Something has Changed in the Women

[DukeNukem47]

I love the defensive nature of women who post here. It is not an afront to declare the way your gender thinks about relationships has changed. I'm not going by stereotypes here at all. My initial post and followups come directly from real life experiences with women whom I've met in every variety of ways.

 

I totally disagree with the premise that because someone has kids that you can not become a priority. Kids, and I have 2, will always be high on the priority list but if a woman comes along and I fall madly in love, then she moves to the head of the list. Children will be loved and that love will be shown but if dad and girl friend/wife are not happy then the FAMILY can not be happy. This is a major reason my marriage failed. I was moved down the priority list and I believe many, many men are moved down by women. Men have allowed it to happen. Men have allowed too much control of the relationships to be taken over by the female side and once that power is taken women will not give it back and usually the relationship falls apart. Call that stereotyping but again it was personal experience. Simple fact is that the familial heirarchy is nonexistent anymore.

 

Men who are healthy, attractive, good careers and who are happy are very hard to find. Thus I find myself in that exact situation and I haven't had a relationship last longer than 8 months. Why? Because the women I have met, be it good or bad choices, all of them, in the past 7 years, were not ready for a real relationship. I have proposed only a theory about why this has occured and nothing more.

 

The descriptions of "Clingy", "needy", "overwhelming", "stalking" all have legitimate examples of men and women who have defined those words. However, the constant use and overuse of them lead me to believe it's a way for women to justify their own faults about lack of dating success. I have been called all the above at one point or another over the past 7 years and I can tell you, I am not any of the above nor was I the reason many of the relationships ended. Personal experience again.

 

I think you were naive in the past and now you see the truth. Personally, I don't believe that women have changed. I think they have always been this way, naturally, but hid it. Now that they have total freedom, their true nature is presenting itself.

 

It's nothing to be angry about. But now you know.

 

Overall, if you are a guy that just wants to have sex with as many women as possible, you are living at the right time. If you want something more, you will have it rough. Just the way it is....

[Robert Z]

She may have seriously dodged a bullet!

 

Always have to go personal huh, Rejected.

[Robert Z]

I don't know what an sb is but being open and friendly are great qualities to be had, and saying hello to strangers on the street is the easiest way to brighten their day and yours. That's a warning I wouldn't heed!

 

 

sb is sugar baby. She's 24 so she has more insight than I about the way young women feel. She was mainly referring to interactions with younger women. And I am approaching younger women but how and how fast is her concern. She doesn't think most women would be receptive to the way I met my first fiancée, for example. She thinks most women require more familiarity before they will be receptive to personal interactions.

 

 

It is also true that I'm not hitting on them. I'm just trying to get to know people. After I get to know them a bit I may try hitting on them if they are type that like older men. But I don't make that assumption out the gate.

 

Crash courses on back to basics wouldn't go amiss sometimes, and that's including re-evaluating the importance of 'dating' online or elsewhere, in my very humble opinion.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by back to basics. Personally I am very unimpressed with online dating. Text is a terrible form of communication for such complex interactions. The women get inundated with messages with very little differentiation possible and most of them probably lying about their age, income, whatever. And when I have asked women why they chose one person over another from the mountain in their inbox, it generally came down to some meaningless quip or comment that means nothing. It wasn't intellect or charm or chemistry or ever looks, but something really stupid. And of course things very rarely work out.

 

 

I've read that the odds of meeting someone special online are no better than meeting someone in a bar. My charm is smart and funny. But it doesn't come across online like it does in person. I do far better face to face where my personality can shine.

Edited December 31, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

I had one first date in my brief stint on OLD. The whole time the guy complained about his ex wife, griped about everything under the sun, etc. So at the end, shook his hand and bade him farewell.

 

I paid for the bill as well. Wrapping up those loose ends!

 

Some people wonder why they don't get past a first date.

 

Ah, that's why I had Love Shack! I could come here and vent. Though I did probably bore a few strippers bitching about the ex.

 

She was strange. She was so evasive about everything that it got creepy. For example, I sort of knew what she did for work but she would never get very specific.

 

But yes, she definitely pushed my buttons with the sex bit. If I had been pressuring her that would be one thing. But all I had done so far was buy her three really nice dinners and kiss her goodnight on the cheek. I had to get out of there before I told her to f herself. This was too close to the divorce and I was in no mood for a b with an attitude problem... over nothing!

