NYR: I Will No Longer Worry About Making Others Feel Insecure

[Kaiten]

This post may sound arrogant to some people and, frankly, for too long I have given a damn about their feelings.

 

On January 1, 2015, I will be moving many states away to start a new life. It is so scary that I cannot help but to be excited.

 

I am 23, and for the last 7 years of my life I did the best that I could to be a nice Christian. But I didn't mesh well with other believers. For 6 of those 7 years it tore me up because people always told me, "it's not them, it's you."

 

Somewhere in the middle of that 7 years I met some much needed friends outside the church and they loved me. It was a surprising and welcome change of pace.

 

While I attended church, I was told several things that I will never forget, but I will share with you the most destructive things that I learned from my fellow believers and share my new disposition toward these views.

 

1. If you are good at something, God can't use you, because then people would glorify you and not him.

 

2. Wait as long as possible to make a decision. Do not decide until you know with certainty that God has spoken.

 

3. Submit to authority, even when they are wrong. That is God's will.

 

 

For #1, I have felt so bad so many times in life for being better than someone else at something. It was only 1.5 years ago, that I discovered that being better than others is how successful people became successful. I've gone out of my way to make sure that no one else around me feels insecure because of something that I can do.

 

I had been told many times, that my best church friend was jealous of some sort of skill I had. There was more than one occasion where he said things that really damaged my reputation, while all I ever tried to do was help others.

 

I have put myself in the back in order to give other people the opportunity to step up and be "the one" (in whatever field/skill). I see now that if they aren't willing to put in the work to get good, then I should not expect them to step up and perform well during the show.

 

I will not tolerate this in my life anymore, and I will not be ashamed of being good at something. Other people's insecurities will have to be their own responsibilities.

 

 

 

For #2, people are constantly telling me that I am out of the will of God because I simply decide. Even when I decide between two good choices, people from church have told me that I am still in danger of making the wrong choice. They were essentially urging me to worry about making decisions, which is stupid.

 

Decisions only scare you if you are afraid of failure. I do not fear failure. I am going to dust myself off, learn from my mistakes and share my experiences. I want to enjoy this journey.

 

 

 

 

For #3, I will cite one of my all-time favorite quotes:

 

"... Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is – everything around you that you call life, was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use."

 

- Steve Jobs

 

 

I do know the verse that state that authority is appointed by God. And I am aware that David waited to become king of Israel.

 

I am not David.

 

You are free to call this a flaw in my character, but I simply refuse to go through my life subjugating myself to people who ill deserve my loyalty and talent. Sure it's in the Bible. But what can I say? (Not sorry).

 

 

 

I hope that the rest of you think about what changes you want made in your life and find the courage you need to bring them about. They won't happen unless you make them happen.

 

I wish everyone here at LS the best in 2015 and on.

 

 

- Kaiten

[whichwayisup]

I like you K! You're great.

 

Happy New Year (almost) and all the best to you in 2015!

[umirano]

You should look into the possibility that god does not exist, and that you were being fed a lot of BS to make you submit to a set of rules, to be easily controlled and bullied into what others deem best for themselves.

 

I personally find creeds like yours to be extremely limiting (as your account clearly shows), similar to a drug addiction and intellectually void. It doesn't hold any value except as a social tool.

 

Sam Harris has some excellent material (also on youtube) that may help you understand what's being done to you.

 

Congratulations on your newly gained insights so far, and all the best in 2015 and while exploring your talents in general.

[SpiralOut]

Good NYR. In the book the Artist's Way, Julia Cameron talks about how God created us so that we in turn can be creators. We are meant to live up to our full potential, not limit ourselves.

 

 

I'm glad that you've broken free of that negative influence. We shouldn't have to make ourselves small.

[amaysngrace]

I believe every strength that we have is a gift from God.

 

I believe it dishonors Him not to utilize them or be thankful to Him for giving us our gifts.

[preraph]

If God gave you a brain, then he intended for you to use it, not wait for him to micromanage your life. I think he's got bigger fish to fry.

[Kaiten]

Hadn't realized anyone responded to this thread. I am very thankful for the community here, and in case any of you were on my depression/suicide thread, I want you to know that I have kept in touch with my counselor, and I did move away.

 

I am finally living life out of my comfort zone, and not doing things so depressingly boring that I consider the silence of death (literally).

 

Thanks everyone

[Kaiten]

Umirano, I do agree with you. It was limiting beyond what should ever be considered acceptable. I see it as a form or modern day slavery in America. I've given so much effort into the church community, and last night I had someone from there tell me what a terrible person I was.

 

For years I have wondered, why do people outside of church love me and people inside of church seem to despise/dislike me?

 

I don't really care what the answer to that question is. I'm over it. But I do plan on exposing religion for what it is sometime before I die. But I am the most faithful and spiritual young man you will ever meet

[Ronni_W]

Hey Kaiten,

Wishing you all the best for 2015. I trust that your move went well.

But I do plan on exposing religion for what it is sometime before I die. But I am the most faithful and spiritual young man you will ever meet

Believe it or not, I *just* finished reading this article. If you scroll down to the section titled, "Where is the Spirit?", it actually speaks to your feelings/concerns about specific effects of organized religion. And, I agree with you that there is some vast distance between that, and being truly spiritual.

 

Sending you God's blessings and Angels of Light.