surrealworld Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) This is my first post so could really appreciate friendly advice.Here's my prob after many years of marriage and two young children my wife has decided it is not working anymore.The last couple of years hasn't been great but I have been as supportive as poss and given space when needed. I suggested counseling we went but it soon became apparent she had no feelings for me anymore. I was and to some extent still am devastated going through denial confusion anger etc and would happily bypass Xmas but did all I could for my children. Another prob is due to financial constraints we are still living under same roof. She,s now living the single life but also pretending at happy families when at home.I can't reconcile the two and its driving me mad.Words of wisdom please. I am confused and trying to make sense of it all whilst at same time trying to be positive and do what's best for my fantastic kids. <Thanks> in anticipation of your thoughts Edited December 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 (edited) I'd move mountains to sort your living situation out as your current set-up sounds untenable. You'll be separating (it certainly seems) at some point and your focus should be you and your kids. As your wife sounds as though she's chosen her own path, let her accept her own responsibilities, financial and otherwise. Have you seen a lawyer? Mr. Lucky Edited December 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Note from moderation: The thread starter felt they had included too much personalized information so requested an edit, which moderation granted. A specific quote of the original content was redacted but the response remains in original form. Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 I am going thru the same thing ( except for the children part ) and it ll be hard in the beginning ... I have also recommended marriage counseling ( which she doesn't want any part of ) and she is also living else where .... it ll just take time for you both, will have to accept each other(s) decision ( who knows, might change in a later date ) ... be strong and WE are here for you ... Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Sorry for your situation . I hope you have seen an attorney to at least get some facts. It is not good for your children to see their mother getting dolled up to go out with other men, and she is basically forcing you into an open marriage. It is obviously very painful to watch her to out as if you are not there and be her baby sitter. You really need to file for divorce even if you have to bowwood the money to do it. The longer this goes on the worse it will be for you. I would recommend the following (1) serve her with papers . It can be stopped (2) refuse to watch the kids when she wants to go out. Tell her you also have plans and leave. Document every time she goes out partying. (3) if you live in a state where infidelity can effect settlements, put a VAR in her car and start to collect evidence Right now, she was all the power. She has a nice safe home to come home to, has fun partying and you are in misery. This will only end when you end it. If she has to start dealing with what her life will be when she has to go find an apartment by herself and maybe get a job of she does not work, maybe she will stop be so disrespectful and get a divorce. There are women and sometimes men on this forum who have no job and who refuse to put up with what you are enduring. Take some action and get out of this mess. You will not feel better about yourself whole you allow this to go on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surrealworld Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 Thanks for your comments and words of support it really helps when feeling low. My main priority in new year is to stay positive as much as possible find my own space and most importantly minimise the disruption to my kids as they are the centre of my world. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You need to understand that you are not going to stop any disruptions for your kids forever . Your are going to wind up divorced when she finds another man she wants to stay with and she will. Then she will force you to a divorce In the meantime your health and mental stability are going to suffer and you are not going to be the parent you can be. Millions of children of divorce turn out just fine . Gently , your wife has forced you into a "cuckold" type relationship. You play domestic caretaker, work , and she parties. For your own sake, stop the insanity. What you are doing will not win her back. Your self esteem is going to take such a hit by sitting and watching this you will take among time to recover. Also in most state the person who files first controls the process Stop using the kids as an excuse to put up with this. With her attitude there is no end reward here for you Link to post Share on other sites
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