drifter777 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Come on guys, this is a good thread, don't get it locked because its getting steered into personal feeling towards race. Actually this discussion is directly on point with the title. The question we are discussing is whether the AP's race made any difference to the BS. For me it would make a difference. TthenB: I have a BWC so it has nothing to do with genitals. I don't want to explain it - I am simply racist on some issues. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Actually this discussion is directly on point with the title. The question we are discussing is whether the AP's race made any difference to the BS. For me it would make a difference. TthenB: I have a BWC so it has nothing to do with genitals. I don't want to explain it - I am simply racist on some issues. Understood. Thanks for your candor. We all have our stuff. No biggy. And honestly, nobody really knows fir sure how they will react to something until it happens. I bet most of us thought we'd handle I fidelity a lot differently than we have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddy Street Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I don't see why race has anything to do with anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Being black, I'll have to say...it doesn't matter..not a jot..cheating is cheating, white, black or silver color with a blue streak across the back, betrayal is betrayal. Instant dismissal, red card, don't let the door hit ya on the way out... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Are you trying to make excuses for the PP? Being unable to forgive your spouse because they cheated with someone you deem an undesirable race is well, racist. Nothing anybody says will change that fact. A BH does not want to force black people to ride on the back of the bus. A BH does not want segregated schools. A BH does not want work place discrimination. A BH does not want white only restaurants. A BH does not want white only bathrooms. A BH does not want white only hotels. A BH does not want baseball segregated baseball and have the negro leagues brought back. Yet you will call this BH a racist because he can not follow a black man with his WW. A BH draws the line to not follow a black man into his wife and you call him a racist. Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 There is no difference in saying "I was raised to be racist and so this is who I am" than saying you cheat because it is who you are and not doing anything to change it. It is self justification for a very harmful and wrong mindset. If a person realizes they are racist instead of defending themselves or saying it isn't bad because they aren't as racist as someone else is the same mindset that is used in different ways in affairs. It is people trying to feel better about their faults without working on changing them. Racism starts on a individual level. And it is a result of either superiority or fear. It feeds hatred and all that is wrong in the world. And has a much larger global impact than infidelity. The pain of infidelity may be worse than being the victim of racism in some people's eyes but the impact of racism cannot to be denied as more global. And when one comes accross a racist attitude in themselves they should route it out of their life. There is no acceptable level of racism. I can see how one might wonder when an AP is of a different colour if that means their WS wishes they had married a person of that colour (especially if they share the same colour). That isn't racism in the BS. That is wondering about the WS preferences. Like a series cheater who is only with blondes but spouse is brunette. Besides that there is no justifiable or excusable reason for the colour of the AP to matter. Because it either means you believe a stereotype and are afraid the AP was a better x,y,z than you or it means you think somehow that the colour of someone's skin makes a person more tainted. I agree with those that says this is not an infidelity issue. It is an issue with the BS. And they can choose to justify their hatred and minimize it (like roads example) or they can choose to change. Sadly, much like those who cheat. Most choose to justify. And so the hatred in this world continues. Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 A BH draws the line to not follow a black man into his wife and you call him a racist. Because that IS racism. It is judging someone based on the colour of their skin. It may not be on the same level as white supremacist but it is still morally wrong and a part of hate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 In my case, one OM was white and the other Asian. In my mind there is no difference and their race never occurred to me until I read this thread. My generation is racist to varying degree's and I'm no different. It was a very close call for me to return to my marriage and try to reconcile - and that decision turned out to be a real mistake. I am sure that if either AP would have been black I would not have given the marriage a second chance. I knew then that would be something I could never get past. Not sayin' its right, and I admit I am a racist in this regard. Drifter, I appreciate your honesty. As I said, I got a similar response when I originally saw this on another forum and I questioned the BH. As his WW had a black AP. I was quite offended with his language, but I know it's how he felt. That's why I started this thread. Slightly related- Many years before I got married a (black) boyfriend of mine seemed a rather taken aback (not in a pleasant way) when I mentioned previously having slept with a white guy. Not that I cheated on him. Funny thing though, he'd slept with white girls and thought nothing of it. A bit of a double standard was my thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I agree with you. I guess I meant that where race is concerned there are no physical degrees. Ex: an LTA with an Asian vs an LTA with a Hispanic. A ONS with a white man vs a ONS with a black person. You are being honest and I respect that. I'm just asserting that your admitied issue is not one of infidelity. It's more personal than that. Basically, it's YOU'RE issue and would be regardless of whether your spouse cheated or not. Question though: Why is that the line? Do you feel Blacks arr categorically beneath you? Or would you be afraid of conpetibg with the stereotypical BBC? Trusted, I know many white males who are more threatened by black males where sexual performance /size are concerned. It's those stereotypical statements and views like 'when you go black, you never go back' The thing is the poster whose comments made me start this thread insisted he wasn't a racist, had many black friends etc.., however when it came down to it, he was quick to come up with those derogatory racist slurs, which I thought was so hypocritical. No surprise to me that cheating with the Asian was acceptable to Drifter. There are a number of races who feel black people are the lowest of the low. To me that's simple ignorance. My intention with starting this thread isn't to make a racism discussion at all. Purely in relation to infidelity and I thank you all for your views,I appreciate the time you've taken to reply. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Funny, this thread inspired me to ask my wife if MY race was ever a factor in her affair. She said yes, that OM was a bit intimidated because I'm twice his size, black, and um....you know....twice his size. lol. well I guess that there is just proof that all this psychobabble about why spouses cheat is just bull. She had what these women say they crave, and went to find a micro phallus! I guess its just the "I'm horny right now, lets screw" train of thought Link to post Share on other sites
ajc24 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I am white, married to a white woman. I can honestly say one of the main reasons I started my affair was because she was Asian American. I had never been with an Asian woman and was amazed how soft she was and how well she treated me. I must say the stereotype if Asian women being "smaller" down there was true for her. She begged me for four years to leave my wife for her, but I couldn't do it. Though I thought we were very much in love, now that it is over I am realizing it truly was "affair fog." This poor girl had very low self esteem and was broken in many ways. In the end I realized I really did get addicted to being her "savior." Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I am white, married to a white woman. I can honestly say one of the main reasons I started my affair was because she was Asian American. I had never been with an Asian woman and was amazed how soft she was and how well she treated me. I must say the stereotype if Asian women being "smaller" down there was true for her. She begged me for four years to leave my wife for her, but I couldn't do it. Though I thought we were very much in love, now that it is over I am realizing it truly was "affair fog." This poor girl had very low self esteem and was broken in many ways. In the end I realized I really did get addicted to being her "savior." I've been pretty good about turning down the few affair opportunities I've been presented with before, and after D-Day. But if some sweet little soft Asian doll tried... well... I'm only human. lol. Four Years though? Who he hell waits four years for ANYONE?!? Anyway, did you get caught? And was her race a big factor? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandylee1 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 Four Years though? Who he hell waits four years for ANYONE?!? ? Look on the om/ow forum, some have waited much longer than 4 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 But if some sweet little soft Asian doll tried... well... I'm only human. lol. Years before my W's A, she nearly left me for suspecting there was something going on between me and a "sweet little soft Asian doll". It was a stupid thing that I didn't handle properly, but it's hard convincing a Latin woman you don't find a little Filipina girl who modeled for car magazines appealling. Link to post Share on other sites
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