wife cheated almost2 1/2 years ago an i cant get it out of my head

[knhtinblackarmor]

I can be forgiving of cheating but would find it hard in your scenario. Its not like it was a spur of the moment thing, nor was she operating in some delusional love struck state of mind, nor lonely because you hadn't had sex in months. You caught on to her inappropriate behavior and warned her. she ignored you plus also got annoyed you did not trust her and looked in your face and said to trust her she knows what she's doing. To me that sort of up front reassurance is worse than a concocted lie subsequent to the cheating to cover her tracks. It means she can never look you in the eye and say trust me ever again, because you've been there before and know it bit you on the arse when you did.

 

Another aspect that would put me off is the opportunistic nature of the cheating. You have a fight and go off elsewhere to cool off and bam, she's over at this other dudes place. It would leave me with the feeling that you could not spend anytime away from her nor have have another big argument with her and relive that time and wonder if she will maybe again go seek solace in bonking another guy friend. Lastly her not being remorseful over what she did just to me means there is good chance her mind won't trip into guilt mode and help prevent her from cheating again in the future. Sleeping with a swag of guys during your split wouldn't help reassure me either that she doesn't love the thrill of some new cock either.

 

It seems the love for her is sill strong. Was she really that special otherwise that you don't think you could find another woman that would be as good (sex appeal+personality+nature)?

 

Exactly how I feel kinda I think more about it an im really think she would just not tell about it if it ever happened again an as far as sex appeal my wife is attractive but I can/had done better in that particular area sex has become more of a task an there's no passion anymore personality well she's ok but we have very different personalities and honestly I.haven't desired to.have sex with her in weeks but she complains then I suck it up an give it to her also im very confident I could find another woman way sexier smart funny kind an much more but im way to conflicted but even if I couldn't I really wouldn't care

Edited December 29, 2014 by knhtinblackarmor

[Mr. Lucky]

Also well I cant say I dont love her cause I do she came into my life while my kids were very young an has been an outstanding step mom to them in every aspect an then some

 

Think of the environment you're exposing your children to. Physical altercations. Cheating, real and alleged. Separations, Dad's "new" girlfriends and shuffling to various houses while you work things out.

 

Children thrive in an atmosphere of love, respect, consideration and stability and that should be your focus and priority. Divorce her and put your love life on hold...

 

Mr. Lucky

[fellini]

She has apologized and swears it would never happen again, but I don't trust her, there's no trust.

 

This is totally normal. How can any BS have trust? None of us do. If every BS divorced his WS because he said "I don't trust her, there is no trust" there were never be any reconciliation after infidelity. TRUST IS THE FIRST VICTIM of betrayal. And not just infidelity! BETRAYAL means BREAKING TRUST.

 

So although you feel there is no trust, this is because it is from here that recovery and reconciliation begin. Your first task is not to regain trust - if you choose to reconcile - because that is going to take the longest - it is going to be your RECOVERY from discovering your wife has stepped out of the marriage. Then when you have more or less that down, you can take a beginning look at reconciliation. You are not close to that yet. Not by any stretch.

 

My point, and several others here, is that on your best day, it seems, your marriage was never really good.

Edited December 29, 2014 by fellini

[spanz1]

she ignored me an said maybe I needed some competition wtf?

 

this statement reveals her true self. She wants kinky lewd slutty sex. you were not giving it to her, or enough of it. she most likely fantasized about how to get more sex, and fantasized she would have an affair, you would find out, and it would make you horny--that you would up your game, or maybe even encourage her to be a "hotwife". she probably watched some porn movies on cheating or hotwifing, and they turned her on tremendously. after a short time, she decided to actually try it out, and it was indeed super hot for her. maybe she had some toxic female friends who turned her on to that lifestyle, or at least egged her on.

 

 

That is who she is.

 

 

IF you can find some way to live with that, up your sex game, allow her to screw other men, maybe screw other women too, or bring partners home for threesomes...then that is your path forward.

 

 

If the idea of sharing your wife with others is repulsive...then you probably need to divorce.

