Tina747 Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 I have a question that I hope does not sound too trivial but for some reason something my (older) sister said really bothered me and was wondering your thoughts... background: When we were younger there was an older guy who completely broke my heart. I mean really COMPLETELY....I mean, talk about "the first cut is the deepest". I honestly to this day cannot think about it without feeling pain. It devastated me beyond belief and don't think I ever really recovered. as a matter of fact I don't think i had ever cried over a guy since then because it left a cold spot in my heart ... At the time, I, thinking my sister at that time was my "friend" had confided in her about it. She actually saw me completely emotionally break down from it. Well, I found out later the reason he ended it was because he had had feelings for her, which she knew, and she actually liked that he did and had feelings for him too but she already had a boyfriend (she actually admitted this to me years later). She even admitted to me her resentment that we were together. Even though the whole time during my breakdown she was consoling me! well i don't like to dwell in the past so I forgot about it long ago and left it behind me ... we are usually friends but every so often there is an emotional betrayal, of some kind or back stab... but then we will make up and be friends again... I know it sounds weird as sometimes are a lot of sister relationships, but she is really the only family I have. well fast forward years later, she and I had an argument and had stopped talking for a few weeks, but her daughter had a daughter and i broke the ice and things were friendly again for a few days. And I was really excited about my new great niece and mentioned the birthdate... She made a long pause and said ".... guess who's birthday that is?"... "and she let me guess a lot of people...I mean it went on and on "...till finally she tells me. it is him, the guy who broke my heart. It felt really weird, like she was expecting some meaningful response from me or some reaction... but i just said ..." oh, who cares about that, anybody else's birthday that is?..." and just changed the subject. So, like i said, i know how trivial this must sound, And i may need to figure out why it bothered and confused me so much that she felt so inclined to tell me this that i am writing about it.... but why do you think she told me knowing what she knows? do you think it was innocent or was there a motive or intent behind it? I do really appreciate your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 You're right this is kind of trivial! Only your sisiter would know why she said that. Although I suspect it was probably innocent and a 'wow what a coincidence' type statement rather than anything with malicious intent. It was your first love who broke your heart not your sister. You say yourself, that she was and has been there for you since.(even if you do question her motives.) I'm presuming neither you or your sister have anything to do with this guy anymore? It'd be wise to really work on putting this hurt and bitterness behind you, no man is ever ALL THAT. You probably idealised him in some way all those years ago, making him out to be some sort of demi-god or similar. I repeat NO MAN is ever all that!!! Sounds like your sister still thinks the sun shines out of him, if she can't forget his birthday by now! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 To me, this isn't trivial at all. Your sister totally betrayed you and then concealed it, knowing how much it hurt you at the time. I would never trust her again, honestly. I realize she's all you've got. I've only got one sibling myself, and if she wasn't a sibling, I'd have dropped her for being inconsiderate decades ago. But family is family. Just keep her out of your personal business. She should not be trusted around any future love interest of yours because they don't call it "sibling rivalry" for nothing. Sisters often feel they need to compete with each other. Keep her out of your person stuff entirely when possible. If something gets serious with a guy, serious enough you think he'd believe you and you trust him well enough not to take advantage of the information, you could warn him she is competitive enough to try to get one of your men just to see if she can. Now, mind you, some men would take full advantage of that. But if he's like that, you may as well find out, right? Keep her at arm's length. Don't confide in her on personal matters or let her meet your men for as long as possible. She's quite nasty, IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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