interested in you and want to take you out", they can read your intentions. I didn't go through your text post because honestly, it was very long. But with texting, keep it short, and move it to something in person, that's how you can get things to move forward.

[cbplayer]

What happened to the Hispanic girl if you don't mind me asking?

 

 

 

Forever alone??

 

Yes FA is an acronynm for Forever Alone. The hispanic girl and I have been texting but I don't really like how the convo is going. We texted a bit yesterday. Today this has been our convo so far

Me: I have a question for you.

Her : Ask

Me : Why are you so cute haha ( I was trying to flirt a little)

She didnt reply after 30 minutes

Me : Lol I didn't think it would catch your attention

45 minutes later

Her: What ru up to?

Her: I'm not ignoring you. I'm just shopping a little.

35 minutes late

Me : I'm thinking about my future and looking to buy a new car. Pretty eventful lol. Hbu?

2 hours later. No reply.

 

 

Wtf?

[Tayken]

Yes FA is an acronynm for Forever Alone. The hispanic girl and I have been texting but I don't really like how the convo is going. We texted a bit yesterday. Today this has been our convo so far

Me: I have a question for you.

Her : Ask

Me : Why are you so cute haha ( I was trying to flirt a little)

She didnt reply after 30 minutes

Me : Lol I didn't think it would catch your attention

45 minutes later

Her: What ru up to?

Her: I'm not ignoring you. I'm just shopping a little.

35 minutes late

Me : I'm thinking about my future and looking to buy a new car. Pretty eventful lol. Hbu?

2 hours later. No reply.

 

 

Wtf?

 

 

You wonder why there was no response after 30mins...go back to what you asked after "I have a question for you"

[SomeDude16]

Yes FA is an acronynm for Forever Alone. The hispanic girl and I have been texting but I don't really like how the convo is going. We texted a bit yesterday. Today this has been our convo so far

Me: I have a question for you.

Her : Ask

Me : Why are you so cute haha ( I was trying to flirt a little)

She didnt reply after 30 minutes

Me : Lol I didn't think it would catch your attention

45 minutes later

Her: What ru up to?

Her: I'm not ignoring you. I'm just shopping a little.

35 minutes late

Me : I'm thinking about my future and looking to buy a new car. Pretty eventful lol. Hbu?

2 hours later. No reply.

 

 

Wtf?

 

I wouldn't read too much into it. The fact she's still texting you means she's interested.Did you ask her out yet tho?

[contact1]

Her: What ru up to?

 

Right there, perfect chance for you to ask her out. She is asking you what are you doing, you could have easily said "Nothing, wanna go get a drink/coffee/bite to eat/etc . Also that cute comment made me cringed, again another chance for you to ask her out.

 

You don't need to pu$$y foot around the subject or try to gauge females, just ask them out, that's it. That will give you an immediate response if they are interested or not. If they say yes, interest. If they say no and don't provide an alternative and give you any kind of excuse why they can't, not interested, move on.

 

When a girl likes you, she will make time for you.

[Danda]

What I think a lot of guys just about NEED to remember is that many women are highly intuitive. It can be damn close to some ESP type **** sometimes ha, and for many women it takes place on a subconscious level and feels like "gut feelings". There are actually some interesting research studies out there on the subtle differences in the average female brain and how this translates into being extremely "intuitive".

 

In my own layman's terms, it seems to boil down to the female brain taking in a ****-ton of tiny details about another human, churning it all over and processing it at mach 5, and then pushing back to the conscious surface as, again, gut feelings, or "intuition".

 

So while you can believe that you are confident, not at all desperate and even think that you are pulling off a "I really dig you personality, bby" act, the reality is that many women probably see you as insecure, desperate and trying to get in their pants.

 

When you mismatch your attempted presentation and your true feelings/motives, this translates into "creepiness" or "shady" and so on, and will generally spook women away. Nobody likes a car salesman, and a nervous, pushy cars salesman is even more off-putting.

 

This is why a lot of the PUA stuff out there falls flat on its face when one is dealing with a mentally/emotionally healthy woman. PUA stuff might attracts women with severe personality disorders who are so desperate for attention, validation and being 'rescued' that their inherent intuition is blinded, but ultimately if you don't want a crazy stalker on your hands, then you should skip the PUA stuff.

 

Instead try just being genuine and honest about how you feel and what you want. I know it will probably defy damn near everything that mainstream media and PUA blogs have taught you, but truth be told many women find it relaxing and endearing to encounter men who are genuinely vulnerable and straightforward.

 

It will also help you attract the right women to you. There are plenty of women who are just looking for casual fun and flings at this exact moment in their lives, so it's not like if you confess that you just want to have fun and get laid, then all women will suddenly hate you. There is no formula for attracting ALL women because we all have different tastes, wants, needs, boundaries, etc and are all in different phases in our lives.

