Bunni Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Ok I have a friend for a long time now, but she really has always been self involved. Its me me me her kids her husband, her everything. Whenever I try to say something she cuts me off for something stupid like oooo its windy outside. She does not really care what I have to say. Am I wrong that a friend is someone you can go to with problems and they listen and comfort etc? The other day she was complaining that she couldn't listen to her mom complain any more and that she had her own problems to worry about, and I tried to tell her that sometimes people just need someone to talk to. She proceeded to say she had her own worries and didn't need to listen to someone else's. She has been this way the 15 years i've know her and it bothers me. Should I consider her a friend if she does not act like a friend. I am a person who needs friends to talk to to help me figure out my life's dilemmas, but I really cant talk to her because she always cuts me off to talk about herself and dosn't want to hear it. I asked her when she said she didn't want to hear her moms problems if she was self involved (jokingly but serious) and she said yah have to be, I have my own problems.. I don't know its always bugged me and that day she admitted she was self involved. Is she a friend?? If so what kind of friend is that? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 I think her behavior towards you is telling in itself. Of course everybody has problems. But that is not a reason to at least listen to problems of others, especially if these others are 'friends.' Listening is an important way to show caring and concern for the speaker. It seems as she is using her family as a defense fortress in her battles with the world. Added: Do you want to have a friend who is acting in this way? Draw your own conclusions on these matters, and act upon them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted March 25, 2005 Author Share Posted March 25, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez I think her behavior towards you is telling in itself. Of course everybody has problems. But that is not a reason to at least listen to problems of others, especially if these others are 'friends.' Listening is an important way to show caring and concern for the speaker. It seems as she is using her family as a defense fortress in her battles with the world. Added: Do you want to have a friend who is acting in this way? Draw your own conclusions on these matters, and act upon them. I think you are a very intellagent person D'arthez. I love your thought process. I agree with you 100% I really just think I will keep her in my life for entertainment purposes. She makes me laugh quite frequently, even tho I can't talk to or get serious with her. Stinks yah cause I love talking to friends and hearing their oppinions on tough situations for me. O well she's good for a laugh I guess. I will take what I can get Link to post Share on other sites
red-rose-in-winter Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 If there's one thing that I've learned in life (so far), it's that there are good listeners... and then there are people who like to do all the talking!!! I can identify with the problem you are having with your friend. I also have a friend who I've known for over 15 years, and she thinks the whole world revolves around her. She will call me up and tell me about her day, what her upcoming weekend plans are, what so and so said or did at work, etc. She hardly ever asks me how MY day went, or what I did over the weekend and if I had a good time. And when she DOES ask, she finds a way to somehow make it about her again with something she has coming up the next few weekends!!! It can be very frustrating and hurtful at times. It's almost like what I'm feeling or doing doesn't quite measure up to her "great" plans or experiences. When I send her an e-mail during the week just to say "hi", I don't think she even opens my e-mails ~ I think she just deletes them or something. But...when SHE e-mails me, she EXPECTS me to e-mail her back, because she'll call and say "Did you get my e-mail?" I usually respond to her e-mails, but she can't even acknowledge mine??? The only advice I can give you (if you want to remain friends with her) is try doing what I do....just listen to what she has to say. Some people just don't get a clue that they are being so self-centered. I guess they just want to seem important to someone by totally dominating the conversation and center the attention on them. It's kind of sad really.....look at all the great conversations and expereinces they are missing out on by being so self-centered. That's my two cent's worth.... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 An idiot kind of friend! You don't have to take it from her. When she calls or invites you, don't talk to her. When she asks you what the problem is, tell her that you have problems of your own and don't need to meet her and listen to HER problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by red~rose~in~winter If there's one thing that I've learned in life (so far), it's that there are good listeners... and then there are people who like to do all the talking!!! I can identify with the problem you are having with your friend. I also have a friend who I've known for over 15 years, and she thinks the whole world revolves around her. She will call me up and tell me about her day, what her upcoming weekend plans are, what so and so said or did at work, etc. She hardly ever asks me how MY day went, or what I did over the weekend and if I had a good time. And when she DOES ask, she finds a way to somehow make it about her again with something she has coming up the next few weekends!!! It can be very frustrating and hurtful at times. It's almost like what I'm feeling or doing doesn't quite measure up to her "great" plans or