TrustedthenBusted Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Why could he possibly be intimidated - did she tell him this? Really, what woman would emasculate their lover like that? And you know that you are twice his size ... how?? Well he was physically intimidated and said so in a few emails. " Your husband would crush me and throw me over a fence if he found out" I'm 6'2, 230 and a lifetime athlete. He is 5'5, chubby, smoker. As for "endowment" it did come up in another of their emails. He was probing, asking questions like " Do I measure up to your husband?" And she would respond with things like " It's not about that...it's about the emotional connection...blah blah blah..." And she would say things like " your size is fine." But he continued to probe, and she continued to avoid the question. It was clear he got the point. Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Well he was physically intimidated and said so in a few emails. " Your husband would crush me and throw me over a fence if he found out" I'm 6'2, 230 and a lifetime athlete. He is 5'5, chubby, smoker. As for "endowment" it did come up in another of their emails. He was probing, asking questions like " Do I measure up to your husband?" And she would respond with things like " It's not about that...it's about the emotional connection...blah blah blah..." And she would say things like " your size is fine." But he continued to probe, and she continued to avoid the question. It was clear he got the point. I feel like you and I are the same person some times. I'm 6'4, 215 pounds, and have been competing in men's physique competitions for the last few years. Wife says that her ONS partner was attractive, but not as attractive as me. I'm going to bring this up in MC, but if the AP is not more attractive then your spouse, then what is the point? Not to that I would, but if it cheated, it would be with someone who was just as or more attractive than my wife. To answer the question at hand, I have similar feelings as you did. I'm black and my wife is white. Her ONS partner is white. It does make you wonder if that's what my wife really wants. My wife and I have been through so much crap due to are different ethnic backgrounds. We actually moved to a more liberal city because of it. We are originally from the south. Link to post Share on other sites
BurnedAndLost Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I was planning on making a thread similar to this. By partner is boricua and his OW was too. Every single man in his family has cheated. His grandfather had a love child out of one of his affairs, and so did his uncle and his younger brother. His other brothers have cheated but a child didn't come out of that. Most of our male family friends who are boricua have also cheated... It seems that cheating is very rampant in latin communities. Especially amongst the males. And their wives just more or less accept it and wait until they ''get it out of their system''. It's almost like a rite of passage. My partners mother asked me not to leave him, ad not to let the OW ''win''. She was cheated on by my partner's father. His father told me she was livid when she found out what her son had done to me... I have also been tol that the asian community has the same problem, but I am not a part of the asian community so I can't tell you how true this is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Share Posted January 2, 2015 I feel like you and I are the same person some times. I'm 6'4, 215 pounds, and have been competing in men's physique competitions for the last few years. Wife says that her ONS partner was attractive, but not as attractive as me. I'm going to bring this up in MC, but if the AP is not more attractive then your spouse, then what is the point? Not to that I would, but if it cheated, it would be with someone who was just as or more attractive than my wife. To answer the question at hand, I have similar feelings as you did. I'm black and my wife is white. Her ONS partner is white. It does make you wonder if that's what my wife really wants. My wife and I have been through so much crap due to are different ethnic backgrounds. We actually moved to a more liberal city because of it. We are originally from the south. Thanks for your reply. Sometimes it's more about how the AP treats you, not their physical appearance. But I understand how it could make one feel. A woman in my town said her H always said she needed to loose weight and was fat. Then he cheated with someone twice her size. She was dumbstruck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Share Posted January 2, 2015 I was planning on making a thread similar to this. By partner is boricua and his OW was too. Every single man in his family has cheated. His grandfather had a love child out of one of his affairs, and so did his uncle and his younger brother. His other brothers have cheated but a child didn't come out of that. Most of our male family friends who are boricua have also cheated... It seems that cheating is very rampant in latin communities. Especially amongst the males. And their wives just more or less accept it and wait until they ''get it out of their system''. It's almost like a rite of passage. My partners mother asked me not to leave him, ad not to let the OW ''win''. She was cheated on by my partner's father. His father told me she was livid when she found out what her son had done to me... I have also been tol that the asian community has the same problem, but I am not a part of the asian community so I can't tell you how true this is. I would have said I agree that cheating is more prevalent in some cultures, but having read so much recently, my view is different. I would probably lean towards the fact that women who are cheated on in some cultures are more accepting. My friends FIL cheated and had 9 children with 4 OW, and guess what. ....the wife stayed through it all and even raised one of the kids. They are from Carribean. