Exposed

[chatsy]

Hi everyone

I have recently confirmed that my wife did actually leave me for another man.

My wife is 29 and I am 38. She gave me many reasons and 1 was the age gap between us. Through some investigation I discovered it was my sons soccer coach who is 21. She denied it and I had proof and gave her the chance to be the one told her parents the truth as she had told many lies about the reason she left my son of 5 and me.

She said she would not as it was lies and so I exposed her and showed proof.

I now am sup prised that she is annoyed with me and not feeling guilty of her affair of months. Since April she has been with this guy and only left me in September cause he told her to choose.

No remorse, shame or guilt! Is this normal?

We have not even got a legal separation yet. I am almost certain she is going to try get revenge now rather than feel shame. It's obvious she will continue with this guy but everyone tells me it won't last.

[oldshirt]

Hi everyone

I have recently confirmed that my wife did actually leave me for another man.

My wife is 29 and I am 38. She gave me many reasons and 1 was the age gap between us. Through some investigation I discovered it was my sons soccer coach who is 21. She denied it and I had proof and gave her the chance to be the one told her parents the truth as she had told many lies about the reason she left my son of 5 and me.

She said she would not as it was lies and so I exposed her and showed proof.

I now am sup prised that she is annoyed with me and not feeling guilty of her affair of months. Since April she has been with this guy and only left me in September cause he told her to choose.

No remorse, shame or guilt! Is this normal?

We have not even got a legal separation yet. I am almost certain she is going to try get revenge now rather than feel shame. It's obvious she will continue with this guy but everyone tells me it won't last.

 

Your job at this point is to circle your wagons and protect you assets, resources, home, property and relationship with your children.

 

None of those other things really matter now.

 

All you need to know is that she is behaving badly and you need to get away from her, protect yourself from her and move on with your own life.

 

She is like a zombie on Walking Dead. She is dead, the person she once was is no longer there but she is still dangerous.

[oldshirt]

Your job at this point is to circle your wagons and protect you assets, resources, home, property and relationship with your children.

 

.

 

This means get the best divorce lawyer that you can TODAY! and do what he/she says.

 

Spend you time, energy and money doing what the lawyer says to do in order to protect yourself and don't waste any more time, energy or money on anything about her.

[jm2013]

This varies from WS to WS. If she left you for the OM you know her true feelings. Just let her go and live her miserable life. The best "revenge" you can get is your own happiness. If she looks in from the outside and sees you happy I'm sure it will eat her up inside.

[HurtHusband]

So the kid is yours, not hers? It sounds bad..but if that's the way she wants to live her life, than good riddance! Sent her Off! And show her the red card!

 

No shame, no guilt? She is in affairyland right now.. You can't get through to her..but really, let her off. You and your son deserve better.

[Rainbowlove]

It doesn't matter if it lasts between her and him. She has made her choice to leave you and to pursue it with him and now she will live with that choice for the rest of her life. She's very young and he's even younger.

 

Let it be. Let her go.

 

Your number one priority should be protecting your son. Find an attorney, get yourself into counseling, gather your support group - and focus on YOU and your SON. You have to be his rock, his stable world and shift your attention there.

 

Strength to you.

[autumnnight]

You did what a spouse has every right to do. She is angry because you as the spouse put a light on her bad behavior. definitely protect yourself and your son now. She has made her bed.

[chatsy]

Thanks all

I know I have to protect my son. But still in shock as I only found out on Tuesday. Sick thing and the part that really annoyed me is that I still feel love for her, how stupid can I be!

I have spoken to my lawyer already and the ball is rolling for the legal separation and how I can go about getting the best custody deal in regards to my son.

Just wish I could feel nothing and wake up feeling free. She is happy and I am in the gutters.

[Bryanp]

Strongly suggest that you get tested for STD's. Good luck.

[Rainbowlove]

I went back and read your first post.

 

You have been with her for 12 years....

 

She's been with you since she was 17. You were 26 when you met her, the 17 year old.

 

Age could very well be a factor. Not so much the differene between your ages, but that she was so young when you met. And she was 22 when you married and and 24 when you had your son.

 

She is young emotionally, and was very young when you met her and married her. All of that was her choice, but how much do you really understand about yourself and what you want from life at 17 and 22??

 

I'm not giving her a pass at all. I'm saying there is an obvious age factor here that has always been present in your relationship.

 

She probably sees you as a father figure in her life, rather than a husband and lover. Speculation, yes. But 17 and you were 26. Big, big difference.

