Trotters Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Ive spent the last 12 months getting to know a girl at work, we got on really well built an instant connection even though we do have different interests. We both know we would do anything for each other & always be there for each other, weve let each other into our lives including some bigish decisions. Now a new guy has started at work & she seems to have "hit it off" with him too like what we did. Now im wondering if shes a player, an attention seeker etc. How in the space of just a few weeks can she have his phone number & claim that they get on really well?. Yes, we "hit it off too" but even after 12 months I still don't know everything about her, even though there is a lot I do know about her. So, yes, I don't own her, I have no right to tell her what or what not to do I just feel like all my time, efforts & energy in getting to know her may be wasted. I never demanded s*x, I respected her as a person for who she is & not for her body. How can we build a friendship/relationship for some other guy to take her interest in space of 6 weeks???. I can see the same things shes saying about him, that she did with me, its like im seeing myself in a mirror what we used to be like. And no I didn't waste my chance I did flirt, I told her she was attractive, I told her I appreciated everything shes done for me over this last 12 months, and yes we did have s*x so its not as if I "blew my chance" with her. I know my infactuation period has worn off as it always does, but, im still here in her life in what capacity now I dunno???. Im jealous now & maybe im seeing her for who she really is???. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderWoman911 Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 If the two of you aren't in a relationship with each other, then it's fair game. I wouldn't consider her a player. Maybe she feels like it's been a year and maybe you didn't initiate the thought of possibly being in a relationship so she just wanted to move onto the next one. Since you don't like what you're seeing, how about you take her out or something and express yourself to her so she can know how you truly feel about her. Just communicate with her and I'm sure she'll open up to you so you can know what's on her mind as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 it seems like you are only a friend and this guy is one she is actually attracted to on a more basic level. you are only a friend, so you really have no place to judge what she is doing with someone that she likes. this is a situation where for 12 months you've been building a relationship and she's been building a friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 You had sex so it sounds like you are just FWB if you didn't take it to the next level and ask for exclusivity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 it seems like you are only a friend and this guy is one she is actually attracted to on a more basic level. you are only a friend, so you really have no place to judge what she is doing with someone that she likes. this is a situation where for 12 months you've been building a relationship and she's been building a friendship. Ok, but weve been intimate, shared days out together, talked about our good & bad days imo thats a relationship not a friendship. And how can she be attracted to him in 6 weeks thats no way long enough to know someone??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 You had sex so it sounds like you are just FWB if you didn't take it to the next level and ask for exclusivity. We both admitted to having feelings. FWB is sex with no romantic feelings. It was never just sex it was genuine passion with feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 And how can she be attracted to him in 6 weeks thats no way long enough to know someone??? You can be ATTRACTED to someone instantly. Heck, in your first sentence you said "we got on really well built an instant connection." And there is no reason a person can't have the same "instant connection" with another. That is why so many people have affairs. But if you didn't talk about exclusivity, then all bets are off and she's working the system... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 Ill talk to her. She always initiates when we meet up, i initiatethe more serious/adult conversations. I feel used thoughp 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 I think you should just leave it alone. You and her had a fleeting thing. She's moved on. You're at work. You need to act professional and be polite and that's it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
welshbambi Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Ill talk to her. She always initiates when we meet up, i initiatethe more serious/adult conversations. I feel used thoughp You just need to ask her outright if she wants this to become a relationship or not. You also need to say that your feelings have gone past a FWB situation. Yes, you might lose her. She might have thought you didn;t want anything more so never pushed for things to develop, so you win. But if you don't tell her where you're at with it all then you are just going to have to watch her flirt with another guy and she's going to think that you're cool with it. Ergo, you get hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 I think you should just leave it alone. You and her had a fleeting thing. She's moved on. You're at work. You need to act professional and be polite and that's it. I wont hassle her its just shes made no indication of dumping me as such. I feel i deserve an explanation though after 12 months. If it wasnt for this guy starting i know she'd still be giving me her time & attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 Forgot to add. I know shes cheated in her past. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Sorry to say it, but if you have not agreed on exclusivity, she can take an interest in anyone she wants to. So can you. I don't think thats what you want to hear, but that is how it works. