Zigoto2 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I had nightmares (when I was able to sleep) for the first 6 to 8 months. I still have bad dreams sometimes but they are not as graphic as they used to be. They leave me with an empty feeling. I guess it's better than the panic and anxiety attacks I used to get... Link to post Share on other sites
DbleBetrayal Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 For the past couple weeks I've been having terrible nightmares. I haven't even really had many dreams over the past year but these are really sticking out to me. Each one revolves around my wife's infidelity and I wake up and my shirt is pretty much soaked in sweat. The dreams range from new affairs being uncovered at her work to her previous AP. They are so vivid but for some reason are happening every night now. It's like I cannot get away from it. Has anybody else experienced nightmares from these types of events? Yes I have had nightmares about my WH cheating. In the nightmare my WH admits to cheating other times, with someone who was our housemate ten years ago when we were teenagers. In real life this housemate, did in fact try to cause crap in out relationship and had an eye for my WH (he was my boyfriend at the time, not yet married). Back then I was a lot more naive, plus in my opinion, she had nothing on me anyway so I never felt threatened. After having that nightmare, and considering he is a former WH... I now have suspicious thoughts that annoy me. Can't help it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jm2013 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes I have had nightmares about my WH cheating. In the nightmare my WH admits to cheating other times, with someone who was our housemate ten years ago when we were teenagers. In real life this housemate, did in fact try to cause crap in out relationship and had an eye for my WH (he was my boyfriend at the time, not yet married). Back then I was a lot more naive, plus in my opinion, she had nothing on me anyway so I never felt threatened. After having that nightmare, and considering he is a former WH... I now have suspicious thoughts that annoy me. Can't help it. Yeah same here. It's weird to think that the people who weren't on the radar before now are. I look back and I'm like there's no way she could have done this with this person. But now I realize how piss poor her decisions are an question everything as well. I hate everything infidelity does to marriages. It taints them FOREVER. As the days tick by I'm slowly starting to realize what I must do to obtain my own happiness and normalities of this life I once had. To do this I do not see my wife being in the picture except of course for our daughter. Otherwise I'd keep this all stuffed deep inside wondering, thinking and pondering this whole crapfest over and over again. It can't be healthy with whatever chemical releases happen over all the negative thinking over prolonged periods of time. How many years are you out? You're about 4-5 years out right? I really hope you too can find the peace you need. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I have had some. Left me with a terrible sense of loss and desperation. I always told H. It's been 2.5 years now and I haven't had one of a long long time. Link to post Share on other sites
DbleBetrayal Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) Yeah same here. It's weird to think that the people who weren't on the radar before now are. I look back and I'm like there's no way she could have done this with this person. But now I realize how piss poor her decisions are an question everything as well. I hate everything infidelity does to marriages. It taints them FOREVER. As the days tick by I'm slowly starting to realize what I must do to obtain my own happiness and normalities of this life I once had. To do this I do not see my wife being in the picture except of course for our daughter. Otherwise I'd keep this all stuffed deep inside wondering, thinking and pondering this whole crapfest over and over again. It can't be healthy with whatever chemical releases happen over all the negative thinking over prolonged periods of time. How many years are you out? You're about 4-5 years out right? I really hope you too can find the peace you need. I know. I sweep through everything from the past with a fine toothed comb. It's insanity. It will be four years on January 1st since DDay. I guess I am still bitter because I rug swept, pretty well after DDay. Honestly thought I was over it the last couple years after. I only re-opened, questioned and thoroughly confronted him with how I felt this year. What triggered it all was moving back to our hometown, where it all happened. The magnitude of what he did really struck me full force. Ugh it's been an awful year. The song 'Battle Scars' by Guy Sebastian is playing on the radio right now, how fitting, and the song really sums up this entire year. Edited December 30, 2014 by DbleBetrayal Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I know. I sweep through everything from the past with a fine toothed comb. It's insanity. It will be four years on January 1st since DDay. I guess I am still bitter because I rug swept, pretty well after DDay. Honestly thought I was over it the last couple years after. I only re-opened, questioned and thoroughly confronted him with how I felt this year. What triggered it all was moving back to our hometown, where it all happened. The magnitude of what he did really struck me full force. Ugh it's been an awful year. The song 'Battle Scars' by Guy Sebastian is playing on the radio right now, how fitting, and the song really sums up this entire year. Double Betrayal I know all about rug sweeping as i did it the first year post dday. We are now back in counseling. It seems to have made things worse. I recently see where he was looking up the ow on facebook. Do you ever wonder if rehashing it does us good? Either they will or wont cheat again. I often feel like i wish id had the courage to divorce from the get go. That would probably feel awful too. Hoping your 2015 is better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jm2013 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 I know. I sweep through everything from the past with a fine toothed comb. It's insanity. It will be four years on January 1st since DDay. I guess I am still bitter because I rug swept, pretty well after DDay. Honestly thought I was over it the last couple years after. I only re-opened, questioned and thoroughly confronted him with how I felt this