 

Still, let her do what she needs to do. My guess is she will again come knocking on your door when it goes sour with him - and yes, it will.

[badkarma2013]

Thanks all

I know I have to protect my son. But still in shock as I only found out on Tuesday. Sick thing and the part that really annoyed me is that I still feel love for her, how stupid can I be!

I have spoken to my lawyer already and the ball is rolling for the legal separation and how I can go about getting the best custody deal in regards to my son.

Just wish I could feel nothing and wake up feeling free. She is happy and I am in the gutters.

 

*******************************************************************

 

AS posted by another...and Im sure im going to take flak for this...

 

"GET MAD..and GET ANGRY....Your WW has Lied, Deceived and Betrayed you...and then left you for the OM, Im sorry that pisses me off just reading it...I would be livid..and I was when i went thur my WWs A..

 

But we are all different and YOU have to do whats best for you...

[Mr. Lucky]

T Sick thing and the part that really annoyed me is that I still feel love for her, how stupid can I be!

 

You feel love for the memory of her, not the person she is now. Important going forward to understand the difference...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mal78]

Hi everyone

I have recently confirmed that my wife did actually leave me for another man.

My wife is 29 and I am 38. She gave me many reasons and 1 was the age gap between us. Through some investigation I discovered it was my sons soccer coach who is 21. She denied it and I had proof and gave her the chance to be the one told her parents the truth as she had told many lies about the reason she left my son of 5 and me.

She said she would not as it was lies and so I exposed her and showed proof.

I now am sup prised that she is annoyed with me and not feeling guilty of her affair of months. Since April she has been with this guy and only left me in September cause he told her to choose.

No remorse, shame or guilt! Is this normal?

We have not even got a legal separation yet. I am almost certain she is going to try get revenge now rather than feel shame. It's obvious she will continue with this guy but everyone tells me it won't last.

 

He told her to choose... she chose him. This is why she is annoyed with you for exposing her and why she has no shame or remorse. If after the affair she chose to stay with you than perhaps the guilt would be there.

 

When he drops her a$$ I bet her remorse would come flooding back when she is begging to reconcile. Go "get over her" she ain't worth it and it sounds like her maturity level is a shiny reflection of a woman not worth questioning her logic.

 

I'm sorry she did this.

[oldshirt]

You feel love for the memory of her, not the person she is now. Important going forward to understand the difference...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

This ^^^^^^

 

 

And also love doesn't end in a blaze of glory like some firery car crash at the bottom of a cliff like in the movies. It fades out over time even if there has been some big insult. It takes time for your heart to catch up to your brain.

 

As time goes on the pain of having her disregard and disrespect you in the present will overcome the feelings of warmth that you had for her in the past and your love for her will fade away.

 

You may always remember the good times and remember the feelings associated with that, but those will be in the past and not the present.

[harrybrown]

Get the D quick while she is still in fairy land.

 

It will not last, he will move on to someone else.

 

I hope you changed your son's soccer team.

[chatsy]

I did take my son out o the team. I also pulled the sponsorship out of the club as I sponsored the team. I explained to the director of the club my reasons and told him the company I represent did not want to be associated with a club who's coaches behaved in such a manner and have given him time to purchase new kits for the remaining kids as it's not fair to leave them with out a kit to play the games with.

[Tocook]

I'm sure you're going to get some backlash from her for pulling your son out but I had to be done. Good move.

 

As far as her feeling no remorse, that's her problem, showing her true colors. Of course you still love her, there's nothing strange or wrong about that. Allow yourself to grieve over the loss of love, not really of her because she wasn't treating you right in the first place.

 

I'm very new LS but have been reading thread after thread of WW acting crazy b****y. Aren't there sane women out there who's not happy in their marriage but still care enough about their H and kids to not act like a sociopath?! Sorry about the rant. Track down phone records just in case to protect your son.

[chatsy]

I am sure she will say/do something about the whole situatuon cause I am sure there will be consequences for his actions both from parents and the club. She will defend him and not be concerned about our son no longer being in the team. She knows I have taken him out and said I must do what I want cause I always do and she has no idea why I am doing so. But that was before exposure. Now exposed she will be worried about her man getting into trouble. So I think.

[spanz1]

We have not even got a legal separation yet.

 

 

Sometimes is just want to scream WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING? Get to a lawyer tomorrow and divorce her! what are you here trying to discuss??? Do it!

