nokia02 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Is sexual incompatibility a good reason to get divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Seems more like a better reason to go to a sex therapist to see if it can be resolved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nokia02 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Share Posted December 27, 2014 Seems more like a better reason to go to a sex therapist to see if it can be resolved. That is my next step. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 That is my next step. In my personal opinion, too many people try to 'nice' their way thru this issue and by the time they've seriously had it, there's too much resentment and too much damage done. While it may not always be popular, my recommendation (by the time someone reaches this forum) is typically to make it very clear that this is a dealbreaker issue and to not hesitate further to lay down an ultimatum (such as, "The state of our sex life is not working for us. I am scheduling an appointment with a sex therapist and I expect us to both attend and make progress." If s/he balks, let him/her know that the alternative is that you schedule an appontment with a family law attorney.) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Based on your other posts, it seems you have some issues with boundaries; looking at girls a lot and perhaps fantasizing more than may be healthy. Are your incompatibility issues due to the fact that when you are with your wife, you don't pay attention to her because you are looking elsewhere all the time? I'm also guessing you look at a lot of porn and would prefer to masturbate than have sex with your wife (or that you would like to have a lot more sex than she does but your obsessions are a turn-off for her)? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 It depends on your situation. Your post is very, very vague. Link to post Share on other sites
Tocook Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 In my personal opinion, too many people try to 'nice' their way thru this issue and by the time they've seriously had it, there's too much resentment and too much damage done. While it may not always be popular, my recommendation (by the time someone reaches this forum) is typically to make it very clear that this is a dealbreaker issue and to not hesitate further to lay down an ultimatum (such as, "The state of our sex life is not working for us. I am scheduling an appointment with a sex therapist and I expect us to both attend and make progress." If s/he balks, let him/her know that the alternative is that you schedule an appontment with a family law attorney.) I second this post emphatically because of my own experience. I've suggested that I needed more for over 2 years and wasn't taken seriously. It wasn't until I had had it 2 months ago and wanted to leave that we're now going to MC. I warn you though, it is very uncomfortable to try having better sex with big of us knowing where the state of our marriage is. If you do go to sex therapy, please share how that goes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StandingO Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 It depends on the extreme of the incompatibility. Maybe it is fixable with counseling maybe not. If extreme and the resentment is high then you have a choice to make. In my case the ex was a difficult controlling person and we were not sexually compatible (other then a short time in the beginning). In time you find out what people are truly like. She refused the counseling and one day I said thats it. I aint living life like this. I have a female friend with a sexual incompatable marriage. She has the high sex drive and he does not. He is a great guy and provider. In the long term it was not enough. They separated and she moved out after over 15 years of marriage. Strange thing is after many months apart she now lives in the same house again but still separated. Anyways, I think it can be reason enough to divorce if the rest of your marriage and love is not compatible and strong enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 As others have said, it depends. Incompatible as in you want a position she doesn't, fixable. Incompatible as in you want sex and she doesn't, not so much... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Is sexual incompatibility a good reason to get divorced? If it's irreconcilable, sure. Whether or not it's irreconcilable depends on the parties, and each M is unique. As mentioned, a professional therapist can help with clarity on the boundary between the two sides in your M. On the one side, compatibility can be addressed and resolved through mutual effort; on the other, the parties can accept their mismatch at the elemental level and move on. If you can let go of the chicken and the egg and work the real, here and now, IMO you'll get there, to understanding and acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
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