 

 

She is not really telling you everything. she has steamy kinky fantasies still that you do not know about, and eventually will probably cheat again.

Edited December 29, 2014 by spanz1

[Darren Steez]

Hey people, so i usually don't do this, also before I begin please forgive my spelling as i am on my phone doing this. So here's my situation, we have been married 5 years now. After about 2 years into she cheated on me with her "friends"ex husband. We had a lot of ups and downs to that point.

 

Before it happened,I noticed she would be talking texting an hanging out with him. I implied to her it was not right and was not ok with it. She would say that i needed to trust her and they were just friends and she was helping him get thru this tough time with his divorce. I told her that's not her business to place to be involved in.

 

Despite my requests she proceeded to be involved with him as "friends". She would pick me up from work and be talking to him. I would always tell her I didn't like it. Then one night we're sleeping and he calls her at 2 am, back to back. I told her I didn't like where this was going, and I proceeded to call the s.o.b and have a very specific one on one conversation with him, where I basically told him I didn't want them to be friends or he would be seeing me. And we all know how I meant by seeing me. He insisted nothing was going on, I mentioned I was single also once and I knew what I was calling a woman at 2 am for, to not BS me and that I'm not dumb. And to check his $hit in very quickly before i do so for him.

 

So for a few weeks they had no involvement or at least that i knew of. Me and the wife get into an argument (the kids are mine from a previous relationship). I took my kids by my parents house cause she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore, so of course I'm a hot head. I said fine and took them there so she could have time to think. I then go to work.

 

I get off work, pick up the kids and come home. I find shes not there, so I call her. After about 20 times she picks up the phone drunker then hell. I ask her where she is she says out at a bar. I say what bar, and ask who she is with. She laughs and says wouldn't you like to know and hangs up and won't answer her phone anymore. I'm furious, enraged and even more.

 

The next day comes, the kids are at my parents becauseIi had to work and she didn't come home. She finally calls me and said she lost her phone that night. I'm calling BS so I get off work, pick up the kids, come home to her. She is very hung over and sick. I ask her where she was and who she was with, she tells me she was with her friend "Keisha", so ok I try to believe this.

 

We have sex, her vagina smells like beer now. I have a gut instinct something is wrong so next day my ex picks up the kids. I still can't believe she was by her friend. Her friend would have called and asked if she was ok or something, but nope no call from her friend or anyone. I know cause I looked in her phone she never even made any calls to her friend.

 

So,ok, the kids are gone. I ask her wth happened cause your lyiing to me that you were never by your friend. So she get very depressed and tells me to sit down so I'm like wtf. So she asks me where do I think she was. I'm like I don't know, where were you? Then she spills her guts! She was with him! They got drunk and had sex, not only sex, but unprotected sex!! My stomach is just twisted. My anger is hell at that point. I am the true meaning of anger. I lose my reality for a sec and have a day dream of letting her have it with my shotgun. I snap back and say thanks God that didn't just happen.

 

I call the guy, he denies it. I tell him you dumb SOB, you don't know who you just f'ed with and I'm coming for you. I pack all my firearms up an leave. She calls me and tells me if I don't come back, she's calling the police. I told her to do it I'm not breaking any laws having all six of my guns. I take them to my fathers house just to make sure I don't do anything stupid, then proceed to go and buy the biggest bottle of Jim they sell.

 

So we split up for a while after that, had sex with a few different woman. She has sex again with the person that she cheated with, along with many more. I try to forget it and move on with her but it constantly plays in my head over an over til I'm grabbing my hair and tearing it out. It's been over 2 years since this all happened but I can't seem to let go.

 

She has apologized and swears it would never happen again, but I don't trust her, there's no trust. There's so much more to this story, we had a history of us putting our hands on each other. Our relationship was not good, but it's no excuse to cheat and if it was that bad, why didn't she just leave me completely?? I don't know where to go with this. Its' been a good amount of time, I thought I would have forgotten now but it only eats me inside more.

 

Why don't you leave completely?