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Sorry, but what's an AP? Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Thanks for your reply. Sometimes it's more about how the AP treats you, not their physical appearance. But I understand how it could make one feel. A woman in my town said her H always said she needed to loose weight and was fat. Then he cheated with someone twice her size. She was dumbstruck. Yep. Ask Halle Berry. Elizabeth Hurley. Christie Brinkley. Jennifer Anniston etc. The list of beautiful people being cheated on with FAR less attractive OPs is a mile long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Sorry, but what's an AP? Affair partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Just a BS grabbing at any tool available to express anger at the AP. Does not mean they discriminate in real life. Funny.... I though this WAS real life. Ex-MM is Latino. I'm Caucasian. It was never a factor for me (except that I prefer dark men). I don't understand why race would have anything to do with anything. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Well, I guess I'm qualified to answer this one. I'm Black. My wife is White. Her AP was white. I can't possibly imagine anything hurting WORSE than it did on D Day but I can tell you his race was an issue with me for a long time after. Not because I have anything against white people. ( I'm actually bi racial and my mother is white, as are almost my entire social and professional circles) The issue was me wondering if my wife would rather have married within her race. As was implied earlier, this has everything to do with MY issues and feelings of self worth at the time. She made me feel low and put him on a pedestal, and race was just the most clear difference between us. Didn't matter to me that I was taller, in much better shape, better looking, healthier and more successful financially and professionally. In fact, it almost made me feel worse. Like all of that didn't matter if she really just wanted a white dude. I got over this nonsense pretty quickly once my self confidence returned. But I will admit that I let myself go down a pretty dark road for awhile. Same story with us. Funny thing is I never thought about the fact that he was white until we closed in on divorce. I made a comment about her not having to worry about black women giving her dirty looks (long story there, we are form SoCal but went to college in the southeast). She said she wondered if I had an issue with that and when I would question her, she tried to assure me that it wasn't a racial thing. I never cared enough to know about him. I guess you could say he was a good looking guy. I simply never gave him much thought because he was really a non-factor other then some of the things he did after she ended things. Her not telling me about those things was the only good decision she made during that time frame. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddy Street Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Yep. Ask Halle Berry. Elizabeth Hurley. Christie Brinkley. Jennifer Anniston etc. The list of beautiful people being cheated on with FAR less attractive OPs is a mile long. Jennifer Aniston beautiful? To me she looks like a prison for a soul. What have you been smoking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Jennifer Aniston beautiful? To me she looks like a prison for a soul. What have you been smoking? That's his opinion and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Funny.... I though this WAS real life. Ex-MM is Latino. I'm Caucasian. It was never a factor for me (except that I prefer dark men). I don't understand why race would have anything to do with anything. I think it has more to do with whether it is a factor from the BS's point of view. Where the married couple are of one race and the AP is of an another. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Funny.... I though this WAS real life. Ex-MM is Latino. I'm Caucasian. It was never a factor for me (except that I prefer dark men). I don't understand why race would have anything to do with anything. You falsely assume that I believe that an affair is not happening in real life. I wrote in response to Trusted and BetrayedH. A BH goes through every day and not discriminate. Yet at the same time have problems when their when they find out that their WW's OM is different whether by race, religion, or ethnicity. I am sure that there is some AP's that a BS when race, religion or ethnicity is not a problem, though on a personal level they the BS finds the OM so distasteful, such a low life, that they could never touch their WS again. I assume you are a WW. So why did you marry white bread, when you prefer toasted bread? Edited January 3, 2015 by road Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 In my case, one OM was white and the other Asian. In my mind there is no difference and their race never occurred to me until I read this thread. My generation is racist to varying degree's and I'm no different. It was a very close call for me to return to my marriage and try to reconcile - and that decision turned out to be a real mistake. I am sure that if either AP would have been black I would not have given the marriage a second chance. I knew then that would be something I could never get past. Not sayin' its right, and I admit I am a racist in this regard. