How do you get rid of a crush you're not supposed to have?

[purplesoccer34]

I think I may have a minor crush on someone and it's the most embarrassing thing. I just wish it would go away.

 

My sister's family lives like a thousand miles away from where I live, so I don't see them often. However, I do talk to them on the phone quite a bit. I talk to my sister's husband on the phone more than I talk to my sister but that's just because my sister doesn't call me as often. My sister's husband calls me every now and then and we joke around, he helps me out with stuff, etc. I always viewed him as an older brother and that was it, especially since I'm in my 20s and he's 20 years older than me.

 

I'm visiting my sister's family now. Before this, I hadn't seen them in person for like six years. When I first saw my sister's husband, I couldn't help but notice how attractive he is, but I quickly put that thought out of my mind. The more we talked however, it got harder and harder to ignore.

 

There were a few things that made it worse. One night, we stopped by at a bar, we had some drinks and we just talked about some things. It was for a very short while, but I wish we never had that period of alone time. Another night, I went out with some friends of mine and we were planning to be back home late. The rest of my family was fine with that and didn't care what time I came home, but this guy was like, "Hey make sure you come home eventually. Expect a lot of calls if it gets too late." While the rest of my family wasn't bothered, he stood by the door until he could make sure we left. Also, I'm casually dating a guy right now and my brother in-law always asks me "How many times a day do you see this guy? And talk to this guy? Are you going to talk to him a million times a day while you're here?" Lol honestly speaking, me and the guy I'm casually dating only talk through text a few times a day. While I was dating my ex-bf he told me many times that I'm too good for him, both looks-wise and personality-wise and that I should just dump him. I was completely in love with my ex-bf, so I never listened. There have been other incidences like this. I know that they're just caring gestures and he means nothing by them--but it sucks for me. I love my sister and I absolutely adore their children and I wish this feeling would disappear.

 

It's pretty minor though. I'm not utterly infatuated with him or anything, but I'm ashamed of even having this tiny crush. I feel like a horrible person. Is there an easy way to just get rid of this feeling?

[d0nnivain]

Find somebody more appropriate to date.

 

 

Also remind yourself you don't necessarily covet him but you do want what he represents & you go from there.

[anika99]

When I was about 15 yrs old I developed a minor crush on an uncle by marriage, my biological aunt's husband. I used to babysit a lot for them in the summers and the husband would usually get home from work before my aunt and we would hang out together, make dinner, do dishes and what not.

 

 

I never let on to anyone that I had a crush on him and I sure it hope it didn't show..LOL. The crush faded away and later I realized that my feelings were coming from daddy issues. My own home was a mess. At first I was the daughter of a single mother and then she got married and I got an angry abusive step father. I walked on eggshells in my own house because just having the wrong expression on my face could get me in big trouble. In contrast my aunt and uncles house was quiet and calm and there was a feeling of being able to relax and be myself when I was there. My uncle didn't scare his little girl, he wasn't constantly criticizing and judging her, he didn't yell at her or hit her for minor infractions. He was a good father and I think deep down that is what I was looking for. A good loving strong father figure. However because I was a teenager with raging hormones and a newfound romantic interest in the opposite sex my heart and my mind got mixed up and my feelings became a crush.

 

 

Of course because my uncle was 20yrs older than me and he was/is a man of values and principles there was never any danger of anything inappropriate happening and in a short time I had new crushes on new guys and my inappropriate feelings soon left. Now the difference between my situation and yours is that I was still somewhat a child (young teen) and you are an adult woman and doing things with your BIL that are fueling your feelings. Going out drinking with him and discussing your romantic life with him is probably not the best idea. I don't know what his intentions are but you already know that your feelings are inappropriate and because of that alone you should make sure there are proper boundaries in place between the both of you. Limit your interactions with him, don't drink alcohol with him and don't tell him your problems. If anything inappropriate were to happen between you too, even just a romantic touch or a kiss, and your sister picked up on it, your whole family would be blown apart. Don't risk it!

[preraph]

Make sure you are never again alone with him. Try to cut the phone conversations short. You assume your sister doesn't notice, but I bet she does. You do what you can to not have private conversations with him. He'll live.