Gypsy15 Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 When I married my second husband, I sold my house to move into his. This caused us both to also sell or give away a good deal of our things. I put about 30,000 into the fix up, remodel of his house. And I bought a lot of furniture. Throuughout our brief marriage, he paid mortgage and bills that he would have had. I paid for my own insurance, all of our trips, expensive gifts for him: computers, guns, paintings---he never gave me anything but an iPod. At the time of the divorce, I said I wanted the 30,000 I put into the house in cash and everything I bought with my own money. I sold a home and had nowhere to live. He wanted half the money and half the things I bought. He makes 3 times as much money as I do. I never asked for one thing of his to keep for myself. I agreed to a no fault, no lawyer divorce if he would simply give me these things back. He said that when he sole the house he wouldn't recoup that investment of mine. And he felt justified in taking my things because he had given his away or sold them. (I sold over half of mine and the things he wanted to keep from me were/cost about three times as much as he gave away and the things I gave away cost more, too.) the divorce was his idea. He kicked me out and argued over all this stuff. In the end, he didn't let me say goodbye to his children who were my step children for two years. I am pissed. He says it is fair and that of course I can't see his side of this. I say facts are facts. Am I crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Unfortunately people have very different ideas of what they think they are entitled to. They will push away logic and reason in favor of what is the biggest benefit to them. This is why it's difficult for most people to settle differences without outside parts being dragged into it. From what you write he does seem pretty selfish aka "his side of things". It's of no use to you now, but you probably shouldn't of spoiled him so much as you did. In general a good rule of thumb for any friendship/relationship or when giving/loaning people things, only give what you are willing to risk losing forever. Even when two people fall in love, get married etc. it's pretty sensible to setup plans, so you'll not be left standing in a really shoddy position like now. It doesn't fix your situation but from the sound it, it feels like it was good it was a short marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Forget the no-fault, no-divorce route. Get a lawyer and a mediator. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Act "as if" you don't care. Part of the hassle he is giving you may be related to a sense of "power and control." If you appear anxious about particular items your really want, then he will know what buttons to push. Try to be real cool. He doesn't really care about any of these items, most likely. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Depending upon which state you live in, the length of the marriage or community property laws may play a role in what you are entitled to. I live in a community property state and have just separated from my husband of twenty years. My fear right now is taking on debts he may have-I am on a fixed income and can just barely afford my new life in an apartment. I am seeing a lawyer next week (free consultation) and may file for a legal separation right away. In my state, a legal separation is much like a divorce (New Mexico). I don't even care about getting anything out of the marriage as long as I can be free and clear of any of his credit cards, the mortgage, etc. as soon as possible. I probably should be more interested in some money and pressure him to sell the house, but right now, I know money will be tight for him too. He says he plans to sell the house as soon as he can fix it up and that he will give me half of any profit. I hope he does this, but would be happy if he just sold it "as is" right now and we each pay our own bills. Hoping that since I am on disability, I won't be considered able to pay anything other than my own living expenses and bills. But I need to find out right away and take steps. No children involved, so this should makes things somewhat easier. Good luck, I hope your ex will see his way to paying you at least part of what you put into the house. But see a lawyer, for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I think he's being fair. You lived rent free for two years,correct? He paid the mortgage and all of the bills,correct? You can say he would have had to anyway,but the fact is, you gained a 2 year rent and bill free life.(You could have been saving that money in a personal account for yourself) As for the 30K put into the home, the court will most likely see that as a gift to the marriage. You will most likely be entitled to half of the GAIN in equity over the past two years only. Debts over the last two years will most likely be split,unless they were in your name/his name only. The furniture will likely be split. I say likely,because it's really up to the judge and his mood. I was awarded the home even though we had a 20 year marriage,and she didn't get any equity. I paid none of her debts. YMMV. Did you co-mingle funds into a joint account of any kind? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 "What is money?" "Money is what makes a man act funny." - Eminem Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 If you appear anxious about particular items your really want, then he will know what buttons to push. Try to be real cool. He doesn't really care about any of these items, most likely. Yas And remember they're just "things". I would have gladly put them in a pile and set 'em on fire to end my marriage. Focus on the splitting the money and equity involved. Forget the no-fault, no-divorce route. Get a lawyer and a mediator. I'd make this Step #1... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
HenryII Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 you know why divorce is so expensive ? Because it;s worth it ! Link to post Share on other sites
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