 

 

Dodged the bullet is right.

[autumnnight]

I actually agree with you here.

 

However, my goal is to actually become part of that 1% (which is something that I'm constantly working towards and have a solid plan on how to get there). Once I reach my goal, I plan on having children through surrogacy and hiring a live-in nanny.

 

I have a very deep-seeded distrust of women. But if I'm technically the sole parent, they can't run off with my children and break up the family.

 

I actually really respect this. You don't trust, like, or respect women, and you are up front about it. AND you don't then turn around and expect a woman to want a relationship with you and whine about it. YOU are consistent, and I respect consistency. The men who hate women while simultaneously expecting a woman to fall in love with them make no sense to me.

[littleblackheart]

sb is sugar baby. She's 24 so she has more insight than I about the way young women feel. She was mainly referring to interactions with younger women. And I am approaching younger women but how and how fast is her concern. She doesn't think most women would be receptive to the way I met my first fiancée, for example. She thinks most women require more familiarity before they will be receptive to personal interactions.

 

 

It is also true that I'm not hitting on them. I'm just trying to get to know people. After I get to know them a bit I may try hitting on them if they are type that like older men. But I don't make that assumption out the gate.

 

 

Ok. I still don't know what a sugar baby is (could be down to cultural difference or the fact that I've had a sheltered life) but I'm way past 24 so it could be to do with that . I think what you describe is true for women of all ages though, not just the younger ones, especially in bigger cities where everything is sanitised and impersonal. I find that people who live in smaller communities are more receptive to the kindness of strangers.

 

 

That being said, I do believe most people long to go back to a time where things were less contrived. Two weeks ago I was crying on the train on the way to work (a big city). When I got off, a man around my age (40ish) and fairly handsome asked me to mind his suitcase. When he came back he had a packet of tissues, a bar of chocolate and a copy of the Daily Mail because 'whatever you're going through, it can't be worse than what is written in there'. I was really touched by his kindness, and I didn't assume for one minute he was anything but kind. Not everything is about hidden agendas and getting into people's pants, nor should it be.

 

 

I'm not sure what you mean by back to basics. Personally I am very unimpressed with online dating. Text is a terrible form of communication for such complex interactions. The women get inundated with messages with very little differentiation possible and most of them probably lying about their age, income, whatever. And when I have asked women why they chose one person over another from the mountain in their inbox, it generally came down to some meaningless quip or comment that means nothing. It wasn't intellect or charm or chemistry or ever looks, but something really stupid. And of course things very rarely work out.

 

 

I've read that the odds of meeting someone special online are no better than meeting someone in a bar. My charm is smart and funny. But it doesn't come across online like it does in person. I do far better face to face where my personality can shine.

 

 

I may be biased because I've never dated online or off, yet still somehow managed to be in relationships (not that very many, admittedly) but I don't see finding someone as a healthy priority in my life. Stumbling upon it in the least likely places has always worked for me, and that's what I'm comfortable with. One person at a time is already more than I can personally handle, and that's what I mean by 'back to basics': one person at a time, on genuine connection at a time, and the understanding that being single isn't a disease.

 

 

I completely agree with your description of online dating, and new forms of communication in general - it leads to untruths, misunderstandings and false assumptions and to me anyway, can be potentially far more damaging (emotionally at least) than any face-to-face interaction. In my very humble opinion, of course

Edited December 31, 2014 by littleblackheart

[Robert Z]

For me there is more of a sense of urgency. I don't know if I have 2 months or 20 years of an active sex life left. I don't want to take a chance on wasting one moment of the good times left.

 

 

I would like to fall in love again. I am in love with my sb now but we have taken things as far as they are going to go and I need to be thinking about moving on. But I love sex for the sake of sex. And I can thoroughly enjoy sex with total strangers - done it many times now with escorts. So I have a duel purpose: Have as much as I can but always with an eye out for that special someone.

 

 

A sugar baby is woman for which a man provides basic support in return for her companionship, which generally includes sex. Usually it involves middle-age to upper-middle-age men, and much younger women.

[littleblackheart]

For me there is more of a sense of urgency. I don't know if I have 2 months or 20 years of an active sex life left. I don't want to take a chance on wasting one moment of the good times left.