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 In my case, one OM was white and the other Asian. In my mind there is no difference and their race never occurred to me until I read this thread. My generation is racist to varying degree's and I'm no different. It was a very close call for me to return to my marriage and try to reconcile - and that decision turned out to be a real mistake. I am sure that if either AP would have been black I would not have given the marriage a second chance. I knew then that would be something I could never get past. Not sayin' its right, and I admit I am a racist in this regard. Why would that have made you divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Why would that have made you divorce? Because some things that happen will leave the BH feeling that the WW has been permanently tainted. Each man has a set of values. These values are what guides his judgments. So the make up of the man/BH sets the boundaries for what he can forget what his WW did and what he can not forget his WW did. And refuse to do after D day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Because some things that happen will leave the BH feeling that the WW has been permanently tainted. Each man has a set of values. These values are what guides his judgments. So the make up of the man/BH sets the boundaries for what he can forget what his WW did and what he can not forget his WW did. And refuse to do after D day. This actually has nothing to do with infidelity. There are no physical degrees of tainted. There is only racism, which is based mostly on fear. I don't judge racists, but I don't make any excuses for them either. I'm just glad it isn't a burden I carry personally. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 This actually has nothing to do with infidelity. There are no physical degrees of tainted. There is only racism, which is based mostly on fear. I don't judge racists, but I don't make any excuses for them either. I'm just glad it isn't a burden I carry personally. Everything is not black and white. There are degrees of tainted. There are many things besides just race that can be too much for the BS to accept. To assume everything most be only because of skin color has not fully developed their ability to realize this. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 This actually has nothing to do with infidelity. There are no physical degrees of tainted. There is only racism, which is based mostly on fear. I don't judge racists, but I don't make any excuses for them either. I'm just glad it isn't a burden I carry personally. For me - and many BH's - there certainly are degree's of tainted. For some a ONS isn't the same level of "taint" as a LTA. Cheating with a friend or associate can make her more tainted. For me, screwing a black man would have tainted her beyond my ability to accept. I'm just being honest and I admit I believe I am a racist. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 For me - and many BH's - there certainly are degree's of tainted. For some a ONS isn't the same level of "taint" as a LTA. Cheating with a friend or associate can make her more tainted. For me, screwing a black man would have tainted her beyond my ability to accept. I'm just being honest and I admit I believe I am a racist. I agree with you. I guess I meant that where race is concerned there are no physical degrees. Ex: an LTA with an Asian vs an LTA with a Hispanic. A ONS with a white man vs a ONS with a black person. You are being honest and I respect that. I'm just asserting that your admitied issue is not one of infidelity. It's more personal than that. Basically, it's YOU'RE issue and would be regardless of whether your spouse cheated or not. Question though: Why is that the line? Do you feel Blacks arr categorically beneath you? Or would you be afraid of conpetibg with the stereotypical BBC? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Come on guys, this is a good thread, don't get it locked because its getting steered into personal feeling towards race. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Come on guys, this is a good thread, don't get it locked because its getting steered into personal feeling towards race. I think we can have a grown up discussion on the topic as long as we remain on subject. ie: racism and infidelity. I realize the OP actually asked my last question already, so I'll withdraw mine. Link to post Share on other sites
clevelander321 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 It seems to be trolling for some type of racism.. Obviously the first thing attacked on someone you are very angry at (someone who slept with your spouse) is their appearance. I am sure if I slept with a black man's black wife, being white, that would definitely be mentioned somewhere by the betrayed spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
BurnedAndLost Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Everything is not black and white. There are degrees of tainted. There are many things besides just race that can be too much for the BS to accept. To assume everything most be only because of skin color has not fully developed their ability to realize this. Are you trying to make excuses for the PP? Being unable to forgive your spouse because they cheated with someone you deem an undesirable race is well, racist. Nothing anybody says will change that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
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