 

BUT you can repel nearly ALL sane/stable women if you try to put on an act, because many of us can see right through that **** at 50 yards out.

[cbplayer]

I wouldn't read too much into it. The fact she's still texting you means she's interested.Did you ask her out yet tho?

Yesterday I asked her about when she's going to be free next week. She told me that she'll let me know about her schedule when she gets a work schedule for the week. So, I was waiting for her to tell me about her availbaility and then I was going to ask her out.

[cbplayer]

Right there, perfect chance for you to ask her out. She is asking you what are you doing, you could have easily said "Nothing, wanna go get a drink/coffee/bite to eat/etc . Also that cute comment made me cringed, again another chance for you to ask her out.

 

You don't need to pu$$y foot around the subject or try to gauge females, just ask them out, that's it. That will give you an immediate response if they are interested or not. If they say yes, interest. If they say no and don't provide an alternative and give you any kind of excuse why they can't, not interested, move on.

 

When a girl likes you, she will make time for you.

Yesterday I asked her about when she's going to be free next week. She told me that she'll let me know about her schedule when she gets a work schedule for the week. So, I was waiting for her to tell me about her availbaility and then I was going to ask her out.

[SomeDude16]

Good, just text her a few times between now and then. You are on the right track and doing great. Just don't text too much because she will think you are needy.

[cbplayer]

You wonder why there was no response after 30mins...go back to what you asked after "I have a question for you"

I was trying to be flirty when I asked her why she's so cute. I was just trying to make the convo interesting. Smh, I'm always doing something wrong.

[cbplayer]

Good, just text her a few times between now and then. You are on the right track and doing great. Just don't text too much because she will think you are needy.

 

She still hasnt texted me back after 2.5 hours. Isn't that a red flag? I feel like she probably won't reply unless I send another text but I think that would make me look needy.

[SomeDude16]

She still hasnt texted me back after 2.5 hours. Isn't that a red flag? I feel like she probably won't reply unless I send another text but I think that would make me look needy.

 

Nope, two and a half hours isn't a red flag. The key here is to keep her interested until the date. You are 50% of the way there. You are keeping her interested, but if you text back to back multiple times before she responds interest will be lost. Wait for her to respond. Continue on with your life, she will text when she's ready. Multiple texts won't change that. Like I said you're doing great so far. It's all a learning experience.

[littleblackheart]

How exactly do I make my intentions clearer and at what point in the convo or series of convos with the girl should I do this? Can I get a sample text? Thank you for your response.

 

 

Sure.

 

 

Here goes (adapt as you wish):

 

 

[You] Hey [her name], it's [insert your name] here. Great to have met you the other day / night / whatever. Good night, wasn't it?

 

 

If she answers at all, she's at least a bit interested.

 

 

Assuming she remembers you and replies in a positive way:

 

 

[You] I was thinking it would be nice to get to know each other a little better, so I thought we could grab a drink sometime?

 

 

If she seems enthusiastic, that's good news for you at this point.

 

 

[you] Great, we could arrange details over the phone?

 

 

[her] either she says yes or tells you when to call her, if she's interested. If she doesn't respond or says something vague, chances are she's not; cut your losses and say something about maybe bumping into each other soon and good bye.

 

 

Assuming she's still interested, give her a call at the agreed time and work your magic, try and add something personal that you remembered from the conversation you had and make sure you agree to a time and place that work for you both if you're still both interested at that point.

 

 

Hope that helps

[cbplayer]

Nope, two and a half hours isn't a red flag. The key here is to keep her interested until the date. You are 50% of the way there. You are keeping her interested, but if you text back to back multiple times before she responds interest will be lost. Wait for her to respond. Continue on with your life, she will text when she's ready. Multiple texts won't change that. Like I said you're doing great so far. It's all a learning experience.

Thank you for your advice. What would be some good ideas for a first date? I was thinking about meeting a reasturant that she likes.

[littleblackheart]

@OP Hadn't seen the replies you got before I posted. You'll be fine. Call her up on the phone to arrange details though, girls like a personal touch.

[SomeDude16]

Thank you for your advice. What would be some good ideas for a first date? I was thinking about meeting a reasturant that she likes.

 

Yeah for sure, that's a good one. She said she likes Mexican right? Something where you can talk so you can show her how great you are. No movies or anything like that. Dinner or desert and coffee, something along those lines. Make sure you call her on the phone to set it up. Women love that

[cbplayer]

Yeah for sure, that's a good one. She said she likes Mexican right? Something where you can talk so you can show her how great you are. No movies or anything like that. Dinner or desert and coffee, something along those lines. Make sure you call her on the phone to set it up. Women love that

Silly question, should I pay for her and should I go for a kiss after we're done eating?