 

 

I would like to fall in love again. I am in love with my sb now but we have taken things as far as they are going to go and I need to be thinking about moving on. But I love sex for the sake of sex. And I can thoroughly enjoy sex with total strangers - done it many times now with escorts. So I have a duel purpose: Have as much as I can but always with an eye out for that special someone.

 

 

A sugar baby is woman for which a man provides basic support in return for her companionship, which generally includes sex. Usually it involves middle-age to upper-middle-age men, and much younger women.

 

 

Fair enough, thanks for the explanation! I can't say I relate, but it seems completely acceptable to me; not everyone is cut out for celibacy and it doesn't look like you're hurting anyone. Best of luck

[Robert Z]

Well I hope the gods of the odds are generous and you meet your next soul mate soon. It does seem to happen when you least expect it.

 

 

Fair enough, thanks for the explanation! I can't say I relate, but it seems completely acceptable to me; not everyone is cut out for celibacy and it doesn't look like you're hurting anyone. Best of luck

 

 

Well, between you and everyone else who supports my position, I think that makes two. Okay, maybe not that bad. But older men chasing younger women doesn't set well with a large number of people.

 

 

I seem to love the company of young women in ways I never expected. Don't get me wrong, I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone and have a nice time. And I am open to all possibilities for the long run. But I must admit to being quite enchanted with the young ladies. And they seem to appreciate romantics like me.

 

 

I won over the young lady next door a bit when she saw the preparations I was making for my sb one night. I always knock myself out for a hot date. And I think that night was her birthday so I had gone all out - the finest champagne, a gourmet meal that I prepared myself, our standard red rose, fancy candles and new linens, new champagne flutes... the place looked great and my neighbor literally swooned. I then got a big hug and a kiss. And she's been hitting on me since learning that the sb and I are winding things down. So I guess there is still room in the world for old-school romance. I just love to spoil a woman. And I specialize in foot massage.

 

 

I just wish people would relax a bit. It surprises me when I see the walls go up. I am as harmless as they come. And I'm not used to people not trusting me. But slowly I am learning to navigate the new norms. And I do have to constantly remind myself that in spite of my internal belief that I am still 25 years old, the rest of world doesn't seem to see me that way.

[Revolver]

Yea it's called options.

[littleblackheart]

Well I hope the gods of the odds are generous and you meet your next soul mate soon. It does seem to happen when you least expect it.

 

 

Thank you . I'm in no rush at all though; open-mindedness, a glass half-full and a good heart have my preference - a tall order apparently, going by this forum alone

 

I just wish people would relax a bit.

 

 

So do I. Judging others on the basis of your own morals, choices and experiences is a bit counter-productive, and too much precious time wasted.

[Got it]

Ah, that's why I had Love Shack! I could come here and vent. Though I did probably bore a few strippers bitching about the ex.

 

She was strange. She was so evasive about everything that it got creepy. For example, I sort of knew what she did for work but she would never get very specific.

 

But yes, she definitely pushed my buttons with the sex bit. If I had been pressuring her that would be one thing. But all I had done so far was buy her three really nice dinners and kiss her goodnight on the cheek. I had to get out of there before I told her to f herself. This was too close to the divorce and I was in no mood for a b with an attitude problem... over nothing!

 

 

Dodged the bullet is right.

 

??????????

 

Did you see my post as a hit at you? I was just sharing another less than satisfying dating experience.

[DukeNukem47]

I actually really respect this. You don't trust, like, or respect women, and you are up front about it. AND you don't then turn around and expect a woman to want a relationship with you and whine about it. YOU are consistent, and I respect consistency. The men who hate women while simultaneously expecting a woman to fall in love with them make no sense to me.

 

I do like and respect women as friends. I have plenty of female friends and coworkers that I'm friendly with. I'm also in and out of the dating scene (currently out the last month or so). I just don't trust them enough to enter into a binding legal agreement with them.

[autumnnight]

I do like and respect women as friends. I have plenty of female friends and coworkers that I'm friendly with. I'm also in and out of the dating scene (currently out the last month or so). I just don't trust them enough to enter into a binding legal agreement with them.

 

Right. That's what I mean. You are not here bashing them, blaming them for all your problems, and simultaneously whining about how you can't get one to love you.

[Robert Z]

??????????

 

Did you see my post as a hit at you? I was just sharing another less than satisfying dating experience.

 

 

No, but I did lose it pretty quickly. I don't normally walk out on someone during dinner. And I had to keep reminding myself NOT to talk about the ex!!!