[Bryanp]

Find a good lawyer.

Get tested for STD's.

She is really bad news for you.

[Spectre]

So OP, the garbage man comes on Thursday, have you taken your trash out yet?

[knhtinblackarmor]

So OP, the garbage man comes on Thursday, have you taken your trash out yet?

 

Thanks again for everyone's responses . I have not decided what to do yet Ifeel like iI dont wanna hurt her although.she didn't care about my feelings then , this whole month/year has been horrible , we have sat down an talked about options divorce does seem to be the best option tjen she starts crying an what not then I feel like **** im almost to the point where Isshould cheat an tell her that way I can be the bad guy an end it quicker I also found out her family originally told her not to tell me about the cheat when it happened I was like wow think you know people right lmao also her and her family seem to think that I've been cheating due to lack of romance/distance with her this last month all I could do was laugh cause im at work 50+ hours a week an definitely dont have the time then last night she grabs my phone of the dresser an starts going thru my well everything trying to insinuate that I'm cheating texting or f booking other women cause some old.friends from 4th grade yeas 4th grade in wich I haven't seen them in over 18 years an wich a few of them are women but I haven't even had the notion to hit them uo like that my fb status did say married also so wtf ?

Edited December 30, 2014 by knhtinblackarmor

[road]

Thanks again for everyone's responses . I have not decided what to do yet Ifeel like iI dont wanna hurt her ?

 

 

 

Well being you know that she has been faithful all these years, good mom, good wife, this is the reason to find out how to repair the damage. Ranting here does not get anything done.

 

 

Has WW done anything to make you think she has cheated since the OM was run off? Done things since then to make you feel she can not be trusted?

[knhtinblackarmor]

Well being you know that she has been faithful all these years, good mom, good wife, this is the reason to find out how to repair the damage. Ranting here does not get anything done.

 

 

Has WW done anything to make you think she has cheated since the OM was run off? Done things since then to make you feel she can not be trusted?

 

Well I'm going to look into personal counseling for myself .and she has not really gave me any reason to believe she has cheated again but honestly if she did she would never tell me atleast thats the way I feel . An also she has said alot of things that makes me reflect an feel she cant be trusted an honestly it hurts . Also im not ranting just trying to gain understanding from everyone else's perspective .

Edited December 30, 2014 by knhtinblackarmor

[happyman64]

black knight

 

 

You obviously are very disappointed I your wayward wife.

 

 

2 years is a long time to contemplate your next steps.

 

 

What is saddening is to see her family encourage her to lie and not reveal the truth to her.

 

 

It sounds like her support system sucks as bad as her attitude does.

 

 

You both need counseling.

 

 

I hope you find peace in your decision.

 

 

HM

[Jkidding]

Why did u reconcile? This passive agression where u say "u cheat now i cheat". Or the thing where u say u cant leave her because she is crying. It seems to me that divorce is the best way for u both. And dont drag your kids into equation. They dont have anything to do with this. Are u happy? Is she happy? Can u fix it?

Edited January 12, 2015 by Jkidding

[revelations]

Hey people, so i usually don't do this, also before I begin please forgive my spelling as i am on my phone doing this. So here's my situation, we have been married 5 years now. After about 2 years into she cheated on me with her "friends"ex husband. We had a lot of ups and downs to that point.

 

Before it happened,I noticed she would be talking texting an hanging out with him. I implied to her it was not right and was not ok with it. She would say that i needed to trust her and they were just friends and she was helping him get thru this tough time with his divorce. I told her that's not her business to place to be involved in.

 

Despite my requests she proceeded to be involved with him as "friends". She would pick me up from work and be talking to him. I would always tell her I didn't like it. Then one night we're sleeping and he calls her at 2 am, back to back. I told her I didn't like where this was going, and I proceeded to call the s.o.b and have a very specific one on one conversation with him, where I basically told him I didn't want them to be friends or he would be seeing me. And we all know how I meant by seeing me. He insisted nothing was going on, I mentioned I was single also once and I knew what I was calling a woman at 2 am for, to not BS me and that I'm not dumb. And to check his $hit in very quickly before i do so for him.