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 I wont hassle her its just shes made no indication of dumping me as such. I feel i deserve an explanation though after 12 months. If it wasnt for this guy starting i know she'd still be giving me her time & attention. why don't you look at it differently. as in, she's only been giving you time and attention and allowing you to give it to her because no one better was around. now that someone better has come along, why do you deserve an explanation? you were a FWB and your benefits have ended. you weren't in a relationship and will make your work-life difficult for both her and you, and him, if you demand answers. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 I wont hassle her its just shes made no indication of dumping me as such. I feel i deserve an explanation though after 12 months. If it wasnt for this guy starting i know she'd still be giving me her time & attention. Sounds like it just sort of petered out....that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Sounds like something was almost there, but from the start you were interested in more and she wasn't. I don't know her reasons and I don't know you, but for some reason she never quite saw you as boyfriend material. You'd have to ask her why though. It's not being used. Sometimes we meet someone who seems so great, but there's "something" missing. Something that prevents it from progressing fully. But lots of people still give it a chance, hoping that "something" will eventually materialize. Sadly, when they meet someone else with whom that "something" is NOT missing, it becomes clear that it won't work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 Sounds like something was almost there, but from the start you were interested in more and she wasn't. I don't know her reasons and I don't know you, but for some reason she never quite saw you as boyfriend material. You'd have to ask her why though. It's not being used. Sometimes we meet someone who seems so great, but there's "something" missing. Something that prevents it from progressing fully. But lots of people still give it a chance, hoping that "something" will eventually materialize. Sadly, when they meet someone else with whom that "something" is NOT missing, it becomes clear that it won't work. I hear what you are all saying im just trying to figure it out for future. But not everyone has everything. There must be something I have that someone else doesn't. There will always be something someone doesn't have?. Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 It's VERY easy to develop a connection an attraction for someone in 6 weeks. I'm confused why you're so blown away by that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 I hear what you are all saying im just trying to figure it out for future. But not everyone has everything. There must be something I have that someone else doesn't. There will always be something someone doesn't have?. Of course no one has everything, and most definitely you have something that someone would find irresistible. It just might not be her though. You could wait it out, see what happens with this other guy. Or you could lay all your cards out now, before she gets serious with this guy, and tell her you want a relationship in no uncertain terms. Be prepared for her to say no, but at least you will know you tried your best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 I also know shes cheated in the past. Im just wondering if its worth fighting for or if shes a natural flirt, looking for attention etc or whether to just let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 I also know shes cheated in the past. Im just wondering if its worth fighting for or if shes a natural flirt, looking for attention etc or whether to just let her go. Fighting with whom? How? People do what they want to do, and you can't make someone want something else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRysing Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Trotters, have you ever had any kind of DTR conversation? Have you two ever talked about what you are to each other? You talk about a year long friendship, not owning her, intimacy - but you have not shared what kind of communication you two have had on the subject. What happens when you talk about being more to each other? What happens when you bring up a relationship or exclusivity? Is that what you want? Is that what she wants? I just ended a relationship like you described and I am trying my best to move on from it, because he was never ready to step up and be with me. Is that you or is that her? Which of you is keeping this relationship from being more - one where you can expect that she doesn't become emotionally or physically intimate with someone else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 I also know shes cheated in the past. Im just wondering if its worth fighting for or if shes a natural flirt, looking for attention etc or whether to just let her go. Whether she's cheated is really irrelevant as you two do not have a relationship with boundaries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 wrong thread - deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Ok, but weve been intimate, shared days out together, talked about our good & bad days imo thats a relationship not a friendship. That's a relationship in your opinion. She apparently has a different opinion. She seems to be under the impression that she's not in a relationship with you, so she's seeing other people and telling you about it. I'm not sure where the breakdown in communication happened, so maybe you should ask her about it? Just say, "I'm a little confused, are we in a relationship?" Her answer should tell you everything you need to know. And how can she be attracted to him in 6 weeks thats no way long enough to know someone??? Knowing someone for six weeks is plenty long enough to be attracted to them. How long did you know her before you were attracted to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts