clevelander321 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I have a friend, a single guy who I have known very casually for about a year. We have always had periods where he seemed flirty with me, then we wouldn't interact for a while, then we would again (facebook chat, and I see him twice a week at the gym, he's a teacher there of a class I take). He knows very well that I am married, knows who my husband is and has seen my kids. I think you should be honest with yourself. You seem to present this scenario as you aren't really cheating, as you mentioned divorce before to your husband. But this is textbook cheating, and it amazes me how people can twist things so that they do not look "that bad". You have been flirting and communicating with at least one other guy in person and via Facebook for a year. Being a married mom, that is already cheating. As for his job, he teaches a class at a gym, which means he probably has many lonely/bored housewives hitting on him or having sex with him. Similar to being a bartender.. So, he had some physical fun with you.. It does not mean he wants to be with a woman with kids. If he was more interested, he would have returned all of your texts and calls immediately.. He may have moved onto a different woman in your same situation already. When men start to have sex, sometimes they make poor decisions, and the brain chemicals take over for a period of time. I wouldn't read much more into it.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clevelander321 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 However, being with this other man recently showed me the reason why I need to leave--how unhappy I really am in my marriage and how much I wish to be free of it so that if I was to meet someone that I felt such a connection with, I could be with them the right way. This part also amazes me.. Of course if you start having sex with someone new is is far more exciting than your married life.. It is just sex.. You aren't raising kids together, paying bills, doing finances, planning long term etc.. What makes you think you can just have the new and fun exciting sex forever with a new person, and this will also not drastically change once you are settled into "real life". In real life, if you were "free", you might not think a gym trainer is the best man to step in and marry you while being a step dad. And in real life, you might get tired quickly of guys having tons of sex with you for a week and then disappearing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Any thoughts from any single OM on where his head may be at, what I should do? I really want to keep seeing him. He's single and likes to mingle and married women are apparently a part of that milieu. As long as there's a meeting of the minds on particulars, no reason the current status quo can't continue. In relationships and/or marriages, things can change at any moment. Either you or he could unilaterally discontinue; he could get a girlfriend (he might have one you simply don't know about...happens!), you could get a divorce, he could get married, you could take another lover, etc, etc. It's all unknown and, yep, I've seen a lot of it. When he's with you, his head is with you. When other, unknown. You can't read his mind, nor can I. You could be an interesting distraction, a valued fling; he could desire for you to have his children and grow old together. It's all unknown. Since you have children, presuming minors, I'd suggest thinking next steps through. That's a big responsibility in life, having children. Most MW's I've known have had children. Mileage on effects varies widely. I've met some of them, now adults. IDK, I can only suggest thinking it through. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) I agree with Carhill above, think things through. Divorce, young children.. and apparently your reluctance to deal with the dating world. It will be way more aggravating than staying with your husband and working on your relationship. I will tell you that most younger guys won't deal with 2,3 kids. we didn't just meet, I've been friends with him for a year. He's still being weird and I'm getting conflicting advice IRL whether to approach him and talk about this or just ignore him. OM asked you a few times "if you're ok with that." He may have been turned off by your willingness to delve into an affair. And the car sex may have done it. Of course.. and most likely.. he could've been looking for easy poon Edited January 3, 2015 by cif 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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