year. What triggered it all was moving back to our hometown, where it all happened. The magnitude of what he did really struck me full force. Ugh it's been an awful year. The song 'Battle Scars' by Guy Sebastian is playing on the radio right now, how fitting, and the song really sums up this entire year. Do you think you'll ever be able to truly forgive/accept and move on with your marriage in a non stressful way due to the circumstances? I hope your 2015 is better for you! Double Betrayal I know all about rug sweeping as i did it the first year post dday. We are now back in counseling. It seems to have made things worse. I recently see where he was looking up the ow on facebook. Do you ever wonder if rehashing it does us good? Either they will or wont cheat again. I often feel like i wish id had the courage to divorce from the get go. That would probably feel awful too. Hoping your 2015 is better! Ouch. Did you confront that issue? Why do you say had? Why couldn't you muster up the courage now if you really don't want to be with him? Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 The nightmares started right after d-day and have never stopped. The frequency is very erratic as is the intensity. I am furious when I wake up but that turns to sorrow and then contempt. I have noticed that the dreams (and obsessing in general) are the worst when there are other stresses going on in my life. It ends up feeling like just when I'm most vulnerable the thoughts of her cheating come to make me feel worse. I know those dreams will never end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I had such dreams in the first 6 months that we were trying to reconcile. However, I came to realise that I didn't love him anymore and wanted a divorce. Once I'd come to that decision, they no longer happened. I'm not saying this is the path you take, but this is when they stopped for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jm2013 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 Last night the couple who hosted a new years eve party decided to bring out a "spouses" game. This triggered the hell out of me and pissed me off. I looked around the room at these other couples and was jealous of their security and how they were with their wives. It was authentic. I was probably the only one sitting there who's wife cheated. Then I had to sit there and play some stupid game which basically is "who has the best marriage and knows each other the best wins". After the first round I just wanted to pack up and leave. It got me extremely uncomfortable and irritated. I'm sure I was projecting negative mojo all over that room. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest . I'm sure I'll be having more dreams about it in 2015! Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Last night the couple who hosted a new years eve party decided to bring out a "spouses" game. This triggered the hell out of me and pissed me off. I looked around the room at these other couples and was jealous of their security and how they were with their wives. It was authentic. I was probably the only one sitting there who's wife cheated. Then I had to sit there and play some stupid game which basically is "who has the best marriage and knows each other the best wins". After the first round I just wanted to pack up and leave. It got me extremely uncomfortable and irritated. I'm sure I was projecting negative mojo all over that room. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest . I'm sure I'll be having more dreams about it in 2015! why do you continue to punish and torture yourself? Your life is passing and you can't get this time back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jm2013 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Share Posted January 2, 2015 why do you continue to punish and torture yourself? Your life is passing and you can't get this time back. I'm not ready yet. There are a few things I need to do before that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
DbleBetrayal Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Double Betrayal I know all about rug sweeping as i did it the first year post dday. We are now back in counseling. It seems to have made things worse. I recently see where he was looking up the ow on facebook. Do you ever wonder if rehashing it does us good? Either they will or wont cheat again. I often feel like i wish id had the courage to divorce from the get go. That would probably feel awful too. Hoping your 2015 is better! I think holding all the resentment inside was/is worse than talking about it with WH. I still find it very difficult to talk about it, and therefore still keep things bottled up. It's the way I have always been with problems, I try to work it out inside. But infidelity, it's just too difficult and I have to really build myself up to talk about, it takes tremendous energy to do so. But when I do, I feel better. Rehashing it with him hasn't made it worse, it takes a load off. I still find it hard to get there though, to actually speak about it. I fear I'll lose control or something, I find difficult even saying the OW name let alone talking about it. Do you think you'll ever be able to truly forgive/accept and move on with your marriage in a non stressful way due to the circumstances? I hope your 2015 is better for you! I think I can get past it, I can go weeks, and have gone an entire year or 2 not thinking about it much at all, accepting it- but when I fixate on it and really think about it- I obsess intensely. The anger level is beyond a joke at times, the sadness and depression I get from thinking about it is the worst. So yes, I can accept it for lengths of time- but when I really think about it- it's something I can't ever forgive. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 For me, dreams always contain my worst fears. Being cheated on is definitely one of them, but I recently had one where I cheated. The worst part is that it was with my ex who cheated on me. Nothing worse than waking up to your new faithful partner and feeling like you cheated on her even though you had no control over it. In a way it was comforting afterwards because I knew I could never live with myself after doing something like that. It also reaffirmed my belief that it takes a special kind of evil to perpetrate a long term deception and sleep in the same bed with the person you are deceiving. Man, I don't know how these WS can look themselves in the mirror every day. Link to post Share on other sites
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