experiences. When I send her an e-mail during the week just to say "hi", I don't think she even opens my e-mails ~ I think she just deletes them or something. But...when SHE e-mails me, she EXPECTS me to e-mail her back, because she'll call and say "Did you get my e-mail?" I usually respond to her e-mails, but she can't even acknowledge mine??? The only advice I can give you (if you want to remain friends with her) is try doing what I do....just listen to what she has to say. Some people just don't get a clue that they are being so self-centered. I guess they just want to seem important to someone by totally dominating the conversation and center the attention on them. It's kind of sad really.....look at all the great conversations and expereinces they are missing out on by being so self-centered. That's my two cent's worth.... Ohh good I am not the only one who goes through this. One thing I wonder is y we stay friends with them? If they don't really care whats going on in your life can we really call them friends? More like aquaintances if you ask me. Sounds like we have the same friend lol. Originally posted by RecordProducer An idiot kind of friend! You don't have to take it from her. When she calls or invites you, don't talk to her. When she asks you what the problem is, tell her that you have problems of your own and don't need to meet her and listen to HER problems. LMFAO that's a good one maybe I will try that lol I like it, A LOT! I love reverse psychology. She would never get it probably lol. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Nope, you're not alone I also have that kind of iffy friend. Except my friend always criticizes me. She likes to think she's my mommy. After she's done criticizing me and making me feel like sh*t about myself, she starts going on about herself. Then when I say something about what's going on with me, she always has to go. It's so frustrating.. grrr. Maybe you should try talking to her about it, if you wanna stay friends with her. I know when I told my friend I was going on vacation, and she replied 'why would you do that?'.. don't think I didn't call her right back and tell her how she pissed me off Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Take control and downgrade her friendship to just someone you have a laugh with occasionally. Tell her why if she calls you on it, stand up for yourself, a true friend would take the hint and make more of an effort. If she won't listen to you and validate your feelings, don't listen to hers either Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by Donut Take control and downgrade her friendship to just someone you have a laugh with occasionally. Tell her why if she calls you on it, stand up for yourself, a true friend would take the hint and make more of an effort. If she won't listen to you and validate your feelings, don't listen to hers either I totally agree I finally had to stop calling my friend.. I have plenty of other people who can make me feel like crap. And I also have other friends who'll listen to my problems and not make me feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
SusieQ Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Geez, 15 years! You have a lot more patience than I have, that's for sure. javascript:emoticon('') smile But I have also had friends like that (but not for 15 years), and I guess sometimes we are meant to just listen and let other people unload on us - you are a good friend. Hopefully you have lots of other friends that give you more than this one! I love your sense of humour about the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 Nope, you're not alone I also have that kind of iffy friend. Except my friend always criticizes me. She likes to think she's my mommy. After she's done criticizing me and making me feel like sh*t about myself, she starts going on about herself. Then when I say something about what's going on with me, she always has to go. It's so frustrating.. grrr. Maybe you should try talking to her about it, if you wanna stay friends with her. I know when I told my friend I was going on vacation, and she replied 'why would you do that?'.. don't think I didn't call her right back and tell her how she pissed me off Sounds like I have it good mine dosn't critisize maybe dosn't care enough too lol o well I do thankfully have other good friends that care more for me. Originally posted by Donut Take control and downgrade her friendship to just someone you have a laugh with occasionally. Tell her why if she calls you on it, stand up for yourself, a true friend would take the hint and make more of an effort. If she won't listen to you and validate your feelings, don't listen to hers either Yes a laugh is what I get she has a pretty funny sense of humor so guess I will take what I can get Originally posted by SusieQ Geez, 15 years! You have a lot more patience than I have, that's for sure. javascript:emoticon('') smile But I have also had friends like that (but not for 15 years), and I guess sometimes we are meant to just listen and let other people unload on us - you are a good friend. Hopefully you have lots of other friends that give you more than this one! I love your sense of humour about the whole thing. She just recently told me that she was sick of her mom complaining about her own life and thats when I told her that sometimes people just need someone to talk to and thats when she said she had her own problems and didn't want to hear others. So I said to her " ooooh so your self involved then" and she said yah! She had her own problems to worry about! So it was not directly related to me but when I try to talk to her sometimes she does kind of cut me off to talk about herself (thats when I know shes heard enough of my wining). Guess thats when I should let her go off the phone then hey? lol Link to post Share on other sites
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