 

So for a few weeks they had no involvement or at least that i knew of. Me and the wife get into an argument (the kids are mine from a previous relationship). I took my kids by my parents house cause she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore, so of course I'm a hot head. I said fine and took them there so she could have time to think. I then go to work.

 

I get off work, pick up the kids and come home. I find shes not there, so I call her. After about 20 times she picks up the phone drunker then hell. I ask her where she is she says out at a bar. I say what bar, and ask who she is with. She laughs and says wouldn't you like to know and hangs up and won't answer her phone anymore. I'm furious, enraged and even more.

 

The next day comes, the kids are at my parents becauseIi had to work and she didn't come home. She finally calls me and said she lost her phone that night. I'm calling BS so I get off work, pick up the kids, come home to her. She is very hung over and sick. I ask her where she was and who she was with, she tells me she was with her friend "Keisha", so ok I try to believe this.

 

We have sex, her vagina smells like beer now. I have a gut instinct something is wrong so next day my ex picks up the kids. I still can't believe she was by her friend. Her friend would have called and asked if she was ok or something, but nope no call from her friend or anyone. I know cause I looked in her phone she never even made any calls to her friend.

 

So,ok, the kids are gone. I ask her wth happened cause your lyiing to me that you were never by your friend. So she get very depressed and tells me to sit down so I'm like wtf. So she asks me where do I think she was. I'm like I don't know, where were you? Then she spills her guts! She was with him! They got drunk and had sex, not only sex, but unprotected sex!! My stomach is just twisted. My anger is hell at that point. I am the true meaning of anger. I lose my reality for a sec and have a day dream of letting her have it with my shotgun. I snap back and say thanks God that didn't just happen.

 

I call the guy, he denies it. I tell him you dumb SOB, you don't know who you just f'ed with and I'm coming for you. I pack all my firearms up an leave. She calls me and tells me if I don't come back, she's calling the police. I told her to do it I'm not breaking any laws having all six of my guns. I take them to my fathers house just to make sure I don't do anything stupid, then proceed to go and buy the biggest bottle of Jim they sell.

 

So we split up for a while after that, had sex with a few different woman. She has sex again with the person that she cheated with, along with many more. I try to forget it and move on with her but it constantly plays in my head over an over til I'm grabbing my hair and tearing it out. It's been over 2 years since this all happened but I can't seem to let go.

 

She has apologized and swears it would never happen again, but I don't trust her, there's no trust. There's so much more to this story, we had a history of us putting our hands on each other. Our relationship was not good, but it's no excuse to cheat and if it was that bad, why didn't she just leave me completely?? I don't know where to go with this. Its' been a good amount of time, I thought I would have forgotten now but it only eats me inside more.

 

 

Okay so do you think you will ever trust her again? I am willing to bet the answer is "NO", and after all why should you. This relationship sounds toxic from the word "Go". Let me tell you what you can look forward to. One is that you are able to hold your temper and for the next decade or two you will have your wife's cheating spinning in your head slowly eating away at you. If your wife does not see this suffering enough she will begin to do certain things to taunt you. She may cry out the other guys name while you are banging her, she may tell you stories about the sex she has had with these other men. Bottom line is she will taunt you. Eventually you will either become severely depressed or you will have to detach from her living like room mates.

 

Now the second option is to divorce her and get the heck away from her. I will never again even hang around a woman that tries to make me feel inadequate or bad about myself. I damn sure won't hang around a woman that I have little to no trust in. If your only choice is to hang around a woman that makes you feel inadequate about yourself or hang around no one at all, your better off being alone. I choose to only keep company with people that encourage me to do better and celebrate my accomplishments. I have no time for a woman that is going to prove to me that she cannot be trusted. Do yourself a favor and get rid of this woman. You are not proving a damn thing by staying with her. Impress yourself and take a stand, understand that you deserve better and set out to get it. Life is not to be lived as a slave under a woman like this. Remember you are a free man if you choose to be.