[Spectre]

I went back and read your first post.

 

You have been with her for 12 years....

 

She's been with you since she was 17. You were 26 when you met her, the 17 year old.

 

Age could very well be a factor. Not so much the differene between your ages, but that she was so young when you met. And she was 22 when you married and and 24 when you had your son.

 

She is young emotionally, and was very young when you met her and married her. All of that was her choice, but how much do you really understand about yourself and what you want from life at 17 and 22??

 

I'm not giving her a pass at all. I'm saying there is an obvious age factor here that has always been present in your relationship.

 

She probably sees you as a father figure in her life, rather than a husband and lover. Speculation, yes. But 17 and you were 26. Big, big difference.

 

Still, let her do what she needs to do. My guess is she will again come knocking on your door when it goes sour with him - and yes, it will.

 

See no, don't do that. You spend an entire post mostly giving her a pass for it because she is young and then try to negate it with a "I'm not giving her a pass". Just because you say you aren't giving her a pass doesn't negate the previous sentences you wrote doing exactly that. Nope, 17, 20, 24, it doesn't matter. That is an adult, ESPECIALLY by the time you reach 18, you can't use the "I'm young" excuse. It's the "I'm selfish" excuse.

[sandylee1]

I am sure she will say/do something about the whole situatuon cause I am sure there will be consequences for his actions both from parents and the club. She will defend him and not be concerned about our son no longer being in the team. She knows I have taken him out and said I must do what I want cause I always do and she has no idea why I am doing so. But that was before exposure. Now exposed she will be worried about her man getting into trouble. So I think.

 

 

Well done for pulling your son from the team and cutting sponsorship. I do hope it has repercussions for the OM. He deserved it for notes respecting professional boundaries.

 

Your wife is annoyed because you can now use infidelity as a grounds for divorce, that doesn't look good on her and her reputation will be ruined. Especially when all the parents find out.

 

Not sure if you mentioned this earlier, but let your friends and family know why the marriage ended, as I suspect she may tell a very different story. One that paints you as the bad guy. Keep your proof and see about going for 50/50 custody.

 

I understand your pain right now. It's a shame that people get sucked into affairs like this. It ruins not just the marriage but so many other relationships.

 

Look after yourself.

[oldshirt]

You were right to pull your son out of soccer and explain why to the club. They have the to know if the coaches are porking the soccer moms and discrediting the club and harming families.

[Mal78]

I agree that this OM abused his power of authority and respect amount children when he participated in this A with a MW. You did the right thing but not allowing him to continue to abuse this power. Abusing trust amongst children and their parents can't get any more scumbagish.

 

Did they say what his repercussions would be within the organization would be?

 

Gross misconduct is an understatement in this case.

 

Again... I'm sorry you and your son have to endure this.

[chatsy]

Thanks once again to all the responses.

Firstly for those going through a tough moment I wish you all the best start to 2015. I hope from my hart that things are better for all of us this new year.

 

As for what I am trying to discuss and get a lawyer, I have got one and the ball is rolling to fight for the best custody option and divorce proceedings. But it can't be done over night.

Why am I discussing it here? Firstly it feels good to get it off my chest, secondly here there are people who have been through similar issues and can give good advise in this situation from a cold and calm point of view.

I am human an at this stage my head is all muddled up, I know I must never take her back and I doubt she would ever want to come back but how I go about it is key, not to make mistakes or bad waves. That's why I am discussing it here.

 

As for the soccer club, the director of the club was very shocked, said he was going to have a meeting with the guy and he would contact me in due course. Not sure to what level he will get repremanded but I hope it will be serious.

 

Some parents of the team know, the ones that supported her. Now they know the truth so I am sure the word will get round.

[Oberfeldwebel]

Firstly I am sorry that you are in this situation. You are going to go through a plethora of emotions, don't put to much stock in any of them, just know that it will happen. In time these will all pass and you will reach acceptance, but it takes time for that to happen. Secondly, don't expect satisfaction through the soccer league, he may get fired, he may not, either way your wife is still gone. He may be scum, but he didn't make her leave, she did that all by herself. Even if she would leave him, how long would it be before her eyes began to wander. Lastly, I encourage you to not become vindictive, you need to treat her with a certain amount of respect as the mother of your son. This is for his sake not hers. You have exposed to others, don't lower yourself, it all comes to nothing. Instead concentrate your efforts on your son and moving on legally, while she is